Chapter Nine

The morning shift of the Spinal Institute snapped to full attention the next morning when the Commissioner of the New York Police Department stepped out of the elevator accompanied by his vast security detail.

Frank graciously greeted the nurses and the doctor he saw on the floor before finding and turning into Eddie's room. He found a rather beleaguered young nurse attempting to feed the wayward officer. "Office Janko," Frank said in a firm tone. "This young lady is offering you an excellent looking meal, it would be polite to sample it at least."

"I'm not hungry," Eddie replied. "And in case you didn't realize it, I'm no longer an NYPD officer."

"Actually," Frank replied stepping further into the room. "You are still on sick leave, which means you are a member of the NYPD and that you should obey the orders of your commissioner. The first of those is to eat that wonderful breakfast."

Frank sat down and took out his newspaper, and began to read pleased if not surprised when Eddie began cooperate with her nurse. She ate a little more than half of her meal before stating she was full.

The nurse cleaned Eddie up and left her with Frank. "So…I hear you've been turning away everyone even Jamie…and your therapists." At Eddie's surprised expression, Frank offered, "Syd called me last night. She and Jamie are worried about you, the whole family is. Everyone at the 12th, Pop…Sean and Jack are asking about you. What do you say we call your therapist, you get a good massage, then we'll get a nurse to put you in a chair and we'll go for a stroll, you and me. I have a surprise for you."

Eddie sighed, "I appreciate your coming but…"

"No buts," Frank replied. "You need to take good care of yourself and that starts with therapy and ends with taking a walk. You are not just one of my cops, you're one of my family. Your Dad made me give him my word I'd take care of you because he can't."

Eddie sighed, "I can't win this one, but I don't want to see Jamie so if he's the surprise…" Frank winked at Eddie and smiled. "Oh, better than that…"

Frank conducted business while the nurses gave Eddie a bath, the therapist administered her massage and began to work on releasing her contorted muscles. It would take days of hard work to get her back to where she was before. Finally, two nurses supervised as Eddie was wrapped in hoyer lift and mechanically moved to her wheelchair. "She's ready for you sir," the nurse told Frank.

They dressed Eddie in a pair of loose sweats and the NYPD sweatshirt Jamie had brought for her to put on for therapy. Frank smiled and stood behind Eddie's chair gently pushing it forward. "Close your eyes," Frank instructed as he pushed the chair outside. "Just take a few good breaths…what do you smell? What do you hear?"

"I smell burnt coffee, some dog crap, garbage, hot pretzels roasting…it smells like we're outside…and we are because I hear cab driver's yelling, horns honking, the wind rustling…" '

"Okay, open up," Frank said smiling as he parked Eddie's chair near a picnic table that he asked his detail to set up. "We are outside…and you identified so many things that are unique to New York, the smells, the sounds that make this wonderful, beautiful, smoggy, sometimes filthy place home. You have all of this to live for, Eddie. This wonderful place, the people…" Frank reached into a bag on the table. "This jumbo sized hot New York street pretzel with mustard and a 20 ounce root beer…" Frank put a straw in the cup and held it out to Eddie so she could drink.

"Oh, that is so good," she smiled tasting her favorite beverage for the first time in a long time. Jamie hadn't brought her those kinds of snacks. Frank broke off a piece of pretzel, dipped it, and offered it to Eddie. She ate it slowly, taking each bite he offered, just like she had with Henry. "You don't want to die, Sweetheart. No one who can find pleasure in the sights, smells, tastes, sounds of New York City wants to die. You're scared, you're angry, you're right to be those things, but you aren't a quitter, so why are you giving up?"

Eddie looked down, "Because I can't see or imagine getting any better. They come in every day and exercise me, I can't do anything for myself. I can't do anything a woman my age can do. Being a cop, that was my life, those people are my family and yes I send them away, because it hurts too much. When the novelty wears off, Jamie goes back to work with another partner, I'll just be the poor girl in the wheelchair."

"Only if you let yourself be," Frank replied. "Okay, you have a life altering injury, you will not be able to do much of what you did before, but your brain in fully functional, your voice is functional, your eyes, your ears…all functional. You're enjoying this moment now, this fresh air and good snack…You are enjoying that and that is not a person that is ready to die. That's a person that is ready to live…and Jamie, Sydney, Pop…we all want to help you live to the best of your ability, but we can't if you don't let us, honey."

Eddie sighed, "Jamie and I said terrible things…I was angry and I lashed out then he…"

"Jamie has my temper, a slow burn and a huge explosion. He knows he hurt your feelings and he's sorry, he's just too scared to come back because he doesn't want to hurt you any worse. Jamie loves you so much, you're like the younger sister he never got to have, and as much as I hate to admit it, you took Joe's place as he confidant, his best friend. When you got in the accident, he got his bell rung a little bit. But he's waiting for me to call him and tell him you are ready to talk it out."

