A/N: This chapter has been a long time in coming (herherher!) I hope it lives up to expectations.
"Why am I so emotional?
No, it's not a good look, gain some self-control.
And deep down I know this never works,
But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt.
Oh, won't you stay with me?
'Cause you're all I need.
This ain't love, it's clear to see,
But darling, stay with me"
Stay with me – Sam Smith
"All I want is to make you happy, Squall."
Chapter 9
Once the engine was cut off and the interior of the car was once again quiet, the two men sat for a few seconds; just as Cloud was about to ask if Squall was alright, the younger spoke.
'Don't think this makes everything alright, Cloud. I'm still mad at you.'
'He seems pretty cool though huh?' Cloud asked, blatantly ignoring Squall's sullen mood. He could cope with the young man being churlish with him, but underneath it all he really did want Squall to be okay with this.
There was a long brooding silence in which, for the first time since telling Squall where they were going, Cloud really began to worry that he might have stepped over the mark somewhat, and he began to try and think of all the possible reason for Squall being unhappy with the events that had just happened. Despite everything thought, Cloud could not settle on a single one. As far as he was concerned, the meeting had been a success. Squall had been given the answers to some of his longest burning questions and the shaded and altogether obscure parts of his past where beginning to take shape. Above all things, however, Squall had managed to find the thing that had been missing from his life for so long: a person who loved him unconditionally, who wanted him and was proud of him, who had fought for him and would continue to fight or him regardless of cost. He had found a father. Cloud could only begin to imagine what that sort of thing might mean to him.
'It doesn't matter,' Squall finally said, looking down into his lap at the box still clutched so tightly in his hands. 'I wanted to meet him when I was ready, not when someone else told me I was.'
Cloud thought the argument a little more than moot at this point.
'Squall, you could have waited for ever to be ready.' He remarked.
'You just don't get it, do you?' Squall replied quickly, turning his guarded gaze on Cloud who sat trying to look magnanimous but was instead beginning to feel rather sheepish. 'People have been making decisions for me my entire life. This was mine. You had no right to take it away from me.'
Finally, with a slow surge of guilt, Cloud began to understand and despite his earlier convictions, he had to begrudgingly concede Squall's point of view. Swept along in his good intentions, he had completely overlooked Squall's fragile independence and burgeoning control of his life. So close was he to the obscure and suffocating patriarchy of the senator's household that he had almost forgotten that Squall was all but a man and he deserved the respect and consideration of one. It was almost too easy to want to protect him – from himself and his insecurities as well as the rest of the world – and it had led Cloud to overlook the very man that Squall was trying so very hard to become.
'You're right. I'm sorry.' Cloud apologised, feeling like the biggest, most insensitive asshole in the world. 'I… I didn't think of it like that. I just didn't want you to miss out on… I didn't want you to wake up one morning and regret not taking that chance, you know?'
Squall sighed heavily, his wrung out emotions made him feel exposed and raw and he was unused to someone seeing that side of him. It made him want to leap from the car shut himself away in his room and never emerge. How was it that people lived their lives like this: open and exposed to other people who could cause such terrifying feelings?
'I… I'm not angry that we went,' he finally managed to get out. 'I've been waiting to hear the truth about what happened to my family since before I can remember: now I know. I'm not angry at you for that. I just wish… I guess I just wish we could have done it on my terms.' Squall managed to stutter out, too afraid of offending his protector by actually fleeing from the car. Despite how terrified he was, he'd never want to hurt Cloud like that; the man had done so much for him already.
'I get it, Squall. I'm sorry, I should have thought of that.' Cloud reached up and dragged his hand through his hair with an exasperated sigh. He'd never meant to make Squall feel powerless and the knowledge that he had done so made him want to kick himself.
'Thank you, though.' Squall said, surprising the blond who turned to him, blue eyes bright with confusion. Squall cut him a sidelong glance through choppy bangs and smiled a small delicate smile, his features tentative and unsure. 'For caring enough. You… you were right, he does seem nice. I'd like to see him again.'
Cloud smiled fondly at his companion and let an unfamiliar feeling of warmth spread through his chest; bleeding from his heart as it filled him up. Had he any sense about himself, Cloud would have snuffed the emotion out completely – extinguished it with cold waves of hard reality – but by the time it had washed over him, it was already far too late. He was under; completely submerged in a tidal force of affection and something else so powerful. He reached across and placed his fingers under Squall's chin, tilting the young man's face towards him. He had meant to say you're welcome but instead, the words that came tumbling from his mouth – uttered so gently – surprised them both.
'All I want is to make you happy, Squall.'
The brunet's large grey eyes widened a fraction, the pupils dilating visibly as his chest convulsed with a sudden, stunted breath.
