Chapter 9

Donna unlocks her front door and enters into the foyer of her apartment. She kicks off her heels and runs her hand through her hair. It had been a long day and she was glad to finally be home. Charlotte bolted past her, making a beeline for her room, her fiery red hair flying behind her.

"Slow down Charlotte!" Donna called at her retreating form, "your room's not going anywhere!" Donna rolls her eyes as her advice falls to deaf ears.

She makes her way into her bedroom and pulls her phone out of her handbag, checking her messages. Jessica had sent her a long apologetic text, explaining that he had shown up unannounced. All good, not your fault. Have a great night, Donna had texted her back. She knew that he had visited Jessica in town before, but her boss had always made sure that they never met at the office.

She had spent the entire cab ride home trying to process the events that had transpired that afternoon. To say it was a surprise to see Harvey in her office was a gross understatement. Over the years, she had always imagined what it would be like to see him again. She had played out many scenarios in her head. Sometimes it's an emotional reunion, sometimes it's fuelled with anger, and occasionally she fantasizes that he declares his love for her and apologises for all the wrong choices he has made. But she had never figured out the best way to tell him about Charlotte. How she would break the news that she has been keeping his child a secret from him for almost 3 years.

Deciding she needs some advice, she scrolls through her contacts and hits dial, before closing her bedroom door, not wanting any eager ears overhearing.

"Hey Donna," the voice on the other end of the line answered.

"Hey Rachel," she smiles, instantly soothed by the familiar voice. "Are you busy? Or are you ok for a quick chat?"

"I'm just waiting for Mike to finish up so we can leave the office. I'm all ears. What's up?"

"So…Harvey's in Chicago?" Donna asks, though more of a rhetorical question.

"Yes, Mike mentioned this morning he had to fly over for a deposition today," she starts, "did he catch up with Jessica again?"

"Something like that…" the red head replies. "He decided show up at the office and surprise her."

She hears a gasp on the other end of the line.

"What? He was there? Did you see him? DID HE SEE YOU?" the brunette's voice growing louder with each word.

"Mmmhmm…and Charlotte too."

"Oh shit. How did that go down? How did he react? Does he know she's his? And how are you sounding so calm about this?" Rachel rambles, panicking enough for the both of them.

"I don't think he knows she's his yet. I got out of there pretty quickly, but he wants to meet over the weekend to catch up," she replies, "and I can't panic. I need to come up with a game plan, and panicking isn't going to help me at this point!"

Rachel nods on the other end of the line, even though her friend cannot see her.

"So, should I tell him? But how? Do I just rip it off like a band aid and hope he doesn't sue the hell out of me for keeping his child from him?"

"I think all you can do is be honest Donna," her friend responds, a reassuring tone in her voice, "you were both starting new lives and he was getting married. You didn't want to ruin his relationship…" Rachel trials off and bites her lip on the other end of the line. She decides not to say any more. It had been an unwritten rule over the years to not discuss Harvey and his marriage.

Donna sighs and resigns to the decision, "Yea I know I have to. I guess I just needed someone to verbalise it to me as well. I just don't it to affect Charlotte."

"But what if it's a good impact?" the brunette proposes.

"Hmmm…" the red head considers, "well thanks for the chat Rachel, I'll keep you updated."

"Please do. Bye Donna. Give the little one a kiss for me."

Donna lowers her phone and closes her eyes. The Paulson girls are going to have their lives turned upside down this weekend.

..

It's Saturday morning and Harvey is lying wide awake in his hotel bed, fiddling with his phone. He had been sitting there for almost an hour, typing and retyping a text that he has yet to send. He knows she has already informally accepted his proposal to meet this weekend, but he's still nervous.

He turns and glances at the clock on his bedside table. 6:00am on a Saturday was probably too early send a text. She probably won't even be awake to read it, let alone respond for another hour or two. He hovers his thumb over the send button and hits it before he allows himself to hesitate any longer.

Hey Donna, how are you placed today for that catch up? Did you want to grab some lunch?

- H

He lays back down, settles into the soft pillows and closes his eyes. He tries to squeeze in a bit more shut eye before the shops open downstairs. His trip to Chicago the day before was meant to be a day trip so he didn't have any luggage with him. He's in dire need of a few outfits. He lays there contemplating what colour shirt she would like to see on him or whether he should go for a jacket or not. Did he want to come off as casual? Or would she be more impressed by a light suit? He agitatedly grabs his phone and checks the time again. 6.02am.

