Locke had never heard grown men weep so openly before.
Elfman cried frequently, easily, over the years, but this was different. The tears. The sounds. His father was the only one without tears in his eyes and, as they all stood or sat around, Locke keep kind of expecting to just wake up. From the dream. The nightmare. The horrible nightmare that he'd just experienced.
But this was no dream. No nightmare. This was reality and as he sat there, refusing to stare over at her body, just sitting, with his back up against the rocks she'd hidden the supplies behind, he kept feeling it. The tears. They'd well up and fall, some, but then dry and he'd think that he could breathe again, but then he'd glance over at her body and just…
His father stood before him, but Pantherlily, still in his large form at first, sat beside him, silently. He wasn't unabashedly crying, the Exceed wasn't, but the fur around his eyes was a bit wet and he knew death. Well. In the military. Before. In his other life. But this felt different.
It wasn't even that the feline felt some sort of extreme attachment to Haven. He felt like Locke thrived much better apart from her. But still, he'd known the girl since birth. Spent countless days babysitting both she, Locke, and Navi, and many more as the kids grew, training with the former two. It all felt so surreal…
"We should leave."
Gajeel was speaking softly, turning then to stare down at where the pair of them set. Lily was tiny once more, just staring down in a mix of disgust and shock at all of her blood that covered his paws, body, and pants. Locke didn't even look at the man though. Just stared off as tears, again, threatened to start falling once more.
"We need to let her family be alone." Gajeel's tone was calm and he wasn't growling, for once. It was almost soothing, maybe that was what he was going for. "Locke."
But he refused to do anything more than shake his head and insist, "I'm her family."
"Locke.."
Laxus didn't notice them anyways. Any of them. As his tears finished falling, he just fell back on his butt, beside her, as Elfman came over to stare down at her too and cry into his palms and moan while Freed stood beside him, tears rolling down his cheeks at first, but now just stains as he gazed down at her. Haven.
"She's gone. Laxus." When the man didn't move, Freed slowly, cautiously, did so, bending down and reaching out. As the slayer glared and toss him away, the rune mage's hand went nowhere near him. No. Just up, to Haven's face as he slowly, tenderly, moved to close her eyelids. This set Elfman off into another round of sobs, but Laxus was silent as he tensed, watching. Still, Freed found himself saying, "I will journey into the nearest town. I am uncertain, truly, of who we should contact with this. We have to...get her...back to Magnolia. How-"
"No."
"Laxus, we cannot just-"
"We're not taking her back." He reached up then, rubbing a palm into his scarred eye with a shake of his head. It didn't feel like him talking. Just someone else, speaking for him. "We're too far out."
"If it is cost-"
"Fuck you, Freed."
"L-Laxus-"
But he just shook his head again. "It's not the fucking cost, you asshole. It's… We're too far into the woods. And from home. Even to just get her out of here, they would… Whoever I asked to do it would… Her body… We're not taking her back home. We're...we'll have to...bury her here."
Elfman cried harder then, if it was possible, and his shoulders were convulsing and it was the worst thing Locke had ever heard. Or it would have been. Were Haven's final gasps not stuck in his head.
"You can't do that."
"Locke," Gajeel warned, but he didn't care. Jumping to his feet, he glared over at Laxus though the man wouldn't even spare him a glance.
"She has to go back home," he told his master. "She needs to go back home. We need to… We'll… Haven has to go back home. You can't leave her here. I won't leave her here."
Gajeel grabbed his arm though, when he tried to head over there and Lily was on his feet then, telling him to take a seat once more. Laxus was ignoring them though, all of them. His eyes were on his daughter's closed ones as he thought for a moment.
"Go into town," he told Freed as, slowly, he got to his feet. "We need shovels. And Elfman… Go pick a spot. Somewhere else. Close by. Can't bury her right here, near the podium thing that triggers… Go find a spot. Alright?"
As Freed nodded and Elfman tried to choke his sobs some, Gajeel released his grip on Locke's arm so he could come closer, to speak to the other slayer.
"You shouldn't dig your own daughter's grave." It was surely a sentence Gajeel never expected to have to tell another person. His arm changed then, to a shovel and Laxus looked dead, as he stared at him, making it hard for Gajeel to meet his eyes. "I'll do it. Me and the cat will. After your friend gets back with another shovel."
Laxus didn't speak to him, but did nod, some, and why were they all being so...so...forward? With all of this? How could they? How were they just moving on? So quickly? Clenching his fists, he seethed as he glared over at them.
