Disclaimer: Nope.
A/N: Sorry for the cliffhanger last time, everyone! This chapter continues immediately where we left off, and is a little rough in the beginning. I can't see Lisbon being genuinely cruel, but she can get unpleasant when emotions are running high. But Jane is a pretty tough character. So, will it make him crumple, or will it affect him entirely differently? This chapter contains (oh my goodness): references to adult activities, language, and some vigorous making out. Still T-rated (I can't write decent smut, so I don't), but it's there.
Someone Else's Life
Chapter 9: Step Forward and then Back
She felt exhausted and frustrated. She felt angry and sad and cruel.
And that was the reason for what she said next.
Lisbon's eyes narrowed. "What's that remark supposed to mean, Jane?" she asked, deliberately avoiding the obvious conclusion. She watched him stiffen when she used his last name.
Jane stared back at her. "Uh, well-" he started, but she cut him off.
"No, on second thought, don't tell me. Let me take a crack at it. Sometimes loneliness is a little hard to bear, isn't it? Celibacy is a heavy burden, too, especially for years at a time. I understand. So you want to reach out to the closest thing you have to a woman in your life," she said in a condescending tone.
Jane looked at her warily. After a moment, he spoke. "Teresa, I know you're upset. I know you've had a difficult week, and I also know that I made it more difficult. Maybe we shouldn't talk about this right now."
"Oh no, now is the perfect time," she said, and Jane winced as, for the first time ever, she gave him a smile with absolutely no warmth behind it. "We're friends, right? And friends take care of each other. But you don't have to tell me you love me just to convince me to give you some comfort. If you need sex this badly, I can help you out," she said, getting up, walking around and sitting on the desk directly in front of him.
"What?" Jane sputtered, getting up quickly and backing away from her. "That's not what I meant at all. I'm not trying to seduce you…"
"Of course you are, but I'm telling you it's unnecessary. We're the last ones in the building, aren't we? So why don't you lock my door, close the blinds and just have at me, Jane? After all, there's my desk, my couch, even the floor. Hell, I'm feeling so generous, I'll even let you choose," she sneered.
"Teresa, please," he said, "I'm very uncomfortable with this conversation right now, and I really don't want to fight. Can you please stop?"
"I'm not trying to start a fight, Jane. I'm giving you a one-time special offer: get laid in a commitment- and guilt-free manner. You can screw my brains out, and afterwards we won't say another word about it. I keep all your secrets anyway, don't I? What's one more?"
"Stop it!" The tone of hurt and anger was so clear in his loud outburst that it made Lisbon pause. Maybe she had taken this too far.
"I'll tell you what I'm going to do," he continued in a much quieter voice. "I'm going to walk out of here right now. I'm going to get a cab and stay in a hotel tonight. I'll call you tomorrow and I'll see how you feel, and if you say that you still want me there, then I'll come back to your apartment. And from that point on I'll act like this conversation never happened."
Lisbon was confused, but when she opened her mouth he held up a hand, signaling her to let him finish. He took a deep breath. "But there's one thing I'm not going to do, Teresa. I'm not going to stay here and force myself to listen to you talk about what we have like it's something casual and meaningless."
Her irritation flared up again. "Excuse me? 'What we have'? Get a grip, Jane; this is not your dream world. We don't have anything! We aren't even a 'we'! You know that we aren't married, so you shouldn't keep acting like we are."
"Unfortunately, what I know about us doesn't change how I feel about you."
"Even though it hurts, you've got to face reality. No, your life isn't as happy or nice as you wish it was. Tough crap. Join the club. Deal with it."
She was watching his face as she spoke, and could actually see the instant he lost his temper. His eyes went wide and his lips pressed together. Only for a second, but so hard they nearly turned white.
"That's the best advice you have to offer, Teresa? 'Deal with it'?" he snapped, coming and standing right in front of her. He was so close now that she could feel his breath on her cheeks. "Let's take a look at the facts, then, shall we? I'm in love with you. It's not a dream, and it's not a trick, and it's not a lie. And if I have to deal with it, then so do you," he said, before pressing his lips to hers in an almost bruising kiss.
