It seemed like everybody was giving my the cold shoulder the next couple of days. It was the third day in Atlanta and I wanted to leave. I wasn't enjoying anything about Georgia. It was hot and sticky and disgusting. On top of that I almost killed myself by mixing alcohol with my anti depressants. Every time I see Troy he's sucking Madison's face off. Kevin is mad at me but is trying to get me to sleep with him. I don't understand his logic.
I mostly hung out by myself. I was working on writing a new song. Nothing was coming together. I knew I needed to leave. It was just a matter of time. Our concert was a couple of days away still. I closed my eyes, rubbing my temples. I needed to clear my head.
I opened my eyes and looked around. I was sitting in my hotel room. The phone rang loudly, scaring me a little bit. I walked over to the phone and picked it up. "Hello?" I answered.
"Hey Gabi." Troy said breathlessly.
"What's up?" I asked.
"What are you doing right now?" He asked.
I looking around the room. "Sitting in my room, alone."
"I'm going to come see you." He announced.
"Alright." I said. "I'll see you soon then."
"Okay." Troy said before he hung up.
That was weird. I put the phone back on its receiver. I walked back to my chair. Once I sat down somebody knocked at the door so I got back up. I walked over the door, opening it. Troy came in. "Hey?" I said, closing the door.
"I just ran all the way up the stairs." He said, sitting down on the couch.
I laughed a little bit. "Why?"
He shrugged. "I just wanted to hang out with you."
"You're not mad anymore?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I'm a little bit mad but you're my best friend and I miss you." He said, looking at me.
"I miss you too." I said, giving him a small smile. I sat on the bed in my room, tidying up a little bit. I had stuff all over the place. "I've been writing again, I have this idea but I just… I don't know how to get it out."
He licked his lips. "Tell me what you have so far."
"I was writing it for you because I imagined you singing something like this. I didn't want you to have another ballad but it just came to me." I explained, picking up my book. I scanned over my lyrics, thinking of a verse. I wrote it down quickly to get it out of my head. Everything was all jumbled up. "Sorry, I just.."
"It's fine, I know you have to get it all out." He said sitting patiently.
I licked my lips looking at the paper. "You know I think I got it." I said, flipping to the back page and glancing at it before flipping over to the front.
"Do you want your guitar?" He asked, reaching over to grab it. I nodded, with a small smile.
I closed my eyes and started strumming.
"Sometimes I lie awake, staring at the ceiling.
Have someone beside me,
She won't know your name.
She won't be here long.
Hell, she's almost a memory.
You'll never be really gone.
Girl, are you feeling me?
Do you fall asleep missing my kiss in the dark?
Wake up the next morning not sure where you are?
Is it killing you, like it's killing me?
Are you lying there lying to somebody else?
Trying to find the one thing I can't find for my self?
When he's touching you, really touching you,
Are you feeling me?
Do you ever wish on a star that ain't falling,
Hoping your dreams will come true?
Pray for the day that you know ain't coming?
Well I do, Baby I do.
Baby, I do.
Baby, I do.
Do you fall asleep missing my kiss in the dark?
Wake up the next morning not sure where you are?
Is it killing you, like it's killing me?
Are you lying there lying to somebody else?
Trying to find the one thing I can't find for my self?
When he's touching you, really touching you,
Are you feeling me?
Oh, when he's touching you,
Are you feeling me?"
I let out a deep breath and put my guitar down. "What do you think?" I asked quietly.
"I like it." He said. I don't know what he actually felt, he had a great poker face.
"I can give it to Molly, if you don't like it. Change all the she's to he's." I said, licking my lips nervously.
Troy shook his head. "No, no. I love it Gabi." He said with a small smile.
I smiled up at him. "Good, I'm glad." I said.
"Where is your femoral pulse point?" Troy asked suddenly.
I had a slight flashback to the other day when I was drunk. I blushed slightly. "Um, it's right here." I said, pointing to the inner part of my pelvic bone. "Why?"
He shook his head. "I heard you saying something about it the other day."
