Happy Nearly Christmas. A gift from Meghanna Starsong and myself. Life has been well… some people say it's the holiday stress, but I was briefly doing better at work and that's not so much the truth anymore. Turns out my boss's boss's boss who I like trust and think… thought was on myside, wanted to put me on probation. Which is the first step to kicking someone out without them doing anything illiegal, a not fit for military service sort of thing. I love my job, loved it before this unit. Never had a single negative mark in my record, and was well known as a high performer, who made awesome food and bent over backwards to help. Now I'm a weak leader who can't handle the stress, and lets my subordinates walk all over me. Someone so busy doing a junior member's job that I can't get mine done in a timely manner. So, this might be the deeper connection to Van that shows through, but I'd rather put myself on the line then to be seen as weak. Failure is something everyone hates but it scares the shit out of me, it makes me feel useless and worthless. Pretty much if I don't start holding him accountable it will be my ass on the line. Oh, yes, fun. By the way my boss who is just barely above me on the totem pole stood up for me, putting her job on the line too.
On a less depressing note I had my laptop up one of the many nights I was working late and one of my guys (a good one) started reading over my shoulder and I about fell out of my chair. It wasn't one of the… hot moments, but a sappy romantic part in More Than Skin Deep where they are standing in the rain reconnecting for the first time in six years. I was a bit sheepish to have been caught, but also super proud. I let my nerd flag fly.
Again thank you all for your reviews, favorites, and follows. It really makes my day, and as you may have noticed I really can use the boost right about now. Don't feel obligated to review, but know that I love each and every comment, question, musing, and theory. Even if I haven't had much time to respond, know you are being heard, and man are you guys still mad at poor Van.
Broken Promises
Chapter 9- Turmoil
Hitomi
Why does it feel like I'm being torn in two different directions? I know I'll see Van again; I'm not going back to Earth. During the war, I remember thinking to myself that I loved Gaia and that hasn't changed. How strange was it to feel at home on a world so different from my own? People protected me, stood next to me through some of the hardest times of my life, believed in me, and even loved me as I loved them.
There are so many people who supported me on this world. Millearna, who I will see once the Crusade flies back to Asturia, is now queen. Ruling beside her is Dryden, that eccentric millionaire, billionaire, whatever crazy but nice rich people are called here. Merle, while a good hostess, was colder then I would have expected, but underneath the icy exterior she still was my friend. Allen, the man that could be my uncle, has always been my knight in shining armor. Well, so has that stubborn, pig-headed man who will always be in my heart, but Van can't have the rest of me.
Not like this. I deserve better, and regardless of how things have turned out, I don't blame him. Van's done what he thought was best. Now he has to live with the consequences.
As I move through the city, I see it as if for the first time. The lanterns are gone and the mood no longer festive, but the people still bustle around the streets happily. This is the day to day life of Fanelians who don't fear a sudden attack, like the one that happened a lifetime ago. Then again, they didn't have any clue what waited under invisibility cloaks that time either. Still, Van is a good king.
His people come first, and I understand that now. I was part of his plan for Fanelia's future. For years he waited, never quite sure if I would come back. Then I broke his heart, gave in to what I really wanted one night. I assumed there wasn't any harm, since it was just a dream. Its true that Van reacted badly, but I couldn't give him the answer he needed.
Expecting to be alone forever, the man responded rashly and chose another future. One with a princess he didn't, maybe couldn't, love. Still, it was a choice he now has to live with. I won't be a part of this any longer. It seems crazy that I stuck around this long, but my comfort came after his safety. Well, not anymore, I can't do this to myself. I won't put up with his shifting moods and being second choice.
I come to a cross section in the stone paved streets. To the right leads towards the bar and inn where I first saw the Crusade crew when I arrived, but to the left lay the outskirts of the city. I know instantly that I'll find the airfield where the leviship waits in that direction before setting sail in the morning. It's still early enough in the day that the bar is an unlikely place to find them. On second thought, that statement might only apply to Allen.
