The banging on the door continued as Ember took the book. She, Danny, Jazz, Vlad, Skulker, and Technus were still in the library, as Isabella banged on the door.

Ugh!!111111 I is sooo freakin mad11 n fact I am sooo mad at smexymansonlover or watev1 he took my danny phantom book cuz tere was a pic of spam in the background!! So I want it back n am kilin sam1111111

"Oh, poor Sam," Danny said sarcastically.

"Is tat evul Slamontha in tere?" Isabella screamed from the hallway.

Everyone cringed as the horribly mangled sentence echoed in the room. "Read," Vlad commanded, "Before that abomination breaks down my door."

So oplasmius

"Did she spell my name right?" Vlad asked.

"Er… except for the 'O' at the beginning," the ghost said uneasily.

"An o? She gets it right and puts an 'o' at the beginning? There's not even an 'ah' sound in my name!"

"Let it go," Danny said. "She's done much worst."

"The ghost child is right! I, Technus, Surfer of the Web, have seen and read much, much worse!"

"Worse than SmexyPhantom?" Ember asked. Someone worse than SmexyPhantom was hard to comprehend.

"Er… no," Technus said, "But I have read some totally out-of-it stuff!"

"Anyway…" Danny said.

S owhen de were doin it in tehh sky Isabella flyed by an shot at tem wif her awsum pors! Butt tey servived cuz tey weresooooo hard 2 kill.

"I'm going to kill Plumoosus!"

The banging continued. Then, Vlad snorted. "Well, Daniel, you certainly know how to find the bright ones."

"What do you mean?" Danny asked.

"She's half-ghost. Why doesn't she just phase through the door?"

Danny burst out laughing. "Wow."

"The Sue seems to be weak against logic," Skulker mused.

"Then, if we could use logic the right way," Jazz said, "We could destroy the Sues!"

She and Ember high-fived, and Danny's eye twitched. "Yes… that could work," Vlad said. "But how?"

"Yoo-hoo, Danny-kins!"

Suddenly, the half-ghost girl appeared in the room, her blue eyes turning orange. "I misseded you sooooooooooooooooooooo muches!"

Danny screamed, and before the Sue could work her magic, he fell through the floor. When he woke, he was in the same dungeon that the others had fallen into before. "What was that?" Danny asked.

"Danny!" Jazz called, waving him over.

"What happened?"

"We found something out. We think it's called a dues ex machina."

Ten isabella's gorgos prefct is widened in shok. Tat evul goth gurl was a comin write at her111 she closed he is an used the duet x mashina!111 (a/n I heared tat fom 1 off my reewers! Tey said u used it to get outta twobles! Cool huh!?!?!)

"Wait. So this… 'duet x mashina' helps you?" Danny asked.

Jazz nodded. "Yes… we have a theory. We think- somehow- since the Sues exist, other things do, too."

"That," Vlad said, "Explains the gaping plot hole in my floor."

"So what happened?" Danny asked.

"After the whack Sue broke in, Skulker used his happening tech to blast her to smithereens! Then, we fell into this uncool and totally last year room!" Technus declared.

"Ew. I think it touched me," Ember said. "I have this sudden urge to speak in a horribly scratchy voice."

"Your voice is beautiful," Skulker assured her.

"We must think of a way to destroy the Sues," Vlad said, "And we need to keep Daniel away from Isabella."

"We need to find someone to help us stop the Sues," Danny said. "But who?"

"I've got it!" Jazz said. "The Ghost Writer- that Christmas ghost you told me about!"

"But how do we get him here? I don't know where in the Ghost Zone he is," Danny said.

Everyone was silent. "Maybe…" Vlad finally said. "We could read the book and figure out how to… use the dues ex machina again."

No one had a better idea, so they all reluctantly sat down, passing Ember the horrible pink book.

Tey blwed up. Isabella smiled. Danny wold be sooooo happy shed saved teg town. Menwile trucker (Here Danny snorted.) an Elizabeth were in his room, an gess wat tey were doing!?!!?!!?!!?!!?!?!!!?!!?!!?!?!?!!!?!

"Do I have to?" Danny grumbled. "I can't believe it. He gets one of those, and he's not even here to hear it."

The scene was, predictably, very horrible. Although, the English and grammar was so horrible in some parts that it may've been even worse than they thought. They hadn't for example, been able to interpret the sentence. 'ten tuck sippd ntp eiabeth an tu wad sooooooo soot an pedfct!1

"Soot?" Danny asked. "Shoot, scoot, shot, boot…?"