'You do.' He replied in a whisper.
Cloud couldn't have pinpointed when it had become true, but in that moment, he realised it was now his only waking motivation. His life had become about protecting Squall, caring for him in a way that was unselfish and alien to him and it had happened so gradually, so innocuously, that he hadn't even noticed it. The realisation was both terrifying and empowering.
'Thank you,' Squall said again, reaching up to thread Cloud's hand into his own, 'for being there with me.' He kissed the tips of the older man's fingers, the sensation of his lips against Cloud's skin sending trembling jolts of lust to the blond's groin.
With complete disregard for where they were and who might see them, Cloud reached across the console, cupping Squall's face with his other hand and kissed him, pushing all of his staggering and newly exposed feelings into it as he parted the young man's lips with his own. He brushed his tongue against teeth, allowing the younger to open up his mouth as Squall's hand found its way into Cloud's hair to pull him closer. A small throaty moan escaped the brunet; the sound of it pressed into Cloud's mouth as Squall gently sucked the blond's bottom lip into his own.
The way that Squall kissed him – the heat that burned inside of him when the brunet put his mouth on him – made Cloud feel that long-ago discarded sensation of desire and it was so brutal, so fresh, that he was made senseless by it. He had no idea when these kisses had become about something more than comfort, but it was fast becoming apparent to Cloud that they were now far from innocent. His straining erection was evidence enough that his desires were deeper than mere friendship. Even the simplest of touches seemed to ignite a maddening will to push Squall down over the nearest convenient surface and fuck him senseless and the very thought terrified him. Of all the many reasons why Cloud shouldn't be getting involved with the young man, the most obvious was that he was supposed to be protecting him, not seducing him. Yet even the soundest reasons couldn't stop him from touching him – kissing him – whenever he could.
With the echoes of his uncontrollable desires and arguments about why he shouldn't be doing this filling his mind, Cloud gently pulled away and tucked a few errant strands of chocolate coloured hair behind Squall's ear. The brunet looked at him, mouth slightly open in a breathless gasp, the look in the younger man's eyes no doubt mirroring his own: a confused and frightened plea. What are we doing?
Cloud couldn't reply. He had no answers and even less compulsion to stop even though every fibre of his being told him that this would only end in hurt. Nothing good could ever come from getting involved with Squall Leonhart, yet he was charging headlong towards it anyway.
'We should get inside.' Cloud said at last, pulling away from Squall.
The younger man nodded absently, his gaze falling away as he once again became unsure and awkward; the fire that had stoked his brashness had been burnt away to reveal the seventeen year old kid that he really was, any confidence in his own identity – his own sexuality – smothered by the glaring reality of the situation.
'Ansem will be expecting me.' He replied, his voice croaky with diffused lust.
They climbed out of the car together, walking slightly apart as they wondered down the gravel path back towards the mansion and parted ways at the entrance to the immaculate gardens; Squall entering the house through the kitchens and Cloud disappearing down into the service entry, the lingering taste of Squall still in his mouth and the burning remnants of lust still heating his skin.
Squall sat at the dining table all alone, his meal that had been selected and prepared for him half eaten and growing cold as he stared down at the photograph in his hands; the image cradled gently in reverent fingers. He had found it in amongst the box of treasures his father had given him and it had instantly become his favourite. The picture showed his mother and father sat proudly in a garden somewhere in the past, the sunlight reflecting through the dappled leaves of an apple tree and it peppered them with spots of golden light, the baby held in his mother's arms smiling toothlessly. It was easy to see that this had been taken not long after he had been born and the perfect image sent a confusing mixture of gladness and longing through him. It was so strange to know that his life had been so perfect once – long ago before he could even remember. It was as if the precious memories had been stolen from him, locked away in the recesses of his infant mind to torture him later in life. This was what he wanted so badly. The image he held in his hands was the thing he had longed for his whole life, and it had ended so long ago. It wasn't fair.
Yet Squall Leonhart was used to dealing with how unfair life could be. Growing up in the orphanage and then with Ansem had prepared him for that. Yet this felt different. This really, truly felt so soul crushingly unfair. The unjustness of it made his chest feel tight – constricted – with indignation. Why had he been denied this, what had he done to deserve it?
He had tried all his life to be a good person, to obey the rules and please his elders: first Matron, and then Ansem, who had been the hardest and most elusive to impress. It hadn't been until Squall's early teens that he'd realised trying to live up to Ansem's expectation was never going to work, and that the man was barely interested in anything he did. Even so, Squall had still tried. It had been a life-long habit that had proven hard to break, and even now, he still held some small spark of hope that his foster father might one day acknowledge all the things he'd achieved.
