Chapter Nine

Shout out to Cofkett for leaving my favourite review of last chapter – "Dude!". It made me smile a lot.

Big thanks to my new Beta Thay (msTGR) !

Also, look at me go. Third update this week! All your love deserves the credit.

Beckett chastises herself, frozen in embarrassment. What was she thinking?

She manages to nod at Rick's offer to make her a coffee and he quickly gets to work, pretending as though he didn't realise what she was just about to do before he moved out of the way.

He moved out of the way. Had you asked her previously about how she thought a situation in which the two of them almost kiss would go, she definitely would have thought their roles would have been reversed. And if you told her that she would be the one who leaned in to kiss him, she at least never would have imagined that he'd do anything but enthusiastically respond.

Beckett closes her eyes, trying to control the blush on her cheeks and the embarrassment in her stomach. She rubs the towel over her face, giving herself a moment to scrunch up her eyes in frustration with herself.

"Here you go." Rick says rather quietly, placing a steaming mug in front of the stools by the kitchen counter.

Despite wanting to be as far away from him as possible right now, the warmth radiating from the coffee draws the freezing detective in.

She sits down on the stool, the now damp towel still wrapped around her, and shivers when she clasps her hands around the mug.

"You must be freezing. I'll get you some dry clothes before we go." Rick says, simultaneously wanting to comfort her and to find an excuse to leave the awkward situation for a moment.

"No, you don't have to do that." Beckett urges. "I'm fine."

"Don't be silly, you're freezing." Rick says. "Besides, we shouldn't be in a car in this weather. We should wait for the storm to pass before we go."

Beckett can't come up with any objection and before she knows it, Rick has disappeared into his study.

She huffs in her place, bringing the hot mug to her chest in an effort to warm herself.

Just a few minutes ago, things were so easy between them. Now the air was thick, and despite the howling storm, the loft seemed eerily quiet. Awkward.

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

What was she thinking? She tried to kiss Castle! Castle! If she was going to thank God for small mercies, she could at least be thankful it was this Castle, and not the one from her time. He would be teasing her relentlessly. After enthusiastically responding to the kiss, mind you. On the other hand, maybe it was somehow worse that it was Rick. Is it cheating if technically he is her boyfriend? Just a few years early. It still feels weird, when his girlfriend is across town in a hotel room. There was no way Kate would be happy with this – Beckett would know, she is Kate after all. She has to stop thinking of them as separate people – they're the same, just a few years out. Maybe it's not so bad then. Rick is Kate's boyfriend, and she is Kate. Therefore, she should be able to kiss Rick and not feel bad about it. Except she does feel bad, even if they never got to the actual kissing part.

"Here you go." Rick emerges from his study, bundle of warm clothes in his arms. "I forgot that this is before, and assumed you'd have stuff here. Obviously, you don't, so I just got you one of my sweatshirts and I don't actually know where these sweatpants came from, or whose they are, but they feel warm."

Beckett's nose pinches as she looks up at him.

"Yeah, knew you wouldn't like that. But I checked, they're clean! And you don't have much else of a choice unless you want to wear Alexis's stuff. But she's what, 15 at this time? Not as tall as you either. I don't imagine it would be a comfortable experience."

Beckett sighs, realising she should just take what she's given as she grabs the clothes from his hands. They are really soft.

"Do you want to shower? It's raining pretty hard. If we are going to be here for a while, you might as well warm up properly. Don't want to catch a cold."

Beckett almost refuses, but the soaking wet fabric attached to her back forces her to accept.

"Yes please. Thank you, Castle." She says as she picks herself up off the stool.

"It's Rick." He corrects her.

She lifts her head to meet his eye, and notices they are the same in proximity as they were a few moments ago by the door. A flicker of desire emerges in her stomach. They were closer than this, much closer, in the closet at the warehouse, and she didn't feel anything but fear about being trapped with him. And that was fear of his knowledge about her, it wasn't anything physical. A dumb joke about a massage and what, he's irresistible to her now? What had changed within a few minutes that made him seem so…kissable right now?

"It's just us here. There's no confusion." Beckett replies, unable to move herself away just yet. "It can be Castle."

