Where Are You Love?
Why can't I find you?
by: SamiJane
Disclaimer: Please see Author's bio
Summary: After the Leyton wedding, Brooke Davis and Julian Baker try to figure out what's next in their own lives.
A/N: Oh my gosh you guys! I am so overwhelmed and incredibly thankful for ALL of your Long, Amazing, Encouraging, and Thought Out reviews!!! There are many of you and I would like nothing more than to list and give shout outs and mini msgs to all of you, but I don't want to turn this chapter into a long author's note. Seriously guys, awesomeness on your part. It really really helps and it's so nice to know there's support out there for this fic. Virtual Hugs!
Angelgirl0190, Idon'tknowyet, powerof3halliwells - Thank you so much for taking the time to review. It's cool if you lurk, since you're still reading (I lurk other stories too sometimes) and this means alot that you took the time to review for the last chap :)
Adge, SV, TeamSophia, CoffeewithCinnamon - Thank you guys for your support and in depth and analytical reviews. Your encouragement and opinions help me a lot with my writing and help me understand how you feel about the chapters. I haven't addressed everything yet because in my opinion it all takes time, and I'm glad you guys saw that. Hopefully this chapter will keep you guys wanting more.
And, lovely readers, here is the next installment. The italic words in Julian's POV are flashbacks to when he was ten - I slightly alluded to this in the last chapter (about the first time he crossed a line by pushing Sienna away). Read and hope you enjoy. :)
Chapter 9: U Turns, Bullets, and Shattered Glass
Julian's POV
"I don't want to come over," her tiny, sullen voice was barely audible amidst the autumn winds. Sienna and I had just stepped off of the school bus and were now at the fork in the road. Right led to her house, left to mine.
"It's not my mom's fault, Sienna," I said, knowing why she didn't want to hang out at my house anymore. She remained silent, she didn't want to have a "Yes it is/ No it's not," argument anymore. I defended my mother because she was my mother – my rock at that time in my life. I didn't realize that I would later regret defending her.
"I don't know if we can be friends anymore," Sienna mumbled in reply.
I didn't realize then how hurt Sienna was or how much she needed a friend at the moment. I didn't realize it because I was just as hurt as she was. And we both needed someone to blame.
But, we also needed someone to lean on so we could try to make sense of what we witnessed, make sense of the chaos that had tumbled into our innocent lives. We just didn't know where to turn to; we were ten.
At the time, we believed that our own parents could do no wrong to us. So we blamed each other.
Her words stung me, so I had to sting back. I didn't ask why she didn't want to be friends. I knew the reason – she blamed my mother for tearing her mother's life apart. And since I was trying to defend my own mother, I agreed we shouldn't be friends anymore. "Fine," I answered, "I was getting sick of you anyway." As soon as the words left my lips, I felt my world crack.
As I turned for my home, I heard her shouts. "I hate you, Julian Baker. I hate you and your mom and I never want to see you again!"
I didn't turn around and face her. I didn't turn back and try to change anything; I just let it happen.
I let our friendship fall apart. And since the argument was about our parents, several days later I blamed my mother for Sienna's hatred and departure. My mother betrayed my father and she betrayed me. When my parents' marriage fell apart, my friendship with Sienna did too. I blamed my mother, the one person I thought who would never let me down; I blamed her for obliterating the ideal side of life that I knew.
I was a kid. We were kids. Sienna and I didn't know how to fix relationships back then. We didn't know how to fix ourselves back then. Mainly, because we didn't know that in order to start the healing process, you have to turn around and face the truth. Face what's haunting and hurting you. And if you have to, you go back. You go back, before moving forward.
And when you face the truth, you let the ones that care, to support you and to listen to you. You let them into your heart, not push them away. I pushed Sienna away that day.