Lisbon was shocked for a few seconds, before tensing up and preparing to wrench herself away from him. But the open hand she raised to slap his face… slipped around to rest in the curls at the nape of his neck. Her other hand, which she had intended to use to shove him away, gripped his shoulder tightly instead. The fierce bite to his lower lip she still managed, but only so that when his mouth opened to gasp she could push her tongue aggressively inside. Her eyes closed as she swallowed the moan that issued from his throat. She could feel the edge of the desktop digging into the backs of her thighs as he wrapped an arm around her and pressed himself even more tightly to her.
The eerie quiet of an empty building was interrupted by their muffled groans and sighs. Lisbon, breaking away for air, hissed sharply as Jane started to place hot, wet, sucking kisses on her neck. "What the hell are we doing?" she said between soft pants for breath.
Jane left her neck for a moment to firmly kiss her lips again. "Fighting," he murmured against her mouth, before returning his attention to her throat.
She whimpered and tilted her head to give him easier access without even thinking. Her fingers stroked his hair, then slipped beneath the neck of his shirt to stroke the smooth flesh over his collarbone. It was all she could reach.
He smiled against her skin and pulled away for a moment. Keeping her as close as possible, Jane walked backward until the backs of his knees hit her couch. He sat down, hard, and pulled her down to straddle his lap. Within a moment, her blouse was completely un-tucked and mostly unbuttoned.
She chuckled in gentle amusement as one of his hands brushed over her stomach before tenderly palming a breast. The chuckle turned into a shuddering sigh as his thumb stroked the soft skin directly over the lace edge of her bra.
His other hand firmly gripped her hip, and his thigh muscles tensed as he pushed up against her. She slid back over his lap, the heat of her body warming him through the thin fabric of her dress pants. He made a sound of complete contentment as he slipped his tongue past her lips again. His heart swelled as she cupped his face in her hands and welcomed his every touch and kiss.
Some time later, gasping, he pulled away just enough to rest his slightly damp forehead against hers. "Okay, if you're going to kill me for this, I think I'm about ready to die happy now," he said in a somewhat strained voice.
"I think I'll let you live this time," she answered. She felt almost drunk from his sensual attention, and they were still practically completely dressed. Her mind reeled from speculating what anything more with him would be like.
"Oh that's good," he said, relieved, and slipped both arms under her shirt and around her bare waist. He held her tightly and nuzzled her soft cheek as his heart rate began to slow down to normal. "I really do love you, you know."
She wound her arms around his shoulders and sighed. "I know now. And you're right: if you have to deal with it, then so do I," she whispered. "Whether I think any of this is a good idea or not, I've got to stop trying to ignore it."
"Good, that's good. We're making a little progress here, finally," he said.
Lisbon smirked. "Maybe more than a little," she said, before sobering slightly. "Please don't go to a hotel, Patrick. Come home with me."
He smiled at her return to the use of his first name. "Teresa, maybe it would still be better if I gave you your space for a night. This didn't actually take care of why you were so upset."
"No, but it did release about fifty pounds of pressure," she muttered. "Look, I… I know what I said hurt you. I knew it would hurt when I said it, and I was so upset I did anyway. But I'm very sorry. A lot of it wasn't even actually how I feel; it's just that this whole situation has really been getting to me. Every time I think I've got a handle on things, a new wrinkle is tossed in and I'm flat on my ass again."
"Talk about 'join the club'," he grumbled, and was surprised to hear her laugh.
"I know, you're the wrong person to complain to about this," she said.
"Actually, I'm the perfect person to complain to about it because I totally understand," he replied quickly. "And even though it pains me to say it, maybe I went a little overboard this week, even for me. Maybe I wanted to show everyone I was back, still the same old Jane after being shot in the head. That's probably the easiest explanation for it."
"Or you're just a jerk," she added with a grin as she started to get up from his lap.
"Always a possibility," he agreed, softly stroking his fingertips over the skin of her back before letting her go.
She inhaled sharply. "Easy there, busy hands," she quipped as she placed a hand on each of his shoulders and pushed herself off his lap. "Well, it really is up to you where you want to stay tonight, but we should get going before the cleaning crew gets to this floor."
