Sorry folks – first week back to work so I was very busy. The following is definitely angsty so beware!
He was exhausted by the time he got home. Part of it was psychological, he knew, but some of it was pure physical tiredness. He'd been spending long days at the precinct office and it was starting to wear him out.
He'd taken the job as Assistant Administrator, thinking it might help them find their way home. He'd also thought it would help keep him from getting bored. What he hadn't expected was how much he had to do. And, being him, he couldn't just do the easy thing and let things ride. He snorted. No, you have to go and try and change the world again Jack, don't you?
The fact of the matter was that as soon as he'd arrived, that first day, he'd seen ten things wrong about the way things were run. The very first problem was that the offices weren't even in the same area they were policing. He knew in order to accomplish anything, they were going to have to establish a presence in the neighborhoods where the trouble was.
Administrator Rallay had been correct when he'd said that there would be some that would resent him. For a few all that was needed to create resentment was that he came in and took command – at least of the field units. For others it was simply that he was a refugee and no matter what he did or how competent he was, they'd still hate him. He shook his head – prejudice existed in all parts of the galaxy!
There were some, just a few, who were thrilled that he was there. Deneil was one of those as was his partner Jan. The two of them welcomed him and made his transition a bit easier. There were a handful of others who saw his arrival as a positive step in the right direction and he didn't want to disappoint them.
Then there were the majority of the men who were reserving judgment, for now. He would have to win their trust and their respect – not a bad thing in his eyes. He would have felt the same if their positions were reversed.
He started out by telling everyone his plan was to observe and not make any changes right away. He asked to hear the men's suggestions and ideas and find out what they thought was working and what they saw as some of the problems. In the end though, he made it very clear that he was the one in charge.
Working with the men – there were no women allowed in security details – proved to be very similar to what he'd done in the military. He did have trouble with the fact that there were no women, but, as he told Sam, he could only fight one battle at a time.
After he'd been there for a week he'd jotted down a number of things he saw that needed to be changed. He wrote them up and then presented them to Rallay. The older man took one look, whistled and handed the sheet back to Jack.
"Good luck", he told his subordinate. "You have quite a task in front of you."
"But you'll approve the changes?"
"I told you, I'd back you up on this. You're the one in charge."
"Thank you Sir", Jack acknowledged the other man. "What about the change in location?"
"Well, that might be a bit harder to accomplish because it will take some funds but we can at least start with your idea of a unit posted there. I'm sure some of the local businesses would be happy to give you space at no charge in return for increased safety."
So, Jack began to implement his strategy to clean up the streets of precinct 4, Terra Antiqua.
The first thing he did was pick out those men on the security force who were trouble makers. He'd watched carefully and could pick out three that were going to cause problems. He'd seen it in the Air Force and he knew what to look for and what he had to do.
He called them into his office, one by one, and fired them. A part of him felt guilty, but he knew that he had to get them out of the way or he wasn't going to move anything forward. He also reminded himself that he'd caught all of these guys making insulting comments about refugees and about women. He had made it very clear to all his men that neither was acceptable.
They shouted, swore and threatened, but Jack didn't back down. He arranged to give them all severance and then had them instantly cleared out. The others watched in silence as the three men collected their things and headed out.
He was now in week three of his job and so far things hadn't gone too badly. There'd been a bit of backlash at the idea of moving into the area they were policing, but Jack convinced them that it had to be done. Other than that he'd started looking at what further training they needed. It was obvious, to his trained eye, that the guys would be pretty useless in hand to hand combat. Since they didn't have guns – that he'd been able to see or hear about – on Terra Antiqua, fighting skills were absolutely necessary.
"Sam?" he'd asked her one evening after having watched the men engage in some hand-to-hand practice, "Can I ask a favor?"
"Sure Sir", she looked up. "What do you want me to do?"
The next day he'd taken Sam with him to the precinct. As she walked in the front door a number of the men stopped and stared. He was pretty sure if he hadn't been there there would have been some whistles and probably some inappropriate comments. Men were men everywhere.
"In here", he told her a while later. He looked around the small gym, to see that most of the men had shown up. "Good morning", he called. "Is everyone ready?"
"Why do we have to do this Colonel Jack? We know how to fight."
He'd finally convinced the men to use his Earth title, as 'Assistant Administrator Jack O'Neill', was way too wordy. "You don't know how to fight well enough", he told them. "You may think you do, but I can promise you that you have a lot to learn."
The men scoffed and looked less than impressed. It was the first time any of them had openly questioned one of Jack's orders. "To prove to you that you all need to improve your skills, I have brought an assistant here today." He watched as all eyes turned towards Carter.
