A/N: I hope you're all still enjoying this story. For those of you who liked the length of the last chapter, you're in for another long chapter with this one – it's a very long chapter, but it didn't feel right breaking it up into two shorter chapters. Anyway, I hope you like it. And, as always, thanks so much for reading!
Nearly a month had passed, and Addison and Derek seemed to have recovered from the kiss that they had shared on Thanksgiving. Sure, they both thought about the kiss more often than they probably should have, but they somehow managed to avoid the awkwardness that they were certain would ensue, and they were grateful for that. Addison was now pushing eighteen weeks, and had given up on hiding her pregnancy at work and Derek, for one, was glad. She still refused to talk too openly about Baby Shep at work, but she no longer shut down when Derek brought up their baby, during the workday.
The workday had just come to a close, and Derek was waiting for Addison in the hospital lobby. It was a habit that they had fallen into over the past couple of weeks; if their shifts ended at the same time, they would wait for each other in the hospital lobby and leave together. Sometimes they'd just walk to their cars together. Other times they'd grab a bite to eat together at a nearby restaurant. And sometimes Derek would go to Addison's place, and they'd have dinner together there.
"So," Derek began, as he and Addison left the hospital lobby and began walking towards their cars, "I'll see you bright and early, tomorrow, for our doctor's appointment…6 in the morning, right?"
"Oh, uh, I meant to tell you that I rescheduled it," Addison said, giving Derek an apologetic smile.
"Oh, uh, okay," Derek stammered. Truth be told, he'd really been looking forward to their upcoming doctor's appointment; this was the appointment where he and Addison were hoping to find out whether Baby Shep was a boy or a girl. And, with Christmas and New Years coming up, he figured that Addison had probably pushed the appointment back until after the holidays.
"So, when did you reschedule for?" Derek asked.
"It's still tomorrow" Addison answered. "But I moved it to 2 in the afternoon."
Derek felt a slow smile spread across his face. "Why'd you do that?" he asked; he knew that Addison still wasn't thrilled by the idea of leaving in the middle of the workday to go to doctors' appointments.
Addison shrugged. "Consider it my Christmas present to you. Besides," Addison continued, "I'm going to need some good karma to get me through the Christmas that I have planned."
Derek couldn't help chuckling at this. Addison had planned the Christmas from hell. She was flying out to Connecticut, early on Christmas Eve morning, to spend Christmas with her family, who she still hadn't told about her pregnancy. Derek had known Bizzy and The Captain for over a decade, and anyone who even remotely knew Addison's parents knew how important it was for them to be sure that their family maintained a picture-perfect image. Somehow, he had a hard time believing that Bizzy and The Captain would be jumping for joy when Addison told them that she was pregnant with her ex-husband's baby – even if it was their first grandchild. Derek had offered to go with her to soften the blow, but she declined, saying that it wasn't worth it for both of them to have miserable Christmases.
"Anyway," Addison continued, "I checked the surgical board, and you don't have anything scheduled for 2 tomorrow, so we should be okay."
"Addison," Derek chided. "Even if I did have something scheduled, we'd find a way around it. This is Baby Shep we're talking about. I don't want to miss this."
Addison gave Derek a weak smile, and swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. Derek was changing. Back in New York, it was always one more surgery, one more hour at the hospital, or 'we'll discuss it later, Addison.' But ever since he had found out she was pregnant, things had been different. And even though she was getting used to Derek being the Derek that he was when she first married him, it still caught her a little off guard when he talked about how much his family, or his life outside of the hospital, meant to him.
"So, do you want to get dinner somewhere?" Derek asked, ripping Addison from her thoughts. "There's a really good sandwich and salad place, near the hospital, that I think you'd like…and the service is quick too because, if I know you, you haven't even started packing for Connecticut yet…and you probably want to get home and do that."
Addison couldn't help smiling at this. Even after everything that had happened between them, nobody knew her better than Derek did. He was right; she hadn't started packing for Connecticut yet. And a sandwich or a salad sounded pretty good right now. "Okay," she agreed. "Let's go."
xxxxx
"So, this is going to be a bit cold," Addison's OB, Jane Galvin, warned, as she squirted some gel onto Addison's exposed abdomen, and began scanning. "Everything looks good," Jane smiled. "Everything looks really good. So," Jane said, turning her attention to Addison and Derek, "do you want to find out the sex of your baby?"
