... ...
"What's going on here?"
I briefly glance up through my eyelashes. It's Raven, entering the tent with a puzzled look on her face. There's no room for explanation though, as Mom keeps giving directions on how to assist her. She hands me an IV bag.
Yet before I can raise my arm to keep it up high, I get distracted again. This time it's Luna, who suddenly lets go of Yumiko's hand and leaves the tent without a word, but with a disturbing expression and a firm tread, almost walking over Raven in her way out.
"Hey, watch it!" she shouts, while she's trying to keep her balance. "Jesus, whoever that was, I suggest we put her back to cryo-sleep asap!"
She must have missed the resemblance in the swiftness of it all. Since I remember them being pretty close back then, I can't think of any other reason why Raven wouldn't recognize her.
And then it hits me.
They were close. They had this understanding, this deep connection between them. Could it be...?
"Raven, come over here!" I call without further thinking. I shove the bag of fluids in her hands as soon as she's close enough. "Hold this up high!"
She does as I tell her, though she wouldn't be Raven for not asking questions. I get it, I would too, but again there's no time for answers.
"Later!" I vaguely promise her in the midst of walking away. Once outside it doesn't take too long to find Luna. She's standing on the far edge of the campsite, leaning against a tree with one hand, the other pressed against her chest. When I get closer I notice that she's panting.
I walk over to her, until I am about five feet behind her.
"You okay?" I quietly ask.
She doesn't turn around. Doesn't respond either.
I take another step forward, cautious, though unsure why.
"What happened in there?" I try again.
By the raising of her shoulders I can tell she's drawing a long breath - desperately trying to pull herself together. With her hand still against the timber she hangs her head.
"How?" she speaks up, though barely audible. "How do I have memories that aren't mine?"
"I- I don't know," I honestly admit. "Madi thinks it must have been the City of Lights. Alicia s-"
"Lexa," she interrupts me, her voice now loud and clear. Slowly, she finally turns around, her eyes boring into mine. "Her name is Lexa."
I nod.
We both stay quiet. It breaks my heart to see her this confused. This lost.
"I don't really know how any of this is possible," I tell her again, "But those memories, they are yours. You're not just Magna, you are-"
"No," she cuts me off again, shaking her head fiercely. "No!"
With two more steps I close the distance between us and rest my hand on her shoulder. To my relief, she doesn't push me away.
"You are Luna... Luna kom Floukru. And you know it."
Deeply exhaling, she shakes her head again, then abruptly drops herself to the ground. I squat down in front of her.
"I know remembering all this brings you back to a place, a darkness you don't want to relive. But you don't have to. You're not really there anymore. You're here now. You got another chance."
"Which I don't deserve!" She looks up at me. Her eyes are darkened, filled with pain. This time I'm the one to shake my head.
"You are one of the most heartfelt, diligent, compassionate persons I've ever met. You stood for your beliefs, and built this peaceful, selfless world. Taking care of those in need. How could that not deserve a second chance?"
She scoffs. "You forget about the part where I was about to destroy that world."
"After we destroyed you! Luna, if there's any blame, it's ours."
She stays quiet again.
"I know you've got a lot to process. A lot of feelings to deal with. Including those feelings of your final..." Suddenly uncomfortable, I swallow. "Please don't feel like you have nothing to live for. Cause you do." I point to the biggest tent, about eighty yards away from us. "She's right there."
Luna lets out a harsh breath and rises to her feet. "You're right," she says, looking down on me, "You are to blame."
Alarmed by the sudden calm in her voice I quickly stand up as well. "Wait! I- I need to ask you for your weapons."
She narrows her eyes. "You think I'm going to fight the people who are saving my girlfriend's life? If I'd wanted you guys dead for violently taking my bone marrow, I'd killed you all a long time ago."
She walks past me without waiting for my response. I hastily turn around.
"What about Octavia?"
Holding her pace she looks over her shoulder. "She did what she had to do."
The look on my face must tell her that her answer doesn't reassure me. Heaving another sigh, she turns and walks back to me.
"Listen, I just need some time, okay? To process, like you said, and to be with Miko. I don't want to harm anyone, and I don't think you want either." Before I can answer she gestures to the sky. The sun is about to set. "I don't reckon we're going anywhere tonight. You think we can trust each other?"
I press my lips together and peer into her eyes, trying to read her. I can't. I have to trust my instinct.
"Yes," I slowly nod. "Tell me what you need."
I might be wrong, but I think I catch the tiniest lip quiver. A hint of a smile? One of relief, maybe?
"I need to be me. Magna, I mean. To the people I've met. And not meeting anyone else."
"I might need to talk to Madi then. Don't worry, we can trust her," I rush to add. "She knows about Lexa, too. And she can make sure you guys will be left alone."
"Why on earth are people listening to that kid?" Luna frowns, right before I see the dawning realization in her eyes. "She's the Commander!"