Maybe if I turned around in that moment, when I heard Sienna's words of hatred, something could have changed. Maybe if I changed my mind and ran back to her, we would have become closer and stronger, instead of estranged and lost. Who knows, maybe Sienna and I would have become the Haley and Lucas of our California neighborhood. But I didn't turn around. And she didn't either. Neither of us did, until two years later. But we couldn't get back those two years – two years lost in a labyrinth of closed off feelings with anger as the only companion.
"Turn around," I tell Brooke as she speeds down the road. Two minutes and thirty eight seconds, give or take ten or so seconds. That's how long I lasted before I couldn't take it anymore. Her swollen red eyes, the tears accumulating that she refused to let go, the whites of her knuckles brightening as she squeezed tighter onto the wheel – I couldn't take seeing her like this.
Last week I noticed that Brooke Davis had been guarded, closed off. I didn't know it was because of her best friends…and someone named Angie and her mother. The fact that Brooke had maintained her feelings and thoughts kept under lock and key for weeks showed how strong and yet how scared she has been.
The unexpected confrontation earlier is definitely the shittiest way to end a night. But, none of this was going to end, not yet. Brooke was filled with anger and she had to yet release all of it. She was going to, though – even if it was onto her best friends and in front of me.
That's why she was afraid. That's why she restrained herself from saying anything else earlier. That's why she abruptly shut the door close on the argument. She was afraid of losing her best friends again, even though, according to her recent words, they hadn't been there for her. And she was afraid of anything that might be said that she didn't want me to hear. I'm the newbie in town; she didn't totally trust me yet.
I didn't say much during the arguing. I was too busy ingesting everything in and trying to figure it all out. But mostly, I was watching Brooke. Watching as she was slowly breaking down. I wanted to catch her, stand up for her, throw hundreds of daggering words at Lucas, but I couldn't. I restrained myself to see if she would open up, because that's what Brooke needed to do.
But now, if we do go back, and she still finds it hard to throw daggers of truth at those that hurt her, I'll do it for her. She shouldn't be the one suffering. She shouldn't be the one to take it all in and never let it out.
Even though I've only been around for a couple or so months, I've picked up on a few things. And one of those things is that Brooke Davis is the most selfless person this side of the Mississippi River. She took in Sam to be her foster child, at this crazy time in her life. She's there for Jamie at the drop of a hat, even if work demanded her. She let Peyton and Lucas believe she was fine so that they could be happy. And she even agreed to pick Chris up from the airport last week because I had conferences all morning.
Brooke Davis is one of the most selfless people I know and she didn't deserve whatever pain she was going through. And that's why I'm going to help her turn around, turn around and go back. So that she can move forward. God knows, if I had someone like that all those years ago, I would have welcomed them.
"Turn around," I repeated, ignoring the throbbing of my cheek. Two punches in a row. If it weren't for the fact that Jamie was only feet away from us, I would have kicked Lucas' ass so hard into the ground, that he would've found his beat up self in China, a whole nation away from Brooke.
"No. You are not going to go back and beat him up; at least not with Jamie and Sam around," she needed an excuse to bottle up her feelings again; I was it.
"Not me. You need to turn around and go back." I'm not going to be the reason that she continues to suffer away inside and let Lucas and Peyton go away with minor injuries.
"No, I don't," she insists, her grip tightening even more on the wheel.
"You're not finished, Brooke. You have to talk to them," I try to convince her.
"I said everything I needed to say."
"No. You didn't. You were only at the cusp of what you needed to say. You only stopped because I was there," I call her out on her actions. The car screeches to an ear deafening halt and if it weren't for my seatbelt, I might have acquired another minor scratch on my face. Her door swings open and slams shut within seconds. I don't know why she decides it's better to talk outside of the car, but I follow suit.
"You've been here two months, Julian. You don't know anything about me except what was written in some stupid book. So how can you tell me what I'm feeling or what I need to do?" Her screams are looking for a way out, a way to escape what she knows she has to face.
"I may not know what happened to you, but I do know that you are Brooke Davis; and you deserve more than this shit that's been thrown your way," I tell her from my side of the car. She crosses her arms, her foot taps rapidly. She wants to refute me, but she can't.