"You can't do this," he told them all again, not caring as his father gave him a look over his shoulder. "You can't. I won't let you. You have to-"
"Haven never wanted to be in Magnolia, Locke." As Laxus spoke then, to the younger man, he shoved passed Gajeel some, approaching the man's son instead. "I'm not going to entomb her there for the rest of eternity. She doesn't belong there. She never did."
"So she belongs here?"
"She belongs in the open." Laxus was in front of him then and he wasn't glaring, like Locke was. No. He just looked very tired. "Where she do whatever she wants to do."
"She would want to be with me."
Laxus reached out then and, as Locke lowered his head, tears falling straight down now, onto the scorched ground where some of that black lightning before had touched down, the older man patted first at his shoulder and then cupped the back the other guy's neck. Softly, truthfully, he told him, "I'm sorry, Locke."
So was he.
Pantherlily went with Elfman, to find a spot, and Gajeel muttered something as he went off, after Freed was gone, to see if he could find the other one. The other guy. Ravan. Everyone had forgotten about him, in all the bedlam, but he could be hurt as well. Locke visibly tensed, at the sound of his name, but Laxus said nothing about it.
Yet.
It wasn't the time.
He couldn't be found though. Gajeel said he lost the trail some ways off and, when he came back, Elfman was no longer tearful, but he and the Exceed had picked a spot.
"I'll go start diggin'," Gajeel said and sounds was sparce then, between all the men.
No one found they had much to say to one another and, well, the heavy situation said enough for all of them.
Laxus and Locke stayed where they had been, the whole time, both sitting now, kind of together, maybe, by the rock. Neither spoke and Laxus seemed gone, really, lost in his head, but Locke just kept thinking about how much he hated it. All of it. But mostly himself.
He'd dedicated his entire life to getting better at being a medic. At learning every spell. Making new ones. Discovering and training and for what? So he couldn't heal the only person in the entire world he wanted to?
The slayer's mind was gone though. Away from the clearing. How was he going to go home? Tell Mira about this? Explain this to her? To any of them? How was he going to tell Marin that her sister was dead? Explain to Ajax that his cousin wasn't coming back home? Look himself in the mirror each and every morning and fuck.
Fuck.
Haven…
When Freed returned with two more shovels, Laxus rose to take him to where the others were. But first he went to stare down at Haven's body.
"I will fetch Elfman," Freed whispered. "He can carry her to-"
"I'll do it." Laxus was gentle as he did so, bending down to gather her in his arms. "I have her."
The last time Laxus had carried Haven was...was...was when she wasn't quite a teenager yet, not really. She was bothering the other kids in the hall, like she always did, and she and Locke were fighting and he hit her. Too hard. She knocked her head into the ground awkwardly and passed out. He carried her up to the infirmary. Before that...when she hurt her leg. When they were training. A year or so before that. And then...then…
"I have her," he insisted again as he stood there, staring down at her. "Freed."
"I know."
Locke stood then, alone, as they carried her off, and he didn't want to get left behind. For her to be out of his sight for too long. But still, as he rose, he moved to grab her pack from where it sat and take it with them. He saw Ravan's there, beside it, and with something of a choked growl, he started stomping on it, over and over again, and he would kill him.
He would kill Ravan.
He had to.
For Haven.
His father was very busy on the hole when he found the others and, with the other two shoves, Lily in his full form and Freed assisted, Elfman tagging in at times as Laxus stood about, walking around. Nervous, almost, it felt like.
None of them had slept well in days and everything was in autopilot then. Falling down once more, now that he was back with the others, Locke sat Haven's pack beside him, staring down at it. No one seemed to notice him or care about his actions. They were all absorbed in their own.
Slowly, he opened it and, as the wind blew around him, he remembered doing the same, in Crocus. Seeing her plans there. Stopping them. If he hadn't...if he'd let her go through with it...maybe she'd be rotting away in a prison cell right now instead of…
He found lots of med stuff and the lacrima, all of which he took out, digging deeper. Clothes. Jewels. Not many. Maps and papers. Beneath that though, he was surprised to find little folded up sheets of paper. He recognized some immediately. All the envelopes were gone, but the actual letters, some from him, others from her family, were all there. Folded and creased multiple times as she'd gone of them more than once and it hurt. It all fucking hurt so much.