Even depressed by his loss of faith in the raven-haired man, Allen still remained himself. When we failed to stop the wedding, it was him that gave up his room in the over crowded city. As calm as I appeared to Van the next morning, the reality is that I had spent a rather emotional night alone in my borrowed room. I prayed to turn back time. If I had arrived months, weeks, even days earlier, I have no doubt Van wouldn't have sworn those oaths to Eva.
Not that I wish to take anything from the woman, but it's clear to me that the love she shares with Van is almost like that of siblings. Just as Van never returned Merle's feelings growing up, Eva married a man she isn't attracted to, but I can't figure out her motives. I know why Van did it though.
Some people might think he wanted to get back at me for choosing someone else. The reality is it was his way of letting me go for good. It also assured he wouldn't have to face his biggest fear: ending up alone, again. Van is rash and stubborn, but he would never try to hurt me on purpose. Well, I thought that until only a little while ago.
"It's not unheard of for a king to have a mistress, even a bastard or two."
I grip the strap of my bag until it digs into the soft flesh of my palm. Even the discomfort doesn't make me forget the pained look in his garnet eyes, not when I slapped him, but when Van said those terrible words. Shaking my head fails to clear away the thoughts and doubts of what I am doing now.
I'm not running away.
I'm moving forward.
Maybe if I keep telling myself this, it will make it true, more real.
If I were running away, I'd just go back to Earth to my family who will welcome me with warm arms and well-meaning sympathy. This is my home now. I've given up enough to make sure of my certainty, just life moving on in a different direction.
The airfield comes into view, and instantly my eyes are drawn to the red painted ship. Like everything else has, the key points remain the same, but everything around it changes. The stones on either side look larger and newer, the sails no longer tan but light gray. The only thing that never seems to change is the gleam of golden hair facing away from me.
I break into a light jog in relief, calling out and waving as I would have in the past. "Allen!" The knight turns in my direction, and upon seeing me sets down the package he had been carrying towards the ship. "Do you have room for one more?"
His blue eyes brightened with something I couldn't read: hope, relief, another unreadable emotion. "For you, Hitomi, there will always be room aboard my ship."
After ordering Kio to take the new charts to the bridge, he led me onto the ship, even though I knew the way very well. After setting my bag down in the old room I called my home during the war, I then followed the tall man out onto the flying bridge balcony.
We were quiet for a while, and I could feel his eyes studying me. I remind myself again that being with Van didn't make me a whole person, so being without him doesn't make me less of one. "Okay, you can just ask already."
"I thought you wanted to save him this time." Allen's voice was careful and even. "Can you tell me what changed?"
Letting out a deep sigh, I pushed past the memory of Van's body passionate and ready between my spread thighs, his hands and lips coaxing noises, feelings from me. Before crushing my heart. "Did you know someone wants Van dead?"
Allen studied my face again for a moment longer. "You might need to be more specific. He didn't just make friends during the war." My mouth must have dropped open slightly at his offhanded words. "Though if you are talking about the new threats, yes, I know. Since the announcement of his engagement to the princess, there have been several dark, grisly gifts."
My hand flew to my mouth, and he continued. "Severed bird's wings, a direct threat to him. Bloody armor pieces, which hinted at his dark past." Gloved hands clenched into tight fists. "Folken's sword, the loss of his last family. The truth is Eva has been troubled by this for years. Someone threatens any man interested in the girl, most are cowards and run away instantly."
He pauses, and I finish, "Van's never been one to give into bullies. So, that's why Eva agreed to this match. It was her only offer."
Allen nods, looking past me and at the tall, white palace. "We assumed that once the wedding was over, the threats would stop. They never progressed past morbid symbols."
"Well, you were wrong," I bit out bitterly, thinking of the weak, staggering man I nursed a week ago. "Van was poisoned."
The knight sputtered in disbelief. "You just left him like that?"
I bristled, temper flaring. "He made it clear my help wasn't needed. At least not the kind I was offering." My cheeks heated as I blurted out the last part more than a little mortified. Then again, I had put myself in that situation in the first place.
