Standard Disclaimers: So – I got to thank Kaira Sakamoto for this one. Without her quick, enthusiastic and detailed review I would have probably been content to let another four months go by without writing another chapter!
She's made the water as hot as she can stand. Not because she wants it that way, but because she feels she deserves some sort of punishment even if she doesn't have the passion to do anything that could be really damaging.
Of course, she ends up curled into a ball at the bottom of the shower stall, giving the water even more time to cool off. Not that she realizes the hypocrisy. She's too occupied with something else.
They are going to check.
They are going to check and they'll be told where to find the artifact.
They are going to check, they'll be told where to find the artifact and they'll find out about the Catalyst.
But that's where she stops, where the road of her thoughts hits a speed bump she just can't get by. She has no idea what happens after that, or whether they can possibly keep the Reapers and the Illusive Man from blowing up the Citadel long enough for the Crucible to be completed.
Even worse, she doesn't know what she needs to do next. She can't remember which missions took place after the Cerberus attack and there's a part of her that doesn't even want to try.
She is tired. So incredibly tired.
They are going to check…
They are going to check and they'll be told where to find the artifact…
She gives herself a hard mental shake. Stop it. Start from the top. Break it down. What needs to happen first? What needs to happen now?
Given the state of her fingers, she needs to get out of the shower. When Thane left with the others she'd been left to her own devices and disarray. The only privacy that was available was in the bathroom and, technically, she was due a shower anyway. It made sense. But hiding under the spray of water isn't something she can do forever.
She stands up, feels the rush of blood return to her legs and turns off the water. She dresses again, combs through hair with her fingers and eventually, edges out into the rest of the apartment.
Thane is sitting on the couch, typing into his omni-tool. He doesn't look displeased, but she's still cautious as she moves to sit, once more choosing the seat farthest from him.
"I hope you don't mind, but I think it's probably wise if I stayed here tonight," he says casually.
She blinks.
"Even if the Cerberus team at your house was acting alone, time has given them a chance to send re-enforcements. While it's highly unlikely anyone could have tracked you to this safe house, there's no reason to take the chance."
There is nothing she can say to that, so she nods fractionally.
He turns off the display on his omni-tool. And even though she's once more studying the pattern of the carpet, she can tell he's looking at her.
She reaches for the relative ease of their previous conversations and finds its hovering just beyond her reach. She tries to think of a nice, friendly question to ask to lure it back again. Something benign. Something not stupid.
"Though, it occurs to me that you probably miss having clean clothing or a hairbrush. I'm sorry. I hadn't realized you'd be staying here, so I didn't plan for it."
That statement makes her shift uncertainly. Clean clothing would be nice. Deodorant and a toothbrush would be even better. "It's okay," she says and smiles once more, "I've been through worse."
"Really?"
The question is easy, mildly curious and attentive. But the flashes of her time in the asylum, of waking up with drool crusted to her cheek and her hair so tangled that it was easier to tear it out than comb, are not things that lend themselves easily to words. Nor is how she'd spent this morning rubbing toothpaste over her tongue as well as her teeth, frantically anxious to avoid the sour taste of neglect. Still…
She shrugs, "I… there were times on Earth… sometimes money is tight…"
"I didn't know you'd spent time on Earth. Is money why you left then? To come to the Citadel?"
Lie. It's easy enough. She'd done it a hundred times before. To her roommates, to her employer. She even knows what words to use. I was looking for an opportunity to move on to something more. To see more things and meet new people.
But she doesn't want to. She swallows and looks up at him. Please don't ask me things like that. I don't want to lie.
There's no sign that he's heard her silent plea, but there's also no sign of impatience either. He's just waiting for an answer. An answer that a normal person should be able to give him.
Then it occurs to her that she just might… might be able to be honest. Or at least, mostly honest.
"I… sort of," she allows slowly. "I wanted to be in a position to help. Shepard doesn't go to Earth. Well, except when she's in prison. And… the only contact I knew for… Liara was here…"
Thane cocks his head to the side, "Exactly how long have you been here?"
"About a year," she says.
"So you arrived not too long before I saw you at the Normandy," Thane notes.
For a moment she doesn't understand. Then the pieces fall together as she remembers. Remembers running to the dock, desperate to find out whether Thane had survived the attack against the Collector base. He'd caught her staring at him and she'd nearly knocked down a stack of crates trying to hide from view. Eidetic memory or not, of course he'd remember something like that.
She pales.
"How's your shoulder?" Thane says quietly, and he's smiling.
No. He's teasing.
He's actually teasing her.
She confirms this with an incredulous glance and exhales the breath she hadn't even realized she was holding. Something that had been drawing tight in her chest, tugging at the edges of her, imperceptibly begins relaxing.
Nothing has changed. There are still a thousand things she shouldn't talk about, a dozen weaknesses and stupidities she needs to hide, and a hundred ways that things may come crashing down on her at any moment.
But… somehow…
She's being teased.
And she feels safe.
The girl straightens up in her seat and laughs.
