It is taking me forever to write this chapter! My brother is sitting next to me, annoying me, and I can't concentrate. But, I love him anyway. I'm lucky that he accepts me for the nerd that I am and reads my stuff when I ask. This chapter is dedicated to Niki, who has an awesome name even though she thinks it's unoriginal. This chapter is also dedicated to TellNoOne & bana05. Both of them are currently writing amazing Samcedes fanfiction and they inspire me so much! Seriously, their writing brings me to tears. If you haven't read them and want the links, message me! This chapter is based off of Carrie Underwood's So Small. I love her music and can't get enough. [I clearly wrote this message before I was done writing. I'll stop rambling and just let you read. My Author's Notes are becoming longer than the actual chapters.]

Disclaimer: Not At All.


My life was a complete and total mess. My emotions ranged from ridiculously furious, to horribly depressed. The most important feeling, happiness, was missing from that scale. For Christ's sake, I was getting married in a month! I should have been floating on air. Why couldn't I bring myself to get out of my own bed? Why didn't I care about anything wedding related?

It had been a month since "the incident." After he left, I didn't know where he went, and I honestly didn't want to care. My life should have improved exponentially after his departure. The stress of his return should have vanished; the heavy weight should have lifted off of my shoulders. I should have been moving on with my life. I should have been preparing to spend the rest of my life with a man that loved me with all of his heart. Everything that was supposed to be happening, wasn't happening.

I was enjoying the warmth of the covers and the darkness of my room when all of a sudden, my happiness diminished. The sun was now beaming down on my eyes and I was furious. I shot up trying to discover the culprit and groaned when I saw Greg standing there with his infectious grin.

"You have five seconds to close those curtains and you may get a chance to live, Greg!" I was stuck with the decision of either using my pillow to cover my eyes or to throw it at him.

"Rise and shine beautiful, we've got a full day ahead," Greg said coming over to sit next to me on the bed. In his hands were two mugs of what smelled like freshly brewed coffee and he passed one to me. I didn't know what time it was, but I knew it was too early to be that chipper.

I glared at him, but after taking a sip of the delicious brew, I was a little less annoyed. After bending down to kiss me on the cheek, Greg got up and headed over to our closets. Just like me, he was still in his pajamas, and I wanted it to stay that way.

"And what exactly does this day entail?" My tone of voice was definitely bitter. It was a serious question though. Any plans that were made for today had completely left my mind; whatever it was, I still didn't want to get up and face the world.

My ridiculously tall fiancé turned to me with cheerful eyes and shook his head. He had been so patient with me this past month.

"We have our first couple's counseling meeting with the pastor, lunch with my sister, then there's a meeting at the reception venue with Kurt, and finally dinner with our folks. Now let's go baby! We've got to get a move on with all of this planning. We're so behind on everything…and oh my goodness I'm starting to sound like Kurt," he chuckled.

At the mention of family dinners and couple's counseling, I lost the little motivation that I had. There was no way that I wanted to plaster on a fake smile, pretend that I was interested in the wedding, and play the happy couple game all day. I was just so fed up with everything. I pulled the covers back over my head. Maybe if he doesn't see me, he'll go away, I thought. I desperately wished that I had a magic genie that would grant me three wishes—no, just one would be enough. My one wish would to just be able to disappear. To disappear and make all of the pain and confusion go away. To be able to have enough motivation to go plan a wedding with my fiancé. To be able to forget about him and just live my life. I'm pretty sure that ended up being more than three wishes, but whatever. Unfortunately, my plan didn't work, and Greg was now pulling my comforter away.

"Oh, Mercedes, c'mon babe! You've got to get up," he said. He looked so frustrated with me, but I knew he would never raise his voice. That was the thing with Greg, he never lost his cool. He was always so damn understanding and happy. I couldn't remember one time in our relationship that he's ever started an argument with me. Even when we had our rocky moments, he always took the high road.

"I don't think I can do this, not today Greg," I said softly not looking at him. It was too early to cry, but I felt the tears brimming. This was almost becoming a daily routine. He'd wake me up to tell me about something wedding related we had planned for the day, and I'd whine until he'd let me sleep a little bit later or just reschedule whatever we had to do. It was mentally and physically draining me. Nights were restless and mornings were hell. I hated what was happening to my sanity. I loved Greg so much, but I just wasn't excited about the wedding anymore. The word 'wedding' even made me sick to my stomach.

Usually, Greg would have caved. He'd leave it alone and mumble something about how tomorrow would be a better day, but today was different. The look in his eyes had changed, in fact, he almost looked sad. It was rare to see Greg without a smile. Now, it was like all of his happiness had taken away from him. It was heartbreaking because deep down, I knew that I was the cause of it.