I lift my shoulder in some half shrug and pull a face. I know how she feels about the subject.
"Come on," I tell her without going into the matter.
Together we walk back into the camp. There's a lot of people around now, there must have been at least forty on the last ride down here. Everyone is busy setting up tents and preparing for the night to come, but I'm still aware that we're easy to spot - and recognize - which is why I quickly dive back into the tent that's now serving as an OR.
By the looks of it Mom just finished. She's covering Yumiko with a thin sheet. Madi is still there. Everyone else is gone.
"Is she okay?" Luna asks from behind me.
Mom looks up at her. "She is," she softly smiles, "You can come closer. Take my place." She steps aside and averts her eyes to me. "We got the bullet out. She'll be fine."
"Great," I mirror her smile, "Thank you."
She opens her mouth, probably about to shoot the first of many questions she must have, but my eyes already meet Madi's.
"We need to talk."
Madi follows me outside without question. Once outside of hearing distance from everyone else we sit down on a fallen trunk. I lean towards her.
"Remember what I told you about Lexa?"
"How could I forget?" she snorts. Then, more eagerly, "What about her? Is she here?"
I smile, understanding her avidity. "Kind of. She's in the woods. This isn't about her though. We uh, we found out there are more like her. One, at least."
Madi stares at me, expectantly, clearly wondering where this is going.
"Octavia and my mom, they weren't wrong. Magna isn't just Magna. She's also Luna."
"Luna? The Nightblood that ran?"
"...and got eventually killed by Octavia during the final conclave," I nod.
A flash of terror crosses her face. "It's that why she's here? For revenge?"
I quickly move my hands to her knees, preventing her from jumping up and storming back to that tent, and shake my head. "No, she's not. She's not here to fight us. Any of us. She didn't even remember us, or herself for that matter, until she got here."
"So why did you bring her here?"
"Because we need her. Lexa and I. We need her."
Madi sits up. "And so you need us, too. How exactly?"
I brush my palms together, then bob my head towards the camp. "They both need to stay here for the night, in that tent, without anyone knowing. Or bothering them."
"What about you?" she asks.
"I'll go and find Lexa. Stay with her in the woods. I'll come back tomorrow to get them and bring them back home... somehow."
"You can't stay in the woods. It's not safe!"
"You know she doesn't want to be seen," I disregard her worries, "And I'm not leaving her there alone."
"Then we'll sneak her in," Madi determines. "You find her, then come back after dark. You can stay in the loading space, the one you can acces from the back. I'll make sure the door is open."
I hesitate. "I don't know, there might be people wandering around."
"I make sure they're at the camp. I call for a briefing, let's say in half an hour?" Leaning in to closely look into my eyes, she takes my hands. "Clarke, please don't stay out there!"
Defeated once again, I sigh. "I'll try."
With that promise I get up and make my way to the deeper part of the woods. As I'm trying to find the correct spot I suddenly realize it was only yesterday I was running here as well, about to find Lexa... who wasn't there. What if today is the same?
Somewhat to my relief it turns out there's no need to worry. She's there. Waiting for me. Finding her place in my arms as soon as she gets the chance.
"What happened? Is she okay?" Her warm breath hits my neck.
"Yeah, she is," I tell her, holding her close for just a little longer. "My mom was able to help her. But that's not everything. Luna, she... she remembered!"
Lexa frees herself from my embrace, her eyes wide open. "She did? How? Did she meet Octavia?"
"Shortly, yes. But nothing happened there. Not even a hint of recognition. Turned out it wasn't Octavia we needed. It was Raven."
"Raven?!"
"Which makes sense, actually," I continue, as a grin sneaks up on my face. "See, we were thinking about the last person, but I think it's not about that. I think it's about the person who means something. Who's important to you."
Slowly Lexa's lips turn into a smirk, telling me she must be thinking the same thing I am. "Like you are to me," she grins.
I take her hand. "Could that be it?"
"That must be it," she nods, "Cause you mean the world to me."
She pulls me in for another hug before I can say anything, and for a little while we just stand there, in silence and rapture.
"Come on," I say when I finally break our embrace, "I got us a place to sleep, in the back of the ship. It will be safe."
Going in a big circle around the glade, and hidden by the shadows of the trees, we sneak to the dropship where we hide in the bushes until it's completely dark. That's when we look around for a final check and quickly cross the open space between us and our shelter.
The heavy door opens with a pull of the lever and closes behind us with a firm push. There's a lock switch on the inside. There's also light, running on the generator, but it's connected to a small warning light on the control panel which might draw someone's attention. Madi must have realized that as well, cause she left three oil lamps, together with some blankets, food, and a basin with soap water.
A laugh escapes me.
"What?" Lexa asks, a curious frown furrowing her brow.