Derek looked at Addison and smiled. "We do," he answered.
Jane turned to Addison. "Would you like to read it for yourself, or would you prefer if I told you?"
Addison smiled guiltily. "I, uh…actually…" she trailed off.
Jane gave Addison a knowing smile. "You know, the same thing happened to me with my first child," she admitted. "I'll give you two some time alone."
"What's going on?" Derek asked in confusion, once Jane had left the room.
"I know the sex," Addison confessed. "I caught a glimpse at the beginning of the exam."
"And you made it through the entire exam without telling me? I wouldn't have been able to keep it quiet," Derek admitted. "I would have had to tell you."
Addison smiled. "So, do you want to know?" she asked.
"Of course," Derek nodded. He looked around the room, and noticed that all of the ultrasound equipment was still out. "Wait," he began hesitantly. "You're not going to make me try to figure it out, are you?"
"No," Addison laughed. "I'm pretty sure your days as an OB ended that day, during your OB rotation, when you told that couple that they were having a boy, when they were really having a girl."
"Oh, come on, Addie, I wasn't that bad," Derek defended, doing his best not to laugh. "I mean, how was I supposed to know that that was a finger?"
Addison chuckled at the memory. "I mean, the four other fingers surrounding it could have given it away," she deadpanned.
"Yeah, yeah," Derek muttered. "But I wasn't nearly as bad as Mark was. Remember that time he told that couple that they were having twins when they really weren't."
"Oh, yeah," Addison laughed. "I forgot about that. That was pretty terrible."
"But in his defense, that really was kind of a big baby," Derek chuckled.
Addison shook her head in amusement. "You two seriously had no respect for my specialty. I'm still not sure if either of you do."
"Hey, I have a lot of respect for your specialty," Derek insisted. "Especially, right now," he continued, his voice softening. "Because, without you, I wouldn't know if Baby Shep's a boy or a girl. So…" he trailed off.
Addison met Derek's eyes and smiled. "We're having a girl, Der. We're having a little girl."
Addison felt her heart flutter, as she watched Derek's eyes light up in excitement. "A girl," he said softly.
Addison couldn't keep the smile off her face, as she continued to watch Derek's reaction. "Wow," Derek breathed, still grinning widely. "It's crazy…I mean, we both had a feeling that Baby Shep was going to be a girl, but it still feels…wow." He turned his attention to Addison. "You're happy, right?" he asked.
"I'm happy," Addison smiled. "Are you happy?"
"Very happy," Derek nodded. "I, uh," he stammered, reaching into the right pocket of his lab coat. "I know you're going to get her the most amazing things, but I…I kind of wanted to get her started," he said, as he pulled out a small, pale pink baby hat, with a cream bow on it. "It's from your catalog," Derek explained. "It was my favorite."
"Derek," Addison choked out, struggling to fight back the tears that were stinging her eyes. "It's perfect."
Derek couldn't help smiling at Addison's reaction to his gift. "I can't wait to see her in it," he said softly.
"Me too," Addison agreed. "Thanks for doing this, Derek."
Derek gave Addison a warm smile before gently kissing her temple. "So, you really like the hat?" he asked; he knew how particular Addison was when it came to clothing and fashion.
Addison met Derek's eyes and smiled. "I love it," she said softly. "And even if I didn't, I love the fact that you thought to do something like this, Derek. But I really do love the hat…although," she began with a slight laugh, "what would you have done if Baby Shep turned out to be a boy? I mean, this hat is pretty feminine."
"I had a feeling she'd be a girl," Derek admitted with a chuckle. "But I was prepared just in case." He reached into the left pocket of his lab coat and pulled out a pale blue crocheted baby hat. "See," he said, showing the hat to Addison.