"Then Tuck sipped… Elizabeth and that was so… now they're drinking?" Jazz said.

"Maybe we should stop," Vlad said. "It's probably so vulgar we don't want to know."

I betcha jus luved it sooooooooooooo much!111111

"This girl is too much of a cocky whipper snapper!" Technus proclaimed.

"Whipper snapper?" Danny muttered.

"No worse than you going 'Oh, Spooks!' when something scares you," Vlad commented.

"Butter biscuits, anyone?" Danny asked.

"Be nice, children," Jazz said, rolling her eyes.

"Stupid testosterone," Ember muttered, glancing at Skulker and Technus, who were chanting 'fight, fight, fight'.

Tenn tat evul stunk skunky goth emo grl and plumala did it.

That caught Vlad's attention. "Again! Why on Earth would I want to do the unspeakable with Daniel's girlfriend? And Plumala? It sounds like a cross between 'plum' and 'Pamela'. If I ever find this girl, I'm going to do something so incredibly sadistic and vile, that she'll never even be able to utter 'Plasmius'!"

Everyone stared. Vlad usually didn't lose his temper that badly. Even more shocking was when Danny said, "I'll bust you out of jail if you get caught."

"He's corrupting my little brother!" Jazz gasped.

"It's the Sue," Danny said. "She's corrupting all of us."

Ember sighed. "Well, if reading this book will tell us how to get rid of her, I'll suffer through it."

The scene that followed was easily the worst scene yet. Apparently, when Smexy talked about having bad sex, it was ten times worse than her writing good sex. It still wasn't an improvement. Vlad convulsed on the floor. "Um… Jazz, what should we do?" Danny asked.

"We could slap him," Technus suggested.

Danny obliged, and Vlad shot up, seething. "You-"

Everyone ignored him, and they continued the story.

It as a nce nite in amity parka. Everyone was lseep an adoing stuff

"How could someone be asleep and doing stuff at the same time?" Danny asked.

"Maybe everyone in Amity Park sleepwalks?" Jazz suggested.

"Oh, good! Maybe Isabella will be sleepwalking and fall off a thirty story building!" Danny said, clapping his hands together with false cheerfulness. "And Xavier…"

Danny's eyes darkened. "Well… he's not here anymore, Danny. Ember?" Jazz prompted.

But tere was an evuuull riter gost called tehh got whiter!!

"Got Whiter? Is she racist?" Technus asked.

Everyone laughed, even though they all knew Technus wasn't joking and probably really thought it was a racist joke.

I shal get mi revenge on tat dannny phantom1111 he yelled… (a/n now yals get to her me rime!11 I'm reall-e good at riming!)

"Oh, she did not," Ember growled.

"Breathe in and out, Ember, in and out," Jazz said, patting the ghostly pop star's shoulder.

There was a prefct gurl named Isabella

Tat was dated this dud named danny-a!!

"That's not a rhyme!" Danny protested. "All she did was add an 'a' to my name!"

"Yes! I should rap and show this girl what's cracka-lackin! I, Technus, am the Master of Rap and Cool!"

Ember hastened to read. No one wanted to hear Technus attempt to rap.

An de were soooo happy together

An were gonna b together 4ever!

Ten on day an evul dragon (a/n the gost winter made it1111)

Camed an ated a hoe an a gun!111

"Yes, he ate Isabella!" Danny yelled, punching his fist into the air.

"Somehow, I doubt that," Jazz said.

"The twit probably meant 'house'," Vlad said, seeming to have gained some of his senses back. "Where's Skulker?"

"He went to look for vodka," Danny said.

Vlad nodded vaguely, still shaking slightly.

We must stop him te bootyfull gurl cryed

Yes danny sided

So tey spring n axshun

And attaced the dragun

"And then, they sent the author to an asylum," Danny said.

"Asylum doesn't rhyme," Jazz pointed out.

Danny crossed his arms. "If she can rhyme action and dragon, I can rhyme them with asylum."

But the dragun was fast

And tey saw a cast

"Her rhymes don't even make sense!" Ember yelled in frustration.

Meanwhile, Skulker arrived with a glass of champagne (as Vlad didn't drink vodka). He gave Vlad the glass, and Technus floated up. "I shall rap and show this girl how to get down with the rhymes!"

