Mystic: Anyone care to guess where I achieved inspiration for Sir David?


A Night in Treno


For the Lindblum citizens, the story of Lady Hilda's sudden departure was stated as such: "Lady Hilda entered into matrimony with Regent Cid unlawfully and has decided to return to the land of her birth. We, the tribunal court, have rendered their marriage null and void."

Very few of the citizens were healthy enough to even care about the "official" statement and its flippant accuracy. Through their hacking coughs and burning fevers, they saw a silver dragon soar over the city and its quarantined gates. Parents told the children it was nothing more than a hallucination, but grew concerned as to why their beloved lady did not return to their homes to offer some resources of healing before leaving Lindblum for good. Death laughed quite heartily and grabbed his trusted scythe.

The tribunal judges shook their heads and crossed their arms when Hilda left with the sorcerer. To them, she played the whore and ran from her responsibilities to the people. The lady blew them a kiss and set their papers aflame. Freema, now healthy enough to travel, accompanied the two mages.

Catherine and Billie waved goodbye from one of the castle's balconies. The latter was not aware, but Minister Artania watched her from a separate window. She turned to collect her belongings, while Catherine searched for her playing cards. If she were to visit her mother, chances were high that she'd run into some past clients. (And a good gamble seemed like fun!)

But before Kuja and Hilda returned to the realm of blood mages to retrieve young Eiko, the sorcerer wished to make a stop in his former Treno residence. Very much smaller than the desert palace, but very much equal in its elegance and grandeur. It stood behind the auction house, the very epitome of noble living and exciting evenings.

Freema stood in the doorway, her mouth agape. "Wow," was all she said. Hilda's cat barely yawned, curled itself on a sofa cushion.

"Remain here for the time being," ordered Kuja. "I'm meeting an old friend and need Hilda to accompany me. Lady, do change into something enticing and seductive."

"So, you want me to stay here by myself?" the girl asked. "In this part of Treno?"

Hilda made her way to the main bedchamber. "Honey, you'll be fine. Lock the doors and don't answer for anyone."

"We can seal it with a spell if you're that terrified." Kuja whispered a chant, sending the lanterns aflame in the hall.

Animal-skin furniture decorated the living areas. Freema took a seat on a striped sofa. "What do you expect me to do?"

"I don't care what you do, personally. Don't leave a mess is all I ask." He required a hat for a night in Treno. Something black and with a feather. Or maybe beads. "There's a wine cellar downstairs, too. My supply might be low, but -" Freema ran so quickly down the steps that Kuja almost saw a trail of fire following the maid. "Well," he huffed. "I hope she cleans up after herself. Lady, are you enticing and seductive yet?"

"Kuja," said Hilda from behind his bedchamber door. "Why do you own fish net stockings?"

"Oh, good! You found them for me!"

His door swung open, and his breath caught in his throat. Scantily clad and with a grin that promised an evening of fun, soreness, and shame from those uninhibited, Lady Hilda stared him down. "I'm wearing them, sweetie."


The majority of the time, Treno's nightlife boasted the most talented of singers, both operatic and classical. Voices from all over Gaia traveled to the dark city to make it big and possibly score a good time from the numerous courtesans or prostitutes. "Every night I see you, I hear you, I feeeeeeellll yooouuuu."

Clearly, this particular nightclub was not one of those lucky arenas.

"That is how I know yooooouuuu gooo oooonnnnn..."

The guilty party was very much drunk.

"Neeaaaar faaaaarrr, where eeeeevveeeerrr you aaaaarre!"

No, no; scratch that. He was drunk drunk. As in, "wow! I just invented a new party drink with a banana!" drunk.

"And I know that my heart wiiiillll goooo ooooonnn aaaannnnd ooonnnn!"

Please, for the sake of all things pure and holy, do not ask where this particular patron found his banana. Rumors circulated that his pants were somehow bigger on the inside.