That realisation made him angrier than any other. Remembering Laguna's words as he'd explained the circumstances of Squall's adoption, the brunet found it hard to keep his rage in check. He had no proof, yet the idea that Ansem could have adopted him as part of a publicity stunt to get him elected to the senate was not all that far-fetched, and Squall had a terrible, crushing feeling that it was true.
The young man fought back the stinging sensation in the back of his eyes, angry at himself that he should feel so betrayed by a man who had never shown him an ounce love in the first place. Yet for many years, Squall had seen Ansem as a sort of father figure and had wanted the man's affections. Knowing how little he'd truly meant to the man was beyond painful.
'There you are.' A stern voice called from the north entrance of the kitchen making Squall jump. Recognising Ansem's tone, he quickly stuffed the picture back into his pocket and picked up his knife and fork, feigning interest in his diner.
'You skipped lessons to go into town to look for clothes today.' The senator said briskly, coming to a stop beside Squall's chair.
'It was for a suit, for next week.' The brunet corrected him, pushing a potato around his plate with the flat of his knife. 'It was cleared with Tsung. Cloud took me.'
'Hn. Did you find one?' Ansem sniffed.
'No.' Squall shook his head.
'You'll make up the hours of study you missed tomorrow night.'
Squall dutifully nodded his head, his outward appearance mild and respectful as inside, his heart was hammering with useless anger. In all honesty, Squall hardly knew what was stopping him from telling Ansem to go fuck himself. He had no more interest in playing the man's games and now, knowing what he knew, Squall was finding it harder and harder to remain silent.
'We have a rehearsal dinner this weekend. Your birthday next week is an important event. The Dean of the university will be attending and I expect your behaviour to be impeccable. Half of the senate will be there. Do you understand, Squall?' Ansem asked, as if Squall were a small child in need of instruction, his voice terse.
Squall wondered why the man even bothered to ask. His behaviour had always been impeccable and he'd never given the senator a reason to question that.
'Yes Sir.' He ground out.
'I'm serious, Squall. The press will be there, this is an important event for me.'
'Another publicity opportunity for you then?' The words were out of Squall's mouth before he could stop them and even afterwards, in the thick, oppressive silence that followed, he couldn't bring himself to regret saying them. He had so much resentment inside of him, all of it aimed at this man. The hijacking of his birthday for yet another photo opportunity was only the tip of the iceberg.
'And what is that supposed to mean?' Ansem's smooth voice was dark and deadly and it reminded Squall of exactly whom he was dealing with. Ansem was no fool. He was powerful and capable, and he had proven on more than one occasion that he was not to be crossed; Squall had the scars to prove it. In an instant, the brunet realised the implications of his rash words.
'Nothing.' He quickly returned, ducking his head and tried to return his attention to his forgotten diner.
There was a long and unbearable length of time in which Ansem stood over him, the heat of his stare striking daggers into Squall who sat, completely unable to eat, his head prickling and his shoulders snapped taught. Eventually, like a snake striking in slow motion, Ansem's hand reached out, snatching Squall's plate away from him. He shoved it up the long table, the clatter of it deafening in the dense silence.
Unwillingly, Squall flinched.
'I think you're done here. Go to your room.' Ansem bit, uncaring that the young man had barely touched his food.
Quickly, Squall put down the knife and fork he was still clutching, ashamed to realise that his palms were hurting from clutching them so tightly and stood up, keeping his head low and his eyes averted from the imposing man who towered above him. Before he could take another step away from the dining table, Ansem had reached out, as quickly as he'd snatched the plate away and gripped Squall around the face, his large hands digging into the flesh of the brunet's jaw.
Squall stood motionless, his arms locked at his sides as his impotent anger swirled inside of him. He kept his eyes downcast, unwilling to give the senator the satisfaction of meeting his gaze.
'A word of caution.' Ansem began, bringing his face mere inches to Squall's. 'Lose the attitude before next week, or I will make you wish you had never been born. Do I make myself clear?'
He didn't wait for Squall to answer. He released the young man's face from his grip, flinging the boy away in a spiteful shove.
Squall stumbled, his footing unsteady as his shoe caught in the spokes of the chair that had been pushed out behind him and he fell forwards, landing heavily on his hands and knees on the harsh tiled floor. His palms stung from the impact and his face felt heated from the humiliation of being thrown, but before Squall had a chance to right himself, the senator had walked past him and disappeared and Squall was left alone to pick himself up to return to his room.
As he reached the top of the stairs, the soft plush carpet sinking beneath his feet, Squall stopped. To his right, along the shadowed corridors filled with expensive art lay his own room, empty and cold – its décor a clone of the rest of Ansem's expansive mansion. To his left, lay the way to the service quarters. The long row of single bedrooms for staff onsite was situated towards the back of the large house hidden in a maze of twisted corridors.
