A/N-You guys are great. Thanks for reading :)
Previously…Zane spots Grant behaving suspiciously and Jo toying with her necklace. He has a major breakthrough in the DED project and goes to S.A.R.A.H. to tell Zoe. Zoe agrees to snoop for Jo's necklace, and in the joy of celebration, kisses Zane. Zane freaks out and retreats back to Global.
And I love you
Like a broken record plays
But I'm a window pane—a phantom limb
When I am watching you watch him
Zoe knew there was a stupid grin on her face. She knew she looked twitterpated. She knew, and didn't care.
As far as first kisses went, it wasn't perfect. She'd pretty much sprung it on him, and his reaction time was already low from having spent so much time in front of a computer in GD. Sure, he'd practically fled the scene. But she'd surprised him, and he was a known commitment-phobe. He just needed time to think about it.
He'd said he would see her Friday.
Zoe practically floated up the stairs toward her bedroom, set on an hour or two of day-dreaming and giddiness. An odd sound made her pause, though, at the top of the stairs. It sounded like it was coming from Jo's room. But Jo was a quiet houseguest, when she wasn't hogging the TV. Zoe never heard anything out of her room.
She paused in front of the door anyway, and leaned her ear against it just to be sure. She was surprised to find that the sound was coming from Jo's room. She hadn't even known Jo was home.
She pressed her knuckles against the door in a light knock. "Jo?"
No response. Zoe knocked harder, and when she received no answer she cautiously made her way into the room.
She was shocked speechless at the sight.
Jo was sitting on the floor on the far side of the bed, with her back pressed against the comforter. Her knees were pulled tight against her body, her face pressed hard into them. But what was most shocking, what Zoe had never seen before, were the rolling sobs that shook her entire body.
Jo was sobbing uncontrollably on her bedroom floor.
Once she got over the shock, Zoe flew to her side. She sat beside her, gently brushing against her and making soothing noises. This was not something she had a lot of experience with, this heart wrenching crying, especially when it came to Jo. Jo wasn't known for being overtly emotional, and she let Zoe see more of it than most people.
Zoe waited out the racking, breath-stealing sobs until they quieted into rapid breathing and hiccups. Jo looked up and for the first time seemed to realize that Zoe was sitting there.
She reached up to wipe tears from her face, saying, "Sorry, Zoe. You didn't ha—have to sit through that."
Zoe was about to object to Jo being sorry when she saw that Jo's other hand—the one not trying uselessly to wipe away tear tracks—was trapped between her knees and her chest.
When Zoe didn't respond, Jo continued, "Thank you, though."
"You're…welcome? Jo, can you please tell me what's wrong? I've never, ever seen you this upset about anything."
"Zoe, it's difficult to explain."
"Try. Please. I just…you're in pain, and I want to make you feel better. But I can't if I have no idea what's wrong."
Jo looked like she was thinking about how to start. And then tears began rolling down her cheeks as she fought to keep it inside. Ultimately she lost, and another sob ran through her.
Slowly, she pulled her hand from between her knees and pulled the necklace over her head. She held out her hand to Zoe, and opened her palm.
Zoe stared. Jo was engaged? How the hell did she not know about that? Why the hell didn't she know about it? Her eyes traveled from the ring in Jo's palm to her face, which was once again pressed against the knees.
"Jo?"
Her whole body shook. "I—I lost him," she said simply, without looking up.
Zoe sucked in a breath. That…that explained so much. Why Jo had been so depressed lately. Why Jo didn't want to talk about Zoe's brand new relationship. Why her father didn't want her to flaunt that new relationship.
It didn't explain why she didn't know about the engagement, especially if her dad did. She didn't even know Jo had been dating. How had so much slipped past her?
"What happened?" she asked softly.
"Eureka happened." Zoe could hear the bitterness in the reply.
"Did he…I mean, is he…?" Zoe didn't want to ask outright. Jo had said she'd lost him. That could mean they broke up, or he got fired, or, or… or… Zoe knew the answer, already. With an answer like "Eureka," the question was never good.
Jo pulled her hand back to her chest, clutching at the ring like a lifeline. She took a steadying breath.
"That's the thing; I don't even understand the science behind it. The way they explained it to me, he might be d—dead. He might be stuck out there, in the universe, trying to get back. Like Stark. The worst—he might still be in Eureka. He just can't remember who he is. Who I am. Why we were in love."
Crying overtook her figure once more, and this time Zoe was with her. The two sat for a long time, until the tears ran out and Jo looked like she was in control again.
Jo looked over at Zoe and tried to smile. "You know, normally I'd feel ridiculous for crying over a guy. That's not the kind of thing an Army Ranger loses control about." Her voice got softer. "But I…I miss him."
"Jo, I'm so sorry." What else was there to say? How did you fix something like losing your fiancé?
Jo was looking stronger, now. Zoe started, "Is this why you didn't want to talk about me and Zane?"
