If Only Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them please don't sue.

Warnings: Also same as before not a pretty story, lots of scary images. Be aware.

A/N: I have finally made a dent in getting responses out on feedback. Thanks again for all the support. Keep it coming. It let's me know what I'm doing right, and somebody please tell me if I'm doing something wrong, as long as it's not nasty. If this gets finished in time it will be a first for me three chapters in one week. Inspiration for this chapter goes to Mystery927, who gave me a lot to think about, I still owe you a longer response but I wanted you to get some spotlight for pushing me to think outside of my own ideas. Enough said on with the show!


Dean continued to slowly rock his sleeping brother. Vaguely he realized this was the second time in as many days that he had ended up on the floor with his brother in his arms. 'Was it only yesterday?' his exhausted mind queried. As the adrenaline rush gave way to the growing blood loss, Dean was finding it harder to keep his emotions in check.

Dean found small comfort in the fact that Sam had realized he was there before passing out, and knew that Dean had found him. His brothers easy assurance that he knew Dean would come for him helped fill the aching wound Dean hadn't realized he'd been carrying around since Sam had initially gone missing. As he heard deputy Roberts rouse, Dean finally contemplated what had just occurred and he began to feel things closing in on him. The body of the man he hadkilled was on the floor a few feet away, and Dean realized there was the very real possibility that he was going to be taken away from Sam, if he couldn't find a way out of this quickly.

Dean didn't want to have to hurt the deputy again but knew in no uncertain terms he wasn't going to jail. Sam would be as good as dead by the time he got out. Lost in thought it came as a shock when Tom's hand fell on Dean's shoulder. Dean's automatic response was to pull Sam closer, unwilling to lose the physical contact of his brother, he looked up into the older man's face as he kneeled down next to the brothers.

"How's Sam doing?"

"They drugged him...he knew I was here... other than that I don't know." Dean stated quietly

Noticing the blood still running down Dean's arm, Tom pressed on.."How about you?"

Shrugging as if he couldn't feel the pain, which Tom figured he probably couldn't as shock was probably setting in. Dean just looked blankly at the man. "I've had worse." Turning his attention back to Sam who hadn't stirred from his drug induced slumber.

Tom lowered himself onto the floor facing Dean, the deputy was at a loss for what his mind was telling him happened.Tom was unsure if he could rely on what his mind was telling him, so he reverted to what he knew, asking questions and getting answers."Dean what happened?"

"What do you remember?" Dean countered, broaching the subject carefully. Dean was aware of how badly this could go and was steeling himself for the inevitable disbelief and anger that usually followed when rational people tried to explain their brush with the supernatural.

"I remember coming through the doorway and then it getting cold...you yelling,... then it got really cold and everything gets really hazy... I heard a voice...then I ...turned the gun...on you? Tom stuttered sounding very confused by his own recollection. With a pained expression he looked Dean in the eye. "Did I shoot you?"

Dean tried to smile and it only came out a small grimace. He was so tired of all of this he just wanted Samsafe and this over with thatDean made a decision he hoped he wouldn't live to regret.He settled onleveling with Tom and telling him thetruth all of it.. "You really weren't in control at the time."

"What was that ...voice?"

"That is what wants my brother...the gang you're after" Dean spit out angrily "is really a cult that Sam and I were looking to stop, except they found him first...Seems like whoever they're worshipping wants to make sure it can seperate me from Sam."

"I don't believe..." Tom started

Dean cut him off in a fit of rage.."Of course you don't ...no one ever does" Dean was about to continue his rant when he was cut off by a hand grabbing hard on his shoulder.

"Whoa slow down a minute there Dean... I believe you, what I was trying to say was that I can't believe I turned my weapon on you. I could've killed you. I could see it happening but there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Dean's rage deflated instantly, a fine trembling started in his muscles, as the recent events finally became evident on Dean's body.

Tom watched as the young man in front of him started to break. Just when he thought he would let go and crumble, he was amazed to see Dean slowly start to rebuild himself. Within a matter of moments the man's face had reset and if you hadn't been there the moment before to notice the vulnerabilty you never would've believed it occurred. Watching it happen Tom made a decision he knew might cost him his career.

"Who shot him?" Tom asked gently

"I did, after I knocked you out. He was going to kill Sammy." Dean said just as queitly, breathing hitching in quiet defiance before he continued. "I'm not sorry, I'd do it again."

After several long moments of silence a small smile played across the deputy's mouth. "Dean I do believe you must've hit your head on the wall when you were shot."

Dean shot the man a worried glance, "I didn't hit anything but your face. What are you talking about?"

