Ren-sama's Note:

Once again, I thank you all for the wonderful and most amazing support! But I have to apologize soon, because this chapter will most likely break your hearts. But don't worry, it broke my heart too. T_T

Well, here it goes. I just hope you won't kill me for this.

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Chapter 9

"I can give you your life in return. I won't kill you if you give him to me." Subaru looked at the King with coldness that could freeze everybody else, except Yasha.

The King smirked. "You want to kill me that much, lad?"

"Yasha!" Ashura looked at Yasha with concern before he looked at Subaru. He didn't want his husband to do anything rash.

"Don't worry." He kissed Ashura's forehead. "If this princess is that lad's lover, then we must not get them forcefully separated, right? It's unfair that we live in bliss while these people suffer."

"B-But father!" Ryuu complained. "This person is to be my wife!"

"But he doesn't even know he will be one." Yasha said and Ryuu became totally grumpy. He then turned to Subaru. "So, how about it, lad? I'll invite you to our palace. If you can find your lover and come out in one piece, then you can have your lover back." He then turned to Nokoru and Fuuma. "Those two must not go with you, by the way." Subaru's glare merely worsened. But other than that, he didn't really have any complain.

"Are you sure about this?" Ashura asked his husband again. "What if he's not what we are looking–"

"If he's just a mere coward, then he's not worth it to be at The Kamui's side." Yasha said, which made Subaru's eyebrows creased. Surely the King heard that Mokona called Kamui like that, but for Yasha to call Kamui in the same way without understanding its meaning was a bit… Or did he actually know who Kamui was?

"Oy, you two and a half." Ryuu called Nokoru, Fuuma, and Mokona's attention. "Don't you dare lay a hand on our people. If you do that, we'll make sure your princess is gone and your friend The Sakurazukamori is dead. Or not?" He then chuckled at the pun he made from the Sakurazukamori's power.

"You can enter from anywhere you want to get to your princess." Yasha said with a confident smile. "But please don't get too arrogant, Master of Illusions, Sakurazukamori. I will not be lenient at all to you. You killed many of my citizens after all."

Subaru gritted his teeth. They knew who he was after all. The royalties exited the balcony and everything went quiet, except for the annoying snores of the sleeping people.

Subaru was about to walk away without any word when Mokona followed him. "What do you want?" He asked quietly.

"Yasha-ou said that only Fuuma and Nokoru can't come. It means Mokona can come with you inside." Mokona hopped on Subaru's shoulder, which was a first. Both Fuuma and Nokoru thought that the guy would immediately grab Mokona's head and throw him away, but Subaru didn't.

"I think that'll be better than you walking in there all alone." Nokoru added from behind Subaru. After all, Mokona was able to stay with the Sakurazukamori all night without getting killed. Nokoru thought that neither he nor Fuuma could do that with a totally short-tempered Subaru.

Subaru didn't answer but he didn't throw Mokona either. Mokona sat comfortably on his shoulder as he walked inside one of the gates to the palace.

"I don't think that guy can stay alive without that fur ball." Fuuma said after a while.

"Why do you think so?" Nokoru asked, feeling so low in comprehending the situation, but still amused enough because Fuuma just thought highly of Mokona.

"That guy gets too agitated with everything that concerns the brat. He'll definitely be played at by those royalties if he didn't keep his cool. And that fur ball can help in cooling his head." Fuuma said unconcernedly. Nokoru was about to get impressed but then Fuuma added, "If he can throw some sakura petals to the fur ball or something, then that can clear his mind."

"You–…" Nokoru sighed. "Why are you so ill-mannered towards Mokona-san?"

"Huh? Because he pretends to be cute and cuddly when he's not! And he's too arrogant. And he's that bitch's pet!" Fuuma fumed.

"So many… irrational reasons…" Nokoru said as he chuckled.

"Shut up." Fuuma voiced.

"By the way, did you notice?" Nokoru asked with a dark gleam in his eyes and a wide grin. "Yasha-ou has been calling Kamui-san as Subaru-san's 'lover' or his 'princess' the entire time and yet Subaru-san never actually bothered correcting him."

"That's because…" Fuuma thought for a while before he looked at Nokoru. "You're a nosy one."