I sat back up as he climbed into bed with me. It was silent for a while, but I enjoyed the peace. In that tiny moment, I could pretend that my frustration didn't exist. Greg was fiddling with the comforter; it was clear that his thoughts were elsewhere. He glanced over at me with his sad eyes and took a deep breath.

"Please tell me what's wrong, Mercedes. Is everything okay? Are you okay?" He fixed his eyes somewhere else, but I felt his emotion. It was so strong and overwhelming. But why did he have to ask me that question? Are you okay? I was convinced that it was the worst question of all time. Why is it that every time someone asks you that, you're never okay? Is anyone every really okay? What the hell does okay mean? Whatever it meant, I was so far from it. The levy broke, and tears started to flow. I slowly shook my head, and I didn't know what I was trying to say. Was I answering his question or was I trying to reject these tears?

"I really don't want to lie to you Greg, but I don't want to tell you the truth either," I said no longer trying to stop myself from crying. It had been the most honest statement that came out of my mouth in the past few weeks, maybe even years. I felt him staring at me again, but I refused to look at him. If I did, I wouldn't be able to take it anymore.

Just when I thought he'd given up on trying to see through me, his next words pierced through my heart like sharp glass. The mention of his name felt like I'd just been doused with ice cold water.

"Please, please, tell me that this has nothing to do with Sam." I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I had to remind myself how to breathe before I passed out. My face had to of been expressing a combination of ridiculous emotions. My heart was in my throat, and everything around me was spinning. This was impossible; he couldn't have just said that.

I was so shocked and appalled that I hadn't noticed that he got up and started pacing around the room. He suddenly stopped short and placed his hand over his mouth. I could see the tears glistening in his eyes.

"Greg, I-" Truthfully, there were no words to express what was going on in my mind. At some point, I knew he was probably wondering why I had been acting this way, but not once did I think he'd say it aloud. And not once did I think he would bring up…Sam.

"Don't! Don't do this to me Mercedes! Don't lie, don't ignore it, just tell me the truth. I can't deal with walking on eggshells around you anymore. I deserve it," he was practically begging me. He was breaking my heart and I was breaking his. His hazel eyes were filled with sorrow, and even though he was so far away I could tell that his entire body was trembling.

I tried so hard, but the words wouldn't come out. There was no escape; no matter how I worded it, anything that I said would end up sounding wrong. It was just better for me to keep my mouth shut, but he was desperate for an answer. And it was an answer that I wasn't ready to give.

He looked up to the ceiling as if he were praying to God that I would give him something to work with. I was still in disbelief that this morning had taken this direction. Why didn't I just agree to the stupid couple's counseling? I wanted to tell myself that all of this could have been prevented, but everything that I had been feeling over the past weeks had been stuffed into a tiny box. And the sides of that box were getting worn and tired, and they were about to burst at any moment.

He finally looked me straight in the eyes. I was for sure that Greg was trying to search for something, anything, in my eyes that could give him a sense of relief. But apparently he didn't find it.

"I…baby just, tell me…damn it Mercedes! I need to know if you're having second thoughts! If you have one regret about this wedding, you need to tell me. Now!"

"Greg, stop it, I love you. Don't say things like that!"

"Then why are you acting this way? Why can't I believe it when you say I love you anymore?"

I knew that I had been acting ridiculous lately, and I knew that I wasn't being the best fiancé in the world. But Greg didn't even believe that I loved him anymore, and it hurt. And not because I was offended, because I wasn't sure either, which scared me the most.

"I don't know, I really don't know. Can we not do this right now? We can go meet the pastor. We can go meet Kurt, but I just cannot do this right now." I was now out of the bed walking towards him, but he turned away.

"Baby, please!"

"Mercedes, just give me an answer."

If he loved me, he'd stand by me. He wouldn't walk away. We'd get through this. We could get through anything if it was meant to be. If I told him how I was feeling, he would hold me and tell me that everything would be okay. Everything was going to work out in the end, right?

I couldn't face him. I turned around and closed my eyes as I spoke. "I need time, Greg. All of this wedding business is stressful right now. I'd be lying if I said that Sam's return didn't shake me up, but…but it has nothing to do with us, I think. I mean, I know. Just hear me out!" When I turned back to face him, there was a suitcase on the bed. He was furiously stuffing random clothes into it. I was officially in panic mode.

"What…are you doing?" He stopped what he was doing to look at me. I was almost scared of his expression.

"It's clear that both your heart and mind aren't in this relationship anymore. I've tried; I tried so hard the past few weeks to bring you out of this…whatever you're in! I can't do it anymore Mercedes. I may not be perfect, but I do not deserve this. Whatever you need to figure out, fine, go do that. I'm giving you all the time and space that you need." He zipped up the case and headed towards to the door. I had to blink a few times to bring myself back to reality. This was really happening; he was about to leave me.