"NO!" everyone yelled, but it was too late.

My name is Technus, yo, that begins with a 'T',

Better known as the Master of All Technology,

Coming with a new style,

High profile,

When I rap to my peeps, they gonna go hogwild.

One cool ghost,

Super fly style,

A green Lil Wayne with the snowy white hair.

Everyone stared. Technus was nowhere near as bad as Smexy… but rapping in a nasally voice was still really… weird. While the others looked on in awe, Vlad wondered if maybe he'd had a little too much champagne. "Well, that was… very unique," Jazz said, "But we need to focus. This story may have a clue to destroying the Sues."

Ember nodded quickly and began reading.

So tey were fitin

And fitin an sitting

When te dragun blue purpl fans

At danny and his pants!!!!

But he wasn't scard

An the dragun was impared

Yeah he codn toch danny phantom

He codn even catch granum.

"Granum?" Danny asked, looking quizzically at Jazz.

"It's part of a plant. It's used in photosynthesis."

"But that doesn't make sense!" Danny protested.

"Are you surprised, Whelp?" Skulker asked.

"She probably just copied it out of the rhyming dictionary," Ember muttered.

"I, Technus, have a new theme song!"

"Oh, look," Ember said. "This chapter is almost over!"

I no yall all wants to kno how it ends but youll have to waint an sea!!!!!!!1111 heeheee. Hees the review responseses… andtat smexymansonluver blach bach blah better give back me dook!!!!!!!1

Readergirl21: yesss is speeks perfect englieesh!

"Oh, that explains it," Vlad said. "She doesn't speak English. She speaks Englieesh."

Alexia Moonlight: cuz I is immoral!!!!!!!!

"Yes, it's definitely immoral," Ember said.

"She," Danny replied.

"It," Ember insisted. "Calling her a female is an insult to women and girls everywhere."

Anathema's Abode: drunk merqry makes u live longer!!!! Hey1 som jerk also nmed Anathema haked 2 me aoocnt!! Werd, huh?

"Mercury?" Jazz suggested.

Niece of the Prophet Zarquon: yeah!!11 sooprsmexymansonluvr is draggin me story down!!!!!!11

"I don't think she needs anyone's help to drag this disaster down," Jazz sighed. "It's already like the Titanic."

Vlad sighed. "Skulker, could you go to the drugstore and buy some more headache medicine? I'm getting a serious migraine."

"What do I look like- your minion?"

"Do it, and you can have any one weapon you want from my lab."

"Deal," and the ghost hunter vanished.

Kagamine-Spice: evul danny wold not kill me!!!!he suks!!!!

"I WOULD TAKE THAT GIRL AND RIP HER APART!" Is it necessary to say who screamed that?

E-Dantes: howd u no I was a cristin?

"A Christian?" Jazz gasped. "That could not be what she just said."

Crazy4Pie: I is not soopd!!!111 im smart an don't need 2 go bak to cindergrdin!

"She's right," Ember said. "I was thinking 'preschool' myself."

RenesmeeScarlet: my pot is prefc!

"So that's what she's on," Danny said. "I knew it was something."

Torgo: tis isn the wost fic wrted! My immorl is!!! Mine is ten gazllon times better!!!

"There's something worse than Smexy!" Danny gasped.

"She has to be lying," Jazz said.

Musiclover9419: huh?

"Wow, she's a bright one," Ember muttered.

E350: no no more!!1 im mad at sooprsmexymansonluvr!!!!!!1111

"I am, too," Danny said, glaring, daring anyone to say anything about him agreeing with SmexyPhantom.

Sfot: I aint no demon!!!!

"No, I think the word 'demon' isn't enough, actually," Vlad said, seeming to come fully out of his shock.

"Yeah, this chick is whack!" Technus added.

Sciencefreak330: why do u thank danny wold hate me storee?"

"Uh, because he would," Danny said, rolling his eyes.

Orpheus-izanagi: wats the talibane?

"Oh, no wonder," Jazz said, with mock sympathy. "The poor dear has no exposure to any type of media, whatsoever, and she's horribly uninformed."

SOLmaster: lyk I do note rit lik a 5 yrold!!!!11111

"That's the biggest lie of the century," Ember said.

Suguri-Takeuchi Chan: ur soooo mean!!!11 I wold bever go do anything like that!!!!!!!!

"What review was that for, I wonder?" Danny mused.