The young man stood still, his desire to disappear to his own sanctuary as he normally would was not there, and after the emotional day he'd had, Squall had never felt less like being alone. In the years before, when a desire for company had hit him like a winding punch to his gut, he'd never had an option but to push it down and retreat, alone to his room. Yet now, as he felt that overwhelming need for human companionship, he knew that Cloud's door would open for him.
Turning left, he began the walk towards the quarters and eventually came to a stop outside a familiar door. Before he could lift his fist to knock, his mind began to question what he was doing there. What would his excuse be? He briefly wondered if telling Cloud the truth would be an acceptable enough reason: that he simple didn't want to be alone right now, before the decision was removed from his hands as his name was called from down the corridor.
'Squall?'
The young man turned to see Cloud walking towards him, his suit jacket thrown over his arm and his tie pulled loose to reveal his top button undone.
'What are you doing here?' The blond asked, coming to a stop beside the young man.
'I…'
When his brain refused to think of a good enough reason and the silence had stretched long enough to become uncomfortable, Cloud raised a hand and placed it on Squall's shoulder.
'Are you alright?' Cloud asked him, concern clear in his tone.
Squall nodded, not entirely sure that he was but unable to explain why he was feeling so vulnerable, his stretched and battered feelings so close to the surface. He had been an expert in hiding them once – pushing them down so far that he could convince himself that he didn't feel anything, yet now, as he stood in front of Cloud, he knew that there was no way to deny that he was feeling weak.
He realised his stoic mask must have crumbled slightly when Cloud reached up to brush a thumb over his cheek, worry clear in his bright blue eyes.
'What's the matter?' The blond said, waiting patiently for an answer.
'Nothing, I… I just….' Squall stumbled again, unable to find a way to ask for the comfort he wanted. His desire for companionship – for another person whom he was connected to – was not a new one, yet there had never been a single individual in his life who had ever come as close as Cloud had to being that person. His desire to reach out and let Cloud in was only matched by his fear of it.
'Do you want to come in?' Cloud asked, seeming to sense that something was deeply troubling the brunet.
Squall looked dumbly at the closed bedroom door, knowing that on the other side he would find a sort of quiet and peace that even his own room had never been able to provide. He nodded his head once, not wanting to show his eagerness.
He followed Cloud into the room, shutting the door behind him. He watched the older man throw his jacket across the back of a chair and remove his tie before he turned to Squall, a look of puzzled concern on his handsome face.
'What's the matter, Squall, did something happen?' Cloud asked again, pushing gently.
'No.' Squall lied, feeling even now the fading sting in the palms of his hands from where they had connected with the kitchen floor. He looked up and met Cloud's gaze and felt again that strange and uncomfortable peeling away of layers. This time, his emotions were so close to the surface that he knew he had no chance of remaining elusive. His heart sped up as that vulnerable feeling washed over him and he knew that there was only one thing that had ever given him even a miniscule amount of courage around this man – only one thing that had ever made him feel strong and brave when faced with eyes that could crumble him so completely.
Without thinking, he stepped forward and placed himself up against Cloud, the older man opening his arms and wrapping them around him instinctively as Squall placed his palms to the flat of the blond's chest. With a small nudge of his nose against Cloud's, he kissed him, the contact turning deep and needful almost instantly.
Taken aback by the brunet's boldness, yet thrilled by it all the same, Cloud tightened his hold around Squall's waist, the feel of the younger man's hands on his chest hardening his nipples even through the cotton of his shirt. He let him lead the kiss, enjoying the feel of Squall's tongue against his lips and the hot moistness of his mouth. Instantly that fire that had heated his skin once already today was stoked again and he felt his cock responding to it, twitching and pulsing as it stiffened and strained against the material of his pants. A slight shiver rippled through him as he felt Squall's hands slide lower, rubbing his shirt against his sensitive skin as the young man's hands dipped to the waist band of his trousers, tugging lightly at the cotton tucked into it to free it.
As trembling fingers touched the taught, twitching muscle of the blond's stomach, Cloud pulled back slightly, breaking the kiss with a startled moan.
'Squall, I don't-'
'Please, Cloud.' Squall whispered, not really sure what he was pleading for but knowing he didn't want to stop just yet. He had no desire to go back to the quietness and isolation of his bedroom.
'Do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into here?' Cloud asked, needing to know that Squall understood everything: every risk and possible messy outcome. With one kiss, it had become painfully obvious what Squall had come here for, and even though Cloud was more than willing to let himself luxuriate in Squall's body, he couldn't let himself fall until he knew that Squall understood.
Squall nodded, his eyes wide.
'I know. Please Cloud, I just… I need you.' Squall confessed, feeling a hot, searing humiliation roll over him.