"I do know that you're scared…scared of exposing you're feelings because you don't know where you'll end up." Her eyes spark and focus on mine as she essentially hears that I am on her side in all of this; I know what she's feeling.
"And, I also know what happens when you keep everything locked away inside of you…You don't want that, Brooke."
Her head shakes as she slowly approaches me and takes in a deep breath. "I'm fine, Julian. I'm getting better. I don't need…" she can't finish lying to herself. She may be getting better, but she's not fine.
"Brooke - "
"Why are you saying all of this?" Her hazel eyes implore mine, trying to figure out why, out of the blue, I'm behaving like a concerned friend. I inhale deeply, thinking of the right words to say.
"I've been somewhere near where you are," I say with a low voice as I take a few steps closer to her. I don't tell her about Sienna. Or about the woman that broke my heart (not Peyton). Those are stories left for another day, another time.
We're leaning against the front of the car, staring at the empty stretch of paved road in front of us. In the darkness, only the few streetlamps light the way, but they're few and far between.
"Our experiences are most likely not the same," I continue, "But, like you said, I can see the hurt in your eyes." I turn to face her, "The news about the baby triggered something. I don't know what, but you're hurting more than you were yesterday. And the hurt might not go away for a while, but if you don't start now, it'll only get harder." With every phrase I say, her tears that have accumulated slowly begin to break down the barrier and fall down her cheeks.
"No. I can't," she shifts her gaze away from me as she wipes her face free of the salty droplets. I don't blame her for being afraid. These were lifelong friendships she would be fighting against.
"I said that if you needed me, I would step up," I say sincerely, "So, if Lucas decides to become Lucasshole again or if you feel like you're going to fall, and you think you need me, I'll be there to pick you up." I'm not quite sure how I can help, since I don't know the details of the situations. But maybe she just needed someone by her side.
"Why? We've never even had a meaningful conversation." She wants to know if she can count on me, the guy that's been taking jabs at her the past two weeks.
"Actually, I think this is our second one…or one and a half since the serious part of the conversation during the ride from the airport didn't last that long."
"But…why?" Her tears haven't stopped, but they have slowed significantly.
"You shouldn't go through this alone," I tell her. Nobody should try to heal alone. Brooke had Nathan, Haley, Sam, and Jamie to help her through this. But she obviously felt conflicted about letting Nathan and Haley completely heal her, since they're Lucas and Peyton's family too. And Sam, she wanted to save her kid from the heartache.
"If I do this, and I don't come out ok…" she crosses her arms as she contemplates what I suggest to her. She's shivering. I don't know if it's from the chilly night air or the prospect of facing Lucas and Peyton again. I wish I was wearing a jacket.
"That's not going to happen," I immediately tell her as I gently wrap my arm around her bare shoulders. She flinches at the sudden movement, but before I get a chance to remove my arm, she soon relaxes into my form.
"How do you know?" she whispers as her eyes stare out at the open black road again.
"Because none of it was your fault," I know I strike a chord with her because she slightly shifts her position.
"You don't know that; you weren't here," she states as if she thinks whatever happened was her fault. Even though I don't know what happened, I know it can't be her fault.
"Just because we bust each others chops 24/7 doesn't mean I haven't been paying attention," I smirk. She looks up at me and furrows her brows.
"Unlike me, you're a good person, Davis. Shit and crap happen to people all the time. But when it happens to a good, selfless person, it's usually not their fault," I explained. We stare at the horizon again as she contemplates for a few minutes. Her tears have stopped; her strength slowly inches its way back.
"You're a good person, too, Baker," a meek smile plays on her face as I quirk up my right brow, "Just because we bust each others chops 24/7 doesn't mean I haven't been paying attention."
"If you say so. Just, don't tell Hollywood; I have a reputation to protect," I cross my arms, pretending to be the tough guy again. I look down and watch her for a few more seconds. "So, what's it going to be, Penny D?" I nudge her lightly with my elbow.
