Chapter 9

BPOV

I've never been kissed before.

When I was human, I remember a few of the town boys offering to walk me home and "accidently" lean towards me once or twice.

Laurent, although he had made his feelings perfectly apparent, had never actually tired anything physical with me. James had, a few times, but Victoria always managed to intercede before anything could properly take place.

But, even I, who was lacking any real romantic experience after more than two hundred years, could see the signs Edward was sending me.

He was going to kiss me.

At least, I thought he was going to kiss me.

And then, after Emmett interrupted us, I wasn't so sure.

The look in Edward's eyes was shocked and…was that shame I saw? Or disgust?' Oh, God, he was disgusted by me.

Edward removed his hand from my face immediately, flexing into a fist. Anger.

He was angry with me.

I struggled to concentrate on their conversation, my mind too deep in despair from both Edward's reactions and the loss of his hand on my cheek.

He and Emmett both turned away, only a casual "I'll see you later," coming from Edward.

As soon as they had rounded the corner, I sat on the stair, numb from his rejection.

The heart in my chest should have been beating loudly, thudding for the entire house to hear. It still surprised me, sometimes, how much I expected my old human reactions to kick in.

I slumped on the steps for a few moments, trying to force my brain from the haze that had taken over.

Edward didn't like me. He didn't feel the…puzzling desperation I did.

I knew this already, of course, but I had no idea how much pain irrupted in my dead heart by having it confirmed.

Why did it matter to me so much?

So what if one man—one man I had met less than a week ago—didn't care for me? Why did his opinion mean so much to me?

It shouldn't.

I never cared when Victoria called me stupid, or James treated me like a piece of meat made for his entertainment. I have never put much stock in others thoughts of me.

Before now.

Before Edward.

I had to stop caring what he thought.

Or he could kill me.

I had to distance myself from Edward, to make sure he couldn't affect me anymore. Giving the power to make me feel the thing I felt was too dangerous.

But what could I do?

How could I stop myself from speaking to him? It seemed like such an impossible goal.

He was incredibly charming and kind. I had just poured my soul out to him, thrust upon my entire sad story and he seemed the most patient of people.

He was beautiful. Smart. Passionate.

I didn't know what I could do.

I was so drab and boring, how could I do anything but be drawn to his magnificence? I was a plain moth, swarming next to Edward's dazzling light.

"Bella!" Alice light, high pitched yell of elation echoed through the house. I sighed. As much as Alice's sisterly affections warmed my otherwise cold heart, I couldn't help but feel slightly overwhelmed by her ridiculous amounts of enthusiasm. And, although she might sometimes be a tad too much to handle, I felt so comfortable around Alice, even lively as she was.

I felt so at ease around almost all of the Cullens, as a matter of fact.

Both Carlisle and Esme had been more kind than I disserved in the past few days, their parental affections making my red eyes melt with gratitude. My parents, in my human life, died when I was barely fourteen years old. I had to learn to cook, clean, take care of the farm and the family. I barely had any time to grieve for the at first and now, after my transformation, I have nary a memory of them. The attention I had been receiving from the leader figures of this strange coven were so new to me, so odd. I wasn't sure how to adjust to them.

Emmett and Rosalie had been distant, though kind. Whenever the largest of the two was around he often flashed me a cheeky smile and a brotherly pat upon the head as he did Alice. Sometimes the action saddened me slightly. As much as I loved my sister Sarah—and would do give my own life in return for hers in an instant—I always had a closeness with my younger brother. Garrett was only two years my junior, and had outgrown me before I reached the age of fifteen. I remember more about him then anything else from my former life. My heart ached for him constantly.

Jasper had, surprisingly, put me more at ease than any other of his family members. Part of me suspects that he does this for everyone—that it is simply his nature. But, on another level, I knew that we were a like. We were both quiet, reserved people. Neither of us had always abstained from humans like most of the Cullens. We both found this life later and had grown fond of it.

I knew Jasper was still having trouble with the diet the Cullens took on and I was worried it would be the same for me. Esme constantly encouraged me to think positive, but I was doubtful.