Those words, whispered so sinfully, all but knocked Cloud from his feet. In the space of a few hushed words, any argument that Cloud might have put up was obliterated. Coupled with the needy look in the brunet's eyes and the way he was still gently stroking a thumb just under his belly button, Cloud couldn't have stood a chance.
With one hand he reached up to tangle his fingers into the hair at the nape of Squall's neck and with his other, he pressed lightly against the small of his back, bringing their bodies flush against each other's. Cloud kissed him, enjoying the small whimper that slipped from the brunet as the force of it took him by surprise – the contact of their bodies and their all too obvious arousals hot and fierce. Leaning into him, Cloud felt Squall step backwards and he followed him, pushing the brunet until his back hit the door. Rolling his hips slightly, he was rewarded with another breathy moan and the feel of the younger man's arousal pressed hungrily to his own.
With a knowing hand, he let go of the back of Squall's neck and reached down for the lock on the door, snapping it shut. The sound of it broke the kiss and for the space of a few wildly pounding heartbeats, Squall stood there, leant up against the door, his hands still kneading the flesh of Cloud's hips under his shirt.
'I… I've…' Squall stuttered, struggling to swallow, 'I've never done this before.' He confessed, needing Cloud to know. It wasn't that he was ashamed, but a large part of him knew that it was important.
The confession caused Cloud's throat to tighten and his heart to skip wildly. For a fleeting second he felt guilty, wondering whether he should be concerned that he might be taking advantage of Squall, who was after all still young. But the look on the brunet's face – the way he had kissed him and pleaded with him – told him that Squall was far from a child being coerced into this. He dipped his head and kissed him lightly, closing his eyes to enjoy the feel of soft lips against his. He pulled back and ran a gentle hand along Squall's jaw, caressing the place where only moments before the senator had gripped him.
'Are you sure you want to do this?' Cloud asked, wanting to hear the brunet say it – needing more than hungry looks.
Squall nodded, his eyes flicking to Cloud's mouth that was so dangerously close to his own.
'I'm sure. Please, Cloud, I want this.' Squall replied, afraid that the older man might pull away – intimidated by the significance of Squall's inexperience.
The brunet's words sent a caustic jolt of lust straight to Cloud's groin and any doubt, any reticence he might have felt was gone in an instant. He leaned forward and kissed him again, moving his hand from the small of Squall's back to run up and down his sides, gently.
'We'll go slow, okay?' He mumbled into the young man's lips, feeling the small nod of acknowledgement and a ripple of pleasure as Squall's hands found their way higher up underneath his shirt.
Shaking fingers brushed lightly over a peaked nipple and Cloud shuddered, his own fingers gripping the fabric of Squall's t-shirt as he pulled it up, slowly revealing smooth pale skin. Moving his kisses along Squall's jaw and down the column of his throat, he tugged lightly at the rumpled material, coaxing Squall to lift his arms.
Sliding the shirt off completely, Cloud leaned back slightly, admiring the taught chest of the young man. With his fingers he traced the curve of his pectoral, circling a nipple with his thumb and followed, with his eyes, the line of his stomach as it disappeared enticingly into a 'v' at his hips, a small train of dark hair sat underneath his belly button.
Cloud dipped his head and placed a moist kiss to Squall's collarbone, relishing in the feel of his skin beneath his lips and the way that the brunet threaded his fingers into his hair. He could feel the thump-thump of Squall's heart and hear his shallow, panting breaths. With more self-control than he'd ever give himself credit for, Cloud kissed his way down the young man's sternum, venturing out to take a hardened nipple into his mouth as he passed and was thrilled with the way Squall bucked up into him – his inexperienced body responding so naturally to Cloud's mouth.
Gently rolling the nub between his teeth, Cloud gave it once last tug and continued on, gradually sliding to his knees as he kissed his way down Squall's stomach, enjoying the way it quivered and twitched. He skimmed the line of his hips with his mouth, softly pressing his cheek to the brunet's abdomen as his hands came up to slide against Squall's buttocks, gently kneading the soft flesh through the course fabric of his jeans.
With tentative strokes, Squall ran his fingers through Cloud's hair, unable to help the small flinches and quivers as the man's mouth set his skin burning.
In all of his wildest fantasies, he'd never imagined these sensations were possible and watching Cloud as he lowered himself to his knees in front of him, he felt an overwhelming feeling of control and power. The man made him feel secure and untouchable, yet undeniably fragile as he felt himself falling apart – unable to stop himself or the way his lust grew stronger with each sensitive press of lips to his skin.
Cloud pulled back, framing the young man's hips with his hands as he looked up at Squall, his eyes bright and wide, shining with a desire that Squall had never experienced. It was overwhelming to know he was the cause of it.