Nokoru laughed loudly at that. "And? What should we do now while waiting?" He asked in between laughs.

Subaru entered the gate, expecting to see the same scenery he saw outside of it. But the moment the gate was opened, everything immediately went dark. It somehow unnerved him, merely because of the fact that he couldn't tell at all if it was illusion or not. He wasn't the type to run away from darkness but the type who easily blended with it so that wasn't his concern. His fear and unease right now was because of the fact that he knew it was the enemies' trap.

But for someone who was used to work in the dark, he immediately realized that he wasn't blending with the darkness at all. He could even see the line patterns of his black trench coat, which was so unusual it was almost alarming him.

"Subaru?" Subaru reflexively became even more alert when he heard someone call him, until he realized that he was not alone. Mokona was still on his shoulder and the furry animal sensed the Sakurazukamori's unease so Mokona tried to call him.

"What?" He asked, trying to make his voice as flat as possible even though he knew there was no point in trying to fool a fur ball.

"There are many people around us." Mokona said simply. "Can you feel them?"

Subaru's eyes widened at that. He wasn't able to feel them at all, at least not until Mokona pointed the statement out. He tried to make his eyes adjust to the darkness, in vain. He couldn't see anything except himself. He couldn't even see Mokona who was currently on his shoulder. The only thing that was making him sure that the fur ball was still there was Mokona's weight and his fluffy scent.

Subaru waited for the people to attack, readying for his defense/kill to come. But no one moved from their position. And almost immediately, everything went totally bright. Subaru involuntarily shut his eyes when the stinging light hit them. When he opened his mismatched eyes again, he was already in some magnificent masquerade ball. Everyone wore lovely dresses and beautiful masks, smiling at their acquaintances or trying to get along with newly-found friends. The whole premise was immediately filled with hushed noise that nobles were capable of. It was like he was suddenly in a different dimension than earlier.

He felt like he was dreaming, except that everything seemed so real. Once again, he failed to recognize if everything was a fake or not. He also realized that Mokona wasn't on his shoulder anymore. But something tugged at his insides, and he was now sure that something was what made all of these possible. Kamui's soul was nearby… and was actively in use.

Subaru tried to feel where the presence was coming from, but at once failed as dozens and dozens of old and young ladies tried to ask him for a dance. He threw dagger-like glares at every last one of them without much difficulty, until a cool-looking pretty boy wearing a mask bowed in front of him and asked him to dance. Somehow, the older male knew who this pretty boy was.

"Kamui?" He called uncertainly to the boy. And the boy looked up and smiled at him.

"Want to have a dance with me?" He asked, still smiling. The smile was almost a smirk, just like how Kamui was back then. Proud and powerful…

Subaru creased his eyebrow. He was sure this person resembled Kamui too much, but Kamui was supposedly asleep. And he doubted the boy would ask him for a dance after what happened to them in the past. "No, I refuse." He said before he turned around. He was about to leave when the boy called him again.

"Subaru-san," the boy called. "Don't tell me you'll reject me again…"

That made Subaru turned almost a hundred eighty degrees, eyes wide and mouth gaping from shock. "K-Kamui… it's not like that… I was…" And he immediately caught himself. The boy was clearly not Kamui. And why was he so flustered? He immediately walked away.

"Subaru-san, are you going to abandon me again?" The boy, now with the voice that haunted him this whole year, asked. "Are you going to leave me alone again? I thought you want to save me..? Why do you want to leave me here..?"

"Because you're not Kamui." Subaru answered without so much as a glance. He continued walking away from the crowd, away from the boy.

"Why would you say something like that?" The masked boy asked. "Aren't we comrades who fought the same battles? No, weren't we comrades?"

"You're not Kamui!" Subaru shouted. "Because Kamui doesn't call me Subaru-san!" He walked away and he heard the boy's agonizing sobs from behind. But he didn't dare turn around. He knew that boy wasn't Kamui, so there's no need to feel any guilt. And yet it tore him to pieces. Kamui's voice and statements still echoed inside his head, making him unable to forget the broken sobs that he only knew too well. Kamui…

Once again, everything went dark. "What now?" Subaru asked.