"If I need someone…" I grin at her third attempt to make sure I wasn't going to leave her. I replace my arms around her shoulders in reassurance.
"We can make up a code word, or a signal, whatever. And I'll jump in right then and there." Her mouth twists slightly upwards at my remark. I let her think some more, to prepare herself. I'm not going to force her into this. If she's not ready, she's not ready.
"Ok," she nods her head. I pull her in for a supportive, sideways kind of hug before we head back inside the car.
"Wait," she says just as we open our doors. "Maybe you should drive. I might lose my nerve, make an illegal U-ey, and accidentally hit a lamp post or something." I nod; it is a good idea. She notices me chuckle softly just as we cross paths in front of the car.
"What? It's not funny!" she defends before she slides into her seat.
"U-ey?" I ask with a wide grin as she drops the keys into my hands.
She resists the urge to smile. "U turn, whatever. Just start the car, before I run out."
Confrontations are violent things, violent in the figurative sense. People's worlds get shaken, turned upside down, or maybe remain peaceful through it all. Brooke's world might change dramatically. But her world has already changed since high school, since college, and since she first returned to Tree Hill. The only difference this time is that she would be the one to change it. She's not going to let herself drown in a sea of hopelessness. Nathan, Haley, and I are going to make sure of it.
Lucas' POV
I rhetorically ask my wife what the hell happened. I didn't expect a response. I didn't expect her to say that she thinks we happened. I merely stare into the sky above with hands on my hips. I succumb to my frustration as I let out a painful groan. I decide to go for a walk; hopefully a walk will help me think. Think about why Haley and Nathan are upset with me. Think about exactly why Brooke broke down outside here on the lawn.
Peyton walks beside me, our arms hooked and our hands intertwined. Neither of us says a word during the entirety of the walk. She's busy contemplating in her own mind. It strikes me that I don't know what she's thinking or feeling even. She has recoiled inside of herself trying to figure everything out. And I have done the same.
This is when we are weakest as a couple. The both of us tend to withdraw into ourselves and pull away during times like this. Usually we unintentionally take turns and one of is strong enough to save the other. But, if both of us are withdrawn, it's incredibly difficult to pull each other out. Right now only the touch of our fingers wrapped around each other is what anchors a portion of us in reality.
"I need you to tell me what you're thinking," she says in a low tone, our pace never faltering. "This isn't going to be like before – where you just tell me everything is going to be ok and I believe you." She stares up into my eyes, but my eyes don't meet hers. "Lucas, I don't think it'll be ok this time," she whispers her fears into the frigid air.
"Do you think they're right?" I answer her question with one of my own. She whispers yes and rests her head against my shoulder. I feel a tear land on my shirt. She believes that we caused all of this, that somehow we are the ones that caused the pain that has weaved its way into our world.
"Don't worry, Peyton. It'll be ok," I tell her even though I know she doesn't believe me. "The thing with Jamie…yeah, we were wrapped up in the wedding, but he knows that. He knows that it's all been unintentional. And with Brooke…"
Peyton's green eyes are wide in disbelief, "This 'thing with Jamie' is not going to just blow over, Lucas. Haley and Nathan love you. They would never blame you or us for ignoring their child if they thought it wasn't important."
My throat has difficulty swallowing the guilt her words have instilled in me.
"And Brooke…she's not done with whatever it is she's going through. She's still destroyed inside. Five years ago, I was where she's at right now. But I had you and at prom, I had her. Brooke, she didn't have either of us because we were lost in each other. How could you not see any of this Lucas?" Her words have stopped us in our tracks a while ago. And a lonely tear cascades down her face. And now I can see the pain that she's wearing on her sleeve. She stares at me, waiting for me to respond, but I can't.
Because I'm the idiot who didn't realize any of this till she had to spell it out for me right now.
"We should talk with Nathan and Haley," she breaks the minutes of silence, "Maybe tomorrow morning after we've slept on all of this."