I tilt my chin towards the basin. "Madi," I grin, "When she was just with me, she loved running around bare feet. So we had this rule: 'You can get as dirty as you want by day, but your bed stays clean. We might be the last two people on earth, but we're still not animals.'"
She smiles at me, in that controlled but oh so genuine way, with only one corner of her mouth slightly moving, yet with her eyes lighting the room. "You raised her well."
"I tried," I shrug, and then we both laugh.
I pick up the lamps and light them one by one. As soon as they spread their typical, warm glow through the room, I turn around and switch off the light. There. We're out of sight.
Spreading the blankets on the floor, I create us an improvised bed. When I look up again I see Lexa standing by the basin, her back turned to me. She has taken off her shirt and washes herself with the sponge. I go stand behind her and let my finger glide over her spine.
"Your tattoo... it's gone."
"Born with a clean slate," she mumbles, almost underneath her breath.
I reach forward and take the sponge from her. Without a word I unhook her bra, exposing the skin underneath, and start to rub her back - slowly, like we've got all the time in the world. Which we do.
When I'm sure I got every inch of her back I move the sponge to her shoulder, then leisurely stroke it down all the way to her fingertips. She lifts her hand, stretches her fingers, welcomes and accepts me. Our hands for a moment lost in a silent dance.
As I finally switch to the other arm, I wipe her hair to the side with my free hand and brush my lips against the hollow of her neck. There's no scar. No sign of her ever carrying the flame.
It doesn't make her any less her.
I taste her skin. Her typical sweet and salty skin. Inhale her scent that's still so distinctively her, despite the heavy smell of soap that's now surrounding her. And, as she slowly turns around, drown in the green of her eyes like I've done so many times before.
"You're still you," I whisper.
Without taking my eyes off hers I lay my hands on her shoulders and let her bra slide off her arms. In the same pace as before I gently wash her chest, her breasts, her rib cage, before lowering myself to press a soft kiss on the smooth, unharmed skin of her belly. There's no blood this time. Just goosebumps.
"I'm glad you got to leave the bad behind."
She doesn't answer. Instead she makes me stand up and slips her fingers underneath the hem of my tank top. I raise my arms above my head. The top finds its way next to her bra within seconds.
Lexa takes the sponge from me, rinses it and starts washing Yumiko's dried blood from my hands and arms. She takes her time, like I just did, and I let her. Why wouldn't I? When she moves her wet hand to the sensitive skin around my belly button I shiver.
She looks up through her lashes. "Cold?"
I shake my head.
It doesn't take long before my bra hits the ground and her fingers find the button of my pants. As her eyes cross mine again I can tell she hesitates. I show her a small, reassuring smile, then pull her in for another kiss. With our lips connected she continues undoing my pants, before slowly sliding it down.
To step out of it I try to kick off my shoes without breaking our kiss. It's a hopeless attempt. Besides, Lexa already kneels down to help me out and, as it turns out, to wash my feet, my calves, my thighs, in the way she did before - exploring every part of me and slowly making her way back up again.
I try to stay patient, but my hand, now lightly resting on the top of her head, gives me away. I start to fidget, and when it takes too long, even pull. When she rises to her feet there's a smile lingering on her lips that tells me I don't have to worry. She has just started.
She reaches behind her and grabs the towel that's next to the basin. She dries me off, ever so slowly once again, then hands it to me to return the favor.
The next step is not hard to guess. As the towel finds its way to the growing pile on the floor our mouths find each other again. It's just a few steps to the spread out blankets, but we manage to lose more clothes along the way. All our clothes, to be exact.
As soon as we lie down, we find ourselves in an embrace, in an exploration of hands and lips, in a renewed discovery of each other's body, while our breathing is quickly losing control.
I want this to last for ever, but despite my clouded brain I can tell it won't. After all this time, all this build up, we're just too impatient. Too eager. When Lexa's fingers find their way to my throbbing core I know I'm down for the count.
She touches me, strokes me, electrifies me in a way no one else ever has, and no one else ever can. A deep moan escapes me. Throwing my head back I stretch and arch my back. She doesn't allow this distance between us though. Without pulling back she moves up, maneuvering her arm underneath my head, and tilting it towards her.
"Stay with me," she breathes, our mouths now only an inch away from each other.
Unable to control it, my body keeps writhing underneath her touch, but she manages to keep me close. To keep our eyes connected in those short moments between my heavy panting. God, I love how strong she is.
Gasping for the little air between us I raise my hips to meet her hand, to claim more pressure. She gives me what I want, and more, as she also increases the speed of her fingers. That's when I fall, over the edge, into a deep, mind-blowing bliss that keeps the world from turning.
Hardly able to breathe I slowly open my eyes to gaze into hers, as she's hovering above me. Her eyes blazed with love and passion. Her lips forming the most beautiful smile.
"You okay?"
I just nod. I'm more than okay.
For the first time since I lost her I feel like I'm alive again.
... ...
