Chapter 9

(the Starlet Mansion)

Veruca panicked with fright, hyperventilating at the sight she dreaded the most. Her heart began to race at a faster pace, like it was about to bust out of her chest.

The heiresses' breaths became shorter, her palms began to sweat, and she was beginning to see visions of the Devil in her head.

She was suffering a full-blown panic attack that was triggered by the one thing that she truly feared the most, other than losing her captainship on the squad to Kim.

It was a picture of…a squirrel.

"Get that…..GOD DAMN filthy beast out of my sight!" she screamed, rocking her body back and forth in a fetal position. The plans lay crumpled up on the floor.

She could hear those annoying chit-chattering of the squirrels on that infamous day in Wonka's Nut Room when those ninety-nine squirrels pinned her down to the floor. And the tapping of the leading squirrel on her head echoed in her mind. Finally, she heard her own screams as she fell through that garbage chute.

It was too painful and traumatic for the girl.

Veruca crawled to her desk and yelled in the intercom as loud as she could.

"TIGHTLIPS! GET IN HERE NOW!"

After five minutes, Tightlips, accompanied by eight other of her servants, entered into the office. The leader of all of Veruca's servants was shaken by his employer...trembling with fear.


Of all the 15,000 servants Veruca has under her control, only the top 20 of them knew of her fear of squirrels. Even then, it was underneath Veruca's law, that is, within the grounds of her mansion and in her presence, that no servant ever brings up even the word 'squirrel' in the presence of the Salt heiress. Those twenty servants that know of her fear of squirrels, including Tightlips, can only say 'that phobia' in front of Veruca. Any servant, according to the Servant Code, whoever broke this law would be sent to the Prison Mansion to earn a trip to the Veruca Special, a horrifying concoction of disgusting and foul ingredients.

To further this belief, the administration of the sole K-12 school that existed within the grounds of the mansion always edit out Veruca's fear of squirrels. They were all doing this underneath a poster of a larger-than-life Veruca with her eyes looking down on her servants. The text itself read, in bold letters "BIG VERUCA IS WATCHING YOU".

The textbooks themselves were filled with outlandish things such as Veruca using her super-strong arms to carry a man to the moon, creating the stars, earth, moon, and the heavens in nine days, or making chocolate rain falling from the sky for kids to enjoy. It was all a way to maintain Veruca's image as a godhead, beloved and worshipped by her servants.

Of course, Veruca couldn't enforce the laws of her mansion on the townspeople or the students of Middleton High, or else she'd face lawsuits. So instead, she would rely on her popularity throughout the school to maintain her reputation. They would basically TP any student's house that even does mention the word 'squirrel' around the vicinity of Veruca. The lone exception was usually against Kim. The redhead said 'squirrel' in Veruca's presence around four times during her freshman and sophomore years, yet neither Veruca nor her friends even touched her house because of Kim's very high reputation.


"O Great Goddess, I heard that you were in trouble! Is there anything we can do to help you?" Tightlips asked with concern while the servants prostrated to Veruca.

Veruca took a few deep breaths.

"Just get me a glass of water, Tightlips!" she commanded.

Tightlips gave a grunt to the servants and barked, "Fetch the Goddess water, NOW!"

The servants bowed and left her presence.

"Was it….'that phobia', Our Royal Princess?" Tightlips asked.

"Yes, Tightlips, I saw an image of….that!" Veruca shuddered, shivering to her core.

"But…what can we do about it, O Goddess of the Sun?"

"I'll think about it, Tightlips…alone!" Veruca muttered.

Tightlips walked to the door and asked "Anything else, O All-Seeing Leader?"

"Just leave me be!" Veruca screamed.

Afraid of escalating the heiress' anger, Tightlips closed the door, leaving Veruca alone to confront the greatest obstacle to her plan.


(The Gulf Coast, 1:15pm)

The girls sighed in ecstasy and happiness. The wonderful feeling of sand between their feet was an open welcome from the stresses of handling Candace and the drudgery of babysitting."Ahh…" Kim sighed with relaxation, laying down on her towel. "…finally, a natural tan and a cool gulf breeze!"

"So good to get out of the life of routine and same ol'-same ol'!" Monique quipped, squirting sunscreen on her skin.

"Yeah! Nothing to distract me for at least a few hours!" Kim laughed, closing her eyes and allowing the sun to give her some of the necessary Vitamin K on her skin.

And then her cell phone began to ring the "Hello, Hello, Hello" ringtone again.

"I totally have to change the tone on this thing…" Kim muttered as she picked up the phone.

K: Hello?

C: Kim! You have to see this! My brothers made steamboats that go 140 miles an hour and are racing them!

K: (snark) Excuse me, Candace, but we are in the middle of a beach, trying to relax! I'm not going to travel up north for over 200 miles just to see nothing! I bet that whatever Phineas and Ferb are doing is playing toy steamboats on a stream! Now if you'll excuse me, me and Monique need our R and R!|

She immediately hung up her cell phone and placed it back in the beach bag.

"So what's with Candace this time?" Monique asked.

Kim sighed, knowing that she had seen the video of Candace reacting to the disappearing of the lawnmower course yesterday.

"It's just one of her wild stories of her brothers making some imaginary steamboats! Now let's think no more of this and concentrate on our getting rays!"

And so, they laid down on their backs, trying to get a perfect tan.

About 200 feet away from them, Ron brought his own towel adorned with Bueno Nacho on it. As for Rufus, he brought his little towel along.

"Here!" the mole rat squeaked, pointing to an open spot.

"Ah, such a beautiful day!" Ron sighed with a smile, laying down the towel. "Now, to apply sunscreen on myself!"

He closed his eyes and grabbed what appeared to be sunscreen from his beach bag.

Ron rubbed it all over his chest, his legs, and his arms.

"Mmm…this sunscreen smells good! Wonder what's in it?"


Back on the Mississippi River, Candace was frustrated that Kim cut her off during her call.

"Ugh…since I can't get Kim to look at what Phineas and Ferb did, I'll have to call Mom!"

She attempted to dial the number to Linda's phone.

Phineas, at the helm of the Perry, turned on the intercom to the Biff.

"Um, guys, we're about near the turnaround buoy! So let's turn these doggies around!"

He swung the ship's him to the left. Buford, aboard the Biff, did the same with his.

As the ship turned around at a speed of 90 miles an hour, the violent movement rocked Candace while she was trying to dial Linda's phone.

The giant lollipop that she had in her hand for all this time loosened from her grasp. It flew into the air as Candace looked up, dumbfounded and speechless. The force of gravity did its part as the lollipop fell down and landed…in Candace's hair!

"Oh no…" she exclaimed! "This isn't happening! This isn't HAPPENING!"

Candace found a handheld mirror and screamed at the top of her lungs.

"NOW I LOOK UGLY!"