"Oh… Well I was a little bit tipsy. You know tequila makes me crazy." I said, trying to move past that day. I laid back on my bed and Troy did too. We looked up at the ceiling of the hotel room silently. "Do you remember the summer after junior year when we were at Chad's party?" He asked.
I laughed. "Yeah, that was the day we made out."
"They only made me do it because Chad knew I had a big crush on you." Troy said chuckling.
I felt my gut wrench. Troy had a crush on me? When did this happen and why wasn't I informed? "What?" I said, it's all I could manage to say. Troy had a crush on me?
"Yeah, Chad kept saying 'go for it dude! Go for it!' And I was like 'Nah, she doesn't like me like that.'" Troy chuckled. Why was he laughing? I do like you like that. I was frozen and he continued on with his story. "It everything in me not to kiss you that day you showed me your song. I couldn't ruin our friendship over that. It took me forever to get over you." I felt the tears prick my eyes. When was he ever under me? "Could you just imagine what would have happened if I had told you?" He said chuckling. I shut my eyes tightly, feeling my heart tighten. Troy's phone started ringing. "I got to take this, it's Chris from the label."
"Go ahead." I said quietly.
I turned and watched Troy walk out of the room. 'It took me forever to get over you' His voice echoed in my head. I sat up and made a decision. I needed to go… now. I got up and packed my stuff hurriedly. Chris from the label talked a lot but Troy would try to get out of talking to him in some way. I finished packing my things, double checking to see if I left anything.
I picked up my phone and dialed a number. I picked up a piece of the hotel paper and a pen and started writing. "Hello?" Molly answered the phone. "Gabs?"
"Hey Molly." I said trying my best to sound normal. "Could you pick me up and take me somewhere?"
A tear dripped on the paper and smudged the ink slightly. "Yeah, sure. You at the hotel?" She asked.
"Yeah. Call me when you're here." I said.
"Okay, love you." She said before hanging up the phone.
I picked up the piece of paper, reading it over to make sure it had everything I wanted to say.
Dear Troy;
I know you'll be disappointed to find this instead of me at my room when you walk back. I want you to know this had nothing to do with your story. You didn't scare me away or anything like that. This is for me. Since David died you knew I was a wreck. I went to the doctor and got prescribed some anti-depressants. I've been taking them on and off since we got back on the road. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry about me. The other day I mixed the prescription with alcohol. I know, I was stupid and I could have killed myself . The only thing I was thinking about was that Tequila was the only thing to get me through the day. I honestly don't know if I'll ever be okay again, Troy. David dying changed everything for me. He won't get to come to my wedding, he won't get to hold his nieces or nephews, he won't get to buy all the 'I love my uncle' stuff and demand that I put it on my kids. He won't get to see us when we win our first Grammy's or anything. I think about him everyday and everyday I wish I was in the ground so David could be here. He was so much of a better person than I'll ever be and I wish he could have became a great doctor and save a million lives, but he can't. I don't know if I'll come back on the road with you. I'll continue writing and I'll be waiting for you to land back in Nashville to show you the new songs. I'll miss you more than anything but it's something I have to do. I love you Troy, I really do. I'll call you when I get home.
Love you always, Gabi.
I picked up my stuff and took one last glance around the room before I walked out of the door. I stuck the note where Troy could see it and I walked by his room. I could hear him talking in there. I let out a breath of relief and made my way to the elevator.
The doors opened and Kevin was standing there. Just fucking perfect. "Where are you going?" He asked, eyeing my bags.
"Home." I said quietly. "I can't be here Kev."
Kevin frowned at me. "What's going on?"
"I need to go home." I said, looking up at him. "And whatever we have, isn't working out." I added quietly.
He sighed at me. "I know, I thought it would be everything I'd ever hoped for, but it's not." He made a face. "No offense."
I smiled at him, laughing quietly. "None taken Kev. I love you, but like a really good friend." I said, wrapping my arms around him. I kissed his lips gently. "I'll call you in a couple of days. Okay?"
He nodded. "Have a safe flight Gabi." He said before kissing my forehead.