He feels her breath on his face, and swallows. The name thing always gets him. Castle – it's what she's always called him. Before he came to work at the 12th, it was Richard Castle by fans, Richard by his mother, Dad by Alexis, Ricky by his friends, and Rick by his girlfriends. Once he started playing cop, it was Castle by everyone who came to know him through his work at the 12th. And Beckett had started it. Right off the bat, he was Castle to her, and he loved it. In the beginning it made him feel cool – like he was a real cop. As time progressed, it became a comfort – a reminder of just how crazy yet wonderful this phase of his life has been. And here she is, standing in front of him with her short hair and drenched pantsuit and it's like she knows that already. She's Kate.

The softness in her eyes flashes him back to the million other times she's looked at him the same way – the first being when her hair was much longer and lighter, the last being on the couch in the hotel this afternoon. It had gone from sporadic to regular, and it had begun so much later than this. He always joked with her that she fell for him the moment they met, but in his heart he knew he was kidding himself. Sure, he thought she was attracted to him when they met, but he was there. She was definitely annoyed by his presence, and he was absolutely thrilled to be in hers. He fell first, he'd always known.

But now she's here, and she's looking at him like this after only having known him for a month and it's as though she already loves him.

Maybe it's just this him, and she's confused because she knows they'll be together in a few years and is acting accordingly. Because she doesn't really know him, not yet. And they haven't been through everything he and Kate have, so the love isn't as rich. But that look she's giving him makes it feel like it is.

"Are you going to have a shower?" He barely croaks out.

She slowly sucks her bottom lip into her mouth, and it's as though she's teasing him. Her gaze drops to his mouth for a moment; her infallible tell. Her eyelashes gradually ascend and her eyes are back sparkling into his, and she seems to be a little closer now.

"I don't know where the bathroom is." She whispers, daring him to close the gap between them.

She doesn't know where the bathroom is. This is only the third or fourth time she's been here. She's Beckett, not Kate. He can't.

Rick closes his fingers around her elbow and slides his hand down her arm to meet hers. Loosely grasping her fingers, he steps away and gently pulls her in the direction of his study. He doesn't want to make her feel like he's rejecting her – he felt the hurt and embarrassment emanating from her a few minutes ago, and she shouldn't feel it again. Because she shouldn't be hurt or embarrassed – he wants to kiss her, and he wants her period, but she's not Kate yet even though she looks at him like she is.

Beckett's unsure of what's happening as he leads her quietly through the doors of his study. Is he rejecting her again? It doesn't feel like it with his hand lovingly grasped in hers. She knows he's not taking her to bed, so he must just be taking her to the bathroom. Beckett knows that's the right thing to do – she'd feel awful if Kate found out. Which is ridiculous, but she still would. Still, Beckett can't help but be a little disappointed. Just one kiss is all she wants – one taste of the future.

He opens the door to his bedroom and she curiously peeks inside. It's very masculine and organised – nothing too flamboyant. Rich colours, lots of space. His bed looks insanely comfortable.

He leads her to his bathroom, and there's an intimacy in the fact that he brought her to this bathroom, and not one of the others upstairs. He's letting her know he loves her, and he wants her there, but that he can't. Beckett's heart warms a little. Who knew Richard Castle could be so faithful as to not even take the chance to get some action with his own girlfriend?

She hums in amusement when she sees the life-size Boba Fett by his shower.

"Like to have him looking at you while you undress?" She asks.

"He keeps watch over my hair products."

Beckett smiles. It's unabashedly Castle.

"There's spare towels in the drawer, and I'll even let you use my fancy shampoo that's already in the shower." He tells her.

"Oh my, don't I feel special."

"You should." He nods cutely, his eyes letting her know there is a double meaning in his statement. "I'll leave your clothes on my bed."

"Thanks Castle." She says as she looks him in the eye, a reference to earlier. Before she can talk herself out of it, Beckett leans in and plants her lips on his cheek. She holds them there for a moment, her hand lightly cupping the other side of his face, and then draws back. Her thumb softly traces his cheekbone before she drops her arm and pushes him out of the bathroom.

"See you in a bit!"

The door is shut in his face before he can register what's happening, and Rick stands there flabbergasted for several moments before he can will himself to move to the kitchen.


"You're back! Finally!" Grace all but shouts, as she rushes off the couch towards Kate and Castle as they enter the hotel room. "How'd it go?"

"Good. We got them. Didn't expect to get trapped like we did, but pretty much all went according to plan." Kate smiles.

Grace squeals, hugs Kate, and then drops to her knees for dramatic effect.

"Thank you God!" She shouts, gesturing to the heavens.

Castle laughs at her. He likes this girl.