Lisbon went to her desk and pulled out the mirror she kept in the middle drawer. She took in her appearance: hair mussed, blouse unbuttoned and rumpled, bra showing, and no less than four livid red hickeys scattered over her neck. "Jesus, Patrick, I look like last call at the junior prom!"
Jane laughed and shrugged. "If I apologized for doing what I did to make you look like that, it would be a lie. So for once I'm going to keep my mouth shut."
She rolled her eyes at him as she started tidying herself up.
###
After enduring the knowing look from the night guard, Lisbon walked out of the CBI building to her vehicle. Jane came with her, and leaned against the side of it when she paused before getting in.
"Do you want me to drive you to a hotel?" she asked him, her skin pale in the moonlight.
"Well, what would happen if I went back to your apartment with you?" he asked.
"Probably a little food, and then we'd go to bed," she replied after considering for a second.
"Yours or mine?" he asked with a wink.
"Knock it off. Each to our own, Patrick."
"Hmm, not very enticing."
"It's not meant to be. I'm not saying that what happened earlier wasn't-" wonderful, incredible, mind-blowing, electrifying, her memory quickly supplied, "very nice, but that doesn't mean leaping into bed is the right step to take next."
"That's not the tune you were whistling earlier, as you may recall," he said.
"Different situation. I was angry, and I didn't mean it. And anyway, that was before."
"Before what?"
"Before I believed that you really love me, all right?" she blurted out, embarrassed.
He smiled and took her hands in his. "All right. I know it took a lot for you to admit that, so I promise I won't push this issue anymore. You're off the hook for tonight. Take me to a hotel, Teresa; you've earned a Patrick-free evening."
Lisbon look down at their clasped hands and squeezed. "That would've sounded ideal this afternoon, but now I'm not as thrilled at the prospect. Are you sure?"
"Yes, but like I said, I will be calling you in the morning to see if you want me to come back," he said in a tone of pretend warning.
"I have the sneaky feeling I will," she answered. "Which hotel do you want me to take you to?"
###
Lisbon's apartment was dark and quiet when she walked through the door alone for the first time in a month. She shook her head; she'd lived alone for years, and one night without him shouldn't cause her any trouble. It could be nice, even.
She moved around the rooms, softly humming in a distracted way as she tidied a few things. She dug some leftovers out of the fridge and threw them in the microwave; it was late enough that she didn't feel like trying to wrestle with cooking anything. The silence, the old familiar silence from years of living alone, was almost deafening.
She flopped down onto her couch and turned the TV on. Scanning through the program guide, she realized there was nothing worth watching, again. When that happened and Jane was around, they'd walk together to the video rental place in the plaza across the street from her building. They'd argue over what movies to get, but somehow always ended up with an equal measure of her and his choices. Just another little thing she'd gotten used to without realizing it.
An hour later, food finished, showered, and curled up in bed, Lisbon found that she was straining to hear the sounds of Jane moving around in the guest room. She shook her head and snuggled further into her pillow. –Come on, enjoy your alone time! Isn't this what you were wishing for?- she thought, annoyed with herself.
She continued to toss and turn for a few hours, before heaving a deep sigh and sitting up. "To hell with this. I've had enough alone time to last me for a while longer," she grumbled out loud before grabbing her phone from the bedside table and hitting the first number on speed-dial.
Jane's voice came through on the second ring. "Hey."
"Hey, I know it's late but you're such a night owl that I figured you might still be up."
"You were right. How about you? It's two in the morning; have you had any sleep?" he asked.
She sighed. "Not a damn wink. Can you please come back here?"
"You're sure that's what you want?"
"Definitely," she said immediately. –Otherwise I may never get any rest,- she added in her mind.
"Then I will on one condition, Teresa."
"Yes?"
"The next time you're that upset at me, instead of trying to make yourself feel better by tearing me a new one, you give me a chance to try to make you feel better by being nice to you. Are we agreed?"
"I promise I'll try. That's the best I can offer at this point, Patrick."
She could hear the smile in his voice as he answered, "It'll have to do for now. I'll call a cab and be there soon."
"Okay, I'll see you when you get here," she said before hanging up. She took a deep breath before letting it out slowly. He was on his way back. And as silly and sentimental as it sounded (even in her own mind), she felt better already.
TBC…
