Marshall continued to try working on his pile of forms begging for completion in his in box. The problem was he couldn't concentrate. One part of him was feeling guilty for snapping at his mother and the other was trying to figure out if he was wrong.
He had spent the morning looking for opportunities within the Marshals Service. The farthest places he was able to find were Alaska, Guam, Seattle and the Virgin Islands. All of them would allow him to put plenty of distance between him and his family, Stan and Mary.
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the elevator ping. Looking up he was surprised to see Stan. The chief wasn't supposed to be back until tomorrow.
"Stan, everything go okay?" Marshall asked.
"Everything went fine. Could you please step into my office?"
Marshall took a deep breath and let it out before standing up to follow Stan into the office. He shut the door before taking the seat that Stan indicated.
"We need to discuss our conversation," Stan said.
"You weren't supposed to be back until tomorrow. I still haven't made my decision. I have looked up the opportunities available and the locations that I'd consider transferring to," Marshall replied, honestly.
"I realize that Mary said something to upset you even after I told her to stay away from you which is why she's suspended. While I'd normally take myself out of this and let your argument stay between the two of you; I'm making an exception in this case because it affects this office. I apologize if you think this is inappropriate, but I feel that there isn't any choice in the matter.
Mary knows that what she said was wrong, inappropriate and hurtful. We discussed what was said and she has been informed that if she disobeys a direct order again she will be suspended before being transferred. I'm working on trying to make things more balanced here for everyone. It shouldn't have taken this long for that to happen. Mary is also working on dealing with her issues. I would hope that after all of these years at this office you'd be willing to give us a second chance so that we can work things out. If you still think it's in your best interest to isolate yourself from everyone that cares about you we can discuss a possible transfer."
"What happens if I stay and train Charlie and those positions are no longer open? Once Charlie is trained, does he stay my partner or do I get Mary back? I need to know what your expectations are for me if I do stay."
"Where were you looking at?" Stan asked, wondering just how far Marshall was trying to go.
"Alaska, Guam, Seattle and the Virgin Islands," Marshall replied.
That didn't sit well with Stan. He didn't want Marshall leaving at all. He needed to figure out a way to keep him here before he attempted to transfer to places they'd likely never see him again.
"I can't guarantee you those places will still have openings, but I can guarantee that any office would be thrilled to have you. If you don't want Mary as your partner, then we can keep you and Charlie together. I expect you to continue doing the job with the same integrity that you have always done. The only other thing is that there maybe a time when you and Charlie would have to work with Mary. I need to know that you can still do so."
"I can work with her Stan, but I just can't be her partner right now. I'm not sure that I can be her partner again."
"What about your family?"
"That's a different matter, which won't interfere with my job."
"If you need to talk to me, you know that my door is always open. I'm still not completely sure where you lost complete faith in me, but I hope you know that I will be here for you if you need me," Stan said.
"Thank you. Is there anything else or can I get back to my paperwork?"
"For now, that's all," Stan replied, watching Marshall go back to his desk. He wasn't sure what to think about all of this. The only sign of hope he had was Marshall did want to know what a future would be if he trained Charlie.
/\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
Mary waited for Seth to arrive. She was not looking forward to this conversation. They both had a lot to answer to Marshall for. It was a combination of the years of both of them combined with his brothers that had finally pushed him to his limits.
Stan had just shown to her that he was going to lay the law down if she stepped out of line. There would be no more looking the other way. A part of her had always known that a moment like this would come, but she hadn't thought it would be Marshall that had caused the change to occur.
The doorbell rang and she stood up to let Seth into her home.
Mary felt anxious about this conversation and briefly wondered how many times Seth intimidated Marshall as a child just by his sheer presence and lack of understanding.
"Something to drink?" Mary asked, realizing she had just done this routine earlier.
"A glass of water," Seth replied, trying to figure out how to broach the subject. There was no room for diplomacy and no matter what happened he still had to admit that the problem stemmed from more than anything that happened here.