I gave him a small smile and got in the elevator, pulling my bags with me. I took a deep breath after the doors closed. When the opened again, I walked out looking for Molly. I saw her before she got the chance to call me. I walked over to her car and put my stuff in the backseat. "Where are you going?" Molly asked me, frowning.
"Back to Nashville." I said, shutting the door and climbing in the car.
"What? Why? Does Troy know?" She asked me.
"It's time, Molls. I'm not happy and I'm miserable. Troy doesn't know yet. I left him a note." I said. "Can you just drop me off at the airport, please?"
Molly sighed and nodded. "Alright, because it's what you want." She started the car and started driving. "What was the straw that broke the camels back?" She asked.
"Troy told me a story about how he liked me in high school. And you know what he said?" I asked, closing my eyes, resting my head against the glass.
"What?" She asked me.
"He said. 'It took me forever to get over you.' That's what he said." I let the tears roll down my face slowly. She gasped quietly. "Do you know how shitty that made me feel?" I asked, my voice cracking.
"Oh, Gabi." She said, frowning.
"Like complete shit." I said, sniffing and wiping my tears simultaneously. "I can't be here. I can't be around him. I can't be around her. I'm sorry." I apologized.
"Don't be Gabi. It's okay, not to be okay. I'll miss you like crazy but I agree that this is the best thing for you." Molly said,
"Thanks, Molls." I said quietly.
"You're welcome" Molly said, giving me a quick smile. "What about Kevin?"
"Kevin and I are just friends, We agreed on it just before I left the hotel." I explained to her. "It's better that way anyway. There's no pressure on anybody, nobody is going to get hurt. I'll miss spending time with the boys." I said, looking at her.
"They'll miss you too." Molly assured. We pulled up at the airport and I climbed out. I grabbed all my stuff out of the back. I turned to her and hugged her tightly. "Have a safe flight."
"I will, I'll let you know when I get home." I said, squeezing her. "I'm going to miss you so much."
"I'll miss you too Gabi." She said, tears welling up in her eyes.
"When you come to Nashville, I'll come see you guys. Okay?" I promised. I kissed her cheek. "I have to go. Tell Troy it wasn't his fault, okay?" She nodded, wiping her eyes. "Bye Molls."
"Bye Gabi." She said, quietly.
I took one last look at her before walking up to the desk to check my luggage in. I bought a ticket to the soonest flight leaving for Nashville. I had about an hour to kill before we started boarding. I walked around the airport slowly, looking at everything. I grabbed a coffee from Starbucks and sat down with a magazine. I flipped open to the front page. I sipped my coffee and flipped through the magazine. I stopped when I saw a picture of Troy and Madison kissing.
I closed my eyes and groaned. "I can't even get away from them." I shut the magazine and left it on the table. I got up with my bag and my coffee and started walking toward the security gate. I threw away my coffee and walked through without any problems. I took my bag and walked around, looking for my terminal. Once I found it, I sat on the first seat I found and closed my eyes, leaning my head against my hand.
"Gabi!" I heard my name being called. "Gabi!" I heard it again. I flicked my eyes open to see Troy looking around, his eyes connected with mine and he ran over to me.
I stood up, looking at him confused. "What are you doing here?" I asked him.
"You can't go Gab." He said breathlessly, standing in front of me.
I sighed. "I can't do this anymore Troy. I can't be on the road. I need to go home, take care of me for a while." I said, shifting my bag.
"Let me take care of you, I'll do anything to get you to stay" He begged, looking at me. "It won't be the same without you Gabi." He said quietly. "I'll break up with Madison."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "What? No you can't do that." I said softly before I gave him a half-hearted smile. "Nothing is going to change my mind."
He ran his hands through his hair. "Please Gabi. I don't know if I can do this without you. It's been you and me since the beginning and I don't know how to handle it as just me."
I rubbed his arm gently. "You're a quick learner Troy. I'll still be a phone call away. I'll be writing songs for you." I offered.
"I don't care about the songs Gabi. I don't. I just want you to do this with me." He pleaded, tears forming in his eyes.
