Chapter 9 – Similar Hearts
Gabrielle stirred slightly as Xena bent over and kissed her forehead. "We should be back before the sun sets," she said. "Are you sure you don't want to come?"
Gabrielle laughed, "No," she said. "I can use some time. Maybe Joxer will show."
Xena smiled, "if he doesn't show by tomorrow, we have to keep moving."
The bard smiled and took the warrior's hand. She was fine with whatever they needed to do but right now she was looking forward to some time to just be. "I know," she smiled, "Be careful."
"Eh – what could happen?" Amarice crowed from across the camp.
Xena shot her a look and Gabrielle shook her head, "Should be an interesting day," The bard smiled letting go of the warrior's hand with a sly smile.
"Mmm," Xena groaned.
As Xena and Amarice made their way toward Argo; Xena was surprised to see that her companion was already rising. It was a standing joke between them that waking the bard in the morning was akin to waking the dead. But, the warrior knew that Gabrielle needed a little space herself; perhaps some private time to mourn Ephiny and some solace to think.
Gabrielle turned to wave them off and then headed down the slight embankment to the nearby pond to wash up. The water was actually quite bracing, but it helped to wake the bard more fully. It certainly did not invite a leisurely or relaxing bath or swim. 'Just as well,' she thought to herself. 'I'll have more time to write."
After a brief and frigid awakening she was ready to head back to camp. She had barely gotten back and found a comfortable place to sit with her scrolls when she was treated to a familiar song beckoning in the distance, "Joxer the Mighty, he roams through the countryside. Never needs a place to hide. With Gabby as his sidekick, fighting with her little stick…"
Gabrielle laughed out loud. She would have thought she would be a bit annoyed that the interruption was coming so soon, but hearing Joxer's little ditty made her heart sing. She had missed her friend. He made her laugh and he drove her crazy, but she often missed him when their paths would part. He was attentive to her and he offered a welcome diversion from the heaviness that life with Xena sometimes offered. And, he lightened Xena. Xena had enormous affection for Joxer. He had a huge heart and he made Xena laugh quietly to herself often.
"GAAABBBBYYY!" the voice called.
Gabrielle lifted her eyes from her scroll slowly, studying him with a stern gaze as she usually did. Her eyes narrowed as he bounced to her, arms wide open – squeezing her so tightly she felt her ribs ache.
"Hello, Joxer," she tried to fight the smile that was beginning to edge across her face, "You can let go now."
"HAH! Where's Xena?" Joxer smiled broadly.
"She's off with our friend Amarice for the day," Gabrielle answered, "So, I guess you are stuck with me."
Gabrielle half expected elation from her friend, but his face grew slightly pensive.
"Joxer, what's wrong?" the bard asked.
He smiled again almost as broadly as before, "Nothing," he said, "I just won't get to see her." Both Gabrielle and Xena forgot at times in all of Joxer's fuss over the bard that he adored the warrior. He admired her and in many ways she was his most trusted friend. Xena could never bring herself to solidify his suspicions about her relationship with Gabrielle.
Gabrielle chalked Joxer's antics with her up to a school boy crush, in some ways she thought it was as much about her friendship with the warrior as it was about his feelings for the bard. But, Xena knew better. She saw the way the want to be warrior looked at Gabrielle when she was unaware. He was in love with her. 'Of course he is,' she would often think to herself, grateful for knowing that the bard loved her. Her heart also ached for Joxer; knowing that he would be crushed when Gabrielle could not return his affection and knowing, too, that eventually he would have to tell her. That would be uncomfortable for them all and she wasn't certain how her lover would handle that. Gently, she knew, but Gabrielle would truly be stunned if Joxer ever let the words out. She was protective of them both, but there were things that even she could not shield them from.
"Aren't you staying for the night," the bard asked as her friend pulled up a piece of grass across from her.
"I can't," he said. "Family things."
"Jett," she asked?
Joxer rolled his eyes, "No. wish it was," he shook his head.
Gabrielle could tell that Joxer was not looking forward to whatever he was headed into. "Joxer, if you need us to come with you," she began.
He quickly responded, "NO! It's nothing like that, trust me."