Mary gave Seth his water before sitting down on her sofa.
"Mary, what happened to Marshall? I thought after the accident we began making progress with him. He seemed okay with Rachel and I coming here. I don't understand how things changed so quickly."
"That would actually be my fault. Marshall was already nervous about your visit. He expects the failure report card from you every time he sees you. It's what he knows. Hell, he left early to try to make sure his house was up to your expectations. Before he left though, he had a conversation with Stan that ended up with me being benched from a job, which I couldn't admit was my fault for not telling Stan the truth about a few things. It would actually require me admitting to certain indiscretions," Mary said, before standing up and pacing before continuing.
She wasn't used to being this honest with anyone, but Marshall. This time, she knew that if their relationship were to be fixed they were all going to have to admit their flaws to one another if they intended to reach Marshall.
"I take it you decided to make my son aware of your anger at the situation," Seth replied, with a sigh.
"Marshall hit close to some truths that I didn't appreciate. I responded in my normal manner by striking back the only way I knew."
Seth pinched the bridge of his nose, before releasing a deep breath. He knew exactly what she said because it would have been the same thing he'd have done under the circumstances. It was strangely eerie the similarities between the two and yet their differences were vast. She accepted Marshall for who he was and depended on him.
"I take it my name came up in that conversation," Seth said, unable to hide is frustrations.
Mary just nodded her head in agreement. "What happened last night? Something did because I've never seen you this worried before. I know we've only met a few times, but you have a lot of the same mannerisms and facial expressions as Marshall." Seth pinched the bridge of his nose, before releasing a deep breath. He knew exactly what she said because it would have been the same thing he'd have done under the circumstances. The similarities between the two of them were oddly eerie and yet, their differences were vast. She accepted Marshall for who he was and depended on him.
"I take it, my name came up in that conversation," Seth said, unable to hide is frustration.
Mary nodded her head in agreement. "What happened last night? Something did because I've never seen you this worried before. I know we've only met a few times, but you have a lot of the same mannerisms and facial expressions as Marshall."
"I tried to talk to Marshall last night about what happened on Christmas Eve, but I could see him looking to escape. I changed the subject and he snapped. Not that the words he said were untrue because they were. Rachel came out to try and calm Marshall down and that's when he questioned her. Marshall is slipping away from us and it has a lot to do with the way that you and I interact with him. We're both a lot alike and don't do this touchy-feely stuff at all. Marshall is going to need us to, if we are going to have any chance at keeping him from locking himself away from us. I need to know how far you're willing to go to help Marshall. If you can't do what needs to be done in order to get him to give us another try, then I need you to walk away from him."
"No way in hell, am I giving up on Marshall. You aren't going to bully me into it either. Anything you throw my way, I guarantee that I can take it and fling it back twice as hard. I'm doing my part by working on my issues. I know that I can't help him until I help myself. Can you? Are you willing to admit your flaws when it comes to Marshall? Will you actually admit that you isolated your son because he wasn't like you, but yet has managed to succeed in a world you deemed him unfit for? Can you intervene and deal with the sons you do understand, holding them accountable for the way they continually harass him? Marshall needs us all to stop teasing and picking on him for the things that make him the special person he is. I'm willing to fight to get him back. Are you?" Mary asked heatedly.
"I have no intention of letting my son slip completely away from me. I realize that there are changes needed to be made by all of us where Marshall is concerned. Yes, Gavin and Kyler are easier to understand. Trying to change Marshall from who he was, turned out to be a really bad decision on my part. I did it because I wanted to protect him, but in the end, I hurt him more than I ever thought possible. You're going to need to curb your temper when talking to Marshall. It may be part of who you are, but he cannot handle it right now. He needs someone he can trust, and after last night, I'm beginning to think that person is Stan."