"This woman is Major Samantha Carter. She is a – security officer – and has been on my team for many years and she's here to show you how it's done. I'd like some volunteers who are willing to work with Major Carter."
Almost every hand flew up and Jack almost laughed. They would be changing their tune in a minute. "Okay, Eneth, you can come forward."
A big, burly officer stepped forward, a silly grin on his face. He probably thought he was going to get a chance to handle the woman and show his skills at the same time.
"Alright Eneth, I want you to pin Major Carter to the floor."
"I'll hurt her Sir", the burly man protested. Although he could be ferocious looking, Jack knew he was a pretty decent guy.
"Don't worry about her. Just do as I say."
Eneth stood in front of Sam, who looked relatively relaxed, although she was alert and keeping her eyes on the big man. He moved, surprisingly quickly for a large man, and tried to kick her legs out from under her and get her down on the mat. There was a quick flurry of movement and the next thing Eneth knew, he was pinned down, looking up at the ceiling of the small gym.
"There folks", Jack grinned. "That's how it's done." He waited a moment for Sam to put her hand down to help Eneth up. The man glared at her for a few seconds, but finally reached up and took her hand. He ended up by giving her a small grin and a nod, acknowledging her skill
"Okay, so who's next?" Jack looked around at all the men and this time no one had his hand up. "Alright, if there are no volunteers, I'll start picking people. Let's see – Willam, your turn."
Poor Willam looked almost sick, although he strode forward after Jack had called his name. He stood in front of Carter, with instructions to put her in a half-nelson hold. Within seconds his arm was pinned and the other guys were staring in wonder.
After that Jack picked two more men and had Sam quickly incapacitate them. After that he told them he'd spare the others and allow Sam to rest. He then spent the next forty minutes teaching them some moves and having them practice with one another. While they were practicing he went to speak with Sam.
"Thanks Major – that was very helpful."
"You don't think they were too humiliated being beaten by a woman?"
"Oh, probably. But they'll get over it. I think they're actually pretty happy to be learning some new skills. A number of them have been injured while on patrol. This training will give them an advantage."
Over the next few weeks Jack continued with the training and gradually made changes to the way the units were run. He established regular patrols so there was always a security presence and opened a neighborhood office, open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.
Things were going well at the precinct although there were still a few that hated the fact he was in charge. They were careful not to say or do anything overt, so Jack couldn't punish them or get rid of them, but he knew they would be trouble.
He was actually enjoying his time at the precinct although he was feeling guilty that he hadn't done more to try and get them home. It's not that he wanted to stay here – far from it – it's just so far he hadn't come across anyone who'd heard of or seen a Stargate and he'd been too busy to do much in the way of investigation.
For a while Sam had asked him, every day, what he'd found out. Recently she'd stopped asking – and barely spoke to him. He knew she was angry at him, but he didn't know what else to do. He was pretty sure that eventually he could get a vehicle, but, as he'd explained to her, they were hard to come by and they weren't about to let a brand new employee have one.
He wished that Carter would get a job. Part of her problem was that she was stuck inside most of the day. As far as he could tell, she hadn't made any friends either. He'd actually gone out with a couple of the guys a few times after work and had become especially friendly with Deneil. He'd even men the man's wife when he'd been invited over for dinner. The invitation had been extended to Sam, but she'd refused, telling him she was working on something.
Of course that was a lie. He didn't know quite what was wrong with her, but she didn't seem to want to get to know any of the locals or even to do more than speak to them when she had to. He was pretty sure she'd be a lot happier iof she just relaxed and tried to fit in. There was no sin in that, as long as they kept looking for the gate.
That night he arrived back at the apartment, exhausted and hungry. Although he'd never expect anyone to make meals for him and to wait on him, he had to admit he'd gotten kind of used to it over the last few weeks. Carter didn't have much else to do outside of search up more on a possible Stargate and look after the house. That's why it was a surprise to find the apartment empty and no savory smells wafting through the halls.
"Carter?" he called, knowing if she was here she'd answer – the apartment wasn't big enough to hide in for long. After he received no answer the second time he called, he figured she must be out. He just hoped it was somewhere fun. She needed something – something other than looking for the gate, to keep her mind occupied. He worried that she was falling into a depression.
Even though he was tired, he decided to make dinner for them, trying to scratch up something tasty but easy. He ended up making the Terra equivalent of pasta and sauce. He waited as long as he could, but finally was too hungry and went ahead and ate, leaving a good amount for Carter.