"Greg, stop! Put that suitcase away. I'm sorry, just don't do this," I said in what was barely a whisper. Either he didn't hear me, or chose not to, but he kept walking. I lunged myself forward and grabbed his arm back.

"You aren't thinking clearly!" The man that I thought I'd be spending the rest of my life with looked at me with so much disappointment and pain.

"I've thought plenty. And 20 years down the line, I don't want to be in an unhealthy marriage. If we get married next month, you'll spend the rest of your life resenting me. You may not see it now, or you may not ever see it, but something in you isn't with this relationship. Something in you is still attached to him. I've tried to ignore it, I really have. I'm so tired. I'm tired of having to smile and pretend that you're still in love with me. But you're so broken. You're so broken that you don't even see what you're doing to yourself. I'd give anything to just be friends with the girl I met years ago."

I was sobbing uncontrollably. I was trying to shake away all of the words that he was saying. I didn't want to believe anything that he was saying. This was a nightmare and I'd be waking up soon. I'd wake up and Greg would come in with his smiling face and a fresh mug of coffee. He'd bend down and kiss me on the cheek and tell me all about what we had to do that day. I wouldn't be annoyed, I'd be happy. I'd be so thankful and gracious that I had such an amazing man in my life. Everything would be just fine if I just woke up.

"I'll figure out something to tell everyone, don't stress about it."

He wasn't doing this. He wasn't breaking off the engagement. He wasn't leaving me, he wasn't. I couldn't let this happen. I couldn't just stand here and let him do this.

He hugged me tight and my body couldn't handle it anymore. I just let everything out in one big cry. I collapsed into arms and repeatedly whispered "I'm sorry."

He placed a kiss on my forehead and walked me over to the bed. "If you could look me in the eyes and tell me that you love me, that you want me to stay, that I'm making a huge mistake, I would in a heartbeat. But…I'm not sure if you can do that. So, I'm going to go away for a little while. I don't know where to, but I have to go. You need to sort things out Mercedes. And I wish that I could say that me being here would help you, but it's only going to hold you back."

I was in a complete daze. As he continued to speak, my stomach churned.

"I love you, Greg." Those were the last words that I said to him. I croaked them out, but he had heard me. He gave me a small smile and squeezed his hands over mine.

"I love you too, so much." He gave me one last hug. He got up and headed towards the door. Before leaving, he turned around to give them room one last look. Greg choked back a sob and left out of the door.

My mind was screaming at me. Go after him stupid! Don't just let him leave you; this doesn't have to end this way! But my heart was freaking out for a different reason. This had been the second time that someone close to me had left. My heart was telling me how stupid I was for letting this happen to me twice. For letting my guard down; for allowing someone to pass these fences only to get my heart stomped on. I was still out of it, but I had managed to send an emergency S.O.S text to my two best friends. This was going to be a long day.


Within 30 minutes, Kurt and Tina had me in a tight embrace as I cried my eyes out. We were still in my bedroom because I couldn't get myself to leave out of the spot that he had left me in.

"It's going to be okay, baby. I promise," Kurt cooed into my ear.

"We're going to help you get through this MJ!" Tina had been in charge of tissue control; her role assigned by Kurt as usual. So far, I'd gone through a box of tissues and by the look on my best friend's face, it was disgusting.

I forced my eyelids shut. I already had enough of their kind and positive words. It was all bullshit; nothing was going to be okay.

"No it's not! It's not going to be! This is Sam's entire fault! Why did he have to come back and ruin everything? My life was fine without him! Greg is gone because of him. How am I going to tell people that it's over? Oh my God, my parents…" I broke free from their grip.

Tina laid her head back down on my shoulders, and I sensed Kurt tense up. He had been the most consoling, but now he was staring down at me with such a hard expression.

"Are you…I can't believe this!" He got himself out of bed. For a minute there, I thought he would storm out, but he stopped in his tracks and turned to me. His face was extremely flustered.

"Kurt?"

"Your fiancé just left you, and you're crying over Sam?" For some reason, his words hurt more than Greg's. Kurt was always 100% with me; if he had something to say to me, he never held back. This is why I knew he was serious, and I just groaned. I was so tired of hearing his name. I wanted to forget his name; I wanted to take his name and throw it in the trash. All thoughts of him needed to be somewhere in the trash, in the dumpster, in a foreign country.

"Why does everyone just assume that is about him?"

"Because it is," Tina spoke softly. It thoroughly surprised me. My best friends were looking at me, and I felt so small. I felt so ashamed as a new wave of emotions ran through me. What the hell is wrong with me?

Kurt sat down again and cupped my face. "Nothing is wrong with you," he said reading my mind. That's what I hated and loved about Kurt at the same time. He always knew what I was thinking, before I was even thinking it.