"Stan's accepted Marshall for who he is. He had always let Marshall tell him the trivia none of us had the patience for and an open door policy for coming to talk to him whenever he needed it. You and I have a tendency not to do that for him. We've both taken him for granted and that would have to stop. We need Marshall to be willing to give us time to change. We're not going to overnight."
Seth couldn't help but smirk a little at that. "Stan's been more of a father to Marshall then I have."
"Look, I'm probably going to step over normal boundaries here, but since nothing is normal any more I'm doing it. Marshall needs you to accept him for who he is, which you already know. You actually need to learn to talk to him and not at him. Don't judge him by your standards and, for once, try and understand him and show interest in what he likes, instead of criticizing it because it's not up to your standards."
"Are you going to figure out how you feel about my son? You know how he feels about you and yet, you choose to look the other way. If you can't be what he needs then let him know so he can move on. Don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. You admitted it, the second you said you broke his heart. Are you trying to protect him or yourself? I may not know what your past is, but it's obvious from your behavior that someone has hurt you deeply and you build up walls to protect yourself. I'm guessing that you care about my son more than even you've realized or admitted to yourself. He's not the person who hurt you and would he ever be. Marshall is loyal to a fault. You did something to break his trust and somehow I doubt it was an accident. We both have hard truths to face about ourselves and how our behavior affects Marshall. Don't hurt him anymore than you already have," Seth said, getting up from the couch.
They both had a lot of thinking to do about everything that has been said.
Mary watched Seth as he walked to the door. He didn't look like the man she met during Operation Falcon. She knew it had to have been tough on Marshall, growing up in a home where failure really was an expectation and measuring up to Seth's standards for Marshall would have been impossible, but the one thing Mary realize about Seth was that he loved his son. He just didn't know how to show it. It was the biggest similarity they shared.
/\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
Marshall arrived home from work to see the rental car gone. Walking into the house he could smell the food in the oven and someone puttering in the kitchen. Knowing full well that his Dad wouldn't be cooking that meant his Mom was home and his Dad off somewhere.
"Mom?"
Rachel had heard the front door open and could tell by the steps it was Marshall. After last night, she really didn't have a clue on how to deal with her son. The fact that he was having doubts about her had scared her and she'd slept horribly last night.
"In the kitchen," Rachel called out.
"Where's Dad?" Marshall asked, walking into the kitchen.
"He ran out for a little while. How was work?"
"Boring, working catching up on paperwork. Still haven't been cleared for the field yet," Marshall replied.
"Can we please go out to the other room and talk about last night? The food is cooking and won't be done for another hour."
"Let me change first, and I'll meet you there."
/\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
Rachel watched as Marshall headed down the hallway. She just hoped that he would hear what she was saying and not just the words spoken. They needed to get his barriers lowered in order for them to have a chance at restoring their relationship. They would need to finish their conversation before Seth got back. If Marshall felt the need to raise his voice to be heard, then so be it. If her husband was here, she didn't trust him not to think before responding to whatever their son said. It worried her that it would be the final blow and Marshall would leave them all behind.
Unwilling to let her thoughts travel down that road, she took a seat and waited patiently for Marshall. The sound of his bedroom door opening has her sitting up straight.
/\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
Marshall had debated about changing as slowly as possible, but figured it was best to have this conversation before his Dad returned. Marshall was surprised that his father hadn't intervened last night.
Marshall rubbed the back of his neck, trying to ease some of the tension, as he sat on the sofa across from his Mom.
"You wanted to talk," Marshall said, softly.
"I need to know why you would think that I could ever be ashamed of you. Have I done something to give you that impression? You were right that something should have been said years ago by both me and your father. It seemed that the words didn't affect you and that you realized that your brothers were teasing you. I'm sorry that I didn't stop it. I should have when it first started. For that I am truly sorry. The last thing I ever want to do was to cause you pain. I love you, Marshall Mann, and I have never been ashamed of you. I'm very proud to call you, son."
