"Bianca, I don't understand what's going on. Edward was just telling me all about how you guys are best friends. Why do you want me to stay away from him?" Bella asked in a hushed tone as we sat down in our shared English class. I really didn't want to get into it with her, but I knew her. I knew how curious she was and I knew she wouldn't stop until she got sufficient answers. I was simultaneously trying to keep my Occlumency shield up, make sure Bella's scent stayed hidden, ignore the constant ache in my chest, push down the memories of Paul's haunted gaze, and listen to the teacher as he began class. To say I was multi-tasking would be a gross understatement. I sent Bella a glance that pleaded with her to have patience. I needed to think of an answer that would satisfy her curiosity without giving away too much information.
The class passed by in a blur of course. I only partially paid attention because I knew I wouldn't be putting any effort into the homework any way. I just needed to know what was going on so I could answer his question if he called on me in class. Just like the first class, all my pre-lunch classes passed by quickly. I wasn't focused on anything except ignoring Alice in every single class. It wasn't easy, but after our second class of the day she seemed to get the memo and stopped trying to pass me notes like a 6 year old. As I walked with Bella to lunch, she looped her arm through mine and clung tightly to my side. I knew what she wanted.
"Look Bella," I sighed, trying to make sure she heard my quiet tone over the dull roar of the students stopping at their lockers and laughing and joking. "Edward IS my best friend, but he's a complex guy. He's not the kind of guy I would have chosen to be friends with, but fate sort of just intertwined our lives. He's definitely not the kind of guy you would be friends with, so just do yourself and myself a favor and keep your distance," I tried to explain, but she frowned to herself.
"What do you mean he's not the kind of guy you would have chosen to be friends with? If you don't want to be friends with him, don't be his friend," Bella said simply. I groaned.
"It's just not that simple Bella. I am his friend and I'm not going to walk away from our friendship because of a few bad personality traits," I stated as we approached her classroom.
"Then I'm sure I could overlook them too," she insisted.
"I don't want you to. It's not safe," I repeated.
"Is this because I'm not like you?" she snapped. "You told me he wasn't like you, but he is, isn't he?"
"No, Bella," I snapped back at her with twice as much ferocity as she had in her entire body. She shrunk back a bit, pulling away from me. "It's not about that. Not everything is about that," I insisted, pulling her into the bathroom which was thankfully empty. I cast a charm to ward people away from entering for the time being. Bella widened her eyes as I waved my wand wordlessly.
"Oh stop it," I rolled my eyes at her expression. "I've been using magic all day and you didn't even notice."
"What are you talking about?" she murmured.
"I used a charm to cover up your scent, I'm always working on a magic skill that protects my mind from being invaded, and I just cast a charm to keep people out of the bathroom for now so we can get this over with. Just get it all out now. I get it. You're scared of magic and you're mad at me and you feel left out: so just get it all out now!" I demanded. Bella opened and shut her mouth a few times before turning to look at me with a sudden determination.
"Okay fine. Do you want to know why I'm so upset? You've been nothing but terrible to me since I moved in. It's not like I wanted to stay away from you for all those years, but it was a two way street! You act like I'm some kind of evil step-sister. I am your twin and I always have been. You could have called or written or emailed or anything, just like I wanted to. Mom wouldn't let me do more than call on the holidays and our birthday. I know Dad didn't have the same rule. So I am not the only one to blame for our years of separation, okay? I'm not mom and just because magic is new to me doesn't mean I'm automatically going to hate it and think you're a freak! I whisper the terms because I don't even know if I'm saying them right. You moved downstairs to keep everything a secret from me. You and Dad are apparently doing magic all the time and I'm not included in any of it. I can't do magic so I'm not welcome in your life and now you want to keep me away from your friends too? What am I supposed to do? Have no friends? I can be friends with whoever I want to be friends with and you don't get to decide anything for me. And I DON'T want you doing any sort of magic on me without my permission!" she shouted, her breath heavy from her rant. I stood in shock for a few moments. My sister had never been a particularly angry person. I knew she was a little upset about things, but she would usually rather saw her own arm off than complain to people about her problems.
"Bella, are you okay?" I asked softly. She ran her hands through her hair and groaned.
"I don't know. I'm just so angry at you and it's not like me, but I can't help it. I'm angry at everyone and honestly sometimes I want to strangle you," she confessed, keeping her tone hushed even though we were alone in the small bathroom.