Sighing knowingly, Allen ran fingers through his hair. "I won't defend his actions." With this, he looked at me, and I felt as if there was something very important I wasn't being told. "Instead, I have to ask if you can tell me of a time when Van acted entirely selfish. It's true he's done the wrong thing in the past. We are all human and prone to mistakes, but generally his actions have been for the right reasons."
Head-strong, hell yes, but selfish, no. I don't want Allen to be right. I can't think about Van's motives. After all, he was a jerk. "I'm not asking you to agree with me, but I have no where else to go."
Instantly, he softened. "Of course, Hitomi." With a warm hand on my shoulder, he smiled down at me. "You always have a place as long as I have anything to say. It might be strange to admit, but you have become family to me."
I ache to tell him that he might be right, that we could be blood relatives, but it doesn't feel like the right time. If I tell Allen that his father may or may not have cheated on his mother with my fifteen-year-old grandmother, it would put something unnecessary on him right now. This is my problem.
Just as Van is my problem right now, and the best solution is for me to move on, it's the only way he can really let me go. He has to. There isn't another way that I can see.
I ask Allen for some time, and he quietly agrees, excuses himself to do something with the maps I saw him carrying earlier. I lean on the solid metal railing, the same place I stood a lifetime ago watching Van fight and kill the Dragonslayers. I saw him go over the edge for revenge and desperation, but it wasn't pride that lead him down a dark path. Still, he's desperate again, to protect me, to not hurt Eva, to be the king his people deserve even if it kills him to do so.
Maybe because I was just thinking of the war, comparing it to now, an image enters my mind. Van and I fly past the Vione, but from the inside of the control room, Folken stands stark and very real. One of the armored men on the helm watches, not the teens they've been hunting, but the cloaked man. Devotion, admiration, maybe even love shows on his familiar face, although I can't place him.
The scene changes to Van attacking the floating fortress. Fire blooms through clouds of choking smoke. The soldier tries to fight his way to the ship's commander, but he was instead forced to evacuate. News comes that the most loyal of them deserted, had gone willingly to Asturia and the enemy. Thinking it was a plan to gather information from the inside, the young man poses as a Cesserian recruit, planning to be in a good position to answer any call when Folken needed him.
Strangely, it never came. Instead, word arrived that the man he had admired went into the heart of Zaibach, dying to end the war. He killed the emperor by sacrificing himself. The power that spread throughout the land overtook even the young soldier, causing him to save the life of the next king of Cesserio when the Allies turned on their own. He didn't hesitate, and that won him a place in the royal guard. It was a position he neither fought for or desired, but it sustained his new life, as the old one died with the man he admired.
I recognize him now as the guard who had been wandering the halls the night that Van was poisoned, Eva's fair-haired guard, Desmon. He loved Folken. Whether the older man knew or returned the affection I don't know, but he blames one person for the Strategos's death, Van.
I see two shadowy figures standing behind him, women giving the orders, at least until recently. If he had been doing someone else's bidding for years, now he was acting for purely selfish reasons.
Desmon is the threat, and he's inside the palace and freely moving around. My vison flashes from the past to what I can only pray is the future. A sharp dagger slices through the air and into the raven-haired king's heart. The moment I can move again, I take off wordlessly. I don't need the crew to rush me through the city; they would only slow me down. I don't stop to explain anything to Allen, though his help might be useful. I don't think, just act.
Running, my heart is in my throat. Breath ragged, surprised faces blurring past. Why did I go so far? Will I make it back in time? Can I save Van once more?
As I run, new images appear in my head. A fight where Van isn't at his best, distracted and lagging. He's too slow, without his usual skill. Fight, damn it! Don't give up!
Faster, I have to run faster. The palace looms closer, but the ache in my chest is so strong I can barely breathe. My chest burns with fear and loss. The skirts in my way are thicker than the flimsy pink dress Millearna once loaned me. I ball the fabric up in one clenched fist. As my arms pump, the skirt flashes more skin than is seemly, but I don't care.
