Thank you all so much for dealing with my tardiness. This chapter is a bit shorter than my usual ones bit it is jam-packed, believe me. Thank you all for such amazing reviews. Honestly, that was what brought me back from the brink of writers block. Hope you enjoy.
Chapter Nine: In Bloom
"I am the sun and the darkness. I am the sea and the storm. I bring the rain and with my wrath, raise the flowers from their slumber." Her lips are soft against my temple. I blink. Why was she always so beautiful? It was blinding. "With my voice I bring silence. Inside of the deep caverns of my body resides a spring so still that Chaos cannot enter."
"Chaos," I repeat, wondering what that word means but also why I had to take after my father instead of my mother. Corlin would stop saying that I looked like the gardeners daughter if I was like her. Irreverent, I reached to run a hand along her slim, sharp nose. The maids said that she looked regal. I don't know what that word means either. "What does reg-gel mean, Mama?"
Her eyes close slowly like they always do when I say something that isn't directly in line with what was being said before. Then her lips curled into that secret smile that I was sure was all mine. Corlin didn't own this smile. Father didn't own it either. Only me.
"Chaos," she whispered, rubbing the oils from a blackthorn's leaves into my fingers. To ward away the forceful, she had told me after I had made a fuss about the bitter smell. "She takes too much when she arrives and when she leaves… I've seen ghosts with brighter souls than her. You will not let her in. You are too strong to bow to someone who takes so much." Softly, her breath brushed my ear as she leaned closer. Corlin didn't receive these secrets. My fingers knotted around her, desperate for this part of her life. "My little dove… I fear that I won't be here to teach you… You will remember me won't you? You'll remember who you are? What you are?"
"Special." I worked my mouth around the word, simply boggled at the variety of things she was saying.
"Yes," she cooed, tucking a strand of wild hair behind my ear. I loved it when she looked at me like that. That's why I did so many tricks for her. That's what she called them. Tricks. Father didn't like tricks though. Mama told me to never show him or else he would be angry. He wouldn't like to see flowers bloom in the middle of winter or the first drizzle when the clouds didn't want to give any. "You are special. But for now… For now, Willa my darling, darling girl, you need to forget."
"Forget?" I whispered back, watching as tears seeped from her clear blue eyes and she took a deep, gulping breath.
"You can do that for me, darling? Forget?"
I blinked, then considered, staring hard at my hands which were wrapped into her. Mama never asked me for anything. Forget? I didn't really know what that word meant anyway. So… what would I lose? I nodded gingerly, watching as more tears fell. Gently, her forehead touched mine.
"Three times the rings go round." I counted with her as her thumb traced slow circles along my cheek. "Crack the crown and lose what was found. Set wrong what was right to let the ocean calm. I set the gifts of my daughter in your palm. So it shall be as I have wished it."
"Three times," we whispered together. And then… I blinked.
"Mama?" She was crying. "Mama please don't cry." I couldn't remember...
"Mama," I gasped, chilled as I jolted up in… I shivered, glancing wildly around. Where..? Oh. I shivered again, this time due to the lack of blankets that were around me. Unsettled, I curled into the shelter of sheets at my back, all too aware that Robb snored softly on the other side of a moat of fabric.
I fell asleep staring into the darkness of a corner, thinking about a dream.
And how it felt more like a memory.
Something was brushing along my thigh. It felt good. It felt weighty and warm and like… like someone's hand. I blinked, my mouth catching on warm skin as I tilted my head up. Distantly, I heard the crackle of a fire, it's last embers casting the room in dim light. It was those lights that made the bold, strong lines of Robb's face seem softer. In wakefulness, he was hard. Like there was a rabid animal that was barely leashed inside him.
Unwanted, I touched my hand along the bare, hard planes of his stomach, the wiry hair there tickling my fingers. Sometimes I could see it - prowling behind the dark civility.
Slowly, keeping my eyes firmly fastened to his sleepy face, I lowered my face until I could feel the beat of his heart against my cheek. Was it a sort of madness to find peace in a man that was surely a monster? For without question, he was. It took a monster to kill a monster.
Dimly, I caught the gentle roll of grey fur. Robb's direwolf was sleeping as soundly as his master beside the fire. A low groan rolled suddenly from the depths of my husband, his hand contracting on the skin of my thigh. It was nice against Robb and… I closed my eyes. He was a good man. Without the glare of morning and the weight of responsibility bogging me down, I could admit it to myself. Would it be so bad to give a little? To let him in a bit more?
Another groan rolled from the depths of his chest, his hand spasming again, his nails digging into the skin there a bit. Hissing at the sting, I jerked up to stare at his face, watching as his brows furrowed and he let out something between a whimper and a growl.
"Robb?" Something was wrong. I searched the hard ridges of his face, the glimmer of sweat along his brows, dampening the curls at his temples. Gulping, I leaned closer, pressing a hand to his cheek. "Robb?"
Something shivered through him as I ran a thumb along the sharp rise of his cheekbone, his brow suddenly smoothing. A knot that I hadn't realized had formed in the pit of my stomach loosened. Why was I so worried about a bad dream? He was a man. He could handle it. Letting out a huff of irritation, I yanked my hand away as his other arm curled around my waist, dragging me further on top of him.
"Talisa." I blinked, something cold and sharp ripping through my chest. Who..? Confused, I pulled away, his arms fighting for a moment before he released me with a groan. Who was Talisa? Bitterly, my brain rebelled against me as I stared down at the sleeping face of my husband. You ignorant little girl, it hissed. Did you think that he didn't have a lover before you? Wasn't that what all your sisters whispered about? Then an even wickeder part of me chimed in. Did you think he loved you? Because he whispered to you and looked at you? He has someone to fuck every night now, little wife. Why bother with the rest at first when he still needs to sire an heir?