It was late evening by the time she returned and he was beginning to get really worried. Although the area they lived in was relatively safe and she knew how to take care of herself, his own experience showed that bad things could happen. That's why, when she walked in, looking like everything was hunky dory he felt his anger grow.
"Have a fun evening?" he asked.
"Oh, hi Sir. It was okay." She walked into the little kitchen and started rummaging around, finally finding the pot of pasta. "Did you do this? Smells good."
"I ate quite a while ago", he told her shortly.
"Did you? Good." She started warming up the meal, not looking at him.
"So – where were you?" he finally asked.
"What?" She glanced at him. "Uh – nowhere in particular", she answered. "I'm glad you didn't wait for me."
"Yeah, well, I was starving and I had no idea when you'd be back because you didn't tell me where the hell you were!"
At that she looked at him more carefully and suddenly seemed to realize he was angry. He could tell the instant she got what he called the 'Jacob look'. It was a mule-headed stubbornness that he saw very rarely from Major Carter, although every once in a while it would rear its head.
"I didn't know I had to Colonel", she answered sharply. "If you'd told me I would have given you an itemized agenda of my day and where I was at every given moment. I'm sorry Sir!"
He took a deep breath, promising himself that he wasn't going to say something he regretted. "I have never said I expect you to tell me where you are during the day, but it's late and I had no idea where you were. You could have been hurt for all I knew. We're all alone here Carter and it's important we tell each other when we're going to be gone late."
"Like you did Colonel?"
"Exactly Major! That was a stupid thing to do but I thought we both learned from that. Sam, I was worried."
"I can take care of myself Sir."
"Can you? And if a bunch of criminals came after you at one time? I'm pretty good at taking care of myself too and I got hurt. It's just common sense that we tell one another."
"You've been late coming home", she answered, although she was sounding more hesitant now.
He sighed and rubbed his hand through his hair. Where was this coming from? She sounded angry and resentful and as far as he knew he hadn't done anything to tick her off – at least not recently.
"I know – but you know where I am. I've had to put in long hours at the precinct while I try to sort it out."
She turned and began to serve herself her dinner, not saying anything for a moment. "What about looking for the Stargate?" she finally said, sounding weary.
"We're still looking", he answered. "And as soon as I have a chance I'll see about transport and we can really concentrate on it. Look, I know this isn't ideal, but I'm doing the best I can."
She nodded but didn't speak. After a moment she sat down and began to eat. He watched her for a few moments and sighed again. This was not going well and he really didn't know what to do. He wanted to go home – of course he did. Did she honestly think he was happy staying here?
"Look, I'll start asking around again and go through some files at work. There might be something I've missed."
Again she nodded, although she still didn't speak. She finished her dinner, cleaned up her dishes and then announced she was tired and was going to bed.
He lay in bed that night, feeling like things were spiraling out of control and he didn't know how to stop them. He finally turned over and tried to sleep, but had a restless night.
Sam lay in bed, also unable to sleep. She didn't know what was wrong with her. The Colonel's reaction was totally normal and, in fact, he had reacted better than he probably should have. She'd been irresponsible – she'd known it at the time – but couldn't help herself. In fact, she was almost sure she'd done it to get back at him - and she knew that was unfair. She was sure he didn't want to stay on Terra, but her anger and resentment towards him had grown the longer they stayed. Now that he was working at a job he seemed to enjoy, she was even angrier, as much as she told herself it was unfair.
If she was being honest with herself – something she usually was, although that trait seemed to have left her as of late – she knew that her feelings were because of fear. Over the last few months she'd gotten to know the Colonel in a much different way than she'd known him before. The fact that they were living together allowed her to see him as not just the Colonel, but as a man. And what she'd realized was that she liked him even more now than she had when he was only her commanding officer. In fact, she was pretty sure that she loved him and that scared her.
It scared her because to let herself love him was to give up hope that they'd get home – or if they did get home then she'd lose him – and that thought was too painful to bear.
No, the best thing was to get out of here as quickly as possible and not let her feelings get out of control. And the best way to do that was to be angry at him for his perceived lack of interest in getting them home.
She pounded her pillow in frustration. She wasn't being fair to him she knew – but she couldn't help herself. Her very sanity depended on it.
Over the next week things got steadily more strained between them. Jack tried to talk with her but she refused to say anything about what was really bothering her. He ended up by exploding at her, which of course made things worse rather than better. He just wished he knew what the hell to do.