When everything went clear, Subaru wished he didn't have to know the answer to his question earlier. It was night, a full moon. The wind blew timidly and he was facing the worst nightmare of his life. He was in front of the Sakura tree. The tree was not his though, because someone else was currently feeding it. And that's where the nightmare came from.

"Subaru?" The man called when he realized Subaru was there. The man's face relaxed and let out a smile, which was both intimidating and sexy.

Subaru immediately felt his heart skip a beat at the sound of his name being called so endearingly by this man. "Seishirou-san…"

The man's smile widened, but in a cool way. "Come here. I'm feeding the tree so it won't hurt you."

He immediately approached the man. He wanted nothing but to let this dream/nightmare last. If Seishirou was a figment of his imagination and longing right now, he hoped he wouldn't wake up. Seishirou immediately locked him in a warm and gentle embrace when he got near. Subaru wanted nothing more than to melt in this man's arms. He wanted nothing but for this dream, or even nightmare, to continue. He smelled a faint scent of cigarette from the man, and realized how he missed the former Sakurazukamori. He hungrily hugged the man back and was even surprised to find himself actually crying and trembling from both pain and happiness. He missed Seishirou so much… He loved Seishirou so much…

"Do you want to stay with me here?" Seishirou asked and Subaru readily agreed, until he looked at the tree and saw who the Sakurazukamori was feeding it with.

His eyes widened at the scene now forming before him. Those amethyst eyes were crying blood, looking at him with eyes of one who was betrayed for the second time. Subaru couldn't take it. The boy's slender body was tied with some deadly-looking vines that held him immobile. His insides were almost out in the open and he smelled of too much blood, much to Subaru's distaste. Not that Kamui looked too gory, but the blood was actually making his inside squirm in excitement.

"K-Kamui? W-What's happening?" Subaru tried to approach Kamui but was held by Seishirou's strong arms from behind.

Seishirou hugged him tight. "That boy is too innocent and pure. The tree wants souls like that once in a while. Watch him together with me. It will be enjoyable." Seishirou kissed his nape, which made Subaru shudder in delight. "Stay with me… forever…"

Subaru closed his eyes as he gritted his teeth. He knew he would regret doing this, forever. He loved Seishirou, he really did. But he couldn't live knowing he betrayed Kamui once again. He couldn't be happy with Seishirou if he knew Kamui's life was lost because of his selfishness… "I'm sorry, Seishirou-san… I can't."

He immediately pushed Seishirou from behind him and turned around to face the older male. "I wish this is true. I really do… I miss you so much, Seishirou-san. I love you so much…" He closed his eyes as he let the petals from inside him eat the illusion that was Seishirou. The man was dead. Maybe he was somehow unstable in his personality and identity, but he was not dumb nor was he an ignorant child. Seishirou was dead… The former Sakurazukamori died at his own hands… Seishirou was killed by no one but him… When he opened his pained eyes again, he knew that somewhere inside his heart he wished that Seishirou was still there. But the man was nowhere now. And as he turned around to face Kamui, he saw that the boy would die a second time, by his hands too…

"Kamui…" He knew the tree would listen to him if he wished it. And the Sakura immediately let the boy free, enabling Subaru to catch him before he fell to the ground. "I'm sorry… I'm so weak… I'm sorry…"

Kamui merely looked at him with pained expression. "It's alright…" He voiced weakly. "Because I love you… Subaru…"

Subaru closed his eyes again, feeling the gut-wrenching guilt. He just had to say those words to a non-existent Seishirou and purposefully hurt Kamui in the process. He hated himself so much. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't be." Kamui said just as weakly. "I chose to love you… even though I knew my feelings will never be reciprocated… Not even when we are to be reborn again… I'm sure you'll still love Seishirou-san… Because you're feelings does not waver. And I love you because of that…"

Subaru was about to apologize again, but Kamui's body already glowed brightly. In the process, Subaru was still in so much pain and shock that when he blinked, Kamui had already transformed into a small, glowing feather. He took it with gloved but gentle hands and his eyes widened when he recognized the stripes. Kamui's soul…