"Relax, Bella. I'm not out to get you. Dad and I both agreed to keep magic hidden because we thought it would make you uncomfortable. I wanted my own room so that you wouldn't judge me."
"Oh you assumed I would judge you and that makes me the bad guy?" she snapped.
"Jesus Bella, what has gotten into you? You never act like this," I exclaimed.
"I guess you don't know me as well as you think you do," she stated before shoving past me to leave the bathroom. I watched her go in a confused stupor before following her and taking the charms off the bathroom. I watched as she pushed her small form past the crowds of students headed for the cafeteria, back in the direction of her locker. With a shake of my head I headed for the cafeteria, since both of us clearly needed a little space from each other. Now I ran into the other problem: I had no one to sit with at lunch. Aside from the Cullens, I hadn't made any new friends here at Forks. They were all keeping their distance because a) I was close with the Cullens and b) I seemed different. It wasn't the first time I'd faced being alone at lunch. It happened a lot at Salem, actually. My father had opted to live the Muggle lifestyle, even after his Muggle wife rejected him. He liked living the simple life and didn't want to be involved in the magic world much at all. People didn't judge me too much for that, but it did mean that I didn't get to experience the magic society as much as the other students at Salem. Not that I minded at all: Forks was my home and I was always glad to come back to it. It just meant I didn't have a lot in common with the other students. I had a few friends, but none of them were very close with me and I often felt like they were my friends out of pity more than anything else. With a sigh I opted to skip lunch in the cafeteria and just take some much needed alone time outside. I let my feet guide me to a small table outside. There was a handful strewn around the courtyard for the very rare sunny days in Forks. It was the kind of rubber-y tables that had uncomfortable benches connected by thick metal pipes. I took a seat on the bench, letting the small of my back rest against the tabletop. As my eyes closed gently, I focused on my breath. It was cold outside, but I was wearing several layers including my warmest sweater and three pairs of leggings on top of each other to ensure I stayed warm.
"May I join you?" I heard a warm, honey voice ask. I didn't need to open my eyes to know who it was so I just nodded wordlessly and scooted over. The icy presence beside mine felt oddly comforting. I guess when you're an empath, you just get to have that affect on people.
"I know you're upset, Bianca, and rightly so. You've got a lot going on right now, but don't take it out on my family. Edward has been unhappy for so long, we only want what's best for him," Jasper interrupted my quiet time. I opened my eyes begrudgingly and turned to look at him.
"You're not going to just let me wallow in my own pain for a bit, are you?"
"I find that wallowing in pain is completely unproductive," he smiled hesitantly, but I rolled my eyes.
"So what, Jasper? I'm just supposed to be OK with my 100 year old vampire best friend trying to date my sister? She's a 17 year old human who is very much mortal. There's so many things wrong with him being Bella's mate and Alice decided that this morning would be a great time to just spring it on me. Jasper, you know how difficult it is when you and Alice fight. That pain that you feel coming from me? That is because I don't know when I'll ever see Paul again and I don't know if he's ever going to forgive me. The longer we stay apart, the more intense it will grow until it eats me alive. Imprints don't survive without each other," I told him solemnly. "There isn't a single story in their people's history where an imprint survives when their wolf has passed on. He's not dead, but if he never forgives me it will feel like he is," I cried softly, feeling the pain take over once more. Jasper sharply inhaled, feeling the wave of fresh pain hit him. He turned his gaze to me, his eyes filled to the brim with pity. I wanted to shove him away and yell at him, but all I did was accept the hug he so graciously offered.
"There's something else, tucked away in all that pain, Bianca. You're worried and I think you're a little jealous too," Jasper added.
"Okay so I'm a little jealous. Shoot me. Edward has been my best friend for years. And there's always been that unspoken agreement that if it weren't for my undeniable tie with Paul…that maybe Edward and I would have had a shot. I know he's not mine to keep, but that doesn't mean I'm not upset about him all the sudden fawning over my twin sister."
"I would hardly say he's fawning," Jasper teased lightly. I didn't laugh.
"That's not the point. You're all so quick to jump on the idea of Edward having a mate that you're willing to push me aside to get there," I said firmly. Jasper began to interrupt, but I shook my head to stop him. "You are and I understand that Edward's happiness is very important to all of you, but this is not a decision that any of you get to make for him. And it is absolutely not fair to push him into this and drag my sister along with your antics just to have Edward get cold feet in a year when he thinks about how dangerous vampires are. You know Edward, just as well if not better than I do. He's never going to be able to love anyone who he thinks is more wholesome or fragile than he is. He thinks of himself as a monster and he wouldn't inflict that on any human, my sister included," I insisted.