Traman Deneil had become a friend, although Jack had to be careful not to appear as if he was favoring the man. Shortly after his blow up with Carter Deneil invited them both over again for dinner at his house. She – to no surprise, refused - again. He told her fine and decided to go anyway. After that he started spending more and more time with the couple. It was nice to spend time with someone who actually seemed to like him and want to spend time with him and it kept him out of the apartment.
Sam finally got herself a job although it was only part time. She taught math and basic science at a local technical college. It was easy and not challenging at all but brought it some extra money. A couple of the other teachers reached out, trying to make her feel welcome, but she rebuffed their overtures and was soon left alone.
Things finally came to a head about five weeks after Jack had started working. He got home late, after a difficult day when he'd had to fire one of the men for dereliction of duty. The man had been posted in the neighborhood office and had taken off without letting anyone know. His partner, who was left alone, was then attacked by some local thugs. Fortunately he wasn't hurt badly, but it could have been serious.
Jack walked into the apartment to find it empty again. He still had no idea where Carter went in the evenings – she wouldn't tell him. He sighed and fixed himself something to eat. This time he didn't bother getting anything for her. Call him petty, but he was pissed and figured she could get her own dinner.
It was almost midnight by the time she got home and by that time he'd imagined all sorts of things – from her lying dead on the street to lying curled up in bed with Dr. Sergei. Both scenarios, and everything in between, either frightened or infuriated him.
To make matters worse, when she walked in she didn't say anything to him beyond a bare 'hi'. He waited for some explanation or apology. When none was forthcoming he figured this was it. He'd had enough and wasn't about to put up with it anymore.
"Where were you?" he finally asked.
"Out."
"Don't do this. I don't deserve to be treated this way. If you won't treat me with respect as a friend then fine, as your commanding officer I order you to tell me where the hell you've been!" There – how do you like them apples Major!
"Fine Sir. I was out walking, okay? Or is there some rule against that? Should I ask you for permission the next time I go out? Please Sir, can I go for a walk Sir?"
"What the hell is the matter with you? All I'm looking for is some common consideration. I was worried sick thinking that you were lying hurt or dead somewhere. It's midnight!"
She knew she was in the wrong, that she should just apologize. Something – she didn't know what – was making her fight. There was a ball of fury and fear inside of her and it was about to tumble out, all over him.
"Do you really care?" she hissed. "I thought you were more interested in your friends here in Terra Antiqua. I'm just an added complication. You don't need to sit around and worry about me when I know you'd be much happier with them."
"Well at least they treat me decently", he shouted. "All you do is ignore me or seem to blame me for everything. I'm sick of it and sick of being treated like dirt!"
"Well then, why don't you leave?" she screamed back. "Oh no – you don't want to do that, do you? You like it here? You're king of the castle here on Terra. You're perfectly happy never going back to Earth. I'd forgotten how easy it is for you to give up and start a new life where ever you land. Forgive me for worrying about getting home. Forgive me for thinking of Daniel and Teal'c and my family and actually working to make it back."
"And you think I don't?" he asked softly.
"It doesn't look like it to me – Sir. It looks like you're perfectly happy here. I probably just bug you by insisting you look for the gate."
He clenched his teeth together, not wanting to say anymore. He was no longer angry – just – hurt, that she could still believe that. He'd tried to talk to her, to tell her how he felt. He had tried to find any information he could – and had actually planned on telling her something he'd discovered today. But now – now he didn't want to tell her anything. He would continue to follow the lead he'd been given, but he wouldn't tell her until he knew for sure. In the meantime, he also knew he couldn't stay here anymore. He'd end up saying or doing something he'd regret.
He swallowed and took a deep breath. "It's obvious how you feel Sam", he said softly, "so I think the best thing is for me to go. You can have this place. It's paid until the end of the year with refugee benefits. That way I can't bother you with worrying about you and you can – do your own thing. I'm sorry that you think that about me but I obviously can't do anything to change your opinion. I'll get my things out tomorrow."
She stared at him in shock. What had she done? God – she didn't mean – she closed her eyes. He'd be happier without her so maybe it was a good idea. She had been a bitch, she knew it and this way he wouldn't have to put up with her. "I can go", she said softly. He shouldn't be the one to leave.
"Do you have somewhere to go?" he asked. "I didn't think so", he replied when she didn't speak. "I can stay with Deneil. He has an extra room. I'll – send you my address and you can get in touch with me at the precinct. If either of us finds out something about the gate we can get in touch with the other." He spoke softly, gently, although inside he was in turmoil. How had it come to this? He didn't know.
The next morning he took his things and left before Carter was out of her room. He'd ask Deneil today if he could stay. As he walked to work he acknowledged to himself that his heart was bruised – he felt like something had just died.