"But you've got to stop doing this to yourself, you've got to stop…lying to yourself. You invested yourself in a relationship, and you still let him run your life."

"I'm not letting him run my life!"

"Then why have you shed more tears on Sam, than any other guy you've dated? Greg just left, and you're wailing about how Sam is ruining your life. Look at yourself in the mirror! You're ruining your life because you're lying to yourself. And the more you're lying to yourself, the angrier you're getting. This isn't the Mercedes that I know and love. You're frustrated and unhappy with life because…"

"Stop!" I didn't want to hear any more of it.

"I'm so over people telling me how I'm feeling! None of you understand how I feel." I had had enough of all of the stress, the drama, and the tears. I wanted everything to be over.

It was Tina's turn to look hurt. "Mercedes, how can you say that I don't know how you feel? It blows! It sucks to have your mind pull you in one direction and have your heart pull you in the other. I might not be going through the exact same situation, but I understand. We're here for you! Why won't you just let us help?"

I paused to look at the both of them. Here I was freaking out, and all they were trying to do was piece me back together. I felt so stupid and selfish. I had two best friends that would do anything in the world for me, and I was pushing them away too. It was finally time for me to realize that I didn't know what I was doing; that I was lost.

"You guys…" My tears started up again. The both rushed to my side and just held me. Kurt then said something to me that forever changed my life.

"Baby girl, if you just allow yourself to love truthfully, everything will be okay. When you figure out love is all that matters, everything else will seem so small. Your life will change drastically if you can just admit to yourself that he's always going to be a part of you."

Before I knew what I was doing, I released myself from their arms and ran over to the closet. I ran into my bathroom, swiftly changing my clothes and putting my hair up. When I emerged from the bathroom, Kurt and Tina were bewildered. I didn't have time to think about their reactions, I just needed to go. I found shoes and slipped them on. I went to grab my keys from the nightstand, when Kurt yelled out. "Where do you think you're going?"

"You can't drive like this MJ! It's too dangerous. You're upset," Tina called out after me. I continued for the door and I considered leaving without a word, but I stopped.

"I love the two of you with all that I have, but right now, I need to go and figure out something."

Tina looked like she wanted to say something but she stopped herself. Kurt nodded briefly.

Everything happened in a blur. Once I got into my car, I sent a quick text, and turned my GPS on. Thankfully, I had a full tank of gas. I didn't know where my little car was going to take me, but I just knew that I had to go. My phone lit up, giving me what I needed, and I was off. I drove, and I drove.

As I drove, I reflected on the past years. I looked back on all of the things my friends had told me, and everything just clicked. It was like the universe trying to tell me something, and I was just now receiving the message.

"You'll settle for a life that you think is the best, but in reality, you and Sam are meant to be together. Sure things might not get fixed before you leave, but it's a start," Quinn had told me this before I left for college.

"Do what you have to do, but I won't judge you for it," Tina said to me that day.

"When you figure out love is all that matters, everything else will seem so small," Kurt assured me just a few moments ago.

"I'm never gonna let you go Mercedes Jones," he wrote to me years ago.

I was pretty sure that I was breaking all sorts of speeding limits, but I didn't care. Luckily for me, there weren't any cops out to get me. After what seemed like forever, I made it. I had to have been driving for several hours. When I got there, it was pitch dark outside and pouring down rain. I didn't have an umbrella, and I still didn't care. As I stared up at his apartment complex, I started to realize the severity of the situation that I had gotten myself in. But I couldn't turn back now. It was a long walk up to his door, not because of the distance, but because I was trying to keep myself from running away. I had to go through with this. I knocked furiously on the door. I wasn't even sure that he would even be here, but I didn't drive all of this way to give up now. He opened the door and I was both relieved and scared to death.

"Mercedes?"


A/N: ;FNSDFDFNG;DFGDNHG;DJHN;DHJN OMFG. I know. So this should have been written and updated days ago! But things in my life started going crazy. Yesterday, I spent most of the day fangirling over Tumblr as I watched the London Harry Potter Red Carpet Premiere. Then, I had to go to work. Also, this morning, I received some pretty exciting news, so that also slowed down the process. Overall, it's been a crazy week! So, yea, but it's finally updated. I don't honestly know when the next update will be. This chapter alone emotionally drained me. I went back and forth so many times! And if you all remember, I said this next week will be INSANE for me, so I just don't know when I'll be writing again. Leave your reviews as always. They make me happy, and I consider all of your thoughts. I'm really scared to see how all of you feel about this though, but it had to be done.

Alright, random question: What is the song that you want to dance with your future husband/wife at your wedding? What will be…your song? It's just a random question and I want to see what you all are thinking. Unlike Mercedes, I'm in the mood for a wedding lol So let me know in your reviews!