The sun was beginning to set when the men had an deep enough hole and Laxus felt himself start to hyperventilate a bit, when he went to stare down into it, just from the thought of it. Putting her in there. He wasn't going to be able to. He couldn't he had to...he had to...do something. Else. Something.
They took a break though, the others did, before...before. And everyone was kind of standing around, feeling numb, as Locke only sat there, going through the letters he'd written her, thinking about what Haven thought or felt, when she read them. Wondered how many times she did. He'd worried in the past that she really didn't. Skimmed it at most. But all the creases told him she'd been just as obsessed with them as he was with the ones she'd sent.
"Should we...say words now?" Pantherlily asked, more to the group as, in his tiny form once more, he was now covered in both grit and blood. Mostly though, his eyes fell on the Master. "Or would you like for us to wait? Not say anything at all?"
Laxus had lost his voice again as his pacing led him to standing over here, staring down. He had nothing to offer anyone.
Coming over as well, Elfman was out of tears, now just sweaty and tired and lost, like them all, but in a different way. Softly, he spoke more to himself than the assortment of guys around as he said, "Haven was such a sweet and good and kind baby. I...I remember how much she liked it. When she was little. When I'd carry her around on my shoulders. She don't like it much now. Or she didn't. I guess. But… I liked it. I'm never gonna have a kid of my own, ya know, and I always kind of thought...well… I love Haven. I don't know what I'm gonna do without her. Even if she wasn't around much now, I could always think of her out there, doing her own thing. Now when I think of her, I guess I'll just...have to think of her being here. And I don't know if I can do that."
It was twinged with awkwardness, the laugh Freed gave then, as he wiped at his brow and grinned solemnly at the muscular man. To him, he remarked, "I remember, once, I asked her why it was that she was so convinced that everyone was out to get her. Why she thought that we all went through so much, for her, only to wanna see her fail. You know what she told me? Haven looked me right in the eyes and asked me why I was asking. And what I was hiding. That, clearly, there had to be a reason I was so interested. She was bright. Even if her ways weren't, at times, she always was."
Pantherlily wiped his paws on his pants then, only serving to get everything all smeared together, but it was no matter as, with a soft grin of his own, he said, "I'll always remember how fearless he was. Haven. We might not always have seen eye to eye, sure, but no one can take that away from her. Ever. Once, I was watching the children and turned my back for a moment, just one, and found that she'd scaled up the little drainage pipe, outside, near where we were playing, to climb it all the way up to the roof. One of the kids had kicked a ball up there. No fear. Never. Didn't want things the easy way, either. Could have just asked me to fly up there. I would have. But no. Haven decided she was going to get it, on her own, so that's what she did. She was hardheaded, but...but she lived her own way. Always. And you can't fault someone for that."
Everyone could nod along with that. Agree with it. And, as he stared overhead, at the orange light the sunset cast on them, Gajeel ran a tongue over his teeth as he said, "I didn't like her much. Haven. She didn't like me. We were too much alike, I guess. Like ya said, Lily, she'd hardheaded and I… But I don't care none, what nobody says. I trained that kid. Worked with that kid. She was a shit head sometimes, but we all are. She was bad, Haven was, but she was good too. How it should be. I remember, I'll always remember, that day I almost beat the shit outta her. She and Locke and I were trainin' and she was talking shit to me. Some real serious shit and I was so aggravated with her that, when she came at me, I knocked her one good, in the head. Locke, you were pretty pissy at me, remember? But Haven just looked at me, just like her fucking mother, a fucking demon, she told me that she'd get me one day. One day she'd take me out. She swore it, before she ran off, and, well, I laughed then, but seein' that lightin' she had goin', even from a distance… Wish we'dda had a chance, Haven. Just once. 'cause no one had as much drive as you, kid. Not even the fuckin' Salamander. If this didn't get ya, somethin' else wouldda. She never knew when to quit. Didn't care about her own well-being none. She was on a mission. She wanted it. To get stronger. Be the best. And she'd tear us all down. If she could get to it. It's just...a shame. The whole thing. This is a real shame. But fuck it, huh? There's nothing she would have been happier about than this moment. Hearing us all. Talking so good about her. Haven. No one thought higher of her than she did herself and to know that we thought so highly of her… If she's still here right now, she'd probably be smirkin' about it. Sneering. But I don't think none of us would mind, just this once, if she was."