Eddie looked up at the sky, tears burning her eyes, "I don't know if I am. Jamie is going at this too hard, he's obsessing over everything and it's going to ruin him, it's going to ruin that partnership we have, that equality. That's what is so special. I don't want to lose that. I don't want to go to a nursing him, I really don't but I don't want Jamie cutting my food, wiping my behind, cleaning up my messes..."

"If Jamie was in the wheelchair, and he needed you to cut his food…"

"Sydney would do that for him," Eddie replied. "That's a wife's job, a husband, a parent…"

"A friend and a brother in blue if not in blood," Frank added. "And you'll learn things too, Burke is the best. Mayor Poole was at Burke after his shooting, he can tell you so many things…" Frank stood up and nodded, "Today, he's just Carter and he's here to listen and to help. You were right, Jamie can't understand, but Carter, he can' understand most of it. I'll you two talk then we'll get you back in bed for another massage."

"I'm so happy to see that you're better, Eddie," Mayor Poole who was going to be just Carter for this young girl stated. "We all prayed when we heard about the accident. I just want to say that I can't understand everything, but I can understand a lot."

Eddie nodded, "Thanks for coming, but I got myself in a bad funk and I let things go a little bit."

"I was angry too, and let me tell you, my wife babied me to no end, she was all over me. I felt like kicking her out, too, but you have to realize it's just as hard on them as it is on us, just in a different way. At Burke, they'll teach you a lot of stuff. They teach you how to work with what you have left. I called and spoke to my therapist. His name is Jerry and he's going to be your therapist. I told him your injury and he said he can teach you to feed yourself, brush your hair, wash your face, all the things you need help with now. You might one day get more movement in your arms and be able to transfer some."

Eddie smiled, "Thanks for doing that. I'm not ungrateful, I'm not I'm just…"

"Mad!" Carter finished for her. "You're mad and you have a right to be. You know what helped me…Saying it out loud. I just let that anger go out and I kept doing it until I felt better. You want to give it a try?"

Carter reached out and held Eddie's wrist. "You want to smash this table? You want to do one of those big desk swipes?"

Eddie nodded, "Please…but I can't…"

"Sure you can, you tell me Carter I wanted to swipe this table and we'll do it!"

"Carter, I want to swipe this table!" Eddie declared. Carter took her arm and moved it doing a heathy table wipe of the cups, the plates, and everything.

"Good! Very good!" Carter praised. "Feel better?"

"Yeah," Eddie replied. "Sure…I am mad! I am angry that the son of bitch that hit me walked away! He might be in jail, but so am I. I am prisoner in my body and it's not fair. I want to hit something and break it until it's as broken as I am!"

Carter smiled and moved his chair closer to Eddie and slid his arm around her, "Fight me all you can. Push with your shoulders, bite with your teeth, let that anger go, it's poison and it's crippling you as sure as that car did. Let that anger go, take back control of anything you can and let that anger go. Let it go.."

Eddie fought against Carter with all her might, for a half hour she sobbed and screamed and yelled until she was exhausted. When she sank back, her eyes were a little brighter and she looked ten years younger.

"You feel better?" Eddie nodded, "Yeah, I'm just tired now…really tired."

"You will be, you have to work much harder than another person to do things, that won't ever really go away and I read it's hard the more of your body is affected. We'll get you back inside. Anything else you want to say or ask?"

Eddie nodded, "Pain…I have a lot of pain even where I can't feel and…"

"It is a puzzle," Carter laughed. "I have shooting and burning pains in my legs all the time and my ankles feel very strained but if my wife rubs my leg or the doctor pokes it, I can't feel it. It's called neuropathic pain and it hurts and it is very real. You should speak to the doctor, they can give you something to help manage it. Listen, here is my personal number…only about fifteen people have this number. You need to talk to me, you call it. You have someone call it…Good luck, Eddie."

Eddie's eyes teared up, "Thank you, Carter for being here…If you can get Frank for me, I need to go back to bed, I'm not feeling well."

Carter nodded to Frank who hurriedly brought Eddie back inside. Frank made sure she was handled gently when she was placed back in her bed. "Pop is coming by tomorrow and Syd will be here tonight. You rest well, Sweetheart." Frank dropped a kiss on Eddie's forehead, she was asleep before he left the room.

A/N: Werks, RyeBreadQueen, and Dorvell all guessed right, Mayor Poole came to share some special wisdom with Eddie. All too often the mental health is left to the families. Special thanks to everyone who is reviewing and following this story, I do love to hear from my readers so please drop a review. I will do my best to respond.

Next Update – May 25th - In a moment of weakness, Eddie calls for Jamie, but will he come back to her side? Will he ever get the message? Who will comfort Eddie if he doesn't?