All y'all should thank my friend Seth for this chapter not being heavy and depressing. He demanded I went the sappy route so I tried my best though it gets a bit tense at the end.
Um, I don't know if I should warn but I suppose I will because people can be sensitive. Gabriel makes an internal remark about how he introduced Cas to sex which is stated to have happened when Cas was eight.
"You're a sap, Sam." Gabriel stated decidedly as they lay out under the stars on a beach. Dreams were fun. Dreams didn't have restrictions that the real world did. The wing he was currently sprawled out across shifted with ease, knocking him to the side. Gabriel made a protesting sound as he landed in the sand, struggling into an upright position and watching as Sam didn't bother checking on him, his full attention on the sky.
After a moment of consideration Gabriel crossed the space between them, careful of the wings as he crawled right on top of Sam, straddling the angel's stomach much to the clear unease of Sam who tried to move out from under him almost immediately. Gabriel grabbed Sam's arms when he tried to grab him, leaning forward and kissing him as he pinned them against the ground above his angel. It was becoming abundantly clear that Sam didn't like giving up control, which was fine, except it was also cutting away half the fun they could've been having. For just a moment Gabriel had control then Sam seemed to snap out of it and rolled them over with ease, pinning Gabriel beneath him and pulling apart to kiss down his neck. Gabriel groaned in frustration and squirmed under the weight of his angel to no avail.
"Damn it, Sammy. Up." Gabriel pushed at the angel's chest earning an annoyed sound but cooperation. Once Sam was sitting again Gabriel climbed into his lap and wrapped his arms around the angel's shoulders. "Why are you so damned stubborn?"
Sam smiled guiltily, not meeting his gaze.
"I don't care that you like being in control. It's fine. It's hot as hell. Is there any reason why you're so insistent on it?" Sam didn't look at him, wings curling into his back in a way Gabriel recognized as shy. Grinning, Gabriel leaned his head against the other man's. "C'mon, Sammy. There's got to be a reason behind it. Why are you such a top? Spill." Pausing and watching Sam's wings fidgeting nervously from the corner of his eye he grinned, "There's some way that you know what you're doing. So tell me, Sammy." Gabriel leaned back, hooking his hands behind his angel and watching as Sam ducked his head low. "Where'd you learn to fuck?"
The blunt question earned an uncomfortable look before he was given a hesitant answer. "When I was a fledgling, Balthazar snuck me into the Heaven of a nymphomaniac by the name of Arla. I learned about sex there."
"A nymphomaniac in Heaven?" Gabriel grinned at that prospect and Sam made an annoyed sound.
"Despite popular belief, a human's sex life doesn't damn them. There's more to it than that. If you hadn't sold your Soul, you would have gone to Heaven. You are still The Righteous Man."
"Right." Gabriel shifted slightly, then regretted it as it made him hyperaware of just where he was sitting. "Alright, so Balthazar gave you the angelic version of The Talk." Which was about on level with how he introduced Cas to sex, though he'd locked him in a room with porn on the TV. It'd been one of those TVs that didn't have buttons on the front and required the remote to function and since Cas had been eight at the time he hadn't been strong enough to shove the dresser away from the wall to unplug it. When Gabriel had finally freed him from his prison he'd found his baby brother blushing in the bathroom and it'd been hilarious. Of course their dad had been pissed, but it was what brothers were for. "Watching someone isn't the same as doing it."
Sam shifted slightly and Gabriel was forced to lift himself slightly so he could focus on the conversation. Sam seemed to catch the movement as he changed tactics, pulling Gabriel into a passionate kiss that ended with Gabriel pinned beneath him again. "Nope. Nope, Sam." Gabriel gasped out slightly, turning away and panting slightly, trying hard not to think about the fact that basically all of their clothes had vanished. He wasn't sure which of them was responsible for that but it was getting more and more difficult to focus on the conversation. "We were talking about how you know how to fuck me senseless. C'mon."