Everyone was looking to him then as silence fell once more, Laxus, but he was still silent and Locke, finally, found his feet. But it wasn't to speak. No. As he walked passed them, he went over to her body then, still as shocked to see her there, so still and peaceful and...and...but he fell to his knees, one last time, and he heard his father grumble his name and saw that Master's fists clinch when he reached down, but Locke take both the pendants that hung around her neck. The gemstone and lightning bolt pendant. As he rose, his red eyes found the Master's and, over Haven's dead body he handed back the bolt with a tremble in his approach.
As Laxus slowly moved to take it, Locke said, "She went to Bosco. Haven did. And got captured. And she didn't tell me it all, but I think… She was real upset with me. And you. For not coming to get her. Because we didn't know."
"What," Laxus whispered as he found his voice once more, "are you talking about?"
But Locke merely shook his head. "I promised her I'd come. If she ever needed me. And I came, this time, and she still fucking died. I couldn't save her. Help her. I-"
"It's not your fault. Locke." Lily couldn't look at him though. "You can't heal something like that. None of this is your fault."
"I know." He swallowed some, glancing around at the others before saying, "It's Ravan's."
"Locke," his father warned, but this hadn't worked all day. No. His father had no hold on him any longer.
"She was going to stay with me." As he dropped his hand, clutching the gemstone in his hand, his eyes fell down, away from Laxus and to his daughter, there. Dead. Dead. Dead. "We were going to live together and figure shit out. Then Ravan came back and took her on this stupid… And he left. He left her. To die. After making her come out here. After tricking her into coming out here. Haven shouldn't be dead. He should."
But no one there really had any allegiance to the other guy. At all. The only one who might take up his cause was lying between her father and boyfriend, dead.
Locke brought the necklace up then, to his face, glancing from it to Haven. Then, softly, he said, "I remember it all. All of it. Especially this. I'll never forget this. And I'll never forgive him."
There was nothing for Laxus to share. To say. He didn't want to. Not to them. These people. Even his brother-in-law and his brother in spirit, Freed. No. Nothing that he said would make a difference and all the things they were feeling then, even Locke, paled in comparison to him. What he felt. What he was thinking. Remembering. Recalling. Haven was his child. His baby. She changed him, completely, and to know that he was never going to get a chance at it, to make up with her…
The last thing he said to her, threatened her, really, about hanging around his guildhall…
It would have been better had she died, somewhere far off. Years ago. Before he ever saw her again. While she was out in Fiore. Before Crocus. Maybe even the second she left Magnolia. Just long enough to read his letter. If he was never going to get a chance to make up with her, to see her grown, matured, in a stable life, then he'd have rather those been the last words that he imparted on her.
For someone who lost so much in his life, who had so many people die, leave him, how could he have been so foolish? So stupid? To not have realized how close Haven always was, honestly, to this. To ending up like this. Why didn't he just ask her to come back? To stay? Why? She was the one person in his life that he wanted, deep down, to want him. To like him. To care about him. The same way he did her. The same way he loved her. He drank so he didn't think about it, so he didn't think about a lot of things, but mostly, he just wanted he and Haven to talk again. Just talk. Normal. Not yell or snap or even say something sentimental or loving or any of that.
He just wanted to talk to his daughter again.
Even just about the weather.
Over a beer, maybe.
Or at the kitchen table.
Over dinner.
He'd had so many chances to just end things. Why? Why did he have to be such a fucking child about everything? Huh? Haven was a brat, fine, she'd always been one, but he could have just sucked it up.
He could have apologized. For whatever it was that he'd done. It didn't matter.
He'd say it now. If it made her feel better. If it woke her up. If it changed things. Fixed them.
Because he was sorry.
He was.
Haven.
Laxus was so fucking sorry.
Gajeel said something about how he shouldn't be the one to put her down there, in the ground, but Laxus wanted to lift Haven, one last time, into her arms and Locke couldn't want. Turned his back to the scene as Freed stood in the grave, helping Laxus to lower her down.
"She's finally," the rune mage offered them all as he climbed out and left the woman behind, "at rest."
She never had been before.
They all hoped she found it much better than she did the rest of life.
Laxus walked away, when they started to toss the dirt over her. He disappeared, into the forest, and no one went after him. When he returned, it was with a large stone, which he tossed to the ground before holding his hand out.
It scared him a bit, Pantherlily, who was supervising the three men as they tossed dirt over the girl, Elfman crying while Freed and Gajeel just tried to toss the morbid feelings away, when Laxus shot lightning into the stone. Carving into it. As thunder boomed over head, he didn't write a date or a name. No. Just a simple zigzag across the stone. A lightning bolt.
