Chapter Nine: Invasion of the Mary Sues
"Wow, I have a lot of characters submitted here," Jessica said to no one in general as she looked at her email, "Whatever, I'm just going to roll with five of them and see what happens."
She randomly chose five entries and used them as templates for the new characters in her story. Here were the chosen entries.
1. Andromeda Kathleen Jackson
Heritage: Daughter of Poseidon (long lost full-blooded sister of Percy Jackson, make him stare in awe or something when AK makes her debut)
Description: Long silky black hair that reaches the waist. Amazing emerald eyes.
Personality: Total tomboy but all the guys want to ask her out even if she absolutely hates them.
Likes: Annabeth, Percy, Nico (romantic interest), Silena, Travis, Connor, Luke (Are those Hermes guys going to come back?)
Hates: Thalia (she stole my boyfriend-er I mean my character's boyfriend), Drew (such an arrogant bitch), Malcolm (he's just a stupid, sarcastic jerk)
Weaknesses: Not afraid to defend her friends.
2. Shadow Sparkle Spiral
Heritage: Daughter of Hades
Description: Short ebony, raven-colored hair. Is pale like a sexy vampire and has super-cool scars on arms. Dark brown orbs are her eyes.
Personality: She's cold and she doesn't trust people easily
Likes: Percy Percy Percy! (romantic interest), Nico, Thalia
Hates: Rachel, Annabeth (what a bitch!), Malcolm (he's no better), Drew (stupid, stuck-up daughter of Aphrodite)
Weaknesses: She's cold but it's like not her fault because when she was little, she ate tomatoes and became bitter!
3. Electric Storm
Heritage: Daughter of Zeus (bet you didn't see that coming right, Nird?)
Description: Curly, shiny gold hair with purple eyes that have some blue in them. Is tall.
Personality: She's a very nice girl that everyone loves! Even the animals!
Likes: Animals, Luke (love interest if he's coming back), and everyone else in the camp except for three people
Hates: Annabeth (she treated Luke badly), Malcolm (he thinks he's so funny, I hate him), Drew (she's like that alpha cheerleader at my school)
Weaknesses: She's clumsy but in a cute way.
4. Maria TrollingForTheLulz Susana
Heritage: Daughter of Chaos
Description: She's so beautiful that I can't describe it.
Personality: She's so great that I can't describe it.
Likes: Trolling
Hates: This story and its author.
Weaknesses: What weaknesses?
5. Rose Tulip Petunia Vasquez
Heritage: Daughter of Demeter
Description: She has chocolate-brown hair and color-changing eyes that are based off her emotional mood.
Personality: She's a tough girl. Nobody going to mess with her!
Likes: Travis, Connor (love interest), Annabeth, Thalia, Nico, Percy, Silena
Hates: Katie (she slapped Connor!), Malcolm (who needs him? he just jumps sharks), Drew (because everyone else hates her too)
Weaknesses: She gets angry.
"That was a good lunch," Drew remarked as she and Malcolm walked back to the Aphrodite cabin.
"Yeah that wa-Wait!" Malcolm suddenly shouted at the last word, making Drew jump.
"What the Hades are you shouting for?"
Malcolm ignored her and stopped in his tracks, making Drew walk back towards him.
"Why the Hades are we going back to the Aphrodite cabin?" Malcolm said to her.
Drew thoughtfully put her hand to her chin. "Good point."
Malcolm turned on his foot and Drew did the same. They took a few steps forward...and find a giant pencil tip in their path.
"Gods, why can't you let us be free of this damn game!?" Malcolm shouted at the pencil, his temper flaring.
"SILENCE FOOL," replied a disembodied, magnified female voice, "I AM JESSICA D. NIRD AND YOU CANNOT INTERFERE WITH MY PLANS. IF YOU DO, I'LL CRUSH YOU!"
"With a giant pencil?" asked Drew a bit too innocently.
The pencil raised and waved through the air above Drew's head, leaving black lines and curves in its path, before stopping. An anvil then materialized out of the lines and hit Drew on the head. The Aphrodite girl then fell over backwards with a cartoony bump growing out of her head.
Malcolm stared at Drew in shock before turning to the pencil.
"Did you just kill her!?" Malcolm yelled in outrage.
"Oh shush, she'll be alright," said the giant pencil carelessly, "That is if you swear on the Styx that you two follow my orders for my plot."
"Well, I can't do crap about this," grumbled Malcolm.
Later...
"Do we really have to enter the cabin and play that children's game, Malcolm?"
"Yes Drew, I already promised Nird."
"Why couldn't you come up with a plan or something to trick her!?"
"You think have a quintuple digit IQ level or something!" Malcolm growled out of frustration, "I'd like to see you make up the plans, Miss I Can Charmspeak Anyone I Want."