Dazed, I shifted away, tangling momentarily in the covers that still divided the bed before I finally slumped into my pillows. I had crawled across the space between us in my sleep. Like a fool. I was nothing. I was the little Frey girl that he had been obligated to marry over darling Talisa. He needed to win a war and I was the cost.
Foolish, dreaming girl. Wetness seeped into the fabric under my head, a deep well of sadness crashing down on me so hard that I had to curl in on myself so that I could break quietly. Why did this hurt so much?
"You're bleeding." In the mirror, my reflection was grey, my skin ashen and splotched and my hair limp. Or limper than it usually was, like even the frizzy mess there had been sapped of all life.
Robb's reflection caught in the mirror as well, just at the corner. So close that I could feel the heat of his body against my side. I discreetly edged away from it.
He was right. I had bit my lips so hard last night that they were a bloody mess, swollen and crusted.
"I must have bit them while I was asleep," I whispered, dipping my eyes to the still water in the basin at the edge of the vanity before his eyes could catch mine.
"Do Frey's usually maim themselves in their sleep?" I caught the mocking tilt of his smirk in the mirror, meeting his playful gaze dead on. Why was that small thing so painful?
"Just me, your grace," I murmured, rubbing a hand along the creased front of my dress.
Why did everything hurt so much?
I could feel his gaze running along my shoulders, down my back. "We'll be leaving today."
I could feel the strategic way that he was trying to approach me, like broking new topics might show some weakness. At the moment, I frankly didn't have any energy to play along. It wasn't like I was already defeated. More like I was sitting after a long battle that I had lost, my army drawing back to barrackade the walls.
He understood war. Perhaps, now that I was married to him, I did as well.
"Very well, your grace," I murmured, turning to close the trunk at the base of our bed. Taking a breath, I straightened, meeting his gaze for a moment before lowering them. "I will go and find your mother to see if I might assist in our departure."
Quickly, I tried to skirt around the room to the exit but big hands circled my waist, pulling me back until my chest was crushed to his. He was big. Every time that he touched me, that fact was reinforced. A tidal wave of emotions crashed down on me, confusing, bitter emotions battling against each other.
"I was hoping that you might grace me with a kiss before you leave." His eyes were searching as they pierced into me, his brows furrowing a bit, his smile sharp. Something in my stomach rolled, a deep heat searing along my throat as I stared up at him.
There was a challenge there. Like he was waiting, his eyes watchful like some wild animal that had seen prey wandering by and was stalking, analyzing. He wanted me to fight back.
I gulped, unwanted feelings bubbling in my gut. I wanted to fight back. Holding me this close, his arms wrapped around my waist, I wanted… I wanted so much.
"Of course, your grace," I whispered, my hands clutching at the material of his shirt as I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.
Everything about him made me ache.
But more than that his presence hurt.
I jerked away from him, gasping as I wiggled my way free from his grasp. Did he kiss her like this before he came to the Twins? Robb's eyes burned into mine, the greys swirling darkly as he took in a deep breath, his hands still outstretched. My stomach rolled sickly, bile pushing into the back of my throat. Did he have her in his bed when he was in the Twins?
My eyes burned, my skin crawling. I needed to get out of this room. With him.
"Your mother might need help," I choked out, curtsying clumsily before I rushed from the tent. I couldn't look into those eyes any longer. I couldn't pretend like I would be anything more than I actually was. I was a fool.
"Your Highness." Blindly, I whipped around the tent, ignoring the guards as I veered sharply right. I didn't know where I was going.
My fingertips ripped open as I sprinted into the forest beyond, my skin catching on the bark of a tree. I was panting, winded by the time that I stopped, something deep inside of me ripping open as I finally looked around. What was I doing?
My head gave a sharp throb, sending me to my knees.
"Witch," someone hissed to my right, jostling me into the dirty rags of a woman on my left. Up ahead, I caught the glistening blue of my mother's skirts. "They should burn her at the stake."
"Corlin," I whimpered, tears blurring my vision as I turned, trying to fight my way through the crowd.
"Corlin!" I screamed, my nails digging into the soil beneath me as another strand came loose in my chest. I let out a sob, tears forcing their way from my swollen eyes.
Something was wrong. Something was tearing open inside of me. Worse than the open wound from that one word uttered by Robb last night. Pain blurred my vision.
"She speaks to the moon." I scuttled back into the shadows of the servants halls, watching as two maids hauled dirty sheets from the guest rooms. "I've seen her whispering over her victims."
"They're her patients," the second maid whispered incredulously.
"No one recovers from the brink of death with chamomile tea and prayer," she scoffed back and I shivered, turning to stare up at my mother as she moved to stand silently beside me. Her face had gone vacant again, her face slack. Like a ghost that was moving among the living.
"You shouldn't speak of things that you don't understand," the maid snipped, dragging her bundle of soiled cloth into her basket before swishing away.
"Mama," I whimpered, tugging at her skirts as she swayed, her face still blank.
A scream pierced through the hall, sending me reeling. The maid. I gagged. Blood. And my mother, staring at the mangled meat of the maid's leg, her agonized screams rising and falling to fill the room.
I blinked, sobbing. I wanted this to end. I didn't want to remember anymore.
I whimpered, curling into myself as I caught the flash of a million blue flowers, a few still unfurling at the root of every tree. Up above, the crows gave a harsh caw, fluttering away.
These flowers hadn't been here before.
I turned to the side, vomiting up water and spittle.
What was happening to me?
Review and I'll use this four day weekend for more than watching Boys Over Flowers! Much love!