When they were done and the hole was filled and Haven was separated from them, he carried the heavy stone over to the head of the grave, sticking it in the ground. Without being prompted, Gajeel turned his hand into a mallet and drove it into the ground for his Master, shaking it once, to be certain it was steady.
There was exhaustion, in the others, and after sitting around for a bit, following this, Freed finally made mention of something.
"We must get back," he told Laxus gently. "Before… If Ravan heads home… We do not wish for him to be the one to-"
"You're right." Laxus still felt a tug in his heart. A desire. To not leave. To stay. Forever. There. But he knew he couldn't. He had to get home, before Ravan did. To tell Mirajane. So someone else didn't carry that burden. "It's time to go."
Elfman cried again, one last time, and Freed stood beside him, patting at his shoulders. Gajeel and Lily thought, again, to give the family a moment, but Locke wouldn't budge. Just stood there now. Over her makeshift grave, clutching their shared, first reward from the first, real, serious job they'd ever taken.
After patting at the rough gravestone Laxus had crafted, Elfman whispered his goodbyes before turning to walk off. He knew he had to get home. To his sister. And Ever...Lisanna… He had to be strong, when he got there. A man. He'd have to help them through this.
Laxus just wanted it to be over. Finally. All of it. To just end. He needed a drink and to be home. Where he could grieve. Truly grieve.
He needed to be alone.
So he walked on after that, without saying anything to her, trapped beneath the ground. He knew it would do no good, even if he did. Haven wasn't there anymore. She was gone.
Gajeel looked to the cat, thinking he would have to be the one, to get Locke to come on. To follow. But no. As they stood there, over her, just the two of them, Freed offered something to him in place of the blonde.
"She lived as she died," he told him simply. "How we all should go. Valorous. Brave. Courageous. But true to herself. Always. Haven changed for no one. Her entire life. Maybe every choice she made wasn't the right one. Maybe she died with some regrets. But at least she died knowing she never betrayed herself. And surrounded by all those who cared for her most. It will be harder, in the coming days, but eventually, this will bring you some comfort. I assure you."
Locke wasn't so sure. Still, Freed turned to walk off and then he was the only one there, the last one, and softly, he muttered something about how he'd be back, later, before going to gather up her pack stuff and follow along his father and Exceed.
Going on the train in their current state was a none option. They rented a room from an inn and each took turns, showering off. It was kind of awkward, but necessary, if they were going to get on a train. It was a long, silent hike to a station, which they got to at the next day break.
Laxus didn't even feel sick, when this happen. He was already feeling so low. Most everyone was so exhausted that, on the train, they all slept for the duration.
When Locke awoke, it was with a start and he wanted it off of him. Her blood. He panicked some, blinking in fear to find none of it there anyways and Lily just whispered things softly to him until he settled out once more, resting his head against the window beside him, and stared miserably out as the passing scenery.
No one was in a good place when they made it back to Magnolia. Freed mentioned something about how he should head on, on the train, if Laxus would allow for it. Following Erza's involvement, he'd learned a bit about the gauntlet and knew Haven and Ravan had been in contact with some administrators for it and felt like he should inform them, of her death. Laxus agreed, but mostly because he wanted the least people around as possible.
He was dead, inside and out.
"I should go see my sis," Elfman whispered softly as they stood around the station. As a group. "What day is it? Do you think Mira will be...working? Or-"
"Go tell the others. If they're not at the hall. They should hear it from one of us," Freed told him before he went to get a new ticket and head out on his ways. "Bickslow, Lisanna. Evergreen. Don't let them hear it from someone else. Laxus...Laxus should speak with..."
He was.
He knew Mirajane would be at the guildhall. She had to be. She'd know he'd come there first, following all that happened, and was probably waiting for...for...for…
"We should go home. See your mother," Gajeel tried to tell Locke, but fuck that.
He was going to the hall.
Pantherlily and his father reluctantly followed.
Everything seemed so normal. There. At the hall. Even from the outside, there were just people freely milling about and it was obvious that no one knew. So Ravan hadn't been around. Hadn't told anyone. People even called out to them, as they came through the doors. But Laxus' eyes only fell to one person as Locke's found another.
"Laxus!" Mirajane beamed at him as he slunk over to her, his face dark, but that wasn't too odd, his wife felt. At all. She had an empty serving tray under her arm and was just so happy. So excited. To see him. "You're back. Where's-"
"Mira." He grabbed her arm, stiffly, pulling her to him. "We need to go somewhere. To talk."