"Don't put all the blame on me," Drew replied coolly, "I got knocked out by a freaking anvil."
"Apparently, you're full of excuses," Malcolm said coldly as he pulled open the Aphrodite cabin door.
"Malcolm, if you're in a bad mood, just tell me," he heard Drew sigh.
Malcolm sighed, wondering if he should apologize as he stepped into the cabin. He walked over into the middle of the cabin and sat near his half-sister, who to his annoyance was still OOC. Drew sat next to him, but he said nothing to her.
"Is everyone finally here?" asked Silena who floated in front of everyone else.
"Yes, Silena," said Lou Ellen.
"Good because we are adding even more people to this incredible game of love," said Silena, "That means everyone who played previously will be coming back and we'll have some super-special-awesome newcomers."
As she said this, Luke Castellan's ghost came through the ceiling to sit between Lou and Artemis, causing the former to yelp.
"Anyone miss me?" he asked.
"Go back to Disneyland!" Percy yelled at him.
Then in the next second, Katie Gardener and the Stoll twins dropped unto the cabin beds surrounding the walls.
"Why am I back here!?" Katie said out loud in disbelief.
It seemed as if everyone was returning to the Truth or Dare game. Still, Malcolm couldn't help but feel that someone was missing.
The cabin door opened in that instant and Rachel E. Dare walked in and glared in the direction of Annabeth who frowned.
"You're still here, bitch?" Rachel growled at her.
Annabeth responded by hugging Percy, making Rachel frown even deeper.
"Now for the newcomers," announced Silena loudly.
The cabin door opened once more and walked in five girls who then spread out for everyone to take a good look at them. As far as Malcolm could make out, they all looked inhumanly beautiful...figuratively speaking. He caught himself staring too long at one of them in particular and looked at everyone else who were gawking at the newcomers with pleasant surprise or jealousy.
"Introduce yourselves ladies," continued Silena.
The five girls looked at one another before nodding. Then, the one with the black hair, green eyes, and tanned skin made a step forward.
"Hi, my name is Andromeda Kathleen Jackson and I'm the daughter of Poseidon," she said.
"No way," interrupted Percy with his eyes wide in shock, "I mean, you even have the same last name as I do."
"Yeah, cause I'm your long-lost sister, Percy," said Kathleen, "The reason why our parents never mentioned me was because..."
At this point, the girl went into her long and boring backstory that nobody really cared about. The only details that Malcolm bothered to remember was that she was somewhere in Mars fighting Greek aliens or something during the Second Titan War because of some Giant or something. Eventually she finished and the next girl stepped up to the campers' relief.
Unlike the first girl, the second girl was extremely pale and had black hair and dark eyes. She glared at the campers for some reason. Probably because she was wearing some weird spiked chokers around her neck and wrists, thought Malcolm.
"My name is Shadow Sparkle Spiral," the pale girl said without emotion.
Malcolm snickered and nobody else noticed except probably Drew and Shadow, whose eyes were on Malcolm's for a second before moving on.
"Who's your godly parent?" asked Artemis.
"Hades," replied the girl.
Malcolm closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. You have to be dense not to catch that connection, he thought.
But clearly, Nico didn't catch it since he gasped in response, "No way! You shouldn't be alive."
"Yes way, Nico," said Shadow, "And the reason why you never seen me before is because..."
Then, Shadow went on a long-winded explanation on how she survived without Camp Half-Blood's aid and what she was doing during the Second Titan War. Everyone got bored again until the next girl who had blond hair and weird-looking eyes stepped forward.
"Hello, my name is Electric Storm," said the girl, "And I'm—"
"A daughter of Zeus," Malcolm said very loudly, causing everyone to look at him, "Now stop acting like you're special and get off the stage."
Drew caught his eye with an amused smile and Malcolm knew Drew had already forgiven him. Unfortunately, Electric didn't find his interruption funny.
"Shut up, Malcolm," Electric growled, "Nobody likes your stupid stuck-up attitude."
"Yeah, you go girl!" screamed Thalia.
Everybody else looked up in interest, but all Electric did, to their disappointment, was give Malcolm one last glare before sitting down next to Luke.
The next girl stepped forward. Now, all of the other newcomers were beautiful but this one made them look like Medusa. Malcolm didn't really remember how she looked like since she was too beautiful to describe. Literally.
"Hello, my name is Maria TrollingForTheLulz Susana," said the extremely gorgeous girl, "And I'm the daughter of Chaos."
"Whoa, no way," interrupted Artemis, "When did the primordial gods start having demigod children? Explain your existence."
Maria ignored her and sat next to Drew.
What a troll, thought Malcolm. Still, Malcolm was relieved that she didn't explain her backstory, which he suspected would make The Odyssey look like a picture book in comparison.