The only thing that matters is getting there in time. I burst into the palace, and where my exit gathered no attention, this time armored men blocked my path.
"You have to let me through!" I panted, trying to get through without success. "Please, Van is in danger. Please!"
This only caused the guards to tighten as if I were the threat to their king.
"He's going to die!" Frantic and pleading, my voice comes out shrill even to my ears.
"Let her through." A commanding voice broke past everything. "Lady Hitomi is my guest. If she says the king is in danger, I believe her, as you should. Lock down the castle, no one in or out."
Wren stood confidant, his vibrant purple, braided head between me and the unconvinced samurai. Thank the gods he believed me. The spotted neko man cleared the way for me with a nod. Before I could thank him, a clawed hand gave me a slight shove, as if wordlessly saying, "Go, I'm right behind you."
Taking off again, I run the now familiar halls, pounding feet following in my wake. Left I turn, now right. The door appears up on the left, Van's study. I burst through the door with a bang. I then see what my heart feared the most. The man I still love is pinned to the ground with a knife plunging swiftly down towards his wide-open chest.
Near my foot is a dagger identical to the one in Desmon's determined hand. "Van!" I yell kicking the handle of the blade. "You have to fight!"
The blade spins across the floor in his direction. Eyes that had resigned to death only a moment ago flash with his strong will. Snatching the hilt, he slashed upward, carving a thin, bleeding line across his attacker's upper chest, inches from slitting the man's throat.
Jerking back and pressing one hand over the fresh wound, Desmon growls, heading straight for me. The knife is still in his other hand. Before he can reach me, the twisted man cries out. Van's dagger sunk hilt deep in his right calf. In the next second, strong, spotted arms slam him into the wall next to the door. Wren has caught up just in time.
Relieving Desmon of his remaining knife, Wren secures both of his arms tightly. "Lord Van, I will escort the prisoner for questioning."
"Thank you, Wren." Van nods, watching his brother-in-law drag the bleeding man from the room. He issues orders to his men who must have followed after us. Then again, coming in screaming about how their king was going to die, what else did I expect?
Too soon, Van and I are alone, but who knew how long it would be before word of the failed assassination attempt reached Merle and Eva?
He stood retrieving the forgotten sword from the ground. This once it didn't seem to have helped. I wonder if the fight would have gone differently if someone Van loved had been the one in danger. He was quick to act when Desmon moved towards me, but when his life was on the line, the king just lay there.
What happened between us, did it affect him this much?
"I thought you were going to die." My voice soft.
"Don't worry. I am hard to kill," Van responded quickly, not looking at me. "I thought you were gone."
"I'm hard to run off," I snap back, trying to get the most recent image of Van's death from my mind. "You should know through, right?"
"Hitomi," Van starts and his rigid back is to me.
"No! You don't think I'll give you another chance to chase me away," I snap, grabbing his arm. I just wanted to turn him around to face me, but he winces. My hand comes away sticky with fresh blood.
"It's nothing," he growled, pulling away.
Concerned and more than a little angry, I had enough. Circling around, I force him to look at me. "It's fine if you want to be a jerk. I'll leave, and you never have to feel guilty or anything. I am not your problem anymore, but only after you let me do what I have to."
Before he can argue, I check him for injury, finding a few minor scratches and two deeper wounds. One is on the arm that I grabbed, and the other is a thin cut across his chest. The first one might need stiches, but I wasn't an expert. Cleaning and bandaging I could do, after I get supplies, of course. I order Van to stay there, and though he is still determinately not looking at me, I know he won't ignore my orders.
Leaving the room, I nearly crash into Eva, who is carrying a tray of bandages and antiseptic.
"Oh!" Her voice is surprisingly cheerful. One of the cloth roles slips off the tray, bouncing to the floor. Before I can pick it up, the tall woman shoves the tray and remaining supplies into my surprised arms, chasing after the escaped bandage herself.
With a wide grin, she jogs back to me triumphantly holding the cloth aloft. "Got it." She holds the rogue roll out to me. "Here you go."
"Wait, but…" I stammer not sure what she expects. What am I supposed to do here?