"Why didn't you stop it? You always said we weren't supposed to disrespect others and yet, you let Gavin and Kyler do it every day since high school. What am I supposed to think? I just don't get why no matter what I do it's not enough. How come everyone else got what they wanted and I was left out in the cold? I've gone through life following the rules, being the nice guy, trying to be understanding and patient and all I get is dumped on for it. Everyone else breaks or plays by their own rules and end up getting something good. What's wrong with me?" Marshall asked, his voice choking on the last word.
Rachel watched as the tears formed in Marshall's eyes and it broke her heart. Getting up, she moved next to him and pulled him into a hug as he finally released some of the pain that had been bottled up for how long, she wasn't sure.
"If I had any clue how much damage we were doing to you, I would have stopped it. I guess, I thought you would finally tell them to shut up and put an end to it. There is nothing wrong with you, Marshall. One day, you'll get everything that you deserve. Sometimes it takes longer for what we want to fall into place. Please don't give up hope, my sweet boy. Your turn at happiness will come. I promise you. You'll have what you need in time."
Rachel moved so Marshall could spread out on the couch with his head in her lap, like they had done when he was little and hurt. She gently stroked his back while whispering reassurances into his ear, until Marshall finally cried himself to sleep.
/\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
Seth had driven around the city trying to get his head cleared. Mary had some valid points about how he needed to change. He had almost called Stan to see if he could find out how he had become a father figure to Marshall. It had been so easy with Kyler and Gavin. Marshall had always been the sensitive one, and he had never known how to respond to that. His father had taught him that it was a weakness. Seth had learned that it wasn't during Operation Falcon. Marshall's ability to be compassionate and understanding had helped them solve the case. It shed a new light onto his youngest son that for some reason he had overlooked all of these years.
Seth couldn't help but think back to Christmas Eve. Marshall and Mary were both right that he shouldn't have yelled at Marshall for defending himself. He honestly was just trying to stop a blow up before they had upset the children at their family gathering. This whole thing was revealing things about his own shortcomings that didn't feel good. He had let Marshall down time and time again. Hell, he had even joined in on the teasing in years past. What kind of father does that to his own son? Ashamed, that word still haunted him. The only person he was ashamed of was himself and his two eldest sons.
Seth pulled into the driveway. He stared at the house and wondered what he would be walking into tonight. Sensitive was the one thing he didn't do well and he was going to have to learn how and quickly. All the things he had been taught by his own father were to be pushed aside. He was going to start from scratch and make sure he found a way to relate to Marshall. A father should know his son. The fact that he didn't was his greatest failure.
Sighing, Seth finally got out of the car and entered the house. Seeing Rachel on the couch with Marshall's head in her lap, had him concerned. He knew it was the way she had comforted him when he was little and hurting. Their bond had always amazed him.
"Is Marshall okay?" Seth asked softly, not wanting to wake Marshall up.
"No. I'm not sure that we're the right people for him to be talking to either. An outsider who isn't emotionally involved might be his best bet. He opened up a little, but I don't know how to help him boost his self esteem. It's like he's giving up on all his hopes and dreams. He finally hit his limit and doesn't know where to start to pick up the pieces of his heart that we all shattered."
"What do you suggest besides talking to a professional?"
"I suggest that we all learn to listen to him. Be open and honest and try to make him realize that we do love him and always have. We all need to stop attacking him personally on the things that matter to him. We need to be much better to him than we have been. The only thing we can't do for him is find a way to get him to stop burying everything inside. It's not healthy."
Seth nodded and looked at his wife closely for the first time. "Are you okay?"
"No, I won't be okay until his eyes shine with that spark for life he always had. I want to take away his pain and make it all better. It's not like when he was little and I could kiss all his troubles away. I don't know how to heal this heartache. I despise the fact that we hurt him this badly. Things need to change in our family and they need to start changing now."
"They will," Seth said, walking over to Rachel and Marshall. He laid a hand lovingly on Marshall's head. "They'll change. Whatever is necessary will be done."