The last girl who went up had brown hair and really weird eyes. It must have been Malcolm's imagination but the girl's eyes seemed to change color with every second. He stopped looking directly at her eyes after a while because they made him seem like he was under a bad acid trip even if he had never done acid before.
"My name is Rose Tulip Petunia Vasquez," said the brunette, "And I'm a daughter of Demeter."
"Hey, that makes you my half-sister," cried out Katie
Rose turned to her and replied, "And that's why I hate you, jackass."
"Wait, what?" Katie said uncertainly as Rose went to sit down with everyone else.
Silena then popped again and yelled, "OKAY, EVERYONE GET IN A CIRCLE!"
Malcolm made sure to have a seat next to Drew as he and everyone else arranged themselves in a circle. If he was going to play another round of Truth or Dare, he wanted to be next to a sane person.
When a circle was finally made, Silena nodded and screamed once more, "NOW, LET THIS BEAUTIFUL GAME OF TRUTH OR DARE BEGIN!"
Silena then shook her see-through hair and pointed dramatically at Andromeda before shouting, "YOU MAY START!"
"Alright!" screamed Andromeda. She looked around before pointing at her brother, Percy.
"Percy! Truth or Dare?"
"Dare?"
"Okay, I dare you to kiss Shadow."
Percy looked over at the emo newcomer who looked hopefully at him. Then, he noticed that Annabeth and Rachel were giving him dirty looks.
"This is going to be good," Malcolm muttered. Drew looked at him in shock.
"Are you actually going to enjoy this?"
"Well, this was the guy who wanted to feed me to the sharks in the last chapter," Malcolm reminded her.
They turned to look at Percy once again.
"You better not kiss her, Perseus Jackson," growled Annabeth, "Otherwise, I'm going to kick your ass."
"Okay, okay," said Percy as he looked at the ground and remained still for some reason.
"Is he stalling?" said Drew, one eyebrow raised.
Malcolm watched with interest as Percy slowly lowered himself to the floor and kissed it.
"Whoa, what just happened?" said Katie.
Percy raised his head and answered, "I just kissed Shadow."
"Ahhhhh, I see what you did there," Artemis said with a grin.
"I don't get it," said Lou who was next to Artemis.
"That was really smart," said Drew as she and Malcolm watched Artemis explain to Lou.
"Yeah, even I have to admit that was a nice way to take advantage of a loophole," agreed Malcolm.
"You're so smart, Percy," Annabeth squealed as she hugged him.
"That's not fair," whined Shadow for some reason, "Percy didn't follow his dare."
"Hah, Rachel Dare!" Travis and Connor said in unison.
"SHUT UP!" screamed Shadow.
"PERCY!" yelled Silena, "JUST GIVE HER THE DAMN KISS!"
"Fine fine, I'll give you a kiss if it'll shut you up," muttered Percy to Annabeth's outrage.
Percy moved reluctantly towards Shadow and was about to just make small contact with her cheek when Shadow suddenly grabbed him and forced him to a full lip to lip.
"Mmmm," Percy tried to protest but Shadow had him in a death lock.
"Percy!" Rachel and Annabeth both screamed as they rushed towards Shadow and him and tried to pry him off.
"HEY!" yelled Silena who had her pistol out, "NO INTERFERING WITH TRUE LOVE!"
Annabeth and Rachel were forced to watch helplessly as Percy continued to snog with Shadow.
And as usual, there was drama.
"Gods, this is the boring unrealistic romance stuff we've been sitting through in the last few chapters times twenty," Malcolm heard Drew say.
"Hear hear," Malcolm clapped as he spoke.
"You want to play a card game while the drama plays out?"
"Sure, why not."
Malcolm and Drew played many rounds of Speed, Hold'Em, Big Two, BS, Egyptian War, and even Pinochle. There were some interruptions though such as when Rose dared Malcolm to take a mud bath or when Electric made Drew recount the time she looked like a clown with her makeup. It didn't really bother either of them since they were more focused on the card games than the love game.
Malcolm did overhear some of the conversations in the room while playing cards, but he didn't really pay attention to them.
"Annabeth, I like Shadow now and want her to be my girlfriend. Can we break up?"
"NOOOOOO! PERCY WHY!"
"Hey Nico, you're one hot emo. I dare you to make out with me."
"Mmmm. Oh my, Andromeda, you're a better kisser than Thalia."
"What was that Nico!?"
"Hey Luke, how are-"
"Get away from my boyfriend, you damn filthy goddess!"
"Ow!"
"Wow Electric, you're such a nice girl. I can't imagine you hurting anyone."
"Wanna make out, Luke?"
"DIE KATIE!"
"Connor! Travis! Help me!"