"He was going after you." Her guileless hazel eyes meet mine. I know then that I was right; she loves Van in a strong yet platonic way. Unfortunately, that doesn't change the promises they've made.
"Van is your husband." I blink at her, trying to pass back the tray.
She laughed softly, as if I had told an amusing story. "Oh, Hitomi, he was never mine. He was always yours, but you should hear it from him."
With that, she left, leaving me confused but holding the supplies I needed. Returning to the study, I find Van hasn't waited for me as instructed. He's removed his torn shirt and is dabbing at the cut on his chest with the ruined fabric. This being a place for work, there wasn't a wash basin, so I was relieved that Eva's tray included a shallow bowl for that purpose. Grabbing the dirty scrap from him, I dampen a substantially cleaner cloth and try to dab at the remaining blood without paying too much attention to the work area.
Van's bare chest, though I've seen it before, is attractive. As a teen, Van was never shy about his lean form, but it's changed over the years. Taller, broader, and far more distracting with the smooth expanse of tanned skin over hard planes of rippling muscles. Even wounded, I feel the blush heating my cheeks, making may task that much harder. When I start dabbing the cut with strong smelling antiseptic, some kind of potent alcohol, he inhales sharply but still hasn't spoken.
As I work in this tense silence, Eva's words come back to me. He was never mine. He was always yours. I don't want to think about it, not with him so close. Not with what happened, or almost happened, in this room earlier today. I like to think that I would have stopped him, but I was so close to giving in, to forgetting we could never be together.
Is Allen right? That Van's insensitivity was just an act to make me leave him, force me away for my own good?
Once the bandage around his chest is secure, I can focus on the deeper slice on his forearm. I'm not confident in my skill stitching the wound back together, but the thick needle and sturdy black thread included in the supplies make my task clear. I clean the injury, and as the sharp metal bites into the first of several stiches, his arm twitches in my grip.
Ten in total, no pain killer for him and the feel of those searching eyes on me each agonizing second. The bandaging was so much simpler, and though I want to put distance between us, I also don't want to let him go again. Maybe Van isn't the selfish one here, maybe I am.
"There, all done," I state, suddenly feeling useless without something to do with my hand. "It's not the best, but I hope it'll do."
Before I can finish apologizing for my poor sewing skills, his uninjured hand comes up. I feel the slightest brush of his rough fingertips, soft as feathers against my cheek. "I thought I'd never see you again." His voice is low, and I can't tell if it's pained or tender, possibly both. "This feels like a dream, and I don't want to wake up."
"Please, Van, I can't." It comes out as a whisper, because I don't want it to be true.
"If this is a dream, then we can say and do things without fear or reservations." Then his mouth is on mine, and as much as I tell myself to pull away, my body responds. Its instinctual, like breathing, and I need it, need him to just survive. I was drowning, and Van is pure air; I can't get enough.
I want to say I'm careful of his wounds, but there is no thought beyond the taste and feel of the man holding me. Skilled fingers unlace my dress, peeling away the layers. Someone could walk in at any moment and right now I don't care. Nothing matters but this all-consuming need.
We don't talk about regrets or ask questions. There isn't a single word spoken, only the hoarse whisper of my name as he enters me. My legs are wrapped tight, holding him, moving desperately with each thrust. It's not the desk as I once thought, but the floor where Van lay ready for death not long ago. This time the pile of clothes cushions the hard surface.
Skillfully, he shifts my feet to press against his shoulders, bracing above the neatly wrapped bandages. The new angle is sharper. Fingers dig into my hips, guiding, improving, driving into me deeper. My back arches on its own as the feelings intensify, and then I'm moaning his name. Spots dance across my vision with the rainbow of sensation.
He finds his own release shortly after mine, but he pulled away, finishing in his hands cautiously. I feel both relief and loss at this. At least one of us was still thinking. How would it look if I got pregnant before his wife?