Pouting slightly, Sam continued. "As you've heard, some angels promise eternity to each other to avoid finding their Souls. I didn't. I hid."
"Because you didn't want to find me." Gabriel addressed and Sam nodded, pulling him into another kiss as if to say 'it was a stupid idea.' Gabriel indulged him for a moment before breaking apart. "Story, Sam. C'mon."
"That was later. When I was older. Up until my memories were fixed, I didn't have access to these memories. When we were fledglings we were told we couldn't indulge ourselves in the pleasures of the human flesh. We had to remain innocent until we found our Soul."
"But little Sammy didn't listen. Didn't stay innocent for me." Gabriel teased before reaching up and brushing his fingers through his angel's feathers earning a slight shudder from the angel.
"You didn't stay innocent for me." Sam retorted a bit breathlessly, fluttering his wings out behind him. "We didn't understand why it was forbidden. What was so special about the human flesh that we couldn't indulge in it? This was before I knew how to fly so I couldn't simply fly to Earth and try it. I wanted to know. I was curious. So I went to Balthazar." Sam curled his right wing around, brushing it down Gabriel's side and causing him to squirm away from the contact, laughter bubbling out. "Balthazar told me a secret that only he and several other angels knew about. Just like Debriel matched select angels for eternity, Balthazar had created a small pocket in one of the heavens with four empty human Vessels. Two males and two females. Balthazar brought me there with a cupid by the name of Idril. Idril taught me all the joys of the human flesh. That's how I know what to do, Gabriel."
"So you fooled around with another angel?" Gabriel summarized, pulling Sam into another kiss. They'd explained that the angels were brothers, and sisters, in arms. Not blood relatives. With that information it was easy to bypass any weirdness in the subject. Just two angels fooling around in Heaven.
"Simply." Sam agreed.
"You didn't explain why you're so controlling."
Sam shifted his wings, stretching them out before tucking them back close to his back. "I don't like giving control up, Gabriel. I adore you, I think I love you, but giving up control… it scares me. After everything I went through… Give me time, okay?" Sam asked him hopefully and Gabriel conceded. He could handle that.
"Under one condition."
Sam opened his mouth to ask 'what' no doubt but Gabriel cut him off with a passionate kiss that the angel eagerly returned.
A while later Sam and him were standing ankle deep in the icy ocean water, staring out across the dark ocean.
"I'm loving the beachfront, Sammy. Really, I am. I just can't help but wonder why we're here." Gabriel looked over and watched as Sam ran the edges of his wings through the clear water.
"Remember when I told you the first place I ever went on Earth was your gravesite?" When Gabriel nodded, Sam continued though he never actually looked over at him. "I was wrong. This was the first place I ever came on Earth. It's an island in what I believe is called the Pacific Ocean now. This was before humanity moved west. The earlier days. Samandriel would bring us here and he would groom our wings." With that Sam's wings drooped slightly but only slightly, as though he was trying to make himself not remember the damage of reality. "It was a safe place because humanity hadn't touched here. We weren't at risk of being taken by our Souls. It was peaceful." Sam stretched his wings out and looked over at Gabriel who was confused by the excited look in his angel's eyes. "Gabriel, I want to show you something but you have to trust me."
"I trust you." He found himself saying and suddenly was fully clothed again, Sam stepping into his personal space before wrapping his arms around Gabriel and stretching his wings behind him.