Rachel's tear filled eyes looked up at her husband. "You never touch him, when he's awake. You need to show him that you care. The two of you have become so distant. You're going to have to make the first move."
"I will," Seth said, before kissing Rachel's forehead.
/\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
Mary began pacing her living room floor after Seth left. His words, her actions and a whole lot of memories played in her mind. Her own realization was also messing with her head. She loved Marshall, but she still didn't want to admit it. She knew if she did that, then her heart would be torn to shreds if he left. That kind of pain she couldn't handle. To lose the only person that she'd ever let into her heart enough to know her would be like losing her father all over again. Yet, somehow, she had a feeling this time it would be even worse. There wouldn't be any question as to why Marshall left.
It was in that instant, Mary finally realized that the pain she was trying to protect herself from was the same pain she had inflicted on Marshall. All the times she discussed her one night stands, Raph, Faber or, hell, even Eps, she had torn a bigger whole in Marshall's heart. In the beginning years of their partnership, before she had met Raph, Marshall had prevented the police from called when her choice for the evening wanted more then a quickie in the backroom and didn't want to take no for an answer. Somehow, her partner appeared to defuse the situation and convince the bar owner not to press charges. She had a feeling he paid for the damage that had been done. He was always protecting her and losing another piece of himself along the way. She had been blind to his loyalty, compassion, friendship and feelings.
She couldn't lie to herself anymore. The speech after her engagement was the one and only time Marshall had actually said the words, but she knew full well how he felt. What the hell kind of person did that make her? It was no wonder he didn't want anything to do with her. If he had done that to her she would've been destroyed. As it is, she couldn't stand to share him with another woman. She had always been jealous any time one had shown interest in him. Faber was his final straw, and justifiably so. Mary knew that Marshall didn't trust the man, but she played with Faber anyways. Things were never the same after that and how could they be? Marshall laid his heart out for her and she stomped all over it without a single thought. Everything was supposed to go back to the way it was before she left on her vacation. It never did and now she might not be able to salvage the friendship she had cherished above all other things.
Mary finally sat on the sofa, dropped her head into her hands and sobbed for hurting Marshall, for all the things she had ever said or done to him. When she finally calmed down she prayed for one more chance to get things right.
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Marshall woke up to find himself in a position he hadn't been in since he was nine and had broken his arm. A huge part of him was embarrassed by the fact he had fallen asleep with his head in his mother's lap after breaking down, but there was also a sense of peace he hadn't felt in a long time. Maybe they had been right and he needed to stop bottling things up so much. A few seconds later, he remembered his father was there and tried to sit up quickly.
"Marshall, take it slowly. You just woke up and no one here cares that you were sleeping," Rachel tried to reassure him.
"I'm an adult, Mom. Not a little kid who should be sleeping with his head in your lap," Marshall replied, firmly.
"You needed the rest and the release of emotions. You felt safe with your mother as you should. Are you hungry?" Seth asked, not wanting to dwell on the situation not knowing how Marshall would react.
"I could eat," Marshall replied, surprised his Dad didn't tell him he was overreacting.
"I'll get the meal out," Seth said, wanting to give Marshall a few more minutes with Rachel.
Marshall watched as his Dad headed back into the kitchen before turning to his Mom.
"Sorry about crying. You shouldn't have to deal with that."
"Don't ever be sorry for having feelings, Marshall. They are a part of you. Being able to let them out or share them with others is a wonderful thing. Don't ever change who you are because you think it's what we want. We love you the way you are. Sometimes we just need to realize that it should be shown more often," Rachel said, before hugging her son.
Marshall closed his eyes and relished the feeling of safety and security he had always felt when wrapped in his mother's arms. He felt bad for doubting her, but he needed the confirmation. This whole thing had him off balance. A part of him already knew he would need to see Shelley about the accident, but he was going to need to talk to her about a whole lot more before he would even trust himself to keep his head clear out in the field.