"About what?"
"Now."
"Laxus-"
"Mira, I'm telling you, come into my office with me. Now. Or come home. Please. We have to talk about-"
"Where's Haven?"
"Mira-"
"Where," she demanded and she was trying to jerk her arm away then, but he had a vice grip on it, "is Haven, Laxus?"
"Demon..."
"Where?"
"We need to be alone."
"Tell me. Laxus. Tell me. Where's Haven?"
But he couldn't say.
Something was brewing though, over his shoulder, as Kai and Marin sat beside Erza, him happily discussing the winter fishing scene as the two women sat beside, all eating their dinner together as the youngest Dreyar daughter took her break. Marin had been quite worried, the past few days, but Kai's mindless chatter had a way of draining fear from her. He was so carefree, it was hard not to be the same around him.
When Locke approached their table, Kai had something of a greeting on his tongue, for the older guy, but it died in his throat as the elder grabbed his roughly and threw him from his chiar.
"Hey!" Marin stared in shock at Locke who only lorded over the younger guy, fists clinched and jaw set. "What's wrong with you?"
"I'll fucking kill your brother, Kai, and you, if I ever fucking see him in this hall again. You hear me?"
"W-What?" Confused, Kai looked from Locke to Gajeel, who was rushing over to place a hand on his son's shoulder. "What happened? I don't know anything about-"
"Leave him alone!" Marin was up then too, to stand between the two guys, and she looked deadly then, a glare in her eye aimed at Locke for the first time in her life. But no one hurt Kai. No one. "What's wrong with you? Huh? What-"
"Laxus! Tell me!" Mirajane's crying was heard then and Laxus wasn't just gripping her arm, over by the bar, but having to hold her up, truly, as she knew, she could tell, as he just shook his head at his wife's question. "No. Laxus. You were supposed to bring her home."
"What's going on?" The bar was falling silent, but Erza only stood, questioning this from anyone who had an answer. "Tell me. What has happened?" Then, glaring at Gajeel, she asked, "Where's Ravan?"
But no one would answer her. And Locke didn't even glance her way. Or at Marin. Glaring over her shoulder, he said to Kai, "I'll kill him. You hear me? So tell your fucking brother he doesn't belong here."
"Leave him alone!" Marin pressed both hands into Locke's chest, shoving him away, and he only snorted in response.
"Locke!" That was one voice that could stop him. He swallowed some as he found that his mother wasn't at home; she was there and coming over. When she tugged at his arm, he only turned his dark eyes onto her. Levy frowned some and maybe it was already clear, maybe it wasn't, but still found herself asking, "What's going on?"
"Haven's dead." A hush fell over them all, at Locke's words, save Mira's sobs into Laxus chest. Still, Locke only looked back over at Kai, gaze hard as he added, "And it's your fucking brother's fault."
"That's not true!" Kai shoved up then as Marin felt weak and looked all about, as if she'd see her sister somewhere, there, somewhere, because that couldn't be true. No way was that true. Kai was glaring though, at Locke, as he insisted, "My brother didn't do anything! You're a liar! Shut up, Locke! You're...you're… You're lying!"
"Where's Ravan? Someone one tell me. Now! Where is Ravan?"
Erza swallowed heavily at still being given no answer. Shaking her head, she turned then to run from the hall. She had to find him. Get to him. No matter what happened, what the truth was, she needed Ravan. To know where he was. His safety, regardless of Locke's words, meant more to her than anything.
The air was heavy in the hall and Laxus was finally getting Mirajane to move with him, out of the bar area and to the back. Away from the others. All of them. Like he'd wanted to begin with.
Locke stared after Erza for a moment and when he looked back, Kai was just standing there, tears in his eyes already, and Marin was standing at his side, them falling from her own and he felt horrible. On top of all the shit he already was going through. Kai was just a boy and Marin was Haven's little sister. His little sister, almost and he reached out for her then, to try and explain, but Marin was turning to Kai instead and Gajeel grabbed him tightly that time, dragging him away.
"You need to leave," he told his son as questions were flying around the bar then. "Now."
He drug him outside, Levy and Lily following, and when Locke broke away from him, he didn't try and enter once more. No. He did need to leave. He needed to get far away. From all of them. He needed to be alone.
But no one wanted him left alone.