My thoughts of Esme seemed to awaken me from my stupor. I glanced up to see the face of Carlisle standing in front of me, his smile kind. I blinked for a moment, shocked. Sometimes it seemed as though Carlisle's compassionate, kind, and sincere face could be the face of God.

In the back of my mind I heard someone below us shift their weight hesitantly.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked, drawlingly in my attention.

I heard the light, dancing like footsteps of Alice appear behind me—they seemed impatient. "Bella!" her sprit like voice whined from my rear, "I called you! Now we don't have time to finish your measurements!"

"Why don't we have time?" I asked, turning to see her pouting face. With her lower lip pushed out so far she almost looked like a toddler upset about being refused their favorite toy. I had the strangest instinct to break out in girlish giggles. How odd.

"We're going hunting!" She chirped out, loud enough for the entire house to hear.

I swallowed nervously, folding my hands together to kept from gripping the stairwell for dear life. I had never been hunting the Cullens' way before. What if I was absolutely miserable? What if I couldn't do it?

Would they make me leave?

"C'mon Bella!" Alice chirped out excitingly, leading me down the stairs.

At the foot of the stairs stood a tall and majestic Edward, leading gently against the rail. The sight of him, as usual, did strange thing to me. If I had a pulse, it would have quickened. If able, my skin would have been mopped in nervous sweat. I turned my head, forcing my hair o fall in a curtain in front of me.

Edward was, undeniably, the one Cullen I did not feel comfortable around.

If felt so much more than that.

Hesitantly, afraid of being spotted, I lifted my head, meeting Edward's honey eyes.

I dropped my gaze again, embarrassed.

"Ready to go?" Emmett/s loud voice boomed from outside.

From beside me I hear Edward sigh loudly.

I blanched. We were all going?

Jasper—now appeared next to his wife—sensed my anxiousness. He placed a friendly hand on my shoulder, a sharp feel of calm over taking me.

"Subtle, Jasper," Edward muttered, turning to head for the door.

Alice and Jasper followed behind him and I watch, mesmerized, a they disappeared outside.

"Nervous, Bella?" Carlisle asked, smiling at me warmly.

"Yes," I admitted. "I don't think I'm going to do very well at this."

"Give yourself more credit than that, I'm sure you'll do fine."

Doubtful.

With a gentle hand on my upper back, Carlisle pushed my through the door.

Outside I was greeted by each one of the Cullens—minus Edward, that is.

Alice, whether her husband told her or through her own perception, was able to see my hesitation about hunting. "You'll do perfectly fine, Bella." Then a wink. "I can see it."

"Besides, " Edward interjected, a chuckle present in his honey-velvet voice, "You can't be much worse than Emmett was his first time."

"Hey!" his older brother boomed out, feigning insult. "I was pretty damn good!"

"You knocked over half the forest!"

"Sound like another first of ours, eh Rosie?" he leered at his wife, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh, shut up." Rosalie said quickly. With one small nod to me, she sped off into the forest, the thick trees shielding her from site.

Emmett followed after, still calling words of humor.

"There's some bears in the southwest I want to catch before Emmett does," Jasper said to Alice, his tone rushed.

The small woman giggled like a school girl. "That won't be a problem. In about…oh, four point two seconds, he and Rose will be acting very…improper."

Both Jasper and Edward wrinkled their nose in distaste, as the empathy and his mate sped off.

"Edward," I heard Esme say to her son. I carefully avoided making eye contact with any of the three remaining vampires. "Why don't you show Bella around."

"You don't have to," I tried to say quickly, not wanting anyone to feel pressured.

"It'd be a pleasure, Bella." Edward said as I foolishly looked up at his face. He smiled crookedly and I had to blink a few times. My thoughts froze for a moment at the beautiful site.

"If…you're sure," I said at last.

The smile stayed in place as he motioned with his hand for me to go first. I heard a small chuckle echo behind us and ducked my head, embarrassed again.

I took off into the woods, making sure to steer clear of Emmett and Rosalie's path.

When I was about a mile or so in, Edward hot on my heels, I stopped, turning to face him again.

"Alright, Bella," he said carefully, as if weighing his words. "Ready?"

I gave small "hmm" of approval, not trusting my voice.