Thunderstorm101: teres nothing wrong with me smexy sense!!1

Vlad's eyes glowed red. He really hoped Skulker got back from the drugstore soon.

PPGBelle4: u cant not hold me in a box!!!!

"Great. She's plagiarizing the Box Ghost," Danny said.

"I just thought of something," Jazz said, "We ought to write a book to help people not write like Smexy."

"Hopefully, no one writes this badly…" Vlad muttered.

Marise Kauri: I ain a demon!!!!!

Ember sighed. "Next chapter," she said. "Who's reading?"

"No way," Danny said.

"Is it still in rhyme?" Technus asked.

Ember nodded. "Then, I, Technus, shall rap-"

"I'll do it!" Danny yelled, grabbing the book from Ember. "For Sam!"

He took a deep breath and began reading.

-------------------------------------

Author's Note: And it's a long one. I have the next two hacks lined up (from Readergirl21 and Orpheus-izanagi). Also, sorry it took so long, but I have all the family coming to my house for vacation. Sigh. Oh, I also tried to draw Isabella. She didn't turn out too well, but I might post the sketch later.

On a lighter note, I've actually created a forum on for the G.A.M.S. and B.A.G.S., so yes, you can now actually join them.

Readergirl21: Many thanks, as always. Yeah…Scam. I ought to have Smexy call Sam 'Scram' sometime, too.

Alexia Moonlight: Gotcha. I heard nothing…

Nut and Shell: Actually, the parts in the last chapter that were really unreadable, were where Smexy was fighting for the keyboard. Those parts really didn't say anything.

Anathema's Abode: Yep. There are two Sues… and a Stu now. They're all pretty much the same, though…

Amethyst Ocean: Yes, that was your idea, and sooprsmexymansonluvr will be back soon (Sadly). Yes, the characters are still virgins… creepy thoughts, huh?

Niece of the Prophet Zarquon: I'm glad you like Technus, but you'll have to tell me what you think about his rapping. Also, good idea with the drugstore. I plan to have some fun with that.

Kagamine-Spice: Clockwork isn't interfering for a few reasons. One is because he knows Danny and his friends (well… acquaintances…) will be able to stop the Sue. Another reason is because it's dangerous for him to leave Dan alone or take him somewhere else. The last is simply because he likes listening to the hacks- similar to the people reading this story.

Megalover4: Yep! You're more than welcome to join the B.A.G.S.

E-Dantes: I'd almost forgotten about Paulina. I really should bring her in… I completely understand about Twilight, too.

Crazy4Pie: Ah… computer crashes, the bane of my existence… To answer your question, I'm really not sure how long this story is going to be. I don't really have chapters planned out- just a vague idea of where the story is going. I've decided to do a hack every three chapters, though, and I want to get everyone's in, so I'll have to do at least six more chapters- not that that really answers your question, though. But I don't plan on ending this soon.

RenesmeeScarlet: Yes, well, there are bad fics in every section.

Torgo: Actually, they can't get Desiree to wish the book away because (well, for one, she's not there) the book cannot be affected by any type of energy essentially. Ghosts can't touch it- not even Desiree. As for the boy clone, yeah, pretty much he's popping in to help write this disaster.

Musicover9419: I know. I'm so mean to Sam and Tucker.

Coldflare101: What? You mean, you don't read this for Smexy's wonderful story? Lol. Actually, I think most people read this for the responses.

Suguri-Takeuchi Chan: lol. Thanks. Yeah, I hate writer's block.

E350: You're more than welcome to join the B.A.G.S. Yeah, being diabetic isn't the best thing in the world…

Sfot: Actually, this story is going to mangle pretty much everybody.

Sciencefreak330: ah, yes. There is now a Gary Stu. No one's safe now!

Stephenie Crow Manson: Funny, but the reason I like hacks so much is because afterwards, Smexy rants about how bad they are.

Orpheus-izanagi: I got it. I loved it, and I think Clockwork is really going to like it, too.

SOLmaster: Well, I updated, but Tucker and Sam aren't safe yet.

Thunderstorm101: I know! I had a nightmare last night about SmexyPhantom… she came and screamed for me to update a story…

PPGBelle4: Yes, I'm so glad exams are over!

HermyStar: Oh, Isabella and Elizabeth are definitely going down! You have a girl named Isabella in your story? Well… as long as she's nothing like this one, you're probably safe.

Marise Kauri: I bet Ember would love to kill a Sue.