In almost an incident there was a massive rush of air and Gabriel's stomach nearly dropped as he clutched onto Sam, clinging to him desperately as they flew because that's what that was. Sam's wings were lifting them with the ease of a dream, carrying them up and into the sky, and it was no longer the dim glow of the moon shining on the earth but the bright glow of Sam's wings lighting the space around them. All Gabriel could do was cling to him as Sam flew. As they soared through the sky, through space, Sam flew and while Gabriel was well aware they didn't need to it was fun, it was exhilarating, after the initial shock wore off Gabriel carefully turned in Sam's hold, looking out across the vast emptiness of space. All the while Sam held onto him, they passed all of the planets, each of them big and beautiful and slightly terrifying in their own way. Humans weren't supposed to be here. They weren't meant to be here. And yet, here he was. Soaring through space with an angel. Sure, it was a dream, but it occurred to Gabriel that Sam had been here. Sam and Dean had talked about it. Were they going to Pluto, the planet that wasn't a planet anymore?
"Yes." Sam answered the unspoken question, tightening his hold on Gabriel as they flew further into the blackness, the only light that mattered was the angel that was clutching him to his chest. It was one of the most exhilarating feelings he'd ever experienced and it occurred to him that if he'd ever considered doing drugs again, they'd never amount to this, there was nothing that could beat the fearful reality of what he was doing, and no matter the fact that this was a dream, it was a dreamscape created by an angel that had seen all of it. It was as close to real as he would ever get and he fully intended to take advantage of that.
.-~*~-.
Sam's eyes snapped open and he sat upright in a singular move as someone pounded on the door. The second he was awake he became abruptly aware again of the fact that his wings were gone, and it wasn't easy but… it was easier now. If he basked in the memories of the dreamscape and everything that had happened, things were looking up. For the first time in thousands of years, he was content again and it terrified him. It was also something to grab onto with dear life because it was amazing.
"Rise and shine, Sammy!" Dean called from outside the door before he threw open the door. Though Sam hadn't realized it, Gabriel was awake too, and the second the door opened Gabriel pulled the blanket up so that it was covering Sam, part of his mind noted that Gabriel hadn't had the modesty to cover himself. The second Dean spotted them his eyes narrowed.
"Damn it, Sam."
"Morning to you too, Dean-o." Gabriel chirped happily and Dean pointedly averted his gaze from Gabriel, meeting Sam's gaze from across the room. That wouldn't happen, though. Dean wouldn't make him feel guilty for this because it was Dean's idea that they spend more time together in the first place and Gabriel was his Soul, a gift from their Father no matter how cursed the gift may be.
"Seriously, Sammy?"
"Yes." Sam answered honestly and his brother shook his head, shoulders slumping in defeat.
"Hey, Dean-o. I feel you should know. We fucked around in the back of your car first."
That got a much more negative reaction, in fact, Sam could practically see the ex-Archangel's non-existent wings rising up behind him as his angry glare settled on Gabriel.
"What did you say?"
"Your baby brother fucked me in the back of your car, if you want me to get more precise." Sam slipped himself off the bed, backing to the wall and watching in minor amusement as the scene unfolded. Absently he pulled a pair of jeans off the floor, sliding them on as he moved. It wasn't hard to guess where this would go and he knew Dean well enough to know that anything he might do to Gabriel wouldn't be truly violent. It was also clear that Dean was furious. Which was also fair.
A smile broke out on his face as Dean angrily flung a book resting by the door for Gabriel's head, the man dodging the flying object and falling onto the floor with an annoyed shout as Dean yelled. "You violated Baby!" Gabriel began laughing at the situation.
"Technically it was me and your little brother that 'violated' your car."
"Don't drag me into this." He spoke up softly, not wanting to actually interrupt them as another book was flung, Gabriel scrambling onto the bed as Dean approached him. A glance at the doorframe showed that Cas had appeared and was standing there half paralyzed as though he wasn't sure on which of their brother's to defend.
"Oh, Sammy's not getting off easy for this either." His brother shot him a glare and Gabriel's laughter increased.
"Your brother already got off, Deanarino."
Sam recognized the posture, the posture Debriel had once used on them when they were being uncooperative during training. Showing off his greater size. It didn't have the same effect here but it was still obvious.
"Gabriel, if you ever touch Baby again I will hand you over to Loki." Dean whipped sideways, glaring at Sam with no real menace. "And if you ever do something like that again so help me…" His brother trailed off and Sam nodded once, smiling in amusement.