He stepped directly behind me, his breath on my neck sending the oddest vibrations down my spine. I was hyper aware of his presence now, his smell floating in my nose. I breathed it in deeply, my eyelids fluttering at the sensation. "Close your eyes," he whispered in a voice that melted o sensuality. Nervous, I did so.

"What do you hear?" he asked me.

You I wanted to say. The way his breath melted with the wind, how his lips brushed together with every word. The sound of his hair as the wind swirled it around.

However, I knew this was not the answer he was looking for.

I searched outwards, focusing an anything that sounded…appetizing.

About half a mile away a loud, thudding sound hit my ears, my mouth flowing with venom, and I recognized it immediately.

A heart.

I breathed on again, looking past Edward's glorious smell until the scent of blood hit my nostrils. I wrinkled my nose in distaste. It was if someone had taken a perfect amount of blood and mixed it with something rotten.

"I know it's not very appealing," Edward said, his voice directly at my ear, "But you'll get used to it."

"What is it?" I asked, barely moved my lips.

I heard a smile in his voice. "Mountain lion. My favorite. There's three of them."

With that I took off, following the trail created by the scent of animal blood. As soon as I set eyes on the lean feline animal I pounced, treating the beast like I would any human. We wrestled for a few moments, it's claws piercing the fabric of my clothing and covering my in dirt as we roll. My teeth pierced it's neck the red liquid pouring out in my mouth. It wasn't as sweet as human, but it wasn't bad by any means. I drank and filled my self, finishing with a satisfied grunt. When I was finished I rolled the animal's carcass off me.

Edward was standing a few feet away from me, his eyes trained on my form. I looked down.

My shorts were almost non existent—shred cut from the already thin fabric. The top of my t-shirt was completely missing, the top of my left breast exposed. I looked at the ground, glad I couldn't blush.

Edward must think I'm a mess.

"Oops," I breathed out, not knowing what else to say.

In front of me I saw Edward had looked away from my scandal dressed form. He laughed loudly, his chest shaking from the vibrations. HE stopped after a moment shaking his head.

Then, without warning, he began to unbutton his shirt. I watch, unable to look away. He revealed himself in a small white t-shirt, the thin fabric hugging each of his defined muscles. He seemed so less slight now—away from Emmett. I traced the line of his triceps, up onto his glorious chest. The sight made me swallow. A new, strong fluttering took over in the pit of my stomach, pulling my towards something I'd never felt before.

Lust. A heavy, indescribable sense of lust.

For Edward.

"Here," he said to me, pulling my sharply from my wanton thoughts, holding out his button down for me. I lowered my eyelashes shamefully, taking his shirt. I quickly threw it over my body, standing up.

Edward's gaze lingered on my for a slight second, tracing the line of my body, before he looked back on the two other animals, now preparing to run at the loss of their ally.

He lunged at one of them, and I watched shamelessly. His body moved with sensuality, crouching and springing. It took him much less time than me. He simply grabbed the struggling lion by the neck, turned, and brought in his mouth, drinking in his fill. I saw the way his lips curled around the animal's flesh and the sight made the unfamiliar warmth spread though my body, all the way down to my fingertips.

"How do you do that?" I asked, the words pouring from my mouth before I had a chance to stop it.

Edward straightened his pose immediately, revealing a perfectly pristine white t-shirt. He hadn't ruined his appearance at all.

He seemed to know what I was talking about. He laughed lightly. "Centuries of practice," he told me, grinning broadly.

"Centuries?" I asked, "How many?" I wanted to know his age.

I wanted to know everything.

"Just under one," he told me. His face seemed slightly apprehensive. "I was turned around seventeen years old. I'm the youngest here, in that way, at least."

I smiled, hoping to appear playful. "You've got me beat," I informed him, studying the bark of a nearby tree as though it carried the secrets of the universe. "I would have turned seventeen in two months, or so."

A loud, growl suddenly echoed through the woods as both Edward and I turned around, trying to locate the source. "That's Emmett and a bear, I'll guess," then, with a lingering look at my form. "We should proabaly get you changed."

His words made my heart catch fire. "Yes," I said, hoping he didn't catch the underlying meaning in his words, I spoke. "We should."