Addison couldn't help cracking a smile. But this moment of happiness was quickly replaced by a moment of realization. As she looked at Derek, who was smiling widely, with a little pink hat in his right hand and a little blue hat in his left, she knew she loved him. And not in the, 'he's the father of my child so, of course, I love him,' type of way; but in the 'he's the love of my life,' type of way.
But she knew she couldn't feel those feelings. Derek had made it perfectly clear that there was a time when he considered her the love of his life…but things change. And even though Derek, in a matter of months, had gone from not caring to being quite possibly the most attentive man in Seattle, Addison knew it was wrong for her to think of Derek as anything but the father of her child. She and Derek hadn't worked for a reason…he wasn't in love with her anymore. And, sure, it hurt, but she could bear it. She could bear it because Derek was so undeniably in love with their daughter and, for now, that was enough. It would have to be enough. So, Addison did the only thing she could do – she pulled herself together, doing her best to push any romantic feelings she was having for her ex-husband out of her head, and went back to enjoying her moment of happiness with Derek.
xxxxx
"Merry Christmas, Addison," Bizzy's PA, Susan, greeted, as Addison walked through the front door of her parents' Connecticut mansion.
"Merry Christmas, Susan," Addison smiled. "How've you been?"
I'm good," Susan answered. "Can I take your jacket?"
"Oh, um, I," Addison stammered uncomfortably, hesitant to remove her jacket just yet; with her jacket on, she could still somewhat conceal her pregnancy. "I can hang it up," Addison offered. She knew that once her jacket came off, she wouldn't be able to hide her baby bump, and even though Addison and Bizzy never had a close relationship, she still felt like it would be wrong if her mother's PA found out that she was pregnant before her mother did.
"Are you sure you don't want me to take your coat?" Susan asked. "It's really no trouble."
"Oh, no, I don't mind," Addison insisted.
"Okay," Susan nodded. "Everyone's in the living room, so you can meet them in there once you're ready."
"Great. Thanks, Susan," Addison smiled. She waited for Susan to walk away before slipping off her jacket, and hanging it up in the closet. Then, taking a deep breath, and plastering a fake smile on her face, Addison began making her way towards the living room, preparing herself for what was sure to be an unbearable couple of days.
"Merry Christmas," Addison smiled, as she entered the living room.
"Addison," Bizzy gasped. "You're pregnant."
"Wow," Archer muttered, as The Captain tightened his grip on his gin and tonic.
But all of this went unnoticed by Addison. Her attention was completely focused on Derek, who was sitting next to The Captain on the Montgomery's fancy leather couch, with a scotch in his hand.
"Derek," Addison breathed, "what are you doing here?"
"Is Derek the father?" Archer asked in disbelief. "I thought he left you for that slutty intern."
"Addison, what's going on?" Bizzy demanded.
"I, uh, I didn't want you to have to break the news to your family alone," Derek said softly. "So I called Bizzy, and asked her if it was okay for me to spend the holidays with your family. I flew out this morning...I just-"
"Addison," Bizzy interrupted harshly. "Would you care explaining to the rest of the family what exactly is going on here?"
"Okay," Addison nodded, taking a seat next to Derek on the couch. "What do you want to know?"
"Are you and Derek together?" Bizzy asked.
Addison shook her head. "We're divorced."
"But you're having his baby, I assume?" Bizzy pressed.
"Yes," Addison nodded.
"And was this baby conceived while you two were still married?" Bizzy asked hopefully.
"Is that really important, Bizzy?" Addison asked in frustration.
"I think it is," Bizzy answered innocently. "I'm just thinking about what I'm going to tell the women in my social circles. It would sound a lot better if you two were still married when your baby was conceived."
Addison rolled her eyes. "You can tell your friends whatever you want, Bizzy. It doesn't really doesn't matter to me."
"They definitely weren't still married when that baby was conceived," Archer chuckled knowingly. "I'd say that baby is the result of relapse sex," Archer assessed, taking another sip of his scotch. "Probably drunken relapse sex."
"Archer," The Captain scolded. "That really isn't any of our business."
"Hmm," Bizzy said thoughtfully, "maybe I'll just put off telling people about this…you know, until we can come up with a better cover story, as a family. We don't want the truth getting out. Addison's adultery was hard enough for us to bounce back from."