"Well, look what the chocobo dragged in," said Lady Hilda, eyebrow raised and hand tucked under her chin. "The oncoming storm."

Kuja leaned back in his chair and sipped his drink. "Oh, so he didn't lie about that." Shrug. "Interesting."

"My gawd," said the drunk patron. "The people of Treno certainly know how to throw a party. I think ... I think, I just invented a new drink. The banana daiquari. Always take a banana to a party." He spoke quickly and, when really excited, his voice sometimes squeaked. "Ah, hello again, Lady Hilda. Lovely seeing you again. Bananas are good. Bananas are really, really good." He threw an arm over her shoulder and kissed her cheek before she or Kuja could do anything about it.

Like Kuja, this patron was quite well-known and often seen with an attractive women on his arm. Unlike Kuja, this patron did not always know when to 'say when'. The sorcerer swirled his drink. "David, your tie is on your head."

He was a lanky gentleman, angled features, with brown hair that stuck up in several directions. Sideburns decorated the side of his head down almost to his chin. Usually seen in a pinstripe blue suit and red tie that usually hung around the neck, the mage now wore the accessory tied on his forehead. "It's a new style, Lord Kuja. Do you like it?" He plunked himself down at their table, across from Kuja, smiled very cheerily at his companion. "How are ya, Hilda?"

She stared at Kuja for a moment, before stifling a laugh behind her hand. "Much better as of late."

"Yes, yes; an annulled marriage, bedding Kuja, adopting a summoner. It's all very sexy. That's sexxxaaayyy..." David, though drunk, still spoke with clarity. He tried to reach for the pitcher of strong drink in the middle of the table, but Kuja slapped at his wrist. "Ah, hey!"

"Oh, no you don't." Kuja gazed about the ballroom. "We need to find Mistress Joan."

"No, no; not her." David slumped in his seat like a child avoiding eye contact with his parents because said child might have committed a horrible act to a fountain. "Joan takes away my fun. She treats me like a child, worse than my own children. Well, they are cute -well, they take after me -well, she does love them a lot -" As he rambled, his unfortunate victims decided to scan the area for any residual evidence of white magery. "Oh, look. I have portraits of the bastards in my wallet. Here, let me show -"

"DAVID!" came a shrill, high-pitched voice. "DAVID, YOU INCONSIDERATE FOOL!"

"Oh, now I'm in court." He dropped his head on the table.

Kuja smiled politely and waved his hand. "He's over here, mistress."

Joan was slim, pale-faced, with very light features. A white mage since childhood, she found a position of worth in the household of Treno nobleman, but always offered more than simple cures. Like other mistresses and women of nightfall, her gown cut low and showed ample skin. She marched straight over to the blue mage and slapped him hard across the face. "That should sober you, David."

He grimaced, blinked, and plopped her on his lap. "Thank you, Joan."

"Lord Kuja," she said, extending her hand for a kiss. "Always a pleasure to be in your company. And your lovely guest?"

"Mistress Hilda." Kuja brushed a few strands of blonde hair over her shoulder. "The former lady of Lindblum."

David grinned like he just found a new best friend to play with him. "Yes, yes; the regent is surely ashamed of himself for letting a ripe tart slip away. My lady, what made you accept Kuja's offer of infinite joys in the bedchamber and not mine? Should I have hijacked your airship?" His speech, quick and random, could never be described as shy. Joan only rolled her eyes; another slap might excite him too much.

"Sir David," mused Hilda, leaning forward to pat his arm. "Kuja, you must understand, has a bigger cock."

Joan tossed her head back in giddy laughter. Kuja smiled wryly behind his glass, resting a hand on her thigh, eyes sparkling with anticipation. "You never told me you saw his cock, lady." There was no jealousy in his voice, only amusement.

"Hilda was always a bit of a voyeur in our youth." David accepted a glass of water, drank it rather rudely. "We used to take a stroll beside this waterfall in the evenings and -wait, did you just say his was bigger?"