He drops his phone on the duvet cover next to him and lets out another exasperated sigh.

Suddenly, just as the phone bounces across the bed, it lets out that the universally recognisable *ding*

Hi Harvey, lunch sounds good. Noon? There's an Italian place near mine that C and I love. I'll forward you address.

- D

With a huge grin on his face, Harvey types faster than he's ever typed in his life before.

Great, see you then.

- H

..

Donna checks her appearance in the mirror for the umpteenth time, smoothing down her hair, making sure her makeup is perfect. It has been over three years but somehow Harvey has managed to look better than ever. He was like a fine wine, growing better with age. She applies a bit more concealer under her eyes, conscious of the dark circles, courtesy of having to raise a toddler alone. Sleep is a luxury to Donna these days. She steps back and gives herself a smile, not bad, if she said so herself.

"Charlotte," she calls, "I need to quickly do your hair, then we're leaving soon."

Her mini me appears a few seconds later at the bathroom door, her stuffed bunny in hand, being dragged along the floor behind her. She positions herself in front of her mother obediently, knowing the drill. Donna had always made sure that her daughter looked as impeccable as she did.

She starts brushing out her daughter's hair as the young girl pipes up.

"Where we going?"

"We're having lunch at Carlo's with mommy's friend. Do you remember the man that was in my office yesterday?"

"Mmmhmm," replied the young girl, "I liked him, he's pretty. What's his name?"

"His name is Harvey and he's mommy's friend from before you came along. When I lived in New York."

Charlotte scrunches up her face in confusion, "Before me? Where did I come from then?"

Donna smiled to herself as she finished tying up the red curls in a little ponytail on the top of the girl's head and clipped in a bow. Perfect.

"Now that's a story for another time missy. But right now, let's go to lunch."

..

Harvey waits anxiously outside Carlo's Italian, pacing up and down the sidewalk in anticipation. He had arrived at 11.30am as he wanted to make sure he wasn't late, which means that he has been pacing for almost half an hour. He glances up and down the street again, hoping to see a glimmer of red under the midday sun. And when he does, it takes his breath away.

He meets her eyes and gives her his Cheshire cat grin as the girls approach. A light blush fills her cheeks at the way he is staring at her, she hadn't seen that look on his face for a long time.

"Hey Harvey," she greets him, shuffling on the spot, unsure whether what their protocol is anymore. Does she give him a hug?

He answers her question for her as he reaches over and pulls her in, "Hi Donna, thanks for meeting me."

She melts into his embrace and inhales his scent. It immediately relaxes her and brings back years of memories. He slowly releases her, before looking down at the child at her side.

"Hi Charlotte, don't you look pretty today, I like your dress," Harvey grins at the young girl, adoration in his eyes.

The girl stands up tall, proud of the compliments thrown her way. "Thank you, you're pretty too," she replies, giving her a sweet smile, before pulling on Donna's hand towards the restaurant.

"Ok, let's go in, I'm starving," Donna says, allowing the little girl to lead them into the restaurant. They're seated in their usual corner booth and the girls order their favourites within minutes.

"Do I get a choice in the ordering?" Harvey asks amused, as the waiter walks away with the menus.

"We know the best dishes to order," Donna responds, waving her hand dismissively at his concern, "trust me, I'm Donna."

Her mini me nods beside her, "and I'm Charlotte," giving a serious look, imitating her mother's confidence.

Harvey chuckles and shakes his head as he gives in, already resigning to the fact that he won't win.

Donna observes him from across the table, he appears happier than the last time she saw him at their friends wedding. It must mean that he is happily married, perhaps with a child, and overall content with his life. She squirms a bit in her seat. And now she's going to bring it all crashing down by revealing to him that he has a child out of wedlock that he doesn't know about. She lowers her gaze, almost in dread. But as she does so, she notices his hand. His bare, ringless hand. She was too in shock yesterday to appreciate this tiny detail. There was a tan line on his ring finger, indicating that a piece of metal had once guarded that slither of skin from the sun for an extended period of time. However, it is now free.

"So Donna, how have you been?" his voice interrupts her train of thought, "you look great, being a mother really suits you."