Jo let out a choking laugh that might have been a sob. "Yeah, it is. I'm sorry. I guess…Zane reminds me of him. A lot."
"I'm sorry, Jo. If I'd known, I wouldn't have—why didn't I know?"
Jo looked just a little more lost. "It's complicated."
Zoe looked at her expectantly, but she didn't look like she was going to continue. "And?" Zoe prompted.
"And it's Eureka related. Super classified. I can't tell you—couldn't tell you, Zoe. I'm sorry."
"How long ago did this happen?"
"About five months."
"Why now?"
"Well, I couldn't not tell you why I was curled up on the floor after you walked in. But I can't tell you more. It's so top secret even I shouldn't know about it. But I do, because I was involved. I… It's dangerous to know about it. That's why we didn't tell you."
"We?"
Jo's face got that 'oh crap' look that she'd seen so many times on her father.
"Jo, who else? My dad, right? He knew. He kept telling me not to be with Zane. He said to 'look at what it did to other people.' Was this what he meant? Because, Jo, I honestly didn't see anything."
And now she looked like she was going to start crying again. "Yeah, your dad, too. What crisis isn't he in the middle of in this town? He's been so great to me, Zoe. Letting me stay here, getting me through this."
"Anybody else?"
"The less you know, the better, Zoe."
She wasn't going to accept that, but she could let it slide for now.
"So, who was he? Tell me about him," Zoe said. Jo hesitated, so she pressed, "Come on. Getting it off your chest will help."
"You didn't know him. Never met. But he was kind, and funny, and one of the smartest people in town. Irritating as hell, clumsy…loved extreme sports. Loved danger and adrenaline even more than I do. Drove me crazy. I drove him crazy.
"God, when he first came to town—more than three years ago—I hated him. Almost as much as I hated Carter at first. But he didn't take my job. He was my job, and he was a pain in the ass. Your dad and I spent the first couple days chasing him down, trying to keep him in line. Lot of good it did us.
"He finally did something productive, and saved the town from some disaster. I don't know what exactly changed Carter's mind, but he let him go. Gave him advice on how to ask me out. We went on a couple of disastrous dates, but got it right in the end. We spent the better part of two years on-again-off-again, fighting constantly.
"But we loved each other. He…he proposed to me, that day. He recreated how we first met, and got down on one knee, and I…I hesitated. The future flashed before my eyes and I panicked, didn't answer before he got pissed and left.
"The…thing…that I can't tell you…happened, and I never saw him again. I never gave him an answer, Zoe. He left without ever knowing that I'd…that I would give anything to have him back."
"I'm so sorry," Zoe repeated. She'd truly had no idea. "Why won't you tell me his name?"
"That's…a part of it. A part of what I can't tell you. I'm sorry, but I can't. It wouldn't be fair to you; to put you in danger, just to make myself feel better. I won't do it."
That was so completely Jo, putting the safety of others before herself. It made Zoe a little bit furious.
"Zoe, I appreciate this, I really do. But I shouldn't have told you as much as I have. I'm sorry. Maybe someday, when we're farther away, and the ripples have stopped, I'll tell you about it."
Zoe knew that was a dismissal. But what did it mean?
"If there's anything I can do? Tell me. Please." She pulled Jo to her feet and hugged her tight. The last thing she saw before she left was Jo reclining against her pillows, staring with shiny eyes at the ring.
Alone in her own room, Zoe wondered what she should do. She was still reeling from Jo's tragedy. How had her best friend kept so much from her? Why?
What should she tell Zane? She'd promised to share whatever she found, but this…this was not what she'd been expecting. She didn't know what she'd thought happened. It certainly wasn't that Jo had lost something so monumental. This was so much more personal than she'd imagined it would be. She shouldn't betray Jo's trust like that. She wouldn't. She could explain that to Zane. He'd understand.
But, oh, how could she help Jo?
A/N-So I must admit that this chapter is what started this whole story, and I've been waiting for it for a long time. (Pretty much, Zoe trying to comfort Jo without knowing she's the problem).
On the second paragraph: Rationalizing another's actions to fit what you want them to mean? Been. There.
Jo's confusion on the change stems from mine-I never did quite work out if they're supposed to be in an alternate timeline, or an altered timeline, or what. So, I thought, if I didn't know, why should Jo? It just adds to her confusion.
This whole story has been from either Zane or Zoe's perspectives, and everything Jo does is observed by them. Her motives all come from Zoe or Zane's actions and knowledge that the audience (supposedly) already has. So I hope it's clear what's happening with her.
Quasi-When I read your comments, at first I'm like, "Huh?" and then I think about it, and you're right about everything, even your predictions for the future. So, uh, thanks for making me more aware of what I'm writing. It helps, a lot :)
Happy Easter, if you like. Otherwise, I wish you an unfortunate but happy Last Day of Spring Break!
As always, thanks for reading and feedback. Please review :)