"I suppose you have a point, but you must understand that Edward has been alone for a very long time and we all feel like he very much deserves to find his mate and Alice's vision was very clear," Jasper defended. I stood up abruptly.
"And that is where you and I differ, Jasper. The future is not set in stone. I don't want to choose between your family and my twin sister's well-being, but if you all are going to push me into that corner: I have to stand with my flesh and blood. Bella is seventeen years old and she's never been exposed to this supernatural world. She knows magic exists, but she's never experienced it and as far as she's concerned, vampires are still make-believe. She can't possibly be expected to make a well-informed decision about any of this at this point in her life so if you insist on trying to push forward with this whole mate business, I will do everything in my power to stop you," I swore solemnly before turning on the spot and apparating to my locker. I figured if any students were loitering in the hallway I could cast a quick memory charm, but I was lucky for once and the hallway was empty. I quickly exchanged out my books and headed to class early, opting to just keep my head down and make it through the day. The next time I saw Bella she had calmed down a little, but didn't attempt to make any conversation again until we were getting in her truck at the end of the day.
"I sat with the Cullen family at lunch. Jasper said you were being a pill and refusing to come when he went out to invite you to join us," she said as we settled into the cab, her tone layered with a level of snarkiness I hadn't realized she had in her.
"That's not exactly the whole story, though I wouldn't expect you to understand," I snapped in return.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. Just drop it," I rolled my eyes, putting in headphones and letting the music play loudly to drown out the noisy truck my sister drove. I watched in my peripheral vision as she huffed in frustration and focused on driving at exactly the speed limit. What a rebel. It was like something was trying to make my sister angry and reckless, but her natural state overpowered it. Safe and boring, that was definitely Bella. We arrived home shortly after, having hit no red lights on the way, and she stomped her way up the stairs and into her room, a door slamming behind her. I had no doubt she was going to spend hours researching mythical beings and witches and wizards trying to prove that I was lying to her about what the Cullens were.
I headed to the backyard to let Noah inside and then took him down to the basement with me. He was bouncing up and down with excitement and I glanced down at him with a half smile before plopping on my bed. I couldn't focus on homework when my head was swimming. I was drowning in my own thoughts, suffocating in my own emotion. What if Paul never forgave me? A small voice in the back of my head spoke words of reason: Paul couldn't survive without me any more than I could survive without him. Of course that voice was quickly drowned out by a million different reasons why Paul could do just fine without me. I had lied to him our entire relationship. I had built our relationship on lies and deception instead of trust and love. Even worse than that: my lies were centered around the very creatures he despised. As far as Paul was concerned, vampires were the scum of the Earth. He and his wolf were one; and the wolf's sole purpose was the protect his tribe and his pack from vampires. Paul would never see the Cullens as anything more than the enemy. Paul had a deep connection with his spirit wolf, more than Jared and even more than Sam. It wasn't just his temper that made him more likely to phase suddenly. The barrier between he and the wolf was blurred. It was always hard to distinguish where Paul ended and the wolf began.
As far as imprint relationships went, ours was already rocky at best. We just didn't fit together magically like we were supposed to. It seemed hard to believe we were fated to be together. It was unheard of for a pack member to imprint on someone outside the tribe, let alone a witch. We had spoken with the Elders for a long time about it initially and had come to the conclusion that it was my being a witch that made the imprint even possible. On top of me being an outsider, there was the whole thing with my sexuality and our lack thereof of a physical relationship. The spirit warriors were able to transform into vampire-killing machines because they were so tied to their wolf ancestors. They each had a wolf laying dormant within them until it was triggered. They were never just human. How can someone ask a wolf to live without its most basic, primal instincts being fulfilled? This question had kept me awake for days when I had first met Paul.
The imprint bond was supposedly set in stone, destiny. I had never fully believed in destiny since we were taught from a young age that prophecies can be misinterpreted and my friendship with Alice had taught me that the future is constantly changing. There were a million different possible timelines one person's life could take. I could have followed a path where I never met Paul. Everything about our relationship was unnatural. How could anyone say we were destined? The pain I felt knowing how much I had hurt him…it was a very real pain, but I expected I would have felt similar pain if Edward had walked away from me and never come back. I felt emotion deeply, partly because of who I was as a person, but partly because I drew a lot of my magic from my emotions. While magic was something that had to be practiced and had technique and skill involved, magic itself was tied to our souls, just like the wolves. We needed to access our emotions constantly so I felt everything more deeply than my Muggle sister could even imagine. Maybe that's why I was so upset about the possibility of her and Edward. I just didn't see how that could even be a thing. I had already made up my mind that I wasn't going to just accept it and Alice hadn't said anything about that affecting her vision. If I hadn't been so focused on my own problems, I might have focused more on Bella and Edward and all the potential problems that posed. Instead I just clamped my hands over my ears and slammed into my pillow, hoping to drown out my noisy thoughts. And it was in that position that I fell asleep.