"It's ok Dean, I know that with the shock of being shot things tend to appear differently. You didn't shoot anyone... Did you?" The man said grinning as he saw that Dean finally caught onto what he was saying.

"But my fingerprints..."

Picking up the weapon from where it lay fogotten on the ground between them, Tom wiped it clean. "What fingerprints?" Fixing Dean with a sharp look he continued. "We don't have a lot of time to do this. I'm going to need to call security and let them know what happened. We're lucky that there are no cameras down here. For once budget constraints are a good thing. You were right before no one really thinks someone is going to steal a body. So we just need to keep the story straight. Got it?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"It's my job."

"This isn't" Dean insisted. "Arresting me is your job.Not that I'm arguing with you here, but nothing comes for free. What do you want?"

"I want this scum gone." Tom said waving his hand towards the body on the ground. "There have been too many people going missing and we're always a step behind." Sounding very tired the man continued "I don't want to explain to anymore family members what I had to tell you yesterday about Sam. I don't want to look down at anymore horribly broken bodies, knowing they didn't find peace even in death.There's never been a survivor before ever," His gaze locked on firmly with Dean's.."I need to make sure we break this cycle and I think you and your brother are the key to that."

"I can't tell you there's going to be anyone for you to arrest, if I find them first." Dean said honestly.

"I'm not sure, I care about that anymore. Now here's the story..."


The next several hours passed in a blur for Dean. He wasn't sure if it was blood loss, relief or just too much happening in too short a span of time, but his ability to figure out if time was passing in minutes or days was seriously impared.

Since agreeing to commit perjury and conspiracy with an officer of the law, Dean had been interviewed, then taken with Sam back to the ER to be stitched up after which he followed his brother to CT Scan all the while making sure that Sam was never out of his sight.

Dean smiled faintly at the thought that hewas fairly certain that the orderlies in the ER would like to make sure that Dean left and never returned as well. They had mistakenly tried to seperate him and Sam and three of them were sporting various bruises and black eyes for their error.

After making it clear that he was not allowing anyone to remove Sam from his sight Dean had settled down and allowed the doctors to do their jobs, being utterly compliant in what was requested of him. Now the two brothers were back in Sam's room waiting for results.

In truth Dean was waiting for results, Sam had yet to break free of what ever drug had been given to him and for a change was sleeping peacefully. The lab was still testing the contents of his IV bag to make sure Sam was in no danger from what had been forced into his body, but Dean knew that if they'd wanted to kill Sam outright they never would've bothered with taking him out of the hospital room. Leaving him dead right under Dean's nose would've been what happened in that case.

A knock on the door brought Dean back from his cluttered thoughts, as Dr. Erickson came in, Dean smiled tiredly at her, "Don't you ever leave?"

"I 'd ask the same of you." She started smiling. "No rest for the wicked so the speak. I'm on a double shift today, so you and Sam have to put up with me for another 12 hours or until I cut you loose whichever comes first."

"You've got the results back?" Dean said looking hopeful. At this point nothing would make him happier then getting out them both out of this hospital and to start working on a game plan.

"I do indeed." She said holding up a file folder. "Normally, I 'd wait until Sam was awake to discuss this but we also have the toxicology reports back on the IV bag and based on what we found there I'm sure Sam isn't going to be awake anytime soon and you don't strike me as the patient type."

Dean shot her a worried glance at that comment. "He is going to wake up though right?" trying hard to keep the fear from his voice.

"Yes, I'm sorry Dean" she said sounding embarassed with her choice of words."the sedative they found in the solution is very potent, but the dosage was not harmful. It's just going to need to work it's way through Sam's system. Based on his current level of injury and exhaustion it hit him a bit harder then it would've had he been fully functional so I would say another 4-6 hours, maybe a little less."

Dean breathed an audible sigh of relief at those words."What about the CT scan?"

"The CT scan came back negative, there is nothing causing Sam's vision problems, which means it is most likely the medication he has been given and exhaustion. It should steadily improve over the next several hours to days depending on how much medication he takes and his healing ability. I know you are both eager to get out of here, but I'm going to hold off on releasing Sam's discharge papersuntil he wakes and we confirm there aren't any other issues."

Dean nodded his head in agreement. He was just happy they were still planning on letting Sam leave. "Thank you, for everything you've done for Sam."

"You're welcome." she said earnestly, "Have the nurse page me when Sam wakes. I would also recommend that you take this time to get some sleep as well. Looking after Sam the next few days as he continues to build strength back is going to be rough on you both, you should rest while you can."

