Chapter 9: Wanting It
A week later, Luke had recovered from his bout with the flu, April had both presented her "Roaring Twenties" project and received an "A" on it, and in between running the inn and planning for the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, Lorelai was anxiously awaiting a phone call from Dr. Johnson, a fertility specialist in Hartford.
He had been able to tell her little during her initial visit except what she already knew: the likelihood of getting pregnant decreased rapidly after the age of thirty-five. Correspondingly, the possibility of miscarriages and birth defects increased. The fact that Lorelai had already given birth to a child was definitely in her favor; however, because her pregnancy with Rory had been so long ago, it was not necessarily an accurate indicator of her current fertility.
After talking with her for half an hour about not only the probabilities and possibilities, but also the "do's and don't's" for getting pregnant, Dr. Johnson had scheduled Lorelai for some tests and said he would call her once he got the results back. The tests themselves were uncomfortable and embarrassing, and Lorelai could not help wishing that she had told Luke about the appointment with the doctor. She desperately wanted him to hold her hand and tell her that everything was going to be okay.
But she had not told him – not about the appointment, not about the tests, and certainly not about the pamphlet the doctor had given her on fertility treatment options should the tests come back with undesirable results.
She was not sure why exactly she failed to tell Luke. Perhaps it was his certainty that she would get pregnant eventually. Perhaps it was his growing excitement over the prospect of having a baby. And perhaps it was the growing fear that gnawed at Lorelai's stomach, causing her to doubt not only the man she loved, but the life they had managed to start together. What would he say if they could not have children? He would be disappointed, certainly, but would he blame her? No, he would never blame her for such a thing. At least not out loud, not to her face. Perhaps not even consciously. But deep down, in the hidden recesses of the strange and unknowable place that was Luke's mind, would he fault her for the age-old indiscretion of failing to give him children?
Her fears were completely irrational. Lorelai knew this, acknowledged it, and reminded herself of that fact multiple times a day. And yet, she continued to wait for Dr. Johnson's call with trepidation, and she continued to re-read the pamphlet, wondering exactly how much it would cost to have in vitro fertilization and if Luke would ever consider such a thing.
"Hey big brother!" Liz exclaimed as she entered the diner late in the morning. There were only a few people still there, contently sipping their coffee rather than out confronting the chill autumn day.
Liz and TJ had been gone for three months on the latest renaissance circuit, making her appearance a surprise in two ways, the second of which being that she was also very pregnant. And while she had already told him about the baby, the full realization that Luke was going to become an uncle once again hit him full-force when he saw her.
"Liz!" he said, abandoning his usual place at the counter to give her a welcoming hug. "You look great," he told her with a smile.
"I look huge," she contradicted, her hand automatically going to her stomach. She joked, "But hey, at least its an excuse to eat whatever you want for nine months."
Luke immediately escorted her to one of the nearby tables. "Here, sit down, sit down. Tell me how you've been."
"I'm good," Liz told him. "Really good. I haven't had a drink or a smoke in seven months, but I'm good."
"The baby's good?" Luke asked.
Her face softened at his mention of the baby. "Yeah, the baby's good," she said. "TJ has been taking care of both of us."
"How much longer, you think?" he asked.
"Well, the doctor says another eight weeks or so, but I think it may be sooner than that. Jess was early, so this little one may be early too."
"Are you excited? Scared?"
"You know, I think we're going to do okay," Liz said, and the confidence in her voice was reassuring. "Jess sent us a bunch of books, and TJ's been watching that baby show on The Learning Channel."
"You have done this before," Luke pointed out.
"Yeah, but this time's going to be different. With Jess I was so young, I didn't know what I was doing. With this little one, I want to make sure she has everything Jess didn't. I have a job, I have a house, I have a husband – everything I didn't have when he was growing up. But still, he turned out pretty good, thanks to you."
"Jess is a good kid. He just needed to find his own way. So...she?" Luke caught the pronoun. "Its a girl?"
Liz smiled and shrugged. "I think so. At least that's what my friend Bethany told me when she read my cards."
"Ah," he said, knowing not to rush out and buy pink baby furniture just yet. "That's really great, Liz. I'm proud of you."
His sister's eyes went wide at the comment, then they immediately filled with tears. Before he even understood what was happening, she had begun crying uncontrollably, drawing the attention of several people nearby. Luke was terrified.
"Liz? What's the matter? Are you okay?"
Pulling a tissue from her purse to wipe at her eyes, Liz held up a hand in a calming gesture. "Just hormones," she said, when she was able to find her voice again. "That was such a sweet thing to say, Luke."
It took him a moment to realize what he had said to set off the waterworks display, but once he realized, he glanced away in embarrassment. Expressing himself in words had never been his strong suit.
"Hormones... I suppose that's something I'll going to have to get used to," he said, mostly to himself. But the statement caught Liz's attention. Her expression morphed from confusion to suspicion to outright joy within the space of a few seconds.