"Hah, that's what you get for hurting us both!"
In the "real" world...
Jessica was afflicted with the worst disease a writer could get: writer's block. She looked at the chapter and wondered how to continue the story. The new characters were three-dimensional characters (at least she thought so) and strung well with the canon characters. Andromeda Jackson was getting into a relationship with Nico, Electric Storm and Luke were getting all romantic, and etc.
She thought that bringing fan characters and some of the canon characters back into the story would expand the plot and give her some new ideas, but the problem was, there was no inspiration left in her, no muse for her to call upon.
She wondered if she should end the fanfic, end it with her reviewers' OCs happily dating their favorite canon characters.
Jessica looked down at her keyboard and sighed; she didn't want to end the story. Jessica began to stare off into space, wondering dimly how she can continue the story when she heard what seemed to be someone knocking on glass. She turned to the window in her room, but she saw nothing. Confused, she looked back at her screen and almost screamed; a beautiful girl's face was staring back at her.
"Who the hell are you?!" she yelped.
"I'm one of the fan characters you put in your story, Maria TrollingForTheLulz Susana," replied the girl.
"No way, this has to be a sick joke."
"You think so?" the Maria continued, a frown forming on her face and still not marring her looks, "Then you should have no problem...hey, I'm talking to you!"
Jessica quickly moved her mouse to the power options and clicked the "shut down" button and watched with relief as the creepy yet beautiful girl's face was replaced by the computer's power-off screen. She didn't dare take her eyes off the screen until it turned black. Jessica stood up and was about to walk out of her room when the computer screen turned on again.
"Nice try, bitch."
"What the hell!?" Jessica screamed, "That's impossible!"
"Impossible," agreed the fan character, "...For you."
Maria walked back into the "horizon" of Jessica's computer screen until the author could see the fictional character's shoulders. The fan character raised her fist and punched the computer screen.
Crack! Jessica quickly backed up as a fist reached out of her computer. Trembling, she watched with trepidation as the girl climbed out of her computer.
"What...what..." she stammered, "You're a fictional character. You can't be real."
"Unfortunately for you, I'm very capable of breaking the fourth wall," Maria smiled menacingly while cracking her knuckles.
"What do you want?" Jessica said nervously as she slowly backed away from the computer.
"Oh, nothing much. I just want to torture you."
With blinding speed, the fan character managed to get Jessica into a headlock. Jessica struggled but Maria was far too strong and was slowly marching her to the computer.
"Why are you doing this?" she said as the other girl picked up Jessica's legs and held her like she was some rather large bag of vegetables.
"I hate your damn story."
Malcolm was still playing cards with Drew. If he had paid less attention to his card games, he would have noticed that the newcomers were getting closer to them, armed with weapons. So it came as a surprise to him when a sword was swung at him.
Luckily, Malcolm had ADHD. He was able to duck quickly and roll backwards into a standing position. With Drew next to him, Malcolm looked up and saw that his attacker was Percy's sister.
"What the Hades are you doing?" he asked rather calmly.
"I'm trying to hurt you, you cocky-ass bastard," Andromeda answered with a psychotic glint in her eyes.
Malcolm turned to the cabin exit but the way was blocked by Katie Gardener who quickly ran into him. He pushed her to the side and saw that Electric and Rose, along with Luke, Connor, and Travis, were walking towards them with weapons in their hands.
"You guys got to help me," Katie whimpered while hugging Malcolm, "Rose is a terrible half-sister."
"Why are you guys going this?" Drew asked.
"Oh, we're just trying to take over this story, you disgusting makeup-wearing bitch," said Rose.
"Hey, what's wrong with makeup!"
"We'll see about that," Malcolm said calmly, "Silena! The newcomers are trying to kill us."
There was no answer. Malcolm looked around for the love-obsessed OOC spirit but the only ghost in the cabin as far as he can see was Luke's.
"Silena?" he repeated.
The cabin's restroom door opened next to Andromeda and out came Shadow who had a black metal knife in her hand. He saw a wink pass between Andromeda and Shadow and realized Silena was gone.
From both sides, the newcomers edged towards them.
"Can't we negotiate this?" said Drew.
"Well, you can allow us to make you guys OOC to avoid death," answered Electric sweetly.
"Or you can let us go," Drew said with charmspeak in her voice.
"You're not charmspeaking us, you dirty slut," screamed Rose, "Take this!"
Before Malcolm could react, rainbow lasers shot from Rose's multicolored eyes and hit Drew who yelped before disintegrating into black dust. Malcolm and Katie stared at the dust pile that used to be Drew on the floor between them.
"Oh my gods, they killed Drew!" Katie screamed with her hands on the sides of her head.
Malcolm looked at the fourth wall and yelled, "You bastards!"
