Disclaimer: Nothing

Typical Disclaimers Apply

A/N: Eeek! I know, I know, that last line was from PPP…

--

"We know who you are," Ron said, flatly and loudly. Snape pretended not to hear him.

"'Professor' Slain isn't here, so I will be taking over her classes for the day." Snape said, adding a creepy evil laugh at the end. The Slytherins' faces lit up. The Gryffindors squirmed in their seats.

"Where is she?" Lavender inquired worriedly.

"She felt it best that the students find out from her, instead of first hearing it from anyone else," he said silkily, fingering his goatee.

"Did you kill her?" Draco asked, a hint of hope glittering in his question.

"Not yet, Draco, not yet."

--

"Hello Mum!" Esme sang, prancing in the door. "You got my letter?"

"I did, and Remus and Tonks should be arriving soon. Your father and brothers are in the kitchen. Now, what is this surprise you have for us?" Molly welcomed Sirius and Esme into the Burrow with her typical open arms. "Oh, dear. Sirius, you are just too skinny. Aren't they feeding you?"

"Yes, ma'am," he nodded.

"So polite!" She squeezed his arm, causing him to flinch, "Now, why don't you two sit down in the kitchen with the boys." The two lovers entered the kitchen nervously, where Bill, Charlie, Percy, and Arthur were there to size Sirius up.

"So," Bill said, eyes narrowed, "you're the man my baby sister's dating."

"Bill, you met me last summer."

--

"So she's not dead?" Lavender, along with many other students, breathed a sigh of relief.

"No, Miss Brown, Professor Slain is alive and well. Now unless anyone has anymore questions—what is it, Mr. Thomas?" Dean waved his hand urgently.

"Is it true that if you dip a rose in liquid nitrogen and drop it, it'll shatter?"

"Well, I don't know. You could use a simple freezing spell and get the same affects…" Hermione's hand pumped into the air, nearly pulling her out of her seat. "What is it, Miss Granger?"

"Is it true that Professor Slain once tattooed 'Evil' all over your face when she was a fifth year?"

"Well…what's your point?" he snapped.

"What charm did she use?"

--

"Hello, hello!" Tonks cheered, sauntering into the Burrow. "Finally the two most important people in the world have arrived!"

"Darling we arrived hours ago!" Esme wrapped her dear and actual friend Tonks into a warm hug. Remus, who had arrived with Tonks, looked over at Sirius and gave his small, evanescent smile.

"I'm not hugging you, Remus." Sirius said, laughing. Esme stood up and clapped her hands:

"All right, let's get back to my announcement; it's much more interesting than whatever we were just talking about."

"You mean how bizarre and possibly dangerous it is that Harry's involved in the Triwizard Tournament right after Peter Pettigrew, You-Know-Who's old right-hand man, recently escaped from right under you nose?" Bill asked flatly.

"Yes. Sirius and I have an announcement," she squeezed her fiancée's hand, suddenly feeling quite nervous, "We're getting married!" Charlie's eyebrows shot up and Bill looked rather green. Arthur raised an eyebrow at Molly, who simply pursed her lips. Percy didn't respond, and Remus and Tonks looked generally shocked.

Everything was silent until Tonks, who was beginning to look rather confused, asked, "Why?"

--

"Now, if there are no more questions…" Snape's voice had become deadly and low. "What, Neville?"

"I-is there any reason why you don't like Professor Slain?" His voice trembled with fear. Now, it was not normal for a student like Neville to act out. It was even more not normal for a student like Hermione to act out. Suddenly, something came to Snape. He sighed.

"She put you up to this, didn't she?"

"Please don't be mad, sir," Hermione begged. "She paid us ten galleons each and some of us really needed the money to pay off the debts we owed from purchasing Christmas gifts!"

"Well," he suddenly smirked. "I suppose when Slain gets back from announcing her engagement, she'll have to deal with me."

--

"Esme," Molly said tensely, "May I see you in the living room?"

"Yes Mum," after squeezing Sirius' hand, Esme got up out of her chair and followed her mother out of the room. Tonks got up and went after them Sirius was left alone to face four, redheaded stares, plus Remus.

"So," Bill said, his tone icy. "You want to marry my little sister."

"Well I thought that since she loved me enough to sleep with me, I may as well love her enough to marry her."

Arthur looked as though he may faint.