Gabrielle had only seen Joxer this defensive once before. She knew enough to respect his feelings. "Okay," she nodded placing her hand on his. It felt good to be comforting him. It took her away from her own pain. Joxer and Gabrielle had much more in common than most would have believed. Both came from families that did not understand them. Joxer from a family of warlords and Gabrielle from a family of home-centered farmers. Both loved their families and both always felt like strangers among them. It was ironic Gabrielle often thought, that Xena had lived in the most supportive and loving household of all three. Gabrielle understood Joxer's pain. He did not have the heart of a killer any more than she did. She often felt a sadness for him that he could never truly accept himself. But, she thought now, holding his hand, 'We are so much alike.' Here she was trying to follow the way of love, wanting so desperately to find that inner peace – at the same time knowing that her destiny was to be with Xena, 'I understand,' she thought.
"So, what have you two been doing?" Joxer changed the subject. "When we left Cyrene's I thought you were heading to Cyprus. What happened? – Not that I am not happy to see you!" he beamed. "I was surprised to get your message that you would be here at the same time."
"Sidetracked," Gabrielle sighed letting go of the man's hand and rising to her feet. "Are you hungry, Joxer?" She asked.
Immediately the tone in her voice had shifted. A sympathetic look of concern took Joxer over. Gabrielle was sad. That broke his heart. He truly did love her. "I can eat," he answered.
"Good," she said in need of the diversion. "Guess it'll be fish," she smiled at him.
"Gabby," he began, "are you all right?"
She felt her eyes begin to grow watery. "Ephiny died," she said as she knocked rocks together to form a spark that wouldn't seem to come.
The young man watched her struggle and he gently prodded, "What happened?"
"Pompey," the rocks slammed harder together, 'Romans,' she thought to herself. "Ughhh," she let out a loud cry of frustration as the rocks continued to slam together harder with no result.
Joxer's heart was heavy. He rose and placed his hands over her own, "Let me," he softly said. With that she collapsed into him, tears flowing. It was not the first time he had seen her cry, but normally the warrior was there to comfort her. He wasn't quite sure what to say or if he should say anything and he felt a tinge of guilt at feeling grateful that he was holding her. He patted her slightly on the back, "It's okay."
Gabrielle stayed there longer than either would have thought before she composed herself. In her heart she knew this was more than just Ephiny's passing. It was the vision, it was the overpowering knowledge that she and Xena were connected beyond even this life, it was the yearning for some type of normalcy and the understanding that normal in her life would always be something drastically different that most could ever hope to understand. "I'm sorry, Joxer," she wiped a tear away as he took hold of the rocks and started the fire.
Joxer just smiled at her. "No, Gabrielle. I'm sorry," he said. "I know what Ephiny meant to you. I mean, other than Xena she was your best friend," he said hanging his head just slightly.
"Well, one of them," the bard smiled. The day had not taken the exact course that she had planned and she was abundantly thankful. "How long can you stay?" she asked with a hint of hopefulness in her voice. Though it surprised her a bit she felt suddenly very safe and calm in the presence of her friend.
"A few hours," he smiled. For Joxer this was a dream come true. The bard wanted him there. It didn't matter that they were just sitting and talking, or if they sat in silence, as they did for a good part of the afternoon. He was just truly happy to be with the bard. As he told her about his last few days getting there, fighting skillfully against bandits, wielding his mighty sword, they both laughed and Gabrielle was filled with a sense of joy. She could envision him climbing trees and hiding in bushes to dodge the bandits that exploited common travelers all about Greece. But, she loved his stories. He was nothing like her dear Ephiny, but he was her friend and that somehow helped her let go of the anger she had been holding since they left the Amazon village. Her thoughts turned from Romans to memories of her many travels with Joxer and Xena.
The afternoon was beginning to cool. Both knew that it was time for The Mighty to part company with the bard.
"Now, be careful," he said protectively to her. "Tell Xena I'm sorry."
Gabrielle smiled as Joxer reached out his hand. "I will," her smile was soft and she looked at him with a fondness that made his heart sing. Passing his hand she moved in and kissed him on the cheek, "Joxer," she said in his ear, "thanks." With that he swallowed hard and nodded as he turned to make his way on. As always he turned after only a few paces and paused to look at the most amazing woman he had ever known. Neither spoke – just exchanged another knowing smile, each alone again.