/\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
Stan was going to pack it in for the night, when he realized he still needed to talk to Mary about whatever had happened in the past that had Marshall concerned for Charlie's safety. He needed to know that before he found another partner for Mary. He had a feeling that it would have to be off the record and to stay that way, but he also was going to make sure that if any of it was as bad as his gut was telling him, that Mary would have to know she had to tow the line or there would be consequences.
Deep down, Stan had faith that Mary could do what needed to be done and regain Marshall's confidence. It would take time and a lot of effort, but Mary would do it for him. He meant the world to her. Stan's fear was that it would be too little too late, as far as Marshall was concerned.
There was hope on that end as Marshall had been concerned about Mary's well being also. The problem was getting them past the pain. The two needed to have a brutally honest conversation before they could move forward. Marshall wasn't up for that yet. Stan knew right now Marshall wouldn't even pass a psych evaluation. His emotions were too caught up in all the drama. Stan needed Marshall to talk to Shelley no matter how much he didn't like it.
Packing up his things, he left the building and turned his car towards Mary's house.
/\\\
Mary woke up when she heard the knocking on her door. She knew it wasn't anyone from her family or they would've just let themselves in. When she opened the door she was surprised to see Stan on the other side.
"Stan, what are you doing here?"
"We only had a partial conversation earlier and I need information from you before picking out a new partner. I wanted to do it when I was off the clock because I have a feeling it needs to be done this way. This is a one shot deal. I won't mention what you tell me again, but you will need to be honest with me about everything. After this discussion happens whatever it is that was done in the past will not repeat itself or there will be consequences for you. Do you understand?" Stan asked.
"Yes," Mary replied hesitantly. She wasn't prepared for this and knew that Stan would be infuriated with her once he knew the truth. As much as she wanted to lie about it, the only way to make things better was to be honest. This was still about gaining Marshall's trust for both her and Stan.
Stan entered as Mary stepped aside. He could tell she didn't want to talk about this by the way she was biting her bottom lip. His instinct was to tell her that it wasn't a big deal and to just forget about it. A brief image of Marshall drunk and angry at the hotel in Vegas flashed in his mind and he knew he couldn't resort to old habits. It wouldn't end well.
"Do you want some coffee, beer, soda or water? I'm not trying to play hostess, but this could take awhile."
"I'm fine. I'd rather get this over with."
Mary could tell Stan wasn't relishing this conversation anymore than she was. It still had to happen so she sat across from her boss and started with the couple of times Marshall bailed her out after a hook up gone wrong.
Stan stared in shock as she relayed the story and how Marshall calmed the bar owner. He figured she was right about her partner paying retribution for the damage done. He felt the tension grow in his shoulder because if this is where she started he was honestly scared to find out where it ended.
Mary saw the look on Stan's face and knew he figured out things were going to get worse.
"How many times, Mary? How many times did you needlessly endanger yourself and Marshall at a bar after a case? You realize if your partner hadn't been able to calm them down that it could've turned into a bar fight. You could have lost your job. Just because you wear a badge it doesn't give you an excuse to ignore the laws and not get penalized for it. Please tell me that somewhere you gained some common sense and haven't repeated this process," Stan said angrily.
"No, I don't do it anymore. I stopped when I started hooking up with Raph on the side."
"Why did you stop and be honest about it?"
"I knew that I could blow off steam with Raph when I got home."
"Did you give Marshall the details on your little get together with Raph?"
"Stan, you're crossing a very personal line there," Mary warned.
"I don't give a damn. I need to know how many years you hurt Marshall. Intentional or not you're a huge factor in this mess and you trampling over his heart year after year adds fuel to the fire. I really don't enjoy having to get into your personal life, but right now we need to in order to help Marshall. You're not dumb or blind so a part of you knew what you were doing and continued to do so anyways, pretending you didn't see what was staring you right in the face."
"I swear I didn't know at first. So yes, I gave him details. Partners talk about things."
"How many relationships has Marshall had over the years?" Stan asked to make a point.