I wrapped my arms around him tightly. He squeezed me as I buried my face in his neck. "I'm going to miss you so much." I said, kissing his neck gently.
"Please don't go, Gabi." He said, hugging me tighter.
I pulled away from him and looked at his face. I ran my hand down the side of his face. "I love you Troy, more than you'll ever know. I have to go, but I'll call you soon okay?" I said, pulling away from him wiping my face.
The look in Troy's eyes made my chest tighten even more. I blinked slowly. "Please stay." He begged.
I heard my flight being called from behind me. I shook my head at Troy, resting my hand on his cheek. I'd give anything to be able to kiss him but I couldn't. "I'm sorry for letting you and David down." I said quietly. "Goodbye Troy."
Troy watched me as I dropped my hand from his cheek. I shifted my carry on and started walking backwards away from him. I waved to him before turning around and handing my ticket to the attendant. I looked back at Troy one last time before walking down the tube to the airplane.
My plane landed in Nashville and I grabbed my luggage before taking a cab home. I took the elevator up to my floor and hauled my stuff in the apartment. I set it down and climbed into bed. It was already getting late and I was just exhausted in every way. I picked up my phone, turning it on. After my wave of incoming messages, I called Molly.
"Gabi! Hey, we were worried about you." She said, answering the phone. "Everybody's really upset that you left."
"Send my apologies to everybody. Tell them they don't need to buy me any more guitars or anything." I said, laughing a little bit. "Tell everybody I love them and I miss them and that I'm sorry."
"We understand Gabi, you're going through a hard time." Molly said to me. "We love you and we want you to get better. You'll be okay soon. We're going to miss you but we understand."
I smiled to myself. "You guys are so awesome. I'm going to go to sleep, I'll talk to you all soon." I said. "I love you Molly."
"Love you too, Get better soon." She said before I hung up.
I grabbed my pillow and looked around my room. My eyes went straight to a picture of Troy and I on my night stand. I sighed, looking at it. I laid the picture facing down against the wood. I pulled up the blankets to my neck, trying to get comfortable.
My thoughts traveled back to David. He was gone for half a year now and nothing was getting better as everybody promised it would. It still hurt to know that I couldn't talk to him anymore, he wasn't around anymore. If only I knew he was going to die so young I would have spent so much more time with him. I knew I couldn't go back now but he will always be alive in my heart.
I silently decided I was going to make a trip to Albuquerque soon. I'll check in with my parents and see David's grave. I'll buy him some fresh flowers and sing him a song or something. I wished I had a sign to let me know I was doing the right thing. I just felt so lost with out him, even though he wasn't around me a lot, especially since I moved. I miss the comfort of him, the security of always having somebody there regardless of circumstance. He always picked up the phone when I needed to talk, he gave me advice when I needed direction and I took him for granted. He will never know how great of a big brother he was to me.
My phone vibrated from next to me. I answered it. "Hello?" I answered quietly.
"Hey." Troy said quietly. "I knew you weren't sleeping but I just wanted to call you to tell you I'm going to call you every night."
I smiled to myself. "You don't have to Troy." I said.
"I want to. I need to make sure you're okay in some way or another." He said.
I frowned. "I'm not five Troy, you don't need to check up on me. You're not my brother so you don't need to act like one." I said a bit harshly.
Troy sighed. "That's not what I mean. I'm not checking up on you. I just want you to be okay and I promised David I would look after you. God knows I'm not your brother. I don't want to like a brother to you. I'm your best friend and I want to make sure nothing bad happens to you."
I sighed frustrated. "Why can't you just talk to me because you want to?" I rolled my eyes to myself and added sarcastically. "Every girl wants to be called because you have to call me."
"Gabriella Montez." He said, his tone serious.
"I'm sorry." I said, calming down.
Troy spoke quietly into the phone. "I do want to talk to you. I'm going to let you go to sleep now. We're going to have a long talk about the letter you wrote me tomorrow. I love you."
"I love you too Troy. Goodnight." I said quietly.
"Sweet dreams Gabi."
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Song: Are you feeling me? by Toby Keith
