I'm back! Whew, and thank goodness for that. :) Well, after much frustration and waiting, the ninth chapter of Our Battles is finally here! For lack of a better excuse, this took so long to update because of a profound lack of inspiration. But rest assured that I am entirely dedicated to this story, and I will never truly abandon it. So, with that said, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! :)
Disclaimer: After almost two months of trying (begging and pleading), Harry Potter is still not mine.
"This really isn't complicated, Potter," Lily said, in unguarded exasperation. "You're making it more difficult than it actually is."
"You know, Evans," James retorted, clearly annoyed as well, "telling me that it's not difficult isn't going to make it any easier for me to understand. Obviously, there's something I'm not getting or, believe me, I wouldn't be asking for your help." James rolled his eyes, and tried to remain calm. But the girl was grating on his last nerve, and her Miss Priss, know-it-all routine was getting old.
"I'm trying to help, Potter, but you're obviously not listening! I already told you what you have to do: add the ingredients into the cauldron in two minute intervals, exactly. Once you've done that, you just stir the potion for exactly ten minutes, alternating every 45 seconds between clockwise and counterclockwise."
James tried not to strangle her in frustration. He glanced across the table at Sirius, whose amused smirk irked James even more than usual. He wanted to throw the potion in his face. "And I already told you, Evans, that I did all that, and my potion still doesn't have the right consistency." Instead of the smooth, thick texture described in the potion book, the murky substance in his cauldron was thin and chunky, like a foul-smelling green soup.
Lily took a moment and looked inside his cauldron. It was completely wrong, as far as texture goes, but at least the smell and color were correct. Lily thought for a moment, and then rolled her eyes. "Did you cut your mandragora roots into exact inch-and-a-half pieces?"
James gave her an affronted look, as if she were crazy to even suggest he'd overlook such a thing. Then, she watched (with some amusement) as his expression turned thoughtful, then a bit confused, until finally settling on surrendered. She could see that he knew she was right, but he didn't want to admit it. She gave him her own little smirk and returned to finishing up her potion. James humphed petulantly, and she had to stop a gloating laugh from escaping her throat.
"I swear, you two bicker like an old married couple," Alice teased from across the table. Lily looked up, and realized that she'd all but forgotten she was there.
She gave Alice a threatening look and said, with more intensity than was strictly called for, "We do not." She didn't trust herself to say anything more, lest she go into an entirely unnecessary rage. Alice just gave her a knowing smile in response, and that almost annoyed Lily more than anything. She hated being patronized. She sighed loudly and went back to work, not looking up from her cauldron.
It was true, though. Not that she and James bickered like some cute, old couple. But they were arguing a lot, lately. It had only been a few days since the attack, and since the new partner system had been put into effect. And already, the tension between them was reaching an all-time high. She'd never hated him more, to be perfectly honest, and he seemed to feel the same way about her. Being forced to spend so much time together was really just pushing them even further apart. Lily just wished that the distance between them was of a more literal, physical nature.
Almost without realizing it, the bell tolled to end class, and everyone began storing their potions away in the back closet. Lily had almost finished hers and she hated having to leave with it so close to completion, but she had no choice. She had to have Potter walk down to the Great Hall with her, where they could finally part to eat lunch. Lily couldn't wait.
However, just as they were about to leave the classroom, Professor Slughorn came up behind the two of them.
"James, my boy!" he said, jovially, clapping James on the shoulder with such gusto that James nearly tripped forward. Lily smiled, somewhat evilly, at the thought of him falling flat on his face to the cold, hard stones of the dungeon floor. "Just the man I was looking for," Slughorn continued, oblivious. "I wonder if I can inconvenience you for a few moments? I'd like to have a word, or two."
"Erm..." James looked a bit puzzled, but Lily could clearly see the curiosity that was there, as well. "Of course, Professor." He turned to her and quickly said, "I'll be right back," before entering back into the classroom with Slughorn.
Lily sighed with relief. Potter could stay in there for the rest of the day if he wanted to. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her; the exact same weight as one James Potter. She stood out in the hallway and slouched against the wall, closing her eyes for a moment, and relishing one of her few brief moments of freedom.
That is, until someone interrupted her.
"L-Lily?" she heard someone say quietly; cautiously.
She knew that voice, though, and she didn't want to open her eyes. She didn't want to talk to him. Why could he not seem to understand that?
Reluctantly, she opened her eyes, and, there in front of her, stood Severus Snape.
"What do you want?" Lily asked, bluntly, skipping any pleasantries. He was standing closer to her than she would have liked, and she had to tilt her chin up to look at him.