He couldn't help but smile painfully as he brought the feather to his lips and lightly kissed it. "I'm not worthy of your affection, Kamui. I'm the unlovable Sakurazukamori…" He stood up, not realizing he was kneeling, and gently put the feather in his trench coat's pocket. "Be good for now. I'll definitely find your body…" And with that, everything went dark again. But Subaru was not confused anymore. He knew what he had to do. Kamui…

He waited for everything to become bright once more, but it never did. It was somehow unsettling, but he still didn't mind. After all, he was not alone. Kamui's soul was with him. He walked and walked and continued walking for a while, but still nothing. There was no one beside him. Not even the fur ball was there. But that was the least of his concern when he heard a familiar cry. It was so familiar that it made him almost immobile, before he suddenly broke into a run to where the person crying was.

"Nee-san!" He called when he saw the petite girl who looked so much like him, except for the slightly longer hair. The girl looked up and saw him. "Nee-san!"

"Subaru?" The girl tilted her head slightly, trying to see her younger twin more closely. "Is that you? Why are you here?"

"Nee-san, why are you here?" Subaru asked back, and immediately earned a kick from her. "W-Why did you do that? No, why do you always do that?"

"It's because I was the one asking the question! And yet, you ignored that and asked a question of your own!" She wiped her tear-streaked face and glared at her younger brother. Subaru merely smiled weakly in an answer. How could he actually begin to explain what had been happening to him? "Hmmm… Does it concern a guy?"

"O-Of course n–! Well… actually… I… Yes…" He sighed in admittance. He would be fooling not only the people around him but also himself if he answered otherwise. Even if it wasn't the typical it's a because of a guy or a girl, Kamui was still a guy, right? So in a sense, he was still having all these problems and pains all because of a guy. And everything that he was doing right now wasn't even for Seishirou…

"It's not that man, is it?" Hokuto guessed.

"How do you know?" Subaru asked, a bit too out of it to actually understand that the girl might just be one of the traps the palace had in storage for him. But somehow, he knew she wasn't.

"It's because you never have those unwavering eyes when that man is concerned." Hokuto said kindly. "Your eyes right now have a firm grip on what you want. And their radiance doesn't reveal something as petty as guilt. You really care for that guy, don't you?"

Subaru's eyes widened when the idea was spoken by his sister. It seemed too ridiculous, if only it wasn't her who actually said it. He gaped and even stuttered in his words as he tried to argue his side. "N-No, nee-san. You're wrong… I might have cared for that kid a little back when I was still part of the Dragons of Heaven. But now, I–"

"Subaru," Hokuto interrupted before her brother could finish. "Do you know that your eyes darken a bit when you lie, even if unconsciously? That's the reason why I always knew if you're lying or not… Do you know that?"

"T-That's…" Subaru couldn't argue with that. He knew his sister was using something to tell if he was lying or not. That's why he hated lying in front of her. "But that idea is so ridiculous I can't even laugh!"

Hokuto wore a pained expression. "You think that caring for The Kamui is something so ridiculous?"

Her brother looked taken aback by her question. "N-No, I didn't–! Why are you saying this now? You know what lowlife creature I've become. I don't have any heart anymore! It died the moment Seishirou-san did!"

Hokuto looked down. "Then if what you say is true, abandon the pretense of caring for him and stay here with me. I'm too lonely here by myself, you know…"

Subaru somehow knew she wasn't just making him admit that she said was the truth. She looked really sad right now, and anyone would be scared to be alone in a void world like this. He feared it too, back when he still cared. He gave her a smile and a light embrace as he whispered in her ears. "Sorry, nee-san. I can't. I promised Kamui I'll bring his soul back. I don't want to abandon him again." He missed her, he really did. But he knew what he must do, and it wasn't to coop himself up in this place and abandon Kamui again.

Hokuto closed her eyes and smiled. She won after all. "Then go to where he is and immediately lock him in embrace too!" She giggled as she pulled away from her brother. "It's scary to be alone, you know. That's why you need to find him soon."

Subaru smiled again. "I'll find him. I'll definitely find him and give him his soul back. That's the least I can do to atone for my sins…" before I die.

And almost immediately, Subaru disappeared from her sight. "See? I knew I'm right after all. You really do care for him."

