I've been wanting to do a "talking about L with capital-letter pronouns" fic for a while.

This also serves as "long" for the WHU challenge, though I became attached to the title "Blaspheme."

Character(s): Mello (narrating), L (discussed), Near (discussed)

Setting: meh... any time second arc.

Spoilers: 58+


Blaspheme

What was L to us?

He was our God.

It may seem strange for me of all people to say that, but don't assume that it's just a random whim of mine. I've thought about it a lot.

What is God?

Is God the law-maker, the setter of moral guidelines? Then L was our God. Without a doubt. We based our studies, our actions, our thoughts on His past cases.

Is God the savior? L definitely fits that description—for some of us, at least. Certainly for me. If I hadn't been brought to Wammy's House, I would have gone criminally insane long ago. I'd probably be incarcerated by now.

Or maybe, maybe God is neither of those things. Maybe all God needs to be God is the adoration of his followers. L had that and more. He had our hearts, our minds, our loyalty sworn to him forever. Adoration, longing, love.

By any criteria, He was God.

Except—in the end, He wasn't.

In the end, He was just as human as we are, just as mortal, all too mortal.

Was He a false idol, then?

Maybe—and maybe it's foolish to keep worshipping a false idol after it's been cast down, but… that doesn't stop us. Doesn't stop me, anyway.

Fine, then.

L is God. Would that make Near His priest? Sounds about right—Near is the priest, the leader of worship, the one closest to God. The one who thinks as God does.

But the priest can never become God.

I take bitter comfort in knowing that.

…And I?

I am a blasphemer.

I am the Martin Luther, the John Calvin of L-ism. I am the disowned, the excommunicated priest. I preach against the common beliefs, and perhaps what I teach goes against the teachings of God Himself.

L preaches that laws are justice and should only be broken if utterly necessary; I take a freer interpretation of justice. For a swift and complete execution of justice, sometimes laws must be broken. That is what I preach through my actions.

Oh, I don't have a very large congregation, but there are those who understand. Perhaps Near even does—he is the priest, though, and he cannot and will not dirty his pallid hands. (But if someone else does it for him, then by all means.)

Unable to stand that hypocrisy, I left the "church." It's just as well—L would disown me for my actions anyway. I know that. I realize that, and I accept it. Dare I say that I bear that cross?

Maybe I fool myself—maybe my ideas are too incompatible with God's. Maybe I deserve to be cast aside, to burn in Hell for my actions. But I will never regret them.

Everything I do, I do for my God.