"Nothing," he said, although he looked shocked to hear that she was actually speaking to him. Then, without warning, a rare smile broke out on his face, and he looked happier than she could ever remember seeing him. She felt a pang of pity and guilt as she realized that she was the reason for his happiness. In that moment, she realized how much she had missed her friend; her best friend.
"I'm... glad to see that you're okay," Lily said, feeling a bit awkward, now. It had been so long since they had talked, and even longer since they'd actually been nice to one another. "You know, "she clarified, "with the attack and all..."
The smile on Severus's face quickly faded, and he looked down at the floor. "Yeah," he said, looking uncomfortable. "we, erm, decided to stay at the castle that day."
"We?" Lily asked, curious. He was acting strange, all of a sudden.
"Mulciber, Avery, and I," he replied. "I mean, we weren't the only ones that decided to stay, but you know... That's Slytherin for you." Here, Severus gave a nervous chuckle. "Not too big on Hogsmeade trips."
"Really?" Lily said, a little confused, now. "You've always gone before."
Severus looked even more uncomfortable now. "Yeah, well..." he said, reluctantly. "Avery might have... you know... thought something was going to happen."
And just like that, Lily was back to wondering how the two of them had ever been friends.
"What do you mean?" she asked, although she was pretty sure she knew exactly what he had meant.
"Well," Severus said, looking back up to her, "let's just say that Avery has a certain... intuition for these kind of things."
"Severus," Lily said, in horror, her fears confirmed. She almost couldn't believe her ears. "Are you saying that you knew Hogsmeade was going to be attacked that day?"
"Well... sort of," Severus replied.
Lily reeled in shock. "And you didn't tell anyone?" She was beside herself. How could he have done that? Was he really that... evil?
"Lily, please," Severus said, seeming to realize that she wasn't about to take this piece of news well. "I was going to tell someone, I swear! But then I found out that you were staying at the school that day and I..."
Lily didn't hear the rest of his sentence. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"What are you saying, Severus?" she asked loudly, interrupting whatever he was trying to tell her. "That you were going to tell someone, but found out that I wasn't going, so you didn't bother? How does that make any bloody sense?" The anger she felt toward him at that moment... She hated him. How could he have let this happen?
"I... I don't know, Lily," Snape said, stepping away from her, and looking back down at the floor. He looked absolutely pitiful at her anger.
Just then, a disturbing thought entered her head, and it wouldn't leave her alone.
"Am I..." She didn't want to continue. Because the question she was about to ask... she was afraid she already knew the answer. "Am I really all you care about?" Her voice came out hushed and tremulous.
Severus finally looked back up at her. The intensity in his expression, in his eyes, knocked the breath out of her. It was clear what his answer was... and it horrified her. She didn't want that from him, at all. She didn't want to be his everything, not if it meant that nothing else mattered to him. To allow an entire village to be put in danger, just because she wouldn't have come to any harm... The idea was ludicrous. And frightening.
"Get away from me."
The words came out of Lily's mouth unexpectedly, but she didn't take them back.
Snape's face went blank for a moment, but then quickly turned into a hard mask. He gave her an indecipherable look before stalking away, without another word, down the corridor, his robes flowing out angrily behind him.
Lily watched him go for a moment... and then the reality of what had just happened hit her. She clutched her chest, her breath coming in short gasps of horror and disbelief. What had she done...? To make Snape care so much and so little at once? What was she supposed to do about it?
That was how James found her, against the wall, clutching her head in her hands and breathing heavily. A strange tremor passed through him at the sight, and he rushed over to her. Annoying or no, it frightened him to see her like this.
"Lily!" he exclaimed, rushing over to her and taking her shoulders in his hands. "Lily, what's wrong? What happened?" He looked up and down the corridor, but saw nothing. He looked back at the girl he was clutching, and shook her a little when she would not meet his eyes.
"Leave me alone," he heard her say, quietly. But he didn't believe it. She still wouldn't look at him, but he knew that what she needed right now was not simply to be left alone. Whatever had happened had shaken her up pretty badly. Wild scenarios swirled around in his head of what might have happened, and he felt a wild surge of protectiveness. He didn't want to see her like this ever again.
"Let me go," she said, but there was no conviction in her voice. James didn't know what to say or do. He knew he couldn't make her tell him what had happened, but... he had to do something.
So, he did the only thing that felt right, at that moment. Slowly, he moved his hands from her shoulders and took her face in between them, bringing her gaze toward his. When their eyes finally met, his heart gave a great thud in his chest, and he almost felt guilty. Because, although he hated to see the tears in her eyes that refused to fall, he had never been more dazzled by them. He found himself drawing closer to her, and he wanted to kiss her, to press his lips against hers, so badly. Just to know what it was like...