"You're quite the actress there, Sumeragi-san." A voice from behind her said. She turned around and met his gaze before she wore a bright and delightful smile which made the darkness immediately turn into a seashore scenery. She sighed. "Ah, this is infinitely better!"

Kakyou smiled behind her. "Yes, but I still can't believe you actually lied to him, saying something like you're alone and all." Hokuto merely laughed at his comment.

Subaru thought the darkness would end by now, but it still didn't. He half expected to see more of Seishirous and Hokutos in the dark, but nothing came. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He was utterly surprised when a scent he knew too well was carried to his nose. Kamui… He's here. And when he realized that fact, it's as if a light turned on and everything went too bright for his eyes to see. He felt a strong gust of wind brushing his cheeks and immediately knew he was somewhere high in altitude.

He opened his eyes again only to feel utterly bewildered and disturbed. He stood nowhere other than the cursed Tower which he hated so much. "Tokyo… Tower?" He mumbled in question. He knew he was still in another dimension, but the scenery just looked so real he was starting to doubt his claim. Everything was calm now. It was, after all, the time after The Kamui of the Dragons of heaven fought and killed his twin star. The wind sang a singsong melody and he couldn't help but long for the serenity of the place. If only it didn't hold such heart-wrecking memory…

His thoughts were disturbed when he inhaled the scent again. "Kamui..?" He called even though he couldn't see anyone. At the sound of the name, however, it seemed as if the owner woke up and revealed himself in front of the onmyouji.

This Kamui too looked lifeless and broken that it pained Subaru to look at him. He was wearing the thin turtle-neck sweater that he wore even now and the tattered pants. He looked so miserable and wrecked that Subaru couldn't even voice his name out loud. "Kamui… Come over here…" He said, seeing that Kamui stood on the edge of the railing. Subaru had the impression the boy wasn't there just to inhale some fresh air. He held out his hand and did his best to smile.

Kamui smiled back, but in a painful way. "Fuuma is gone…" He voiced, and immediately Subaru knew what the boy was planning to do. But before he could even react, Kamui already jumped from tower. Subaru's heart dropped in that instant.

"Kamui!" He also jumped without any thought and merely followed his former master. His hand was still out-stretched as he tried his best to at least get a hold of Kamui's hand. Kamui was falling headfirst and so was Subaru. The onmyouji could feel hot tears on his cheeks but he knew it wasn't his. Somehow, Kamui's tears were falling on him, however, ridiculous that may sound. "Kamui… Please don't die…"

He did his best as the Sakurazukamori and was able to catch up to Kamui's falling speed. Again, however ridiculous that idea may sound. After all, the laws of physics only applied to freefalling objects, and not to those who were really trying their best to fall faster. He used his superb reflexes to be able to hold Kamui by the hand, and it somehow amazed him how the boy's warmth seeped through his gloved hands.

"Kamui…" He voiced, unable to bear the overwhelming pain in the other's expression. "I won't leave you…" It amazed even Subaru how he could be full of contradictions. He wanted to die by Seishirou's hands. And he not only hid his heart but also killed it. He wanted to die and yet he just promised Kamui he would never leave the boy's side. His heart was supposed to be no more, so where did that promise come from? His mind was to die after this whole charade was over, so why did he promise such a thing then? Seishirou was all he wanted to be with, then why did he say he would never leave Kamui? It's because of his guilt, perhaps…

Kamui looked surprised for a while, tears-streaked face showing every evidence of uncertainty and doubt, which somehow hurt Subaru more than the fact that Kamui hated him. Kamui didn't trust him anymore…

"Kamui, I promise… I won't leave your side anymore…" He repeated, still unaware on where his promises were coming from and where it would take him. He didn't love the boy, and what would become of Kamui if he, the Sakurazukamori, were to stay?

