Why does love exist

when it can shoot your heart so badly with worry?

Worry, Worry, Worry
Chapter 9

Randy looked at his phone as he texted Howard from behind the school. His...whatever they were, wasn't replying. Making him wonder what he did wrong or if he did anything to upset him. Maybe...maybe it was that he remembered a lot of things they once said or did to try and hurt one another but would almost make up for it? No...that couldn't be it, otherwise they wouldn't be this close even now. What if it was the idea that Howard didn't see him as the old Randy but new? New memories and personality with all the old memories of the old Randy in him. If that was it...if that was the problem, then he had to fix it.

The old Randy was...a pun making, happy kid with a lot of intelligence behind that clown like exterior. Howard was always up for anything he did with such energy and vigor. The games, music, the shows and constant jokes between them. It was...amazing to see it but at the same time. He couldn't bring it back. The new him was here. Stuck between a rock and a hard place was the best way to describe this feeling. He looked at his phone and sat down. He was working...had money and took Howard on a date...did all he could to show Howard he meant how he felt. So why...did it feel so lonely of late? Why was the redhead ignoring him?

They didn't live together out of respect towards Heidi. They both were getting older and trying to be mature adults. Maybe...maybe it was because he was a guy! Heidi mentioned to a group of girls that some guy was fired for being gay. That had to be it! Howard was looking for a job and if he was seen with Randy out on a date then...he could be undesirable towards copmanies! The ninja looked at his phone when it went off. Howard texted him back at last. Opening it, he read a message that said he was busy and to text back later. He sighed but then got another text. It made him smile.

"Also, I hope to see you at your place tonight. I never got to see it. Love you," Randy read out loud. "...heh, I overthink."

Closing his phone, he threw his bagged lunch away and looked at the school building. He silenced his cell as he headed towards the building. Even if he was overthinking, he would ask Howard tonight. Keeping these thoughts would just...cause trouble. The minute he got home, he could talk it over. Being thankful that he got today off. If worked called, he would have to say no. These thoughts would need to come out into the open. Anything like this would break what they had.

His cell going off made him pull it out. Howard...again. Opening it, the ginger said he was behind him. Making him turn red and shut his phone.

"...I..I don't work tonight," He announced. "...we can in private at my place."

"I know," Howard spoke, walking towards him. "I just...I wanted to see you. I had a feeling you need some...worries straightened out."

Randy licked his lips and nodded, "I just...I overheard Heidi. A man got fired for being gay and then I had to move out and...then we stopped talking for a short time. I thought...I was thinking that you were trying to get a job and...I was in the way. If I am then I am sorry. I never meant to stop your chance at a life as an adult nor hinder it." He started. "I also know that...I am not the Randy you fell for. You..fell for the old one but I can bring him back too if you need me to. I dont know how...but I can try if that is what will make this...us work out."

He stopped at last and saw Howard's stunned look. God, did he overdo it?! He only wanted to be honest with him. Maybe it was overloading his mind after all and the worries he had were just...petty beyond all reasoning!

"That's…" Howard started.

"I'm sorry if I overloaded you but I just...being honest is part of this relationship thing right?" Randy spoke towards him. "...or did you have another thing in mind?"

The ginger smiled at him, "nah, I am glad you were honest cause I can answer all that and more with one answer. One that, whether you like it or not, is what I mean." He said. "You are correct in that you're not the Randy I fell for. I fell his..cockeyed...pun filled spirit. You however are still him. Even if it's a whole new you. I see him on a day to day basis."

"When?" Randy asked.

"Whenever you speak like a genius. He was always proud of his intelligence. You have his smile and laugh, it hasn't changed. You have his looks, which have an innocent charm mixed with...a warmth not many put out. You are welcoming and have been amazing to see fight many battles. Not to mention, you are the Ninja. Even if it ends, you will have those skills for your entire life," Howard replied. "And you just add more by being you. Whether on the phone...text, or in person. You're not the Randy my mind fell for exactly. You're not the Randy my heart loves but in the end...turns out you are him. Just a whole new set of quirks."

He went to speak but couldn't. Even as his boyfriend...thing walked up and grabbed his hands gently. It made him blush but smile at him.

"Besides, I have a job in mind and it's perfect to make sure I can make money and keep you in my life. Even if we dont make it for forever. I will at least have you for a little while," He smiled. "don't give up on me just yet because I am not giving up on you."

Randy smiled as Howard walked around him, hand holding his and pulling him along. They both walked through to the school hallway full of people heading to class. Heidi and girls watching as her brother dragged Randy proudly through the halls. Everyone just watched as they kept going. Even as Randy attempted to take his hand away, Howard kept a firm grip on it as he pulled him close. They reached the class as the second bell rang and took a seat in the back. The ninja saw the nomicon glow but ignored it. Too busy enjoying the moment since Howard was still holding his hand. Even as people filtered in and took their seats. The teacher made him let go but the warmth was still there. His worries were also far from his mind. Even if the conversation was short due to the little time they had left. It made it just a little bit less stressful to know that Howard didn't care what others were thinking.

"After school," Howard whispered to Randy. "we are going to your place. I need to show you my proof of what I mean, okay?"

Randy smiled at his words, "I'd like that."