"I'll think about it." Dean said honestly

As she crossed back to the door she added, "I wanted to let you know that Deputy Roberts is requesting to come in and see you. I told him I wanted to make sure you were up to it first."

"I appreicate the offer of protection, but yeah I'm up to it, you can let him in."


A few minutes later the door opened again and Tom peered around the parially open door. Dean waved the man the rest of the way into the room. Tom sat down in the chair opposite Dean.

"How's the arm feeling?"

"Not bad." Dean said not elaborating or giving the deputy any room to really open up the conversation further.

"I saw the doc on the way out." Tom tried againlooking for a way to break the silence. "Good news?"

"Yeah, Sam's going to be fine once the drugs wear off. They think he'll sleep another couple of hours or so. They're still willing to discharge him today, once he is awake."

"That's good to hear." He said sincerly. "Dean.."

Dean cut him off quickly, with a wave of a hand surprising both men. "I never said thank you for finding Sam and bringing him back to me. I owe you more than you can imagine for that." Dean said fiercely.

"You're welcome. What I told you before is true Dean. I believe you and Sam are the key to ending this, and I want to help. Where are you planning on staying when you get Sam out of here?"

"Back to the motel, I kept the room there while I was looking for Sam. I need to give Sam time to rest and for us to plan our next step."

"I want you to consider protective custody." Tom started earnestly

"No"

"Dean, you and Sam aren't safe out there on your own. Do you really think Sam is safer in a motel room then he could be with you and a guard at the door?"

Getting angry at the man questioning his ability to care for his brothers welfare. "Let's see...YES!Since it appears that the men holding the weapons at my brothers door can be swayed to shoot the people they should be protecting." Dean was sorry as soon as the words left his mouth when he saw the wounded look on the older man's face.Trying to soften the blow he continued. "Tom, look Sam and I have been doing this...well forever and it still managed to get the upper hand on us. I can't take a risk with Sam's life and allow strangers to stand outside the door in the hopes that they will protect us and not become more cannon fodder. I'mdon't want to be forced to choose between hurting someone else and protecting Sam, the decision will be the same everytime and eventually you'd have to put me in jail for it. Hell, you still might when this is all over with. But I have to get Sam out of here, we've already seen that I can't defend Sam in a hospital room there are simply too many people here. Too many people with reasons to get close to Sam. At least out ofhere the only one near him is me and thatright now is who I can trust. The motel is the best answer I've got. I know I can defend it."

"What about the other people staying there? Aren't they a risk to you as well? Aren't you a risk to them?"

Dean was quickly reaching the end of his very short fuse. "Look I know you want to help and you think this is a good idea, but we need a door number three. I will not trust anyone else with Sam's life period, this thing has a long reach and a lot of power and as you pointed out you are always a step behind. I need to find a way to get a step ahead or we're not going to be able to stop this and I will not accept losing Sam. So if you have another option spill it otherwise when Sam wakes up I'm taking him out of here and I'll call you once I take care of the problem."

The two men sat in silent contest of wills. Dean knew he was going to win, there was no other option. Finally the older man looked away taking a deep breath and scrubbing his hands over his face. Holding his hand up in defeat he continued. "Alright, I get what you're saying...How's this for door number three...No protective guard, but a safehouse you can use as a home base. Far enough from neighbors that the locals remain safe but close enough that I can still come by and make sure you don't need any assistance. Then if you do need help we can get there. Can I get you to at least consider that?"

"Let me talk it over with Sam, when he wakes, see what he wants and I'll call you and let you know"

"I want your word that you will actually call me and tell me one way or the other and not just run off once he wakes."

"Ok." Dean said trying to avoid saying the more.

"No, I want your word Dean not an agreement. I know that if all you do is agree then you will have no qualms about picking up and leaving here without a thought. But I know you have a sense of...honor...and if you give me your word you'll stick to it...Please.."

"You have my word. One way or the other I'll let you know when Sam wakes up." Dean said quietly a yawn coming out right behind.

Shaking his head the Deputy rose to his feet. "Thank you..." as he opened the door he turned back and looked at Dean "Get some sleep I've got a feeling you're going to need it." and then he was gone.

As the door slid shut Dean turned his focus back to his brother. It appeared that for a change Sam's dreams were peaceful and Dean hoped that for once the appearance was not decieiving him. As he reclined the chair he was in as far back as it would go, he let his eyes fall closed, and moments later the only noise in the room was the soft breathing of the two brothers.


A/N: So I wasn't really sure where to end this, but as I worked on Chapter 10 I realized this was the best place to stop and let the boys rest up before springing them from the hospital and into impending doom! grin. Thanks again for reading and let me know what you like.