She looks him in the eyes and gives him a smile, being a mother is her proudest achievement in life. "Yes, it's definitely a blessing. Hard work, but the best thing that's ever happened to me," she replies. As anyone in her life can attest, she can happily boast about her daughter for hours, but at this moment, she's most eager to get an explanation for the small detail she had just noticed. "So, how's Paula? You guys are almost at your three-year anniversary?"

Harvey's face falls and his shoulders fall as he leans back into his seat. She almost feels bad for asking the question.

"Paula and I are…going through a divorce. We've been separated for a few months now," he replies, "we weren't on the same page as to what we wanted in our lives together."

Donna bites her lip and reaches across the table, enveloping his hands in hers. As much as he had hurt her over the years, she could never find it in herself to ever want to see him hurting. "I'm sorry," she whispers.

He swallows and looks her in the eyes. Her caring eyes that he had missed so much over the years, the ones that made him want to open up and tell her everything.

"We were trying for a child," he explains, "at least we were meant to be. But after over a year of trying, I found out that she was still on the pill the whole time and lying to me about it. She never wanted kids but never told me."

He looks over at the little girl opposite him. She had her head down, concentrating on the masterpiece drawing she was creating on the children's placemat the restaurant provides. Her tongue was peeking out from the side of her mouth as she focuses on the intricate details of her artwork.

After he made managing partner at PSL and achieving all his career aspirations, this was all that he wanted. A beautiful wife and children he could spoil rotten. In business, when Harvey has a goal, he would formulate a plan, stick to it through the execution and succeed what he sets out to achieve. Except when it comes to matters of the heart, evidently he has no clue what he's doing.

Donna nervously releases his hands, feeling completely horrible for his current state, but knowing it was now or never to tell him. She couldn't lie to him any longer. He's been lied to for too long. She swallows, before whispering his name.

"Harvey."

He turns to look back at her, pain and yearning in his eyes for the life he wishes he has.

"Do you remember the night I resigned?" she starts hesitantly, "when you came over to my apartment?"

He nods, a lump forming in his throat, unable to give her a verbal response. Of course he remembers that night, how could he not.

"Harvey..." she pauses, a fearful look appearing on her face as she chokes out the rest, "we didn't use protection that night."

He tilts his head and gives her a confused look. That night was amazing and it was an unspoken truce between the two of them that it was one night, just for the two of them, never to be repeated or spoken of again. It was a night of raw passion; he had never thought even thought about protection, let alone remembered if they used any. Why is she bringing it up now?

She continues staring at him, with a scared look on her face, waiting for him to connect the dots. For such a smart and brilliant man, he can sometimes be rather slow.

It takes a few seconds, but she sees the exact moment he pieces it all together in his head. It's the moment she sees what seems like a dozen emotions flash across his face. Shock, anger, fear, hurt, anxiety and what seems to be a flicker of hope.

His body stiffens and his jaw is locked tight, making it impossible for him at that moment to speak, even if he knew what he wanted to say. A million thoughts run through his mind, trying to process and focus on just one train of thought. His breaks his glare and turns to the little girl again, suddenly seeing her in a whole new light. Did he have something to do with what was sitting less than 2 metres in front of him? Was he part of the equation that brought this perfect human being into the world?

As though she could sense that she was being watched, the little red head looked up and makes eye contact with the "pretty" man who joined them for lunch. She suddenly extends her arms and plants them firmly on the paper in front of her.

"You can't look yet, Harvey, it's a surprise for you," she scolds him, sticking out a tongue in his direction.

Suddenly, it was as though all the fear and anger and anxiety that was battling for the number 1 spot in his psyche melted away and he feels a calm in the little girl's presence.

"I'm sorry Harvey," Donna's voice trembles, drawing his attention back. She feels the sting in her eyes, "and I know I owe you more than that…" she trails off.

"Why?" he asks, hurt in his eyes.

She looks down, tears brimming and threatening to spill over. "I had already moved to Chicago when I found out," she begins, "and you were engaged. You had chosen her…and you were happy. I didn't want to ruin that for you. I wanted you to be happy." She continues looking down, avoiding eye contact. She closes her eyes, trying to calm herself and not cry in front of him and her daughter.

Suddenly she feels his finger under her chin, gently guiding her face up. She opens her eyes and meets his brown ones.

"I didn't choose Paula. I chose family. Had I had known…" he chokes, unable to finish.

Unable to acknowledge what could have been. What they could have had. And the years they had wasted.