"Luke! Is Lorelai...?"
"We're trying," he said firmly and quietly, so that no one else in the diner would hear the pronouncement. The last thing he needed was for Taylor to put it up on a billboard or for Miss Patty to get wind of the news.
"Oh, that's so great!" Liz exclaimed, her earlier tears completely forgotten. "You are going to be the best dad. Wait, what am I saying? You already are. How is April?"
"She's really good..."
They spent the next half hour catching up, exchanging news and stories about April, Jess, TJ, and Lorelai, as well as all the latest happenings in Star's Hollow and the Renaissance Faire circuit. By the time the lunch crowd began to pick up, Luke felt reasonably certain that he was now abreast of everything happening in his sister's life. He also found himself growing more and more excited about the prospect of being an uncle again. His contact with Jess as a child had been minimal due to a combination of his own inexperience with (and thus distaste for) kids and their resulting dislike of him. The notion of "jam hands" had not materialized out of no where.
"Hey, I don't know what you're planning for Thanksgiving, but Lorelai's doing a big thing at the Dragonfly again..." he began as she stood to leave.
"Count us in!" Liz told him, all previous notions of a Martha Stewart-inspired holiday forgotten. "Oh, can you make sure she has those little wraps with the meat in them..."
"I'll put in a request to Sookie," Luke assured her as she left, attempting to hide his disgust at the mention of the chef's less than successful foray into culinary experimentation with her boysenberry beef rolls. As much respect as he had for Sookie's cooking, only a pregnant woman suffering the most cliched cravings could stomach that concoction. Luke briefly wondered if Lorelai would become even more enamored with junk food when she got pregnant or if her body would do a complete about-face and demand leafy greens and whole grains. Either way, he looked forward to finding out.
"I do not know what she iz cooking, but our chef iz very good," Michel said into the phone, his monotone voice belaying the sincerity of his words. "We have never had any complaints." He listened half-heartedly for a time as the person calling continued to speak, but after a few moments, it was clear that Michel had lost all patience. "Look, this iz an inn. We serve food. If you want to eat it, do so. If not, upon arrival we will give you a bow and arrow and you may hunt for your own dinner. Goodbye." He hung up the phone abruptly.
Hearing the last bit of the conversation, Lorelai stopped in mid-stride through the lobby. "Michel, you can't just be rude to the guests like that!" she exclaimed.
As it tended to do, Michel's accent became more pronounced as he sputtered, "Why not? They are rude to me. They want to know if Sookie iz serving oysters with her dinner or if the stuffing will have oysters. These people are obsessed with oysters! What do we look like, Red Lobster? This iz an inn, not a seafood shack."
"Michel, Sookie provided you with a menu for Thanksgiving," Lorelai said, pointing to the paper by the computer.
Rolling his eyes, the Frenchman picked it up and pointed to the numerous scratch-outs, re-writes, and re-scratch-outs. "This?" he demanded. "This iz the Thanksgiving menu from yesterday. She has not provided me an updated one for today."
"Then what's that?" Lorelai asked, pointing to another sheet of paper.
Michel picked up the paper and held it carefully at the edge between two fingers, his face a picture of disgust. "This iz the waiting leest for room three."
"We have a waiting list?" Lorelai demanded. "I thought that room was booked solid through next April."
As much as it amazed her that people were so gullible as to believe myths regarding the magical fertility powers of a room, she found it even more incredible that the rumors of the Dragonfly Inn's room number three had spread like wildfire – faster even than Miss Patty could disseminate important news and gossip. But if nothing else, Lorelai was a businesswoman, and if people wanted to pay money and wait longer for a room that was virtually identical to every other room in the building, that was fine with her.
"It is the standby leest in case we have any cancellations," Michel informed her. His initial amusement with the whole notion had obviously faded into a deep and abiding hatred of anything to do with room three.
"These people are crazy," she mused to herself, although the irony of their desperation was not lost on her as she once again wondered when Dr. Johnson would call her.
"What do I tell you?" Michel said by way of agreement. But then something occurred to him, and his expression turned from sour and annoyed to genuinely excited and happy. "Oh, guess what! I took Chin-Chin to the vet yesterday for her check up and because she has been acting strangely. And the man there said that she is ready to have puppies! Izn't that wonderful?"
Lorelai just stared at him blankly for several long seconds before walking away, not sure why she suddenly had the urge to set the room on fire.
After talking to Michel, dealing with the endless problems and details at the inn, and waiting impatiently to hear back from the doctor regarding her test results, Lorelai decided that the thing she needed most was a healthy dose of good coffee and her husband, both of which, as luck would have it, could be found in the same place.
But when she entered the diner, Luke was no where to be seen. Instead Lane was busy taking orders and serving while Caesar manned the kitchen.
"Hey Lorelai!" her daughter's best friend greeted her warmly. "Coffee?" she asked.
"Please," she sighed as she slid onto one of the empty stools at the counter.