"I promise I'll never fuck Gabriel in your car again." Sam told him boldly and his brother paled slightly at the blunt use of the word and Gabriel shot him a grin.
"You're tainting my baby brother. By Dad, Gabriel you're ruining my brother." Dean was searching him carefully before obviously finding whatever he was looking for. "If you ever touch Baby again, I'll murder the both of you."
"Of course you will, Dean." Gabriel laughed when Dean turned, glaring at him, before he turned back and made his way out of the room past Cas. Cas gave him a look and, reluctantly, Sam took his leave, trailing after Dean and listening to muffled yelling behind him, choosing not to tune in on it. Cas wasn't actually angry at his brother, he could feel that, if anything it was probably more amusement based.
Sam followed Dean in silence back outside, watching in enjoyment as Dean approached his car and muttered apologies about letting Gabriel violate her. Of course, with the separation from Gabriel he was becoming aware of everything again and, no, it had nothing to do with the energy of his Soul. It was just… easier around him.
"Sammy, why did it have to be Baby?" His brother asked and he was drawn from his thoughts.
"It was close." He answered simply and his brother grimaced. "It was your idea that I should spend more time with Gabriel."
"Not to fuck him in my car." Dean said, leaning against the door and crossing his arms. "Knowing Gabriel, what the hell lead to sex? He's not usually into virgins."
Sam smiled at that. The way he asked was curious though at the same time it looked like he didn't want to ask. Of course he'd already gone over this with Gabriel but it'd been different then. This was his older brother.
"Do you honestly think that all of your little fledglings were never curious about human sexuality? We may not have all flocked to eternity, we did… I believe the humans call it experiment."
Dean stared at him in bafflement and Sam simply smiled in return. Oh of course it'd been right to go to Balthazar about this. Dad only knew what Dean might've done if he'd heard. Or if them doing anything of the sorts had gone back to the other Archangels and Debriel had been pinpointed as knowing.
"How did I not know?"
"We were careful. We knew the punishment for not saving ourselves for our Souls but we were curious. Balthazar had a place in Heaven where we could go 'experiment' on each other." Sam explained as his brother shook his head.
"Freaking Balthazar. Raphael would've been so pissed at you. Or at me." Dean was chuckling though, shaking his head. "You sly little birds. I'm impressed. So which angel popped little Sammy's cherry?"
Sam blinked at him, not understanding the analogy but knowing it had something to do with the angels that he'd 'experimented' with. "Idril." Sam answered after a moment and Dean laughed, shaking his head.
"I remember Idril, one of the cupids. His wings were… silver and pink, right?" Sam nodded, smiling fondly at the memory of one of his lost siblings. "So how'd it work? Sparing the details."
"After we were told we couldn't 'experience the pleasures of human flesh' Balthazar brought some of us to Arla to experience her Heaven. Then some of us would get curious and return to him. He'd show us to another Heaven and there were empty Vessels there that we'd possess."
"I have to wonder where Dad went wrong with Balthazar."
"Maybe He went right with Balthazar." Sam countered and his brother considered that for a moment before shrugging.
"Maybe He did." Dean agreed after a moment. "I'm going to let go that you violated Baby this one time." Dean changed the topic and Sam was grateful, grabbing onto that. "If you do it again, though." There was no real warning in his voice. Sam wouldn't do it again, they'd decided a bed was much more conventional than the backseat of a car. Of course Sam didn't doubt that Gabriel had known that and had just agreed to the backseat out of spite towards Dean.
"How is it that you have been with them for years but you hate Gabriel?" Sam asked curiously and Dean blinked.