"That's not true, Bizzy," Archer disagreed. "Derek ended up dating a twelve-year-old intern…we just spun it as a mid-life crisis, on his part, remember?"
"Thanks," Derek muttered dryly.
"Hey, anytime," Archer smirked, raising his scotch glass in Derek's direction.
"Anyway," Bizzy cut in, shooting her family a warning look. "Nobody is going to say a word about this to anyone until we agree on a suitable cover story, okay?"
"Okay," The Captain and Archer agreed.
"Addison…Derek?" Bizzy asked, narrowing her gaze at her daughter and former son-in law.
"Okay," Addison and Derek said together.
"You know," Derek began, taking a sip of his scotch, "this may not have been a planned pregnancy, but Addison and I are really excited about this baby."
"That's nice," Bizzy said dismissively; and Addison could tell that her mother was still trying to come up a cover story that her society friends would find acceptable.
"So, how's the slutty intern handling the fact that her boyfriend and his ex-wife are having a lovechild together?" Archer chuckled. "What's her name again, Marybeth?"
"Meredith," Derek corrected his ex-brother-in-law. "Her name is Meredith. And we're not together anymore."
"Well, that's good," Bizzy approved. "That I can work with. I, uh, I've got to get something from my bedroom. I'll be right back," she said, excusing herself from the living room, and making her way upstairs.
"I'm going to refresh my drink," The Captain announced, making his way into the kitchen. "Does anyone need anything?"
Addison, Derek, and Archer shook their heads.
"What's with him?" Addison asked, once her father had left the room. "He seems more tolerable than usual."
"He got laid this morning," Archer explained. "Some twenty-eight-year-old intern at the hospital he works at." Archer turned to Derek. "Looks like you're not the only one who's into interns."
"Archer," Addison scolded.
Archer shrugged nonchalantly. "Just pointing out the obvious."
"I, uh, I think I'm going to use your restroom," Derek cut in quickly, desperate for a moment to himself; he had forgotten how stressful Addison's family could be. "I'll be right back."
Derek made his way up the stairs, pushed open the door to the bathroom, and gasped at the sight in front of him – Bizzy had Susan pressed up against the wall, and they were making out heatedly.
"Oh, wow, I uh, I," Derek stammered, suddenly incapable of forming words.
"Derek," Bizzy breathed.
"I, uh, I was just leaving," Derek stuttered uncomfortably, backing out of the bathroom. "I'm so sorry. I didn't-"
"Derek," Bizzy interrupted sharply.
"Yes?" Derek said hesitantly.
"It's okay," Bizzy said calmly.
"It's okay?" Derek repeated in confusion. "I just walked in on you cheating on your husband…with a woman….and all you can say is 'it's okay.' How is this possibly okay?"
"The Captain knows," Bizzy explained.
"Knows what?" Derek asked. "That you're cheating on him? That you're a…a…a-"
"Lesbian," Bizzy filled in. "Yes, The Captain knows I'm gay, and he knows about me and Susan."
"You're a lesbian?" Derek asked in disbelief. "Since when?"
"Derek, please…keep your voice down," Bizzy warned. Then sighing, she continued, "I guess a part of me has always known…but Susan and I have been together since she began working for us…I guess that's over thirty years now."
"Bizzy!" Derek exclaimed. "Does Addison know?"
"No," Bizzy said. "Addison and Archer do not know, and they're not going to find out," she warned, looking at Derek pointedly. "Because you're not going to say anything…you're going to keep this secret."
"Oh no," Derek insisted shaking his head fervently. "Secrets like this…they always have a way of getting out. I mean, Addison told me that nobody would ever find out that we slept together, and then-"
"Derek," Bizzy interrupted, "Susan and I aren't going to get pregnant. I promise you that…so Addison doesn't need to find out about this."
"What don't I need to find out about?" Addison asked.
"Addison," Derek paled.
Addison looked from Derek to Bizzy to Susan. "What's going on in here?" she asked.
Bizzy shot Derek a warning look. "Not a word," she hissed. Bizzy turned her attention to Addison. "The three of us were just talking," she said calmly.