As the moments begin to pass, the guilt sets in. I love Van, but he's made promises to Eva that I just helped him break. What wouldn't I give to go back in time, but that has never been one of my skills. I know I've tried. Adultery is such a dirty word, and the shame it invokes over shadows the joy we shared only moments ago.
"What is wrong?" Van asks, propping himself up on one arm to better look into my conflicted face.
We remain naked in his study. With horror, I became aware that anyone could walk in. Despite for how much my heart is bound to the dark-haired man, I refuse to become his property, as a mistress would be. I'm already the other woman. The least I can do is try and minimize the effect of our sins.
"What are you going to do about this?" With hesitation, I pull away from him, looking for my clothes in the mess strewn about the floor in our haste.
Van quirks his head to the side in an almost childish manner that makes me want to forget the world outside this room. "The assassin?" His question reminds me of the danger he narrowly dodged and the tended cuts he wears as proof.
It also makes me want to hit him in frustration. "No, your wife. You know, Eva, the person you've just cheated on?" The unconcerned look on his handsome face makes my tone bitter.
"Don't worry about it." The offhanded answer makes my temper flare. As I'm about to give him a piece of my very independent mind, calloused fingers gently touch my lips, silencing the ready protest. "Please, can we not repeat the past?"
The sorrow in his garnet eyes causes me to pause. His hand drops away slowly. My temper has at least temporarily cooled. "What do you mean?"
"We can show affection, but the moment one of us opens our mouth, we just hurt each other." Van isn't wrong at all. Even years ago, as teens with more innocent actions, we did the same thing. I love this man, but we are both stubborn and have different backgrounds. A true relationship between us would take work and understanding, and that is even without the added trouble keeping us apart.
"I plan on dissolving the marriage as soon as possible." I breathe in sharply, but he continues. "I should have done it as soon as you came back, but I felt you'd be better without me and I owed Eva a debt. Do you understand what it feels like to be torn between what your heart wants and what is expected of you?"
I nod, knowing exactly that. It's the sentiment that kept me with Izumi even when I was unhappy. I want to believe every word with all my heart, but so many questions remain. "Can you even do that? I thought marriage was forever, especially between royalty. Won't it cause problems between your countries?"
This felt like a strange conversation to have while still naked. I didn't want to think about the time I witnessed them like this, but it was more difficult now that I was in a similar state. Unlike Eva, I was very aware of what this would look like if anyone else would see.
Still desperate to get dressed, I was starting to get frustrated at this man, the one that sat on my dress and looked so comfortable with his nudity.
"Normally that would be true," He started slowly, almost shyly. "In some rare cases, annulment is the best course of action. This would be one of those times."
That I didn't expect. "Like Millearna and Dryden?" I asked. "I guess annulment is better than divorce, right?"
He had the decency to look a bit embarrassed, and now I was fully focused on what he had to say. "Dryden left, but it wasn't legally over." Now Van seemed to be aware that this conversation was probably best with clothes on. "Even with the attack on Palas their marriage contract was completed."
Since he was speaking words like legal and contract, it all seemed so clinical, so unemotional. I guess the practicality of a political marriage takes all of the romance out of it, though I could see Van's ears burning. "What does that mean?"
He looked away for a moment before answering. "Their marriage was consummated, but mine was not." The last part was so soft I could barely hear it. The news took a moment to sink in.
Not consummated, click, and the realization blurted out of my mouth suddenly. "You haven't had sex?"
"No, not with Eva," He admitted. I could tell Van was embarrassed, and yet his eyes met mine with a deep, smoldering heat. "There's been no one except you for years. Truthfully, the women before were just substitutes, poor ones at that, because they could never be you."
Heat rushed through me from my flushed skin to the very center of my being. Suddenly, I didn't mind that we were still naked. As he took control earlier, now it was my turn. Pushing his shoulders back onto the floor, before he could say anything my mouth was on his. I move over him, straddling his growing excitement. His calloused hands grip my hips, balancing my movements as if it was second nature. Now it was my turn to move him, taking his large hands and sliding them up to grip my breasts.