"Go with him," Levy told Pantherlily as, sprouting his wings, he flew after Locke. She was still in something of shock, honestly, and it hadn't hit her really, what all had gone on, but as she stood by her husband, she did feel something start to turn inside of her as realization set in. Swallowing, she added, "And bring him back home. Our home."
Locke ran for awhile thought, dodging people in the early evening as he escaped the city, Lily following faithfully behind him, just to get away from it. All of it. All of them. It was only once he reached the safety of the woods that he stopped and even then, he only slammed his fist again and against into a tree trunk as, slowly, Lily landed in the grass nearby.
"He killed her," Locke insisted to him eventually, but only once his knuckles were bloodied and the pain in them outweighed the one in his heart. "Ravan. He killed Haven. It's fault. It's all his fault."
"I know." Nodding his head, Pantherlily offered no defense. "I know."
The Exceed convinced him, eventually, that it would be better for him, if he went back home, to his parents. At least for the night. Being around other people would be helpful, the Exceed insisted, but Locke knew they just didn't want him to do something stupid.
Pain was harder to escape though, there, as Haven was entrenched far more in that house, to him, than she was his apartment. He felt wrong and incomplete as his mother held him and sobbed into his neck and his father kept giving him these...looks and it was just horrible.
He wanted to go to bed.
But it wasn't as if things were much better there. His childhood bedroom was pretty intact, save a few things his mother or father had tossed in there now that he wasn't around to use it, and when, after tossing a box of things to the floor, he fell into his bed, it was hard not to note he was doing it alone.
Back at the guildhall, Laxus kept waiting for Marin to come join them. In the office. As Mira kept crying and he tried, softly, to explain to her what he could, he wanted his daughter there as well. Had someone been around, like Ever or Lisanna, this would have happened. They would have sent her there. But Marin was left alone, in the bar area, and as everything kind of came crashing down, Kinana came to tell her that she was going to close the bar for the day and that she should go be with her parents, but Marin didn't want to.
At all.
Kinana couldn't force her.
Her aunts or uncles could, but not Kinana.
No.
"We should go home," Kai said through his tears and Marin agreed, wiping at her own. "Erza will know what to do."
Because neither could believe what they'd been told. At all. Marin knew her sister couldn't be dead and Kai knew his brother couldn't have had something to do with it.
The woman was at the house when they got there, pacing about as she waited for him to call for her, on the lacrima. Erza was a wreck as she was whispering to herself softly and was all jittery. Concerned. At the sight of the teens though, she only came to toss her arms around both of them with a long sigh.
"Haven can't be dead," Kai insisted to her and he sounded sure of it. "Her dad was there and Ravan and Freed and… Erza..."
"I don't know, Kai, anymore than you do," she sighed as Marin leaned into her cool armor and tried to imagine it. What it would mean. If her sister was...if she was...dead. But she couldn't. No matter how hard she tried.
Maybe Haven was gone now, a lot, fine, but the idea of never seeing her again, not hearing her voice again, listening to her talk about all the fantastical things she'd done that, even if they were embellished, made Marin feel like she'd been there too. Almost. Kind of. She could picture it, anyways.
Haven couldn't be dead because if she was that meant that Marin didn't have an older sister anymore and if she didn't have an older sister any more, then who was going to tell her to get stronger? Who was going to gripe when she didn't? Who was going to tell her that working at the bar was lame and that she was lame and look, Marin, at this new spell I learned. Bet you wish you could learn something cool like that, huh? Cheater magic. Marin had cheater magic and Haven didn't need that to get strong and be amazing and great and she was going to be someone, one day, and people would talk about her, just as much as they did the Salamander or their mother or their father or Erza or...or…
"Haven's dead." She lifted her head then, to stare up at Erza. Blinking back her tears, she said, "Locke wouldn't lie about that. Maybe about Ravan, but not… She's dead."
Dropping her arm from around Kai, both of Erza's came to cup Marin's cheeks and, nodding slightly, she could only whisper, "Yes. She is," because it was rather obvious and to pretend as otherwise did none of them any good. Still, softly, she wrapped both arms around the teen as, finally, Marin truly cried, really, the shoulder shaking, breath gasping kind, and she didn't have an older sister anymore.
She never would again.
Elfman wished though, that it wasn't true. That he wasn't bearing that knowledge. That he hadn't been there, with them, when it happened. So he didn't have to be the one to tell the women. He went home first, where he found Evergreen drinking and flipping through a magazine. He just stood there, looming, in the doorway of their dining room, watching her. Silent.