"In the bathroom?" Addison asked suspiciously.
"Well, uh," Bizzy stammered.
"Bizzy," Derek whispered harshly. "This is ridiculous."
"Not a word, Derek," Bizzy warned. "Besides, you don't have this type of discussion in a bathroom."
"Would a closet be more to your liking?" Derek muttered.
Bizzy rewarded Derek's comment with an eye roll. "Addison," she sighed, "go get your father and brother."
xxxxx
"Is there a reason the six of us are all in the bathroom together?" Archer asked when he, Addison, and The Captain joined Derek, Bizzy, and Susan in the bathroom a few minutes later.
Bizzy looked at The Captain. "Derek knows," she said.
"What? How?" The Captain asked taking a sip of his gin and tonic.
"He walked in on us," Bizzy answered simply.
"Oh," The Captain chuckled. "Glad I brought my drink with me."
"Can somebody please tell us what's going on?" Archer demanded.
Bizzy sighed. "I hadn't planned on telling you this in this way. Actually, I hadn't planned on telling you this at all. But, as I always say, people plan and God laughs, so-"
"Bizzy," Archer cut in. "You're talking in circles. Just tell us what's going on."
"Okay," Bizzy conceded. "Archer…Addison," she began gently. "You may find this a bit surprising, but I suppose it's time for me to tell you the truth. I'm gay, and Susan…she's my lover."
"What?" Addison breathed. She turned to her father. "And you knew about this?" she asked in disbelief.
The Captain nodded. "Yes, I've known about this."
"How long has this been going on?" Archer asked.
"Susan and I have been together since you two were very young," Bizzy answered. "So much of my life has been devoted to other people…and Susan, well, Susan has always been the part of my life that's just for me."
"So, all these years…all these years that you two have been married…has it all just been a lie?" Addison asked in disbelief. "Did you two ever even love each other?"
"Of course we loved each other," Bizzy answered. "And we still do love each other…in our way. How else would we be able to keep this secret from everyone all of these years?"
"Right," Addison muttered. "So, I assume, I assume we need to keep this a secret as well?"
"That goes without saying," The Captain answered.
"That's right," Bizzy agreed. "You know how important it is for our family to preserve its reputation…so this is our secret, okay?"
"Sure," Archer smirked. "I mean, with all the secrets our family's keeping from everyone, what's one more?"
xxxxx
Derek tossed and turned in his bed, unable to fall asleep. It had been a crazy afternoon, and he was worried about Addison. She had dealt with Bizzy's coming out gracefully and classily. But Addison was Bizzy's daughter, and she knew better than to let her emotions get the best of her in front of her parents.
Derek closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep, when he heard the door to his bedroom creak open slightly. He looked up and saw Addison standing in the doorway.
"Hey," he whispered, sitting up in bed. "You okay."
"Yeah." She looked down for a moment. When she looked up, she met Derek's eyes. "No," she admitted.
Derek swallowed hard, and moved over in bed to make room for her, and Addison sighed and sat down next to him.
"My mother is a lesbian," she said, staring into the darkness.
"Yeah," Derek nodded.
"You know, I've spent my entire life angry with The Captain…because I thought he was cheating on my mother…and that she had no idea…but now, now I don't what to think. Everything I've known about my parents has been a lie." Addison sighed heavily. "The thing is, I'm just like them…I'm just like both of my parents."
"Addison, you're nothing like your parents."
"I am," Addison insisted. "I'm a cheater, like The Captain, and I'm a liar, like Bizzy. I was the one who wanted to keep what happened at the conference a secret. I'm just like my mother. How am I supposed to be a good mother when I managed to get both of my parents' worst qualities?"
"Addison," Derek cut in. "None of that is even remotely true. You're nothing like either of your parents. I mean, sure, you can put on that icy Forbes-Montgomery exterior, but anyone who knows you…anyone who really knows you knows that you're kind and caring, and nothing like your parents. And you have to stop saying things like that because…because she might be able to hear you," Derek smiled, gesturing towards Addison's stomach. "And we don't want her to get the wrong idea about us."