Meanwhile, in the living room…

"Darling are you sure? He's just so much older than you…"

"Yes, Mum! Sirius and I love each other and damn it—he is good in bed!"

"Too much information, dear."

"I know, but I just can't find any reason why you would disapprove of him!" Mrs. Weasley raised an eyebrow, accepting the challenge.

"He was in prison for twelve years."

"He was innocent!" Esme protested.

"He was your father's best friend."

"You mean the father who never knew I was born?"

"He used to be a complete rebel who used to torment other students for fun!"

"And I still am! Look Mum, Sirius is a good man, sort of. He's clever, polite, sweet, and he has a cruel streak that perfectly matches mine!" Molly suddenly looked very tired.

"Well," she sighed, "I suppose I could accept him as a son-in-law. I suppose it could always be worse; you could be marrying Severus Snape!"

--

"She's getting married?" Ron blurted out. Snape smiled silkily.

"You weren't aware? I'm surprised not even her little brother knew."

"Stop bullshitting us, Professor—" Harry started.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for cursing. And another fifty for the stunts you were just pulling." His smile widened.

"Whatever," Harry snapped, "Is she getting married, or is this some cruel joke on your part?"

"Well, Potter, I suppose you could just ask her when she and Professor Black return tomorrow afternoon." The whole class, even the Slytherins, gasped.

"She's marrying Sirius?!" Ron and Harry exclaimed together.

"That's so romantic!" Lavender squealed.

"I know, we're so going to have to ask her about it when she comes back!" Parvati squealed back.

While the class erupted into gossipy turmoil, Snape leaned back against his desk, tenting his fingers; an evil smile playing on his face. Score: Severus Snape: 3, Esme Slain: he frowned, 4,612.

--

Molly and Arthur smiled at their children and then at Sirius. Arthur cleared his throat somewhat nervously, "We have decided that, under the circumstances, we feel it's best to give you out blessing."

"Wow, you seem really certain about this, Dad. Are you sure you don't need another four hours to think about it?" Esme rolled her eyes at Tonks, who in return rolled her eyes at Remus. After realizing who she'd rolled her eyes at, she turned bright red, and giggled a little too much at Esme's joke.

"No smart mouth from you, young lady. Weddings are very expensive and as the parents of the bride we'll be paying, so you'd better be thankful." Arthur said, in an uncommonly stern-father-like tone.

"Actually, Sir," Sirius cut in, "I have a quite a bit of money saved up from when I was younger. Esme and I were talking earlier, and we decided that it would be better if I just paid for the wedding and we didn't have a honeymoon."

"Well, I suppose that's all right. You're sure?"

"Yes, Dad!" cried Esme. "And we've already got it set up with Dumbledore: we're going to be married on the grounds a few days after this Christmas, and he's going to cover most of the costs and Sirius will cover the rest."

"It's rather soon, isn't it?" Molly seemed nervous.

"Don't worry Mum. We know what we're doing."

"That's what they all say," Arthur laughed, "Well Molly, I suppose the only thing to do now is demand my side of the bet."

"What?" Esme and Sirius exclaimed together.

"Well you see, we made a small bet on how long you two would stay together…"

"I told you not to mention it!" Molly hissed.

"God, I really wish people would stop betting on us," Sirius sighed.

--

At the Chateau du Wizard…

"Well, Albus, I suppose Severus wins the bet now," McGonagall said merrily, eyeing the happy couple.

"What do you mean?" Esme said slowly, staring at her old professor. Dumbledore smiled cheerily at her.

"You see, Esmeralda," Dumbledore began. "Earlier in the year a few of us cast a little wager. I thought you two would stay together until your deaths, but never get married. Minerva figured that you wouldn't last past Christmas. Filius and Paloma both thought that one of you would die within a month's time. Now Severus, he thought that you'd get married, but he doubts your marriage will last too long. I suppose that he's the closest now!" Looking at their disgusted faces, his smile began to fade, "I really shouldn't have said anything."

--

Molly smiled lovingly at her daughter, "Were you glad to have some time away, dear?"

"Yeah, but, I'll be glad to see them all again. As strange as they are, they're my coworkers and friends, and I love them." She looked at Sirius. "Come on, love. We'd really better go."

--

Esme stared at Snape, her mouth wide open, "You did WHAT?!"

--