But, with more disappointment than made sense to him, he realized that now wasn't the time for that sort of thing. It wasn't what she needed, just what he wanted. He was just curious, though, he told himself. Maybe one day he'd find out if her lips were really as soft as they looked, but for now... he simply stroked his hands over her hair and pulled her into his arms. He hugged her tightly to his body, and he felt her tense up. It only lasted a moment, though, before her muscles relaxed and she clutched on to him tightly.
They stood there like that for a good couple of minutes, neither of them saying a word. Lily wouldn't let herself cry over this, but she was tempted to. With James's arms wrapped around her, she was reluctant to admit that she felt an undeniable safety and protection there. But it was true; which, oddly enough, made her feel even more vulnerable.
Finally, feeling a little bit better, Lily stepped away from their embrace. She could barely look at James after what had just happened, much less speak. Nevertheless, she somehow managed to say, "Come on. We should get up to the Great Hall. I don't know about you," she actually joked, "but I'm starving."
James gave her a gentle smile, and she was surprised by the absence of his usual smirk. He nudged her in the side with his elbow before walking ahead of her down the corridor toward the stairs. She watched him for a moment, and felt a small pull toward him that she couldn't quite explain. She hurried to catch up with him, and she walked at his side, a safe distance away.
Lily didn't know how long this odd camaraderie between the two of them would last, and she knew it didn't fix anything; but, for now, she was okay with that. She would take this moment with her.
Not surprisingly, their friendliness ended abruptly after dinner, when they had to patrol the fourth floor corridors. Lily was still mentally reeling about what Severus had told her. Just... the fact that she barely even knew him disturbed her. Sure, she'd been holding a bit of a grudge against him for calling her a mudblood. And she knew he was friends with Mulciber and Avery, the two most sadistic and frightening seventeen year-olds she'd ever met. But never would she imagine Snape capable of something like this.
Lily was silent as she and James walked down the halls, looking out for students out and about by themselves or sneaking off to snog in a broom closet. The usual. Lily barely even noticed what was going on, though, as she tried to figure out what she should do. As Head Girl, she knew she had a certain level of power to... what? Give Snape detention? Lily tried not to groan in frustration. She thought about going to Dumbledore and telling him what had happened, but then realized that that wouldn't do any good either. She had no proof. Bloody hell, Severus hadn't even technically said that he, or anyone else, had known for sure that something was going to happen. Besides, she knew he'd never admit to it again.
There was nothing she could do. But she planned to stay far away from him, from that moment on.
"So," James said, briskly, interrupting Lily's melancholic train of thought. "Aren't you going to ask me what Slughorn wanted with me today?"
"No," Lily replied simply, making no effort at civility. She wasn't in the mood.
Of course, James wasn't phased in the least. He was used to her rudeness by now, and he had to get her talking somehow. The air between them was a little more awkward now, after what they had shared down in the dungeons, but he was tired of her silence. Plus, he needed to thank her.
"Well, I'll tell you anyway," James said, brightly. He was sure that what Lily would appreciate most right now, after whatever it was that had happened, was normality. So, he would try. "He just wanted to give me an invitation to join his precious Slug Club." He tried to sound arrogant while he said it, though the idea didn't really give him any pride. But that's what Lily expected of him, so he'd play along.
"Really?" Lily asked, a bit of her usual spark coming back into her voice.
"Really," James replied, eagerly, spurred on by this small improvement. "He's practically forcing me to dress up and go to his silly Halloween party. I reckon I have you to thank for that," he teased, nudging her.
Lily gave a short, incredulous laugh. "Oh, really? And how do you figure that?"
"Well," James said, "you're the reason I've been doing so well in there, in the first place. With the exception of today, of course," he added, earning another small laugh. He smiled over at her. "How do you know so much about that stuff, anyway?" he asked, curious. "Most of the stuff you tell me to do is completely different from what's in the book. I mean, no offense, but it doesn't seem much like you to go against that."
Lily tensed up, slightly, at the question. She was forcefully reminded of who had taught her most of what she knew about Potions, and the pleasant memories she had of learning it all. Severus, of course, was the chemical genius, and at the time, he had been a good enough friend to help her out. She didn't dare say this to James, though. She was sure that if he knew that Snape was the real reason he was passing, he'd immediately stop accepting her help. And, well... she liked helping him. On occasion.
So, instead of telling the truth, Lily said vaguely, "Trust me, you don't want to know."