The weeks continued in the same manner: uncomfortable interactions with my sister, her growing friendship with the Cullens, and the building pain in my chest which eventually led to total numbness. I found myself wearing yoga pants and t shirts and sweatshirts daily, much to Alice's physical pain. I flipped my life into auto-pilot. I got up, followed the motions, made sure both sets of homework got completed, and continued to follow routine. Bella stopped wearing the necklace I bought her and then she just seemed to try to avoid me like the plague. I didn't eat much, only when my dad threatened. I'm sure I looked like crap, since I never bothered with my appearance anymore. It was easier to just shut everything away than to live in the daily pain that would otherwise be present. Noah didn't like it. He spent most of his time with my sister. For the first week, Edward and Alice both made constant attempts to corner me into a conversation, but after I avoided them successfully, none of the Cullens made an attempt to talk to me during classes. At lunches and breaks, I would hide in empty classrooms protected by charms to keep muggles and vampires alike out.
To be honest, I wasn't even keeping track of how much time passed. September came and went. I got an invitation via owl to Salem's annual Halloween Ball, but I ignored that too. The hate texts from Jared had long since stopped coming and I had no idea where Paul might be. I kept checking my phone and every once in a while I would type out a text or dial his number. But I never pressed send and I never pressed call. I was the one responsible for doing this to us. It wasn't right for me to pester him when he was already suffering enough. It was the week before Halloween when I found an unexpected visitor on our front porch when I was coming back from school. I had begun walking up the driveway when I caught sight of her. I almost didn't recognize her in the sensible 2 piece business suit she wore. The woman was thin and tall, exaggerated by the fact that her skirt seemed to be about half the length of what a pencil skirt was supposed to be. It seemed so odd: to see Dean Bishop standing on my very Muggle porch in very Muggle clothing. I had to blink a few times and then heard Bella very quietly ask who the strange woman on our porch was. She turned to face us she heard our approach and the look she gave me was not the doting, welcoming one I was used to.
"Miss Swan. If you would, I'd like to have a word with you," she said sternly, gesturing to the door. I nodded wordlessly and opened it quickly, allowing the Dean to step inside first as Bella followed cautiously behind me. I met my sister's eyes for the first time in months and pleaded with her silently to make herself scarce. She seemed to understand and went to retrieve Noah from the backyard.
"Hello Dean Bishop," I greeted the woman who had seated herself firmly on the couch. She sat just on the edge of the couch, not allowing herself to sink into the comfort of the cushions. I sat beside her, still trying to wake my senses which had been lying basically dormant for over a month. With the return of my focus, came the return of the pain, but it wasn't too strong just yet.
"I assume you know why I'm here," the brunette woman, whose hair was firmly secured in a French twist that screamed 'no-nonsense', tilted her head down to me just slightly. I shrunk away from the harsh gaze.
"I can't say I do. I've been turning in all my homework and I didn't think I was due for practical examinations until the end of the semester," I reasoned. She made a small noise of displeasure before pulling her wand out of her sleeve and waving it wordlessly. I looked down at myself in shock to find that I was in my Salem Academy of Magic uniform as well as my hair having been done in a neat braid and my posture being forced straight.
"I will not have my students in such deplorable conditions, Bianca," she said offhandedly before waving her wand again making a crumpled piece of cardstock appear on the coffee table before us. "You declined your invitation to our All Hallows Eve Ball. You know, as well as I do, that this holiday and this tradition are sacred to our school." I paused and gave her a look of confusion. She huffed and crossed her legs delicately, her way of getting more comfortable.
"Our school was founded by the original Salem Witches, those who were lucky enough to escape the hangings of 1692. While those trials took place over a year and were not centered around October, we have chosen to commemorate our founders on All Hallows Eve. The invitation was simply a reminder. You will be attending. I'd also like to point out that while your homework assignments are being turned in, they are showing severe lack of effort. If you can't responsibly study from home you only have two options: come back to study at the Academy, or don't graduate," she finished. My mouth dropped open at her words.