Sitting back on his heels, Cloud reached for the laces of Squall's boots, untying them and carefully lifting each leg to pull them off, stripping his socks off to leave him barefoot, then running his hands back up strong, denim clad legs; Cloud's fingers came to rest on Squall's belt.
Looking back up at him, Cloud held his gaze as he slowly slipped the leather through the buckle, the light jingle sending a pleasant tingling through his stomach as he popped the button and pulled the zipper down. He watched as Squall swallowed thickly, licking his lips unconsciously as Cloud reached up for the hem of his trousers and began to tug downwards, gradually sliding the material off angular hips to let the brunet's erection spring free, the muscle of his thighs twitching under the strain of standing – titled against the door.
Cloud let the jeans fall to the floor, gently coaxing Squall to step out of them before he threw them aside, his attention now back on the young man who was stood, completely naked before him, the smell of his arousal strong in his nose.
Squall watched as Cloud settled himself, enjoying the feeling of his large hands caressing the tops of his legs, kneading the skin just under his buttocks. His breath caught in his throat and a hushed, stilted gasp tumbled from his mouth as he felt the first ghosted breaths against the underside of his cock, the heated moisture a tantalising and explicit sensation. With a small whimper that finally freed up his voice, he watched Cloud place a kiss to velvety smooth skin, the blond's eyes sliding closed as he moved up to the tip and gently pressed his lips around it, gradually sucking the brunet's length into his mouth with a slow and practiced ease.
The trill of Cloud's mouth inching its way down his cock caused Squall's eyes to slide closed and his head to fall back against the wood of the door, his hands automatically reaching up to tangle in Cloud's hair as he gave a breathy moan, his hips bucking ever so slightly as he tried to keep still and let the older man set the pace. The feel of Cloud's tongue – flat and hot against the sensitive flesh – made Squall shudder hard, his legs almost buckling underneath him as Cloud gently sucked and swallowed around him, his lips tightening as he pulled back to the tip, his tongue rolling around his head in maddening swirls before he once again took him further into his mouth.
'Cl… Cloud!' Squall moaned, his fingers tightening in the blond's hair with every swift stroke of his lips. After a few teasing moments, Cloud settled into a comfortable rhythm, just shy of too slow, and within moments, Squall's inexperienced body was brought to the cusp of release.
'Cloud, I'm gonna…' Squall cried, before he was enveloped in a blistering wave of completion, his cock throbbing painfully as he came – his release stronger than any he'd been able to give himself. He felt Cloud's hands tighten almost painfully against his ass, clenching hard to the flesh as he swallowed and continued to pass his tongue over his sensitive head again and again until Squall was writhing hard, his voiceless gasps leaving his mouth in harsh breathy pants.
With one last long suck, Cloud let Squall's cock fall from his mouth and he stood, running his hands up the brunet's quivering sides to help him stand against the door.
Keeping his eyes closed, Squall felt the heat and heaviness of the man in front of him – still fully clothed – as Cloud leaned down to kiss him. The smell and taste of his release was still on his lips and it sent a deep and heated blush through Squall as he let the blond invade his mouth, too breathless to do anything but relent to the brutal kiss. The feel of this man, who could bring him so much pleasure, was pressing into him and making him dizzy and with shaking arms he reached up and circled Cloud's neck, needing his strength to keep him upright.
For a few moments they stood there like that, Cloud allowing the young man to regain his senses as gradually, bit by bit, Squall returned to himself and opened his eyes.
The look on Cloud's face – far from leaving him sated – seemed to ignite a deeper need to be closer to this man, his quest for human contact not even nearly over. On shaking legs, Squall managed to stand and lift himself away from the door, pushing Cloud back a few paces until they were stood in the centre of the room. Sliding his hands down from around Cloud's neck, his fingers alighted on the first button at the top of his shirt and with fumbling fingers he began to slid each one through the eyelet, gradually revealing the firm, broad chest beneath. Running his hands back up under the material, he slipped the shirt off of Cloud's shoulders and let it fall to the floor.
His mouth suddenly dry, Squall's pupils dilated as he took in the expanse of smooth skin pulled taught over hard muscle, the odd scar marring the perfection here and there. He reached up and traced one with his fingers, running the pad of his index over the raised and puckered texture of a large circular blemish on the man's shoulder. With questioning eyes, he looked up into Cloud's face to find the man looking sad.
'How did you get this?' Squall asked, curious to know how the man had been hurt.
Cloud reached up and captured Squall's fingers in his hand, removing his touch. He kissed them and placed them instead in the centre of his chest.
'It's a long story.' He replied simply.