After a while, Kamui held his hand too, and somehow, Subaru felt sure his heart skipped a beat, even for just a split second. He pulled Kamui and locked him in an embrace. It calmed him down, the boy's warmth and his scent. Kamui smelled so nice, and he felt so warm and alive. Subaru kissed his hair twice before he tightened his hug on the boy. Did this mean he really did care for Kamui just like his sister said? Did this mean that his heart wasn't truly dead, just buried under the pile of anguish and solitude that he pushed himself into? He still didn't know that for certain, but he was sure he felt more than petty guilt for the boy. It might be compassion… And that awareness made his mind clearer. Kamui was important to him, not just because he was The Kamui, but because he was Kamui.

"Don't leave me... like Fuuma did…" Kamui spoke brokenly after a while. Subaru could only nod. Kamui was broken and he didn't want the boy to feel any more pain. The quiet and warm tears that fell on his coat one by one were only proof of the pain that Kamui felt.

"I promise." He said, even if he was still unsure of what his promise could bring. He knew that he could really be with Kamui if he wished anyway. He just feared what it would make Kamui feel. To be with the one he liked without his feelings ever getting returned…

Kamui looked up at him and Subaru looked back. They stared at one another for a while before Kamui turned so bright that the onmyouji had to close his eyes for a moment, though his hug didn't loosen. If ever, he hugged Kamui tighter. And his mind went blank.

When he woke up next, he was embracing a glowing white feather. He landed on the ground without even as much as a scratch. He felt that everything that just happened was merely a dream, except for the fact that in his hand was a feather as warm as Kamui's tears that he felt on his cheeks earlier. His finger rose up and touched his face. He remembered the promise he made. He closed his eyes again.

"Kamui…" He mumbled as he held the feather tightly before he slid it in his pocket, together with the other one.

In an instant, everything went dark again.

When Subaru's surrounding turned bright, he was already inside a room that felt so different from the earlier dream-like places. It held some sort of sereneness and prestige not even he as a Sakurazukamori could afford. In the middle of the room was a canopied bed and across it was a grand door leading to the balcony. But all of that wasn't what made Subaru stop surveying everything and focus his widened eyes on a specific place.

There, at the balcony stood the boy that plagued his dreams and occupied his thoughts these past few months. The boy's back was turned on Subaru, revealing his slenderness within the turtle-neck sweater that he was wearing. He wasn't wearing any of the prestigious clothing that he wore earlier, but Subaru couldn't be fooled anymore. This boy… is definitely Kamui.

"Kamui…" He voiced quietly. The boy whose name was called slowly turned around to meet his gaze. But far from the wounded and broken boy that always held Subaru's thoughts, this boy held no such feelings. His amethyst eyes were clear of any uncertainties and his face free from heart-wrenching pain.

Kamui looked at him with steady gaze which once again made him feel that his heart was having this unexpected skipping thing. Kamui opened his petite mouth and uttered an unintelligible question. "Wh–?"

"I've brought two of your feathers, Kamui." Subaru couldn't help but voice out, not really knowing where to start.

"Wh–?"

"Hmm?" Subaru asked, not understanding the question that the boy had been asking.

"Who are you?" Kamui asked in utter innocence that was so cute if only the question that accompanied it hadn't made Subaru stunned in his position. His smile had vanished with the shock that followed.

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.tbc.

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Ren-sama's Note:

Yeah, I know you'll be killing me if I ever go out of my room again.

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Ren-sama's Corner:

Kamui: (*looking all happy and childlike*) Is that the real me now? Am I really awake?

Subaru: (*dark and gloomy mood*) Shouldn't the question be 'why can't I remember Subaru'?

Kamui: Oh. I don't really know why I said that… And who are you?

Subaru: (*shocked; the cigarette from his mouth fell on the floor*)

Kamui: (*laughed*) Sorry, just trying to do some teasing.

Ren-sama: Ah. Subaru left. I think he's too shocked that you don't know him outside 'Broken Wings' too. That's why he didn't hear that you said it was only a joke.

Kamui: Should I follow him and apologize?

Ren-sama: (*grin*) I wonder what you two will do if you're alone with each other…

Kamui: Don't think such dirty thoughts. Everyone, please make sure to review or this person's perversion will only get worse.

Ren-sama: Kamui left. And Host-san isn't here too. Maybe I hit him too hard when he brought some annoying pests, I mean guests, last time… Well, it doesn't matter. I guess I'll just have to sleep for now. (*snore, snore*)