"Derek," Addison chuckled. "How did you-"
"I read the books, Addie." Derek checked the clock on the nightstand, and a small smile came to his lips. "Hey, Addie, it's almost one in the morning."
"Yeah," Addison sighed. "We should probably get to bed."
"That's not what I meant," Derek said, shaking his head. "It's one in the morning, which means, it's after midnight, which means, it's Christmas. Merry Christmas, Addison."
"Merry Christmas, Derek," Addison responded half-heartedly, almost mechanically.
Derek looked at Addison in confusion. "Are you okay?" he asked in concern. "It's Christmas, Addie…Christmas. We love Christmas." Then, echoing her words from last Christmas, he added softly, "At least we used to."
And as he watched a tear slide down Addison's cheek, he remembered how the rest of that conversation played out. Christmas makes you want to be with the people you love. I'm not saying this to hurt you or because I want to leave you, because I don't. Meredith wasn't a fling…she wasn't revenge…I fell in love with her. That doesn't go away because I decided to stay with you.
Derek felt like he was going to be sick. Who says something like that? Who does something like that? Why did he think it was okay to say that to her on Christmas of all days? "Addison," he choked out, his voice dry and thick with emotion. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about last Christmas," he said, pulling her into his arms. "I'm so sorry," he whispered against her hair.
They sat there for a moment, him holding her close, gently stroking her hair; but then she pulled away. "Derek," she whispered, "you don't have to apologize. You meant what you said, and I…I should have stopped fighting for you. I should have walked away after that."
"No," Derek disagreed. "You were sitting there with your catalogs and your hot buttered rum, wearing your white cashmere top, doing everything you could to get me excited about Christmas…to make it like old times. And I…I was hurtful…and I was cruel, and I'm sorry. I want to make it up to you. How can I make it up to you?"
"Derek, you don't have to-"
"Please, Addison. Let me make it up to you."
Addison looked into Derek's pleading eyes and sighed heavily. "Fine," she said, "you can make it up to me." She reached for his hand and brought it to her stomach. "You have to help me make sure that she loves Christmas the way that you and I used to…before Mark, before Meredith…back when we were Addison and Derek…back when we were happy. And I don't mean buying her everything on her Christmas list and spoiling her. I mean dressing up as Santa Claus, and helping us hang Christmas decorations, and taking her to Rockefeller Center to see the tree when she's old enough to appreciate it, and drinking Dickensian Christmas drinks with her. I want her to love Christmas the way we used to love Christmas."
"Addison," Derek said softly. "Of course I'll do all that stuff. I can't wait to do all that stuff. But, Addison, what happened, last Christmas…that was between me and you, so let me do something for you." He pulled her in close again, and gently began rubbing her back. "I want to do something for you," he whispered into her hair.
Addison pulled away slightly and met Derek's eyes. Her eyes flickered down to his lips and then back to his eyes, before she leaned in and kissed him softly. He responded immediately, running his hands through her hair, as he kissed her deeply, trying to take away the pain she was feeling…the pain they were both feeling. But then Addison began tugging at his t-shirt, and the reality of the situation hit him. They couldn't do this.
"Addison," he panted, pulling away slightly. "Addison, we can't," he breathed, reluctantly breaking apart from her.
Addison looked at him in confusion. "Why not?"
Derek sighed. "Because, you're in a bad place, right now, and I, I don't want to take advantage."
"You wouldn't be taking advantage," Addison insisted. "I want this."
Derek shook his head. "You don't want this. Not like this. You're upset about Bizzy…and last Christmas. You don't want this…not really, at least."
"You know what, Derek, I am upset. I'm upset about Bizzy, and I'm upset about last Christmas. And, right now, I either need a drink or I need sex…and I can't drink."
"Addison," Derek whispered, looking into her pleading eyes.
But she didn't say anything back – just continued looking at him expectantly, her pale blue eyes meeting his piercing blue ones. And Derek felt his resolve weakening; he had never been very good at saying no to her. "Okay," he breathed. He gently caressed her cheek before brushing his lips against hers. They could deal with the consequences in the morning.