Sensing the older man's reticence, Squall leaned in and kissed him, his skin goose-bumping with the sensation. As the kiss deepened, Squall grew bolder, letting his hand slide down Cloud's stomach to land – much as the blond's had – on the older man's belt. Cloud's hand came to cover Squall's and he pulled away, blue eyes searching shining grey ones.
'We don't have to.' He told him, not really content with leaving himself so unsatisfied but knowing that Squall was about to take a large leap into his own maturity.
'I want to.' Squall replied, his breath ghosting Cloud's lips as his words managed to finally convince the older man of his last lingering doubts. Pulling Squall to him, he kissed him, turning them around towards the bed and began to walk the younger man backwards. Once the back of the brunet's legs hit the side, Cloud lifted him, hooking his hands under his legs and lay him down, Squall's arms tightening and then slipping from around his neck.
Quickly toeing his shoes off, Cloud placed a knee between Squall's legs and braced himself on strong arms as he lowered himself on top of the young man, whose arms came up to encircle him, pulling him close to his chest as he spread his legs a little wider.
The weight of Cloud – the closeness and heat of him – set Squall's heart pounding once again and he could feel the steady rhythm growing stronger in the pulse point of his neck. Cloud kissed him there, sucking lightly on the juncture where sensitive flesh stretched over bone and he bit down lightly on Squall's clavicle, enjoying the way the younger man bucked up into him.
Reaching down, Cloud began to undo his belt, hurrying through the motions that he had taken so long over with Squall. Slipping his trouser off completely, he settled back down over Squall, the younger man shuddering powerfully as Cloud's erection pressed against Squall's inner thigh.
With slow sure strokes, Cloud worked his hand down Squall's side, massaging the flesh of his hip and thigh as he skimmed a hand between their bodies and gently cupped the younger man, his half hard cock springing back to life.
Within seconds, Squall was hard again, the burning sensations that caused his skin to tingle muted and more manageable after his first release. With a shaking hand, he reached down and tentatively took Cloud's length into his palm, surprised by the heat and weight of it. He could feel it pulsing and throbbing and with each steady stroke he felt Cloud's shudders grown stronger.
'Where do you want me?' Cloud asked, his voice low and deep as he leaned down and kissed Squall, his own ministrations on the younger man's cock making Squall tremble.
Cloud pulled away slightly, resting his forehead against Squall's as he closed his eyes and let the feeling of the brunet's hand relax and sooth him.
Squall wasn't sure how to ask. He knew what he wanted – the image of it causing a faint blush to creep up into his cheeks as the thought of the words passing his lips embarrassed him. Yet he wouldn't let his lingering childish sensibilities get the better of him. He wanted Cloud – Cloud who was a man. He wanted to live up to that.
'I… Inside me.' He stuttered slightly, unable to help the furious blush that coloured his cheeks.
Cloud let out a harsh gasp, Squall's erotic words breaking any self-control he had left. He let go of the young man's cock, reaching out to his bedside cabinet to retrieve the bottle of lotion that was there: never in his wildest dreams had he ever thought he would be using it for this.
Sitting back on his heels, he removed Squall's hand from him, kissing the knuckles as he did and ran his hands up the inside of the brunet's thighs.
'Lift your leg.' He coaxed, enjoying the flush that coloured Squall's face at his words.
Slowly, Squall complied, lifting his right leg and bent it at the knee, exposing himself in an obscene manner that left his heart pounding wilding in his throat. He watched as Cloud uncapped the bottle, pouring the lotion onto his fingers and then his hand disappeared between his legs, a small jolt of shock making him flinch as a cool sensation touched him.
Cloud leaned over him, bracing himself above the brunet on one arm as he began to circle and spread the lotion around Squall's opening, feeling the tremors that racked the young man's body as he gently caressed and teased. Leaning down to captured the brunet's open mouth in his, he distracted him with his lips as gradually he worked a finger inside, feeling Squall's nervousness through his hands as they came to Cloud's sides, gripping the flesh of his hips in time with Cloud's probing finger.
'Relax,' Cloud whispered against his mouth, 'tell me if it hurts and I'll stop.'
Squall shook his head, unable to pinpoint exactly what he was feeling – the sensations entirely new and alien to him.
'Doesn't hurt… just… Just feels weird.' He confessed, closing his eyes, unable to look at the older man while he was touching him so intimately.
Pushing another slick finger against his entrance, Cloud watched Squall's face as he worked him open, adding more lotion from his palm as he went. As the brunet's breathing began to even out, his gasps becoming deeper and the bounce and twitch of his cock became more urgent, Cloud shuffled closer. Sitting back on his heels once again, he managed to pour more lotion over his own erection, his fingers never leaving the tight, hot heat of Squall's body as he stroked and coated himself.
