Chapter 9 – What It's Like To Be Me

Jeanne stared at him, still slightly shocked by her own admission. Stupid, stupid, stupid! She hissed in her mind. The people were still clapping rather loudly, and she wanted to set something straight with him.

"But," she said loudly placing emphasis on the word. "I am not yours to command, I have rights, and I intend to use them. If I tell you to go away, you go away, and if I tell you that, I don't want to ever see you again, then you will follow my requests."

Kevin seemed somewhat shocked, and a slightly insulted look spread across his face, but he quickly squashed it and nodded determinedly. She wasn't oblivious to the joy in his eyes.

"You don't touch me. Ever. I don't care if I'm going to die, or something, but you will not touch me. And above all, I am not your soulmate. I don't want to hear you talk about the subject, nor think about it. You will be a…" here a wry smile flickered across her face. "Acquaintance of sorts. I'm only doing this because I want to talk to someone about music and I doubt there is a single person in this blasted Circle that can play as well as you or me. That is the only reason I am doing this, so don't go getting any pretty ideas in your head."

He nodded once more.

"I don't suppose I can talk to you about music now, can I?" He jerked his chin toward a few vacated chairs.

She hesitated, but then went ahead and nodded. The other part of her was screaming in horror, but she managed to ignore that part.

"For a little while." She hedged.

He nodded and turned, spreading apart the throes of people, leaving an open path for her. Jeanne followed, cautiously.

He sat himself in a chair, sinuously and she followed somewhat gracefully in another chair across from him. She tucked her legs under herself, and let her hair cover her like a veil. Jeanne was hiding, but there was no way she was going to start this conversation.

Kevin was silent for a few moments, thinking, she presumed.

"How did you learn to play like that?" he asked. She could hear the wonder and awe in his voice as well as a somewhat disguised note of approval, from musical colleague to colleague.

Jeanne shrugged, still hiding behind my hair. "Here and there. My mother taught me the basics, and when she saw how much I loved it, she got me a real tutor. Before I was…" she paused here searching for a word, not sure how much she was willing to give away.

"Kidnapped?" Kevin suggested.

I looked up at him, surprised, my eyes showing my alarm, but my face a composed mask.

"Delos told me, go on."

She glanced behind me at Delos and Maggie who was watching her with worried eyes. Jeanne glared at her friends' soulmate.

"He had no right to," she muttered.

Kevin nodded sympathetically, a bashful smile on his face. "I am sorry. I just wanted to learn more about you. For heaven's sake I didn't even know your name!" His voice rang with sincerity.

Jeanne ignored his outburst, still hiding behind her hair.

"I had just been accepted to a two month student program at Julliard. Then I was kidnapped." Her voice was flat. She tried to ignore the moisture that endangered her perfect mask of nonchalance.

"I see," Kevin said softly.

She leveled her gaze with his, looking into his nearly black eyes. Anger had risen up in her, suddenly and it had made her braver than usual.

He blinked, but didn't look away, keeping his gaze with hers.

"Do you?" her voice was sharp.

"Do you really understand what it's like to be taken from your family? To have your rights , your freedom, ripped from your grasp, and to be thrown into a slave pen?"

Jeanne shook her head, disgusted.

"You have no idea what I've been through. You have no idea what it's like to be me. So don't you dare, don't you dare, sit there and tell me you understand."

She stood up to leave, furious, but stopped at the sound of his soft voice.

"So tell me."

Jeanne, paused, waiting for him to continue, her fists clenched, and the tears welling over. Why did he affect her like this? Why was he able to get under her skin and stir up old memories, past wounds and hurts, like this?

She didn't understand it.

"Tell me what it's like. Help me to understand you. That's all I really wanted in the first place." It sounded almost as if he was frustrated, but trying to cover it up.

She turned around and faced him, her arms crossed.

"Why should I? Give me one good reason why I should trust you? Your kind," she sneered, trying to cover up her uncertainness, "have only ever hurt me. Why should I trust you, and tell you things about myself?"

Kevin looked down, into his laps, making a steeple with his fingers, one lock of soft black hair falling over his face.

"I don't know," he admitted. "I don't really have an answer to that, except that maybe, if you would give me a chance, I could prove it to you. I could prove to you that you can trust me, that I won't, can't, hurt you."

He looked back up at her, his eyes shinning.

"Give me a chance. I'm not used to being around a human, especially around a human that's been through so much. The rules of vampire society are different. I'm still adjusting. Will you accept my apology, and give me a pardon?"

She turned away, her hand on the soft chair she had been sitting in, thinking.

On the one hand, she could trust him and put her life at stake. On the other hand, she could tell him no, and go on being alone, probably for the rest of her life. Jeanne didn't want to be alone. She didn't want to cry herself to sleep every night. She wanted someone there to comfort her and soothe her. Even if that person was a vampire.

Ugh, vampire. Jeanne shuddered a bit, just thinking about it. She could give him a chance she supposed…

Too much had happened tonight. She couldn't fully absorb, and think about it right now. She hadn't slept well, and she was in a bitchy mood. She really didn't want to do this right now.

She sighed. "Fine. But not tonight. Tonight I'm tired and I want to go to bed."

She was already turned, and as she walked away, she said, "I'll see you tomorrow."

Jeanne wasn't sure if she was looking forward to tomorrow or dreading it.

A/N Okay, there's really no excuse for why it's taken me this long to get this chapter up other than, I had major writer's block. I must have written twenty different versions, of this chapter, no joke, and I hated each one more than the last. I know this is a short chapter, and I'm sorry, but what can I say? Sometimes the writing just sucks. This chapter does, suck. It's been the hardest to write so far. I promise that next chapter will be better, longer and up MUCH sooner. Sorry. Please forgive me. ~Riverine