I shake my head. No, if I didn't do this now, I won't get out of bed and do this tomorrow. "Let's try now," I tell Peyton. She refuses, saying Haley wanted space. But I insist. And because she's my wife, she reluctantly agrees and allows us to try this my way.
Out of courtesy, she calls Haley to inform her of our arrival. We botched up one unannounced arrival; we weren't going to mess up another one. And now I find ourselves standing in the same position as an hour ago. Except instead of bursting with joy and anticipation, we're bursting with nothing.
Sam surprisingly answers the door. I forgot her and Chris were still here. She lets us in and we wait for either Haley or Nathan to come by. Peyton attempts to start a conversation with her, but Sam only gives one word, deadpan answers. She's angry with us, too; did she see us arguing? Haley yells that she'll be here in a minute and Sam takes advantage of the one minute.
"I know we don't really know each other," she starts, "but…I hope you guys don't treat your baby the same way you've treated Brooke. Believe me; it will have a crappy childhood if you do." Peyton and I are floored and taken aback by her words. We're not that cruel, are we? And have Peyton and I really been that blind? "And Lucas…" Sam breaks us out of our shock, "You're a self absorbed ass."
"Sam," Haley scolds as she approaches the three of us. I'm still stunned at the teenager's words.
"Give that to Brooke," Sam rolls her eyes at Haley's reproach and holds out a dollar bill to her.
"You can give it to her yourself; she's in the kitchen with Jamie and Julian."
"Cool beans," Sam says as she walks away. Before she makes her turn into the kitchen she shoots daggers my way.
"They're here?" Peyton asks nervously. We didn't anticipate another six person argument for tonight.
Haley informs us that Brooke returned specifically to talk to me and Peyton. She wasn't the only one surprised at Brooke's sudden return. We thought she was finished for the night, but apparently not. What eats away at me is Julian is still here. And that means it's because he's here for Brooke. Peyton tells Haley that we wanted to talk to her and Nathan. We want to discuss the Jamie thing. But Haley shakes her head in exhaustion. She's torn and angry, but she pushes it aside because she thinks that Brooke is more important right now.
"Brooke says that Nathan says that Chris won't get out of your bed. And he said that he'll injure him if you don't go up and stop him," Sam interrupts our conversation. Haley sighs and tells us to wait while she and Sam go upstairs to help Nathan. Only Chris Keller would provide slight comedic relief during all of this. But I doubt any of us can laugh at anything right now.
Mine and Peyton's uneasy silence, and the absence of Sam and Haley, allow me to hear voices echoing from the kitchen.
"Can I touch it?" I hear Jamie exclaim in wonderment. I'm guessing he's talking about the injury I placed on Julian's mug.
"Sure, Little J, just don't put another one on my face," Julian jokes. Little J? He has a nickname for Jamie now? My heart flinches at this fact – the fact that Julian is so friendly and close with Jamie. My ears strain to listen more intently at all that they're saying.
"All right handsome, that's enough stalling. Time for bed," Brooke says.
"You want to tuck me in?" Jamie asks excitedly. Even though I only hear his voice, I can imagine the sparks that light up like fireworks in his eyes. He adores his Aunt Brooke…I'm not sure when was the last time I saw those same fireworks.
"Sure buddy, as long as you promise to stay in bed this time," Brooke picks up Jamie into her arms. The three of them are in viewing range now, but they don't notice our presence, yet. Peyton's hand slips into mine as we awkwardly watch the pseudo family at the other end of the house.
"You wanna come too, Big J?" Jamie asks with the same excitement as he did earlier. Big J. Dual nicknames? They had dual nicknames for each other? My heart quenches even more than when I heard Julian call Jamie 'Little J.' Jamie adored Julian almost as much as he did Brooke. It didn't seem right to watch the three of them like this and not say a word. But my feet were cemented to the ground and my head wanted to see more, even though my heart didn't.
"Why not," Julian agrees as he follows aunt and nephew. Jamie catches my eye now and I notice him slightly recoil at the sight of me and Peyton.