With a strong hand, he slid his arm under the brunet's bent leg and hoisted it into the crook of his elbow, pulling the young man's body closer to him. He leaned forward, removing his fingers from Squall and braced himself, lowering his pelvis to the juncture between the young man's legs.
'Hook your leg around my hip.' He whispered, leaning down to press his face into the comforting warmth of Squall's neck, inhaling deeply.
Squall did as instructed, catching his foot around Cloud's leg to anchor himself and wrapped his arms around Cloud's neck, holding on tightly as he felt the first nudges of something hot and blunt at his opening.
With a few gentle rolls of his hips, Cloud breached the tight ring of muscle, his cock slick with lotion and he felt the instinctive tightening and the aborted gasp against his ear as Squalls arms tightened their hold around his neck and he stilled himself, waiting on the cusp of encompassing heat for the young man to adjust.
'Just breathe.' He instructed, his voice gentle as he kissed Squall's temple and felt the moisture of sweat gathered there.
Squall could do nothing but. All thought had been obliterated from his mind at the burning sensation creeping up his back, his opening stretched to the point of hurt as he slowly drew each breath in, one after the other. His body was tense and snapped taught, his legs locked around Cloud's frame and he had to remind himself to uncoil each one, gradually letting himself relax to the intrusion. With a shuddering breath, he flexed his left leg, nudging Cloud forwards slightly, encouraging him to move. The older man's stillness, poised halfway, was maddening and with a tentative roll of his hips, Squall took more of Cloud into him.
Slowly, with small steady thrusts, Cloud's hips came to sit flush with Squall's backside. Finally seated all the way inside of him, he lifted his head and looked down at the brunet, whose face was flushed, small beads of moisture standing out along his brow.
The sight caused Cloud's cock to swell and jump, the young man feeling it deep inside of him and he opened his eyes at the sensation, his pupils large and round.
'You're beautiful, you know that?' Cloud breathed, completely in awe of Squall's open and vulnerable face, his emotions so exposed as he adjusted to the feeling of someone inside of him.
Squall's arms loosened their death grip around Cloud's neck and he brought his hands around to caress the sides of Cloud's face, his fingers tracing the contours of his cheeks and lips. Carding away Cloud's bangs from around his face, Squall brought their foreheads together, gently nudging his nose against Cloud's before kissing him.
With an experimental roll of his hips, Cloud began to fuck Squall, the small moans and whimpers that escaped the brunet's mouth encouraging him into a steady rhythm. Through agonising minutes of delicious pleasure, Cloud began to build his thrusts, angling his hips until he heard a strangled and intelligible moan and a soft curse.
'Fuck.' Squall chocked out, completely unprepared for the sensation of Cloud's cock stroking a place within him that caused white hot, blinding ecstasy. With some difficulty, Squall tried to speak, his brow creasing as the intensity of being filled destroyed his rational thought.
'Nnh… Need more.' He finally managed, gripping hard to the arm under his leg.
'Touch yourself.' Cloud told him, ghosting the words across his lips as he kissed him messily.
Squall reached down, taking himself in his hand and moaned loudly at the dual sensations of being penetrated and the delicious friction on his cock. The sound pushed Cloud closer to his completion, a searing crackle of lust shooting up his spine as his hips began to thrust harder, the motion of Squall's body swaying under him as he fucked him harder.
'Cloud… Hn - can't…' Squall gasped, gripping the back of Cloud's neck as he jerked himself off, allowing the powerful thrust of Cloud's hips to rock him backwards, again that overwhelming surge of pleasure creeping up on him in waves as all of a sudden it broke free and fell upon him, wracking his body in trembling, convulsing waves of release.
The feel of Squall's hot cum splashing against his belly and the tight constricting heat of his ass caught Cloud off guard and with a stunned cry, he came, pulsing hard and bucking wildly until his arm gave way and he collapsed against Squall's heaving chest. He let the brunet's leg fall from his arm and lay there, face buried in the crook of Squall's neck, feeling the feral tattoo of the young man's pulse against the face.
As the wild, ragged breaths died away, a hand came to rest in Cloud's hair and a small kiss was placed to the shell of his ear. On shaking arms, Cloud lifted himself up, looking down into Squall's face. The brunet stared back up at him, his mouth open slightly as he licked his bottom lip and smiled nervously.
Unable to help himself, Cloud captured that faint smile in his mouth and kissed him deeply, enjoying the feeling of Squall still encasing him, pulsing softly. With careful ease, Cloud pulled out, moving himself to the side and rolling Squall to fit tightly into his arms, his head tucked under his chin and one leg thrown over the younger man's.
He allowed himself to drift, his eyes closing lazily as the heat of the room dissipated and left them in a comfortable haze of drowsiness.
Slowly, they fell into a heavy and contented sleep.