All the experience I have is with this man. With Van, I've always let him control the situation, but now it was my turn. Sliding down onto him, from my vantage point, I could see the ripples of tension pass through him, the warmth in his eyes. The emotion I couldn't read that first time, its clear to me now: love.
There was never anyone but Van, and I see now that for him it was the same. It's not about the time we missed by letting pride keep us apart. The obstacles standing in our way are only as large as we let them be. None of that matters now.
All the things in-between us won't go away overnight, but it is worth it to be with Van, to be able to explore his body and my own. I feel powerful and sexy for the first time in my life. Rocking my hips in a circular motion, I get extra pleasure from the low sounds coming from Van along with the quicker thrusts. We're closer and closer to losing control.
Our movements become more frenzied and erratic, peaking over the edge of pleasure. My name comes out as a long moan, sending a special thrill through me that brings my own pleasure cresting like a sudden tidal wave. My toes curl, eyes fluttering closed, skin electrified and amazing. Spent and still twitching from the sensations, I move to lay next to Van, his arm pulling me closer against his solid side. Our skin is flushed and damp with the prior activity. I feel him kiss the top of my head tenderly.
I know that all the problems between us won't be instantly fixed, but if the past is any indicator, together we can achieve the impossible. Many of life's failures are people who didn't know how close they were to success when they gave up.
Van gently caresses my cheek, and I look up into his warm loving eyes. "I love you."
The smile he gives me is bright like the sun coming out after days of clouds. His words make everything alright, because I know from here on out we have each other. "Hitomi, will you marry me?"
"No, I can't." As much as I want to scream yes and throw my arms around him, there are still so many things separating us. Before Van's face can change from shock to pain I quickly continue. "We aren't in the position to promise anything. I do want that more than anything, but I won't even think about forever until after this all gets cleared up. So, I should leave. When you are free to love me not in dreams or behind closed doors, find me, I'll be waiting for you Van."
I know he isn't happy about my decision, but he respects it. When the Crusade leaves in the morning, I will be with them. Now that the danger has passed, it is time the tangled mess of our lives is sorted out, so that we can move on. Just as I had to break things off with Izumi on my own before coming back, Van has to annul a marriage the whole world knew about, to be with me. We will find a future where we can walk side by side. No, it won't be painless, but it will be worth every second.
To Be Continued…
A/N- Well, there you have at least most of it. I was asked if there would be more sex than the beginning and if anyone could see my quick nodding they might have thought me a bobble-head. As I said "Definitely and two almost." Now ya'll know 'almost' means the times Van could have gotten laid but didn't, technically it was three times. Eva on their wedding night, Hitomi in the study, Eva in response to everything. It's pretty even with the actual sex now since they did the deed twice in this chapter. The first time was all about emotions and chemistry, need and passion. The second time had more to do with Hitomi starting to explore some of her own wants and desires.
Everything is pretty deliberate, and I debate the merits of the smallest details. Should Van pull out? Where should they do it? How hurt is Van? Should someone interrupt? Walk in? Should Eva be indifferent or helpful? Should Merle help Hitomi get to Van or Wren (lots of people wanted to seem him get more fleshed out)? Does Allen or the crew help Hitomi again? Should Hitomi still go to Austuria? Should Hitomi say yes or no to Van's heat of the moment proposal?
Originally it was a yes, but after thinking for a bit I changed it. This Hitomi may know the marriage is a sham, but she still won't get engaged to a man who is still married. Also, Van has never really had to woo or pursue anyone before. He's never seriously courted a woman, and now he will have to actually work out some of their problems if he wants things to workout. Way back in the very beginning Minicleo called me out. She said I had a pattern, which surprised me because I thought I was pretty creative for a cannon continueation writer. Turns out even if Van and Hitomi have sex the end up fighting right after. In my mind they are both hot-headed and stubborn and would take a fair level of communication they have yet to build to make things work. So, in this chapter I set them up for a fight, a real blow out, and instead Van addressed the problem head on. He grew, and learned from his mistake. From the mess his wounded pride made of the whole situation.
I can't with to see what you think. Please Review.