"His old college professor's aide, a coffee date with Shelley and whoever he had a date with the night of my shooting," Mary replied confidently.
"Who else?"
"Those were the only people he saw."
"That you know of. There were others, but he never shared that with you or the intimate details. Why? It's out of respect. How would you have handled it if Marshall flaunted every person he ever saw or had sex with?"
Mary looked at Stan and felt like he'd stabbed her with a knife. The idea of Marshall seeing anyone never sat well with her to begin with, but to hear about their encounters would have bothered her more than she cared to admit.
"Marshall doesn't do casual sex, Stan. The person has to mean something to him before he would get that involved. The only time I ever knew of details is when I grabbed his cell phone," Mary recalled how embarrassed he'd been when she caught him making out with the professor. It also reminded her of the fact that it had really bothered her even though she covered it up. Hell she went to Raph's afterwards to hook up to make sure that uneasiness feeling vanished from her mind along with the images of what the two were going to do and what they had done according to her message on Marshall's cell phone.
"That's the difference between the two of you. Marshall thinks of the consequences and leaves parts of his personal life private. Yet, he still had to listen to you flaunt flings in front of him. I'm assuming there were other bad choices before Raph came along."
Mary nodded, but didn't say anything.
"Do any of these choices affect your job again?"
"Off the record?" Mary asked, just to be sure.
"Yes, we're still off the record and will be until I leave here tonight. You need to face some harsh truths about how your life affects Marshall's. You need to open your eyes if the two of you even have a chance to make it out of this in one piece."
"I slept with Eps and I told Raph about the job," Mary spilled out, not knowing if she could say the words again.
"You did what?" Stan said, heatedly. Eps he could overlook because he'd made that mistake once although he was at least in love with her, but the other half of the sentence was a huge piece of the puzzle.
"Stan, you heard correctly. It's why Marshall and I were fighting when you were at the conference. He was pissed and rightfully so."
"You realize if this were on the record that you'd be fired? What were you thinking?"
"Raph was pushing about the job. He didn't understand why I couldn't tell him anything. I wanted a chance to have a normal life so I told him and gave him a WITSEC book to help him. It made things worse before the shooting. He was mad and Marshall was mad. I blew off Marshall like usual and justified it by what I needed in my life. Trust me I get the fact that I've given Marshall every reason in the world to walk away from me."
"So you take Faber to Mexico to rub salt into the wound and don't tell me at that point you didn't know what Marshall felt. He told you at the engagement party."
"I know, Stan. I was trying to protect myself from getting hurt and in doing so I hurt Marshall. I know that he's stood by my side through everything and I treated him like dirt. I'm like Seth: both of us love him, but don't know how to show him. I figured that out on my end. Please spare me the lecture about how badly I screwed up. I've seen the pain in his eyes that I helped put there. I damaged Marshall. I admit that I did it. I can't make it right until I can fix me. Do you think there would be any other person that I would go talk to Shelley for? You know how I feel about talking to her, but if it would fix my relationship with Marshall, then I'm willing to bite that bullet."
"At this point, I'm not sure that it will be enough. There are no more second chances here Mary. You need to start following the rules no matter how much you dislike them. I will expect your new partner to report you if you break the rules. You risked your career by sleeping with a witness to scratch an itch. That in itself is bad enough, but risking the security of the job, witnesses and your partner in inexcusable. Your needs do not come above the job. It's time you realized that. Take the rest of the week off and I'll see you on Monday."
"I was only supposed to have one more day of suspension," Mary complained.
"You need the other days off to think about the consequences of all of the things you've done. Do you realize how lucky you are that Raph never said anything? Or what if you were in trouble and someone wanted information in exchange for you? How fast would Raph sell out Marshall for you? Take a long hard look at your past decisions because you will not be making them again. Are we clear?"
"Yes," Mary whispered, she wasn't used to being on Stan's bad side. It wasn't as bad as being on Marshall's, but it came in a close second.