"I don't hate him." He defended after a second, "I just don't like him. You know him now, Sam but who he was when I met him, he was a selfish, bratty, dick who did a lot of stupid shit. The only reason he's not dead in a bathtub somewhere is because I knew his death would destroy Cas. Gabriel is screwed up, Sammy. Really screwed up." Dean paused, looking seriously uncomfortable now. "I think you're good for him. I just don't think he's good for you."
"That isn't your choice." Sam said, carefully thinking over Dean's words. Sam knew that Gabriel possessed a negative history, that he was a sinful human being by default though ironically The Righteous Man. Not that it changed anything. Just how bad had things been for Gabriel before they'd met?
"You're right. It isn't. The world's ending. Might as well make the most of it."
Sam paused, looking at his brother. "Are you going to make the most of it?"
"The most of it for me is sitting in Heaven. Besides. I'm under a celibacy oath."
Sam looked away, considering his next question carefully. "Dean, what do you remember about Lucifer? Before Lilith, I mean."
Pause, a glance at him showed Dean's slightly distant expression before he spoke again. "There was a time when Heaven was perfect, peaceful. The four Archangels were very close and I… Debriel wasn't the only Archangel that interacted with the lower ranked angels. They were a family back then. An actual family. Humanity might've changed Heaven but Lucifer's unhealthy dedication to Lilith destroyed it."
Sam listened to Dean's explanation of Heaven and something tore at his buried Grace when Dean made a point of not including himself among them. Dean was Debriel, their older brother. Just like, no matter how much Sam would deny it, he was still Samuel. Nothing could change that. But the way that Dean was blatantly excluding himself from The Host hurt. It was wrong. Dean was the most loved of the Archangels. Even without his Grace, it wasn't hard to imagine that if he asked most of Heaven would join his side.
"It doesn't matter anymore, Sammy. Lucifer's Fall broke Heaven."
"Do you remember Lucifer's Fall?" Sam asked without thinking, because that question was dangerous. Something he didn't want to risk bringing up. He never would have asked it on his own accord. It was a question that could risk the question of what Lucifer had shown him. To risk having to tell Dean that Lucifer didn't deliberately corrupt Lilith.
"I don't want to talk about the past, Sam. It's in the past for a reason." Phantom wings bowed slightly in submission and Sam internally winced at the sudden sharp reminder of what'd happened to him. "That reminds me." Dean pushed off the car. "We have another issue which I'm sure Gabriel didn't bother telling you about. Cas isn't Lucifer's Vessel."
"What?" Sam asked, confused. There wasn't anyone else- "Dalara." It clicked instantly, a terribly easy thing to understand with his knowledge of Lucifer's Fall. If she'd been honest when she said another angel had killed Lilly, Lilly, of all names that ultimately lead to her downfall and years in Hell for doing anything she could to get her back, it pieced together perfectly.
"Right." Dean agreed, giving him a curious look. "Cas is Samael's."
Samael. Why did they keep forgetting her? It made no sense. "Why do we keep forgetting her?"
"I think it's his powers. Raphael used him to wipe out half of Israel and the world forgot about it. Remember all of those angels that died that no one realized had died?"
Sam blinked, the reminder bringing the grief back to the front of his mind and sending him coiling back slightly as though he'd been hit. How did they forget? How could they forget that? All of those deaths…
"I think he affects everyone differently depending on how powerful they are. Which is a problem because there are only a few beings more powerful than him."
"The Archangels." Sam stated, piecing it together and grabbing onto the information, keeping Samael at the front of his mind. Not being able to remember something that powerful was a major problem, if not slightly terrifying. "Has anyone seen Samael?" Sam asked after a moment and Dean paused.
"Damn it. Yes. Cas had a dream about him." His brother shifted uncomfortably, mouthing a few words that Sam didn't read fast enough. "I need to find my Grace." Dean said suddenly, pushing past Sam and making his way inside. After a moment Sam trailed after him. Why did Dean need to find his Grace? Was he going to take it back? A hundred questions flooded his mind and just as quickly as he was reminded, Samael was forgotten again.