"You just keep getting softer by the minute don't you?" Brooke dimpled smirk stares up into Julian's eyes.
"Just lead the way, Penny D," Julian replies. My heart stops and skips more than one beat at that name. And it doesn't skip because it's happy. If I wasn't taking my HCM medication, I'm pretty sure that moment would have caused my heart to stop for more than a couple of beats. But I have Peyton, I shouldn't care about nicknames for Brooke or the fact that Julian and Brooke were obviously closer than I thought they were. But the name, the sheer existence of it causes a spike of jealousy. Penny D?
And as soon as my heart skips a couple of beats, it stops again as Brooke and Julian now notice Peyton and I. Standing only a few feet away from each other, the five us stare in silence for what feels like years, but is only mere seconds. I clear my throat and attempt to make this uneasy encounter less…well, less silent.
"Hey Jamie," I greet as I slowly walk towards the trio, pulling a hesitant Peyton with me, "You going to bed?" I force a grin on my face and my hand reaches to brush his head. He stiffens at my touch and Brooke's eyes tell me that she felt him retreat as well. Why was Jamie acting this way?
"Aunt Brooke and Julian are going to tuck me in," Jamie answers me solemnly, his eyes staring at the ground.
"I'm sorry we couldn't hang out tonight. But how about we hang out tomorrow? Maybe a little one on one," I try to cheer him up, try to prove that I haven't ignored him. But Jamie remains silent and rests his head on Brooke's shoulder.
"He's tired; you should bring him upstairs," Nathan and Haley join us in the hall now. We all walk to the edge of the living room, next to the bottom of the stairs.
"Say goodnight Jamie," Haley reminds her son quietly before Brooke has a chance to head for the stairs.
"G'night Uncle Lucas," Jamie whispers and looks uneasily at me for the second time that night. "G'night…" he pauses and whispers into Brooke's ear. Peyton and I watch as Brooke's expression morphs into distraught shock.
"Yes. She's, Aunt Peyton," Brooke chokes on her whisper.
"Sorry…Aunt Peyton," Jamie sighs with an apologetic face.
"Don't worry, kid. It's ok to forget names once in a while," Peyton attempts to comfort Jamie with a grin.
"Like how you guys forgot about us?" Jamie retorts innocently. All of us are rendered speechless at Jamie's observation. And I feel Peyton recoiling deeper inside of her self.
The biggest blow of the night assails on mine and Peyton's hearts. Jamie couldn't believe that, he couldn't think that I would ever forget about him – that Peyton and Iwould ever forget about all of them.
"Jamie," Haley whispers as she approaches her son. "I'm sorry, guys," her comment is focused on me and Peyton, but her tone isn't as apologetic as I thought it would be. "Brooke how about I just take him," Haley holds out her arms to her son, but Brooke has a hard time handing Jamie over to her.
"Jamie, what's wrong?" Brooke asks when the little boy's arms refuse to let go of her neck.
"I don't want Uncle Lucas to hurt you," Jamie admits with fright in his eyes. Brooke and Haley's eyes narrow in worry as mine and Peyton's widen.
"What makes you think that he'll hurt her?" Julian asks with a soothing voice. Jamie doesn't flinch against his touch.
"He hit you in the face," Jamie answers as he points to Julian's bruised cheek. Another bullet heads straight for all of our hearts. Now, I know Brooke or even Julian would never tell Jamie that his own godfather resorted to violence. So my heart breaks when I realize that there are more repercussions to mine and Peyton's initial surprise tonight. Silence holds each of our voices hostage again and only Nathan has the strength to break through the chains and break the quiet.
"Jamie, did you see us fighting?"
Jamie's head nods slowly and Nathan releases a frustrated sigh as he urges Jamie to come with him. The five year old allows his father to scoop him up in his arms and before I know it, Haley and Nathan have taken Jamie upstairs. I'm guessing they can't explain what happened with all of us in the same room. Especially since the couple was already upset with me before this travesty of a night ensued.