"So how are the wedding plans coming?" Lane asked brightly, as she usually did when she saw Lorelai.
"Oh, they're coming along. All the big things are in place, but we're still working on the details." Her voice was devoid of its excitement, and Lane noted that she seemed more subdued and weary than she had seen her in a long time. "I guess Luke's not around?"
"No," she confirmed. "Anna called and he said he had to run to Woodbury to take April to something..." Lane could not quite remember where Luke had said he was driving his daughter, but it did not matter much as Lorelai's attention to the details was lost immediately after the words 'Anna called.'
Everyone in town knew that Luke and Lorelai had gone through some rough times several months before, and while speculation had run rampant, the general consensus had settled on the combined issues of April, Anna, and Christopher Hayden. As Rory's best friend and Luke's employee, Lane had been privy to a few more details, including the exact day of their reconciliation. However, she noted that the woman sitting before her was not the cheery, hyperactive person she had been since then. Lorelai clearly had something weighing on her mind, and whatever it was had her so upset that she had forsaken real coffee.
"Well, just let him know I stopped by," Lorelai said, leaving her cup almost untouched.
Hoping to give her some comfort, Lane ventured, "He'll probably be back in an hour or so..."
"Lorelai!"
Both turned to see Luke's sister enter the diner, a plastic bag in hand. Having been assailed all day by reminders of pregnancy and babies, Liz's obviously pregnant state felt like one more slap in the face to Lorelai. But she smiled warmly, genuinely happy to see her sister-in-law after so many months.
"Liz, how are you?" she asked, rising to embrace the other woman.
"I'm great! Pregnant, as you can see, although I suppose Luke told you about that?" Lorelai nodded a confirmation, and she continued on to say, "Its so good to see you! You look wonderful, but that's nothing new. You always look wonderful. Luke said you were doing good, with the inn and everything."
"Yeah, yeah, everything's great. So you already saw Luke today?"
"Oh, yeah, I came by earlier to let him know we were back in town. Hey, he invited us to Thanksgiving at the inn again. I hope that's okay?"
"No, that's great," Lorelai said. "Sookie's making lots of stuff. Not sure what exactly yet, but I can pretty much guarantee there's going to be turkey, so..."
"That's sounds so good, I can't even tell you," Liz said, her hand automatically going to her stomach. "Ever since I got pregnant I feel like I've been eating non-stop."
"Yeah, I was like that with Rory. Unfortunately, the feeling never really went away," Lorelai joked.
"Hey, Luke mentioned that you two were-" She glanced around and deliberately lowered her voice, "-trying." She made exaggerated quotes in the air as she mimicked Luke's gruff voice.
Lorelai forced a smile that did not reach her eyes. "Yeah, we are," she acknowledged softly.
"That's great. I'm so glad. You know, I always knew Luke would be a terrific dad, if he ever let himself want it. He always took care of me growing up, and even when I was an adult. Then with Jess and everything..." She trailed off, as both knew the end of that story. "He did his best, and I guess it turned out right in the end. And now with this girl, April." Liz sighed, and both women understood the sadness in her voice.
"Yeah, he's really doing well with her," Lorelai commented.
"But I bet he can't wait for you two to have a baby!" Liz squealed, almost forgetting to keep her voice low.
Lorelai forced herself to nod and smile and was about to excuse herself when Liz thrust the plastic bag she was holding out to her.
"Here, I brought this by for Luke, but its really for both of you. One of my old friends from high school gave it to me when she found out I was pregnant but before I knew it was a girl. And it seemed more Luke's taste than mine anyway."
"Well... thanks," Lorelai said as she opened the bag. But as she saw what was inside, she found herself seeking the comfortable support of the stool once again.
Baby clothes. More specifically, a tiny little baseball "uniform" with a matching baseball cap. The cap did not bear an insignia of any particular team, but it was the exact shade of blue as Luke's baseball cap.
"Thank you," she whispered again, desperately fighting the painful emotional reaction brought on by the baby clothes. "I know Luke will love it."
"Bye, Lorelai. See you at Thanksgiving," Liz said, giving her a quick hug before leaving.
Lane watched with concern as Lorelai sat for over ten minutes, just staring into the bag on her lap. And she probably would have kept on staring for another ten minutes if her cellular phone had not gone off, jarring her out of whatever trance she had fallen into.
"Hello?" she said, openly defying Luke's 'no cell phone in the diner' ban. "This is she... Yes... Is that the earliest I can come in? Cause I really need to talk to him before... Yes, okay... Next Wednesday would be fine... Three o'clock? I'll be there... Thank you." She shut the phone with a snap, and Lane almost swore she saw real fear in her eyes.
"Everything okay?" she asked.
"Yeah, just wedding stuff," Lorelai said distractedly. She dropped a few dollars on the counter before leaving, not realizing until she was back at the Dragonfly that she had not paid for coffee at Luke's in years.