"Yes, I did," said Hilda.

"Well," David sniffed, not missing an opportunity. "Joan has perkier breasts."

That earned the second slap, though on his chest instead of his face. "You be good," Joan scolded. "I cannot be too much longer anyway. You have a fountain to clean and I need to be near Joshua. He's ill."

"Oh, it's just a child's cough. He's with his older sisters and my mother is right next door."

"He's a little boy, David." For a woman who never birthed children, Joan took very well to David's slew of illegitimate ones. She showed his daughters how to braid hair and cook a meal, then convinced David to take his bastard heir on a fox hunt. The lad came home grimy and proud; he shot an owl because he inherited his father's bad aim.

Lady Hilda leaned into Kuja, whispered in his ear, "I like her."

Kuja agreed. "She does put him in his place." Many men liked a feisty mistress, a woman who spoke without hesitation, challenged his mind with thorough arguments; it made the eventual chase and capture more intense and satisfying. He wrapped an arm around her waist and moved her on his lap, ran a finger along her collarbone. "A bit similar to how I put you in yours."

"My place is in your bed, Kuja."

"And anywhere else I so choose." His finger trailed down, played along her bodice. "Eventually you'll quicken with my seed and I'll have my own heir or heiress."

"Any children I bear now will be bastards."

"My bastards."

"And Eiko?"

"A ward for whom I provide care."

Hilda chuckled, kissed his cheek. "Be a good nobleman and buy your lover and friends a round of shots."

"Oh, yes!" exclaimed David. "Citrus drops or three wise dwarves if you don't mind."

"No." Joan slapped his hand like a nun from Esto Gaza. "You are to remain dry the remainder of the evening."

"But-"

"I said no."

Kuja kissed Hilda's hand, stood from the table. "I'll retrieve a virgin for him."

"Isn't virgin arbitrary anyway? The first time was aaaaaaggggeeessss ago." David watched the sorcerer walk off toward the bartender in a tuxedo and funny hat. "Let's trade stories, ladies?"

Hilda grimaced. "Mine's rather depressing. Moving along."

"Oh, right. Cid. Blah. His cock is probably all shriveled up and hanging to the left side."

"Right side," she answered.

Joan stifled a laugh. "If it's any better, my first lover was a noble red mage. He even serenaded me with a guitar."

"I need to find a guitar," said David.

"That involves you singing." Joan shook her head. "Please don't."

"Yes," agreed Hilda, recalling only moments ago his drunk attempt at the love song from a disastrous opera. "Do tell, David. Your first lover: was it Celeste?"

"The dark-haired beauty who lived next door to me? No, her sister."

"You fool. Her sister was an utter moron."

"Well, yes; but she put out."

Kuja returned at an interesting point of the conversation. "Are you talking about Celeste's sister?" He placed the shots in the middle of the table, handed Sir David a glass of soda water. "That young lady wasted every ounce of magic inherited in her blood." As well as her reputation.

"Don't tell me Celeste's sister mothered one of your children." Hilda felt a pang of jealousy over her lack of birth after years of marriage, unhappy it might have been.

Joan snorted. "Birthed, yes; but that girl had no idea what to do with a babe."

"Oh, good Shiva."

David shrugged. "Well, it's not like I planned it. She took off and left me with my daughter. Can you believe it? What do I know about raising children?" He slapped a small portrait on the table, gave another cheeky grin. "But she looks like me. I hired a wet-nurse for a while."

"Who later gave birth to your second daughter," said Joan.

Kuja scowled. "Goodness, David, you're quite careless."

"Well, I had fun -well, and started a family -well, illegitimate -well ..."

"Shush, now." Joan ruffled his hair. "Finish your water and we'll go check on Joshua's cough."

"It's nothing, Joan."

"I said shush, Mr. Ten-inch."

Hilda chose the wrong moment to swallow her shot of drink.

Kuja grinned; his was bigger.