Kate shakes her head. Of course he thinks the dramatic young girl is fantastic. Grace reminds Kate a lot of Castle in some ways.

Grace gets to her feet and gives a huge sigh of relief.

"Thank you so much, Kate." She says earnestly. "You too, Castle. This means everything to me."

"I'm just glad we could help. It's not often I get to save a life, the victims are always already dead when I get there."

"Don't be silly, you save lives all the time." Castle says. "Every time you put a murderer behind bars, you save the lives of every person they would have hurt in the future."

Kate smiles at him. He always knows what to say.

"Where are the other two?" Grace asks.

"We got separated. They should be here soon, if this storm ever passes." Kate answers.

Grace nods. "In that case, I think I'll head to bed. Thanks again, you guys."

"No problem. Good night."

"Night." Castle throws in. "Kate?"

"Mmm?" She hums in response.

"Do you think they'll even be able to get here? This storm is pretty intense." Castle says as he peers out the window just as the thunder cracks.

"Hopefully." Kate answers. "I don't want them driving in this weather though."

"Yeah, me neither." Castle says with a frown as he continues to watch the rain pour.

Kate notices his seriousness and smiles to herself when she recognises his concern for Beckett.

"She'll be fine. He'll look after her." Kate nudges him.

"I know. He's me. I'm very gentlemanly like that."

"Ah." She smiles.

"So, what do you want to do? Probably shouldn't watch TV while Grace is trying to get to sleep." Castle says, spying a deck of cards. "Ooh, poker?"

"Bring it on, Mr. Castle."

"Have we ever played before?" He asks.

"Oh, yes. I wipe the floor with you all the time."

"Please. I'd think with you being a detective and all, you'd be a better liar."

"I'll prove it to you then. Shuffle and deal." She says, shoving the cards into his chest.

"Don't fancy making this strip, do you?"

"All in good time, Castle."

"You're killing me."


Beckett emerges from the bathroom in a cloud of steam. She's definitely warmed up now. That was by far the best shower she's ever had. She's never really been one to admire the rich, especially since she grew up in a relatively well-off family, but damn. It might not be total and complete happiness, but money can buy something pretty close.

After grabbing her underwear off the heating vent, she quickly throws the warm clothes on, melting into the way-too-big sweatshirt. It smells like him, and its fluffy insides make it all the more delicious. She roughly scrubs the towel through her hair one final time before placing it back on the rack in the bathroom. Running her hands through her short dark locks, she pushes it back from her face. This will have to do. It's not like she has any of her make-up or hair products here anyway.

Before she can help herself, Beckett opens the medicine cabinet. Band-Aids, hair gel, some kind of medication for pain relief, condoms. Normal. At least she knows he's not hiding some biological secret now. She quickly takes an extra look at the condoms – Regular. Large. She smiles. At least she knows why Kate looks so happy and relaxed.

Slipping out of his bathroom, she decides his bedroom isn't worth a snoop – it looks to be just his bed and a chest of drawers. There's nothing especially grand about it, but she loves it. There's something very comfortable and warm about it.

Beckett exits the room, and finds Rick sitting on his desk chair in the study. He smiles when he sees her.

"That looks a lot better on you than it does on me." He comments.

"I feel like I'm drowning in wool."

"It looks very cute." He tells her. "Want to brave the storm? I think it's calmed down a bit."

Just as he says that, another crack of thunder causes the building to vibrate.

"Is that so?" Beckett teases.

"Yes, well I'm not a weatherman for a reason."

Beckett laughs, but stops when she notices Rick looks a little disappointed.

"You want to see her, don't you?"

He looks up at her, and laughs softly. "Yeah. That obvious, huh?"

"Just a bit."

She tilts her head as she studies him for a moment. "Are we really that different, me and her?"

"What makes you ask that?"

"Well, if we were the same, why would you miss her? I'm right here." She doesn't mean for it to sound as accusatory as it does, but hurt somehow bleeds into her tone.

She knows he hears it when his face grows a little more serious.

"I just have been through more with her. I know her completely, as she does me. I love you, Beckett. I really do, but you don't love me yet. She's lighter, more carefree than you. Stronger in her self-assurance. She's everything you are and will be. She's you, just not yet. Don't forget that you're not different people."

He thinks she's going to feel insecure and upset with his answer, but her hands are on the lapels of his jacket and when did she get so close? She tugs him forward, pushing her body into his and doesn't waste a moment before putting her lips on his.

:)