"Look Dean Bishop, I didn't make the choice not to come back this year. I'm doing the work. I'm sorry it's not as stellar as it was when I was living at the Academy, but I'm doing two sets of homework these days," I repressed the urge to snap.
"We both know that that is not a valid excuse. Your muggle school work could be completed with a third grade charm," she lectured. And then for a moment, her gaze softened and her voice dropped a fraction lower. "Bianca, you have been a bright student your entire academic career and you have always shown great interest in learning magic. Is there something else affecting your studies?" she suggested as gently as possible. I heaved a sigh and against my better judgment, I told her everything. She knew I had an imprint bond with Paul already, because we'd had to make arrangements for me to leave the campus every weekend the past school year. But I did my best to explain everything else to her without getting too emotional. Dean Bishop, a great great granddaughter of Bridget Bishop (the first woman to be hanged during the trials), had always been a fair and accomplished witch and leader. She had never been known for her gentle touch with students, though. But somehow, she didn't pucker her face at Bianca's messed up love life and instead listened patiently.
"Don't fight it, Miss Swan. It is true that prophecies can be misinterpreted, but this is not a prophecy. This is ancient, tribal magic. Even in our world and our society, love is the most powerful magic of all. The spells and charms that derive from love and protection are always the most powerful. Think of the Patronus charm: the limits to what a Patronus can do are absolutely endless. Why? Because you draw on your happy memories and love to make a Patronus possible. This imprint bond that you have is not some misinterpreted prophecy. It is a rare, but powerful piece of magic. You might not recognize it, but it is. And sometimes it's hard to accept that magic and let it run through you, but you must. The longer you fight, the longer you will both suffer and that will lead to your destruction. I would hate to see you destroy your life when there is so much more you have yet to do and experience," she said with compassion. I blinked, my vision blurred from the tears that seemed to be building up. The tribal elders had tried to describe it to us, when they told the stories about Imprint Bonds, but for some reason it clicked. Paul and I were connected through something stronger than any magic I could ever practice. We could make it through.
"Thank you," I said. She nodded silently, standing because she seemed to understand what I needed to do. I pictured him in my head, focused my every thought on him and then I apparated. It was dangerous business, apparating without a physical location clearly pictured. But I didn't need one. I just needed to get to him. I landed in the middle of the woods. It was snowing, so it honestly could have been anywhere and before I could gather my thoughts a ferocious growl rang through the trees. I flipped my head around and connected eyes with him instantly. The dark silver fur that I had come to recognize ruffled about in the sharp wind. But the eyes…oh it was true when they said the eyes were the window to the soul. Those dark brown eyes were empty and hallow, they showed endless pain. I was sure they were a reflection of my own. The Wolf's growl had silenced the second our eyes had met. I approached him cautiously, and though he made no attempts to back away, he didn't attempt to join my either. Moments later, my hands made contact with his fur. It wasn't soft like I remembered, but rough and matted from what I assumed was his time running in the woods. My fingers intertwined in it anyway, feeling the pressing guilt and pain lift from my chest almost immediately. I breathed out a sigh at the same time as I felt his wolf shudder. When the shudder was complete, I was no longer running my fingers through his thick fur, but standing face to face with my very human boyfriend.
"You look like crap," he said huskily. His voice was rough like it hadn't been used in ages. His eyes were sunken in as much as mine were, though it didn't look like he'd thinned out at all. His hair was long and grown out again, tangled all around his face. I didn't care, though. I didn't care that he stood completely naked in the middle of the snow. I didn't care that his first sentence in months to me was an insult. All I cared was that he was with me. And he was safe. I searched his empty eyes for even a glimmer of what I needed, just a spark. When I found it, I waved my wand quickly so that he could at least have a pair of shorts on. Then I wrapped my arms tightly around his torso and clung to him, hoping to never let go.
"I'm so so sorry," I whispered the words I should have said all along.
"I forgive you."
A/N: Well NaNoWriMo has officially passed and I am so proud to say that I won the month! I wrote a 50,000 word novel. Also Christmas was a thing that happened and it's 2016! Of course I am eager to jump back in since I left you guys in such a terrible place last time.
I had planned to keep Bianca and Paul apart for longer, but I really needed to move the story along. So here is their glorious reunion! I'll put the rest of the awkward conversations post-their time apart in the next chapter. Please leave a review!