"Lucas Scott, I could kill you for shattering that little boy's world," Brooke's loud whisper drips with threat and fury.
"None of us knew he was watching, Brooke." I know it's a poor excuse, but I am still reeling from everything I've heard since Peyton and I walked through the door for the second time tonight.
I hope you guys don't treat your baby the same way you've treated Brooke.
You're a self absorbed ass.
Sure, Little J…
You wanna come too, Big J?
Lead the way, Penny D.
Like how you guys forgot about us?
I don't want Uncle Lucas to hurt you.
Jamie, did you see us fighting?
My reeling is halted and I'm pulled out of my own shallow pool of worry when Brooke goes to slap me in response to my comment...but her hand stops in the thin air, a good few inches away from my face. My hand reaches up to my cheek and my heart splinters at the sting of her non existent slap. She's stopping herself for Jamie, at the rare chance that he has escaped Nathan and Haley.
"Oh no, you don't," she restrains herself from screaming. But she doesn't have to scream. Her eyes are shooting bolts of lightening for her. "You do not get to make yourself feel better and pull the oblivious card again. And you certainly are not going to make yourself the victim this time around. The arguing –the punch, that was just unnecessary frosting on top of the already shattered plate of devastation you have caused Jamie," she fires, "Devastation that you've caused us."
"Brooke -" I try to think of something to say, but her words of pain inflict tons of it onto my defeated heart. I notice that neither Peyton nor Julian is attempting to rein Brooke in. Peyton was right, Brooke isn't done hurting and she's not going to let me get away with anything. I don't have Peyton to back me up right now. She's letting Brooke let it out; let it all out into the open.
"No," Brooke doesn't allow me to speak. "We are not going to have a repeat argument-ive performance of one hour ago. Not when that little boy is upstairs, scared of his own uncle. I may not like you right now, Lucas, but Jamie does not deserve to be estranged from or scared by his own godfather any more than he already is."
"It's not like that, Brooke," I try to convince myself more than her. But the words have no meaning because I know that she is right.
"It's not like that?" she voices a little loudly, but immediately brings her voice down again, "Right. Then how do you explain what he just said? Or him forgetting Peyton's name? If you had been around the past few months, he wouldn't be so confused and...Did you know that he asked me if your marriage meant that you had your own separate family now and you would never see him again? He thought that Peyton was replacing him." The pain in her voice isn't pity for me, nor is it pity for Peyton. It's empathy for Jamie. And she wants to remove the thoughts that Jamie has for his uncle. I want to remove those feelings of hurt and alienation, but I can't.
"Brooke, Julian; Jamie's asking for you," Nathan says quietly as he comes down. Nathan's eyes avoid mine but I know he's staring into Peyton's. Even though he and Peyton aren't related by blood, they've been in each other's lives longer than I have. Jamie isn't the only one that has felt alienated. Nathan and Peyton have become distant as well. And I never realized it till now. I wonder if Peyton has; she probably has. I go to hold my wife's hand, but she backs away and retreats across the room. We're left alone, without a roadmap or a light to guide our way out of this turmoil.
"You're doing fine; just breathe," I hear Julian comfort Brooke as they walk past me.
If only I could breathe.
And if only the night could breathe pity and quickly retreat to let the dawn in, but the darkness won't pass over us. It won't allow us that relief. The night knows that this is far from over; this is just the beginning.
A/N: I love Julian...and I hope you guys loved this chapter. Drama, drama: Peyton is withdrawing, Lucas is hurting, Nathan and Haley are distraught about their son and friends, and Brooke is going to explode. And when that happens...let's just say Lucas is going to go through hell. Just a warning.
And Brulianites: the light at the end of the tunnel isn't a long way away but it's not short either...just like Christmas, hmmm. lol...actually, if I update regularly, I don't think it'll take that long.
You guys are amazing as always and I really believe you guys are the best readers/reviewers ever :) Sorry if I say all that too much lol.