James gave her an odd look, but didn't question her further on the topic. After a moment, he merely shrugged. "So," he continued, "who are you going with?"
Lily slowed her steps and turned toward James, confused. "Going with where?"
"Slughorn's party," he replied.
"Oh," Lily said, surprised. She continued, feeling a little uncomfortable. "Erm... just a friend, I guess. You?"
James sounded annoyed as he said, "You're going with that Josh kid, right?"
Lily couldn't help but roll her eyes. "You know his name as well as I do, James. And yes, I'm going with Jacob." She emphasized his name to make her point. She looked over and saw that James's brow was now furrowed and his jaw seemed to be slightly clenched. What was his problem? "Who are you going with?"
"Amelia Bones," James said, firmly. "I mean, I haven't technically asked her yet, but I know she'll say yes." He wasn't even being arrogant when he said that, he told himself. He was just stating facts; it was obvious to anyone with eyes in their head that she was smitten with him.
Lily rolled her eyes again in disgust. "I can't believe you sometimes, you know that?"
"What?" James asked, confused. "It's the truth."
"Well, doesn't she have any say in the matter?" Lily exclaimed. His vanity astounded her. "You're so sure she'll say yes. Why? Because you're the oh-so-charming James Potter?"
"What?" James wasn't sure where this was coming from, but it was getting to him quick. "Evans, you've got a lot of nerve to say that. First of all, I can't help it that Amelia isn't the most discreet person in the world. I'd be blind not to notice that she fancies me. So what?"
Lily's eyes flashed, and she felt the heat rise inside of her. They were completely stopped in the middle of the hallway now, facing each other, with no regard to who might hear their conversation. She was just about to come back at him when he continued, interrupting her.
"And secondly," he said, taking a step closer to her, "you have no place to talk. You know," he said, laughing sardonically, "you call me shallow and conceited, but the truth is, you're the most judgmental person I've ever met."
"That is not true!" Lily exclaimed, shocked. How dare he say that!
"Oh, really?" James said, getting even closer to her.
"Yes, really," Lily bit out. "You know I'm not like that."
"Do I?"
"You should."
"Well, you certainly never gave me any second chances." James said, visibly seething.
"Oh, please," Lily derided. "A second chance for what?"
James merely stared at her for a long moment, his jaw clenched tightly. Then he stepped back from her, and Lily realized how close they had gotten while fighting. His face had been mere inches from hers. James shook his head at her, still looking angry, and said, "Forget it. I'm done with this. Let's just get our patrol over so we can go back to our rooms."
Ugh! Lily wanted to scream. She wanted to slap him, and worse. Instead, though, she just said, "Whatever," putting as much venom as she could into the word, and walked ahead of him.
They got the rest of their patrol over quickly, not talking to one another. The walk back to the Heads dorm was filled with so much tension that Lily couldn't think straight. This couldn't last forever. This stupid partner system that the school had thought up was ridiculous, and was making her life miserable. Lily knew that the tension had to break sometime, and she certainly wasn't looking forward to what would happen when it did.
A/N: Okay, first things first. I'm sure there will be a fair bit of you who will hate me now, thanks to my portrayal of Snape. But please read this before you make any snap judgments! I love Snape. So very very much (especially after DH2, am I right?). And I don't think I'm completely done with him, in this story. But just to sort of explain why I did what I did in this chapter: I still don't think he's a horrible person after what he did- or, more accurately, what he didn't do. It's just that, to me, Snape's love for Lily has always seemed a bit obsessive, and it really just consumes him. And that's why he didn't warn anyone about the attack. Not because the lives of all those people meant nothing to him, but Lily's life just means far more, in his mind. He was so happy to find out that she wouldn't be going to Hogsmeade that that news kind of blinded him to the still-very-real danger to all those other people. Obviously not his proudest moment, but I, personally, think it's a canon reaction for him. All he ever cared about was Lily and her safety.
Secondly, forgive me if this was a little strange, as far as writing goes. I'm a bit out of practice. Lol.
And now, to address the tension. I don't know exactly how you guys will feel about it, but I imagine there will be some who won't appreciate all the fighting/bickering between James/Lily in this chapter, especially. But trust me when I say that tension is a very, very good thing. Because when that tension finally snaps... well, let's just say it might not be quite so unpleasing as Lily thinks. ;)
As always, please REVIEW! It is literally always appreciated, and reviews, above anything else, are what keep me motivated to give you guys the best story I possibly can.
And remember, the next chapter will be Slughorn's party! So, if you want to see that ASAP, reviewing wouldn't be a bad idea. ;)
Cheers! :)