Eventually, this annoyed the woman and when she called out for him to either come in or go away, he started again. Crying. He thought he was out of tears, but this was far from the case and when she frowned, questioning what was wrong now, Ever took note of the sound. It wasn't his usual, overly dramatic tears then, no. These were sobs. Deep and full of mourning.
It was weird. Evergreen never really considered it, honestly. What it would mean. If something ever happened to one of them. Marin and Haven. She'd never really liked kids, never wanted them, and had never had them. The perfect life. She wasn't married to their uncle and had no true blood relation to their father, but she'd felt like an aunt towards each of them and acted as such since the moment they were born. Haven, somewhere along the way, they lost base with one another. Yes. That was a good way of putting it. Their personalities just clashed was all. They were alike, really, in certain ways, as they took enjoyment in depreciating the value of those around them, this attitude rubbed Ever the wrong way on a child. Sardonic on an eight-year-old just felt like brattiness and, well, Ever didn't have time for that.
That didn't mean that she didn't care about Haven. At all. It was just...Evergreen had a hard time openly showing love for those that she'd spent years building relationships with. Displaying interest, even, in Haven was exhausting and she fought those who wanted what was best with her, and they were all excuses, Evergreen felt, every single one of them in that moment as Elfman stood there, crying and explaining and none of them stood up. In her mind.
None of them mattered.
Haven probably died thinking she hated her.
Or worse.
She'd died and not thought about her at all.
"I have," Elfman moaned into his hands, "to go tell Lisanna."
Evergreen nodded some as she stared down into her glass of wine, silent and remorseful.
"I'll go with you," she offered eventually and, well, he needed the support.
The worst case scenario either saw playing out was that Ajax was around. Neither wanted to be there when that went down. But somehow, there was something that was equally as unpleasant.
Bickslow was out. Since Natsu had gone out on a job, the seith had taken his son and the twin Dragneel boys with him, to go train and camp and just hang out.
"Guy stuff," he'd told Lisanna and she was pleased with this because it gave her a chance to be all alone in their cramped little apartment.
She was soaking it in too, when there was a knock at the door. She about didn't answer. She could tell from the heavy knock just who it was and, well, Lisanna didn't want to deal with it. Elfman. She figured he and Evergreen had had a fight and she was sorry for that, but Mirajane was all flustered, down at the bar, waiting for her daughter to come home. Their older sister was definitely the person to deal with the man that day.
"Lisanna," she heard him call out though. "I know you're in there. Open up."
He sounded weepy and, well, it wasn't like she could completely ignore him. She had to at least open the door and tell him to buzz off; she was enjoying her day.
But they were both there. When she opened the door. Elfman looked miserable and Evergreen hadn't cried, not once, but she had this heavy look about her and, well…
"What happened?" Lisanna asked as her thoughts immediately went to her husband and son. But Elfman just shook his head some and opened his mouth, trying to speak, but it was just too hard. He didn't want to do it again.
"Come here." Evergreen gently pushed passed the woman and into the apartment. "We have to talk."
For the longest time, Haven was a daughter to Lisanna. As much as Mirajane or Laxus. He was gone a lot, when she was a baby and, once, for an entire year. Lisanna was there with her sister, every night, keeping the baby and holding down the fort. It wasn't until eh had a son of her own, really, that she felt that distance between she and both girls, honestly. That they became more like what a niece should be, rather than daughters.
Still, there wasn't that distrust or resentment from Haven. Not towards Lisanna. Or Elfman. She felt her mother's disappointment, her father's rage, and his body guard's annoyances with her, but Lisanna and Elfman never gave off that vibe towards Haven. They had none of it. Sure, they thought she had an attitude, young, and was a bit aggressive, when she grew, but Elfman and Lisanna always just seemed happy to see her. Pleased she was doing okay.
Lisanna was always optimistic. Always. And out of everyone in Haven's life, she always knew the girl would turn it around. Become something. Anything, really. And though she was sad to see her go, she was kind of glad, too. She'd never done it. After Edolas, she couldn't. Leave her brother and sister. Fairy Tail. Her home.
But Haven left. Found her own way. And there was something so fitting in that. She would have liked a letter or a call, but she was fine with giving Haven space. Letting her grow.
Maybe though...maybe...they'd let her grow too far, too fast.
At the sight of his younger sister crying, all Elfman could think about was his older one. And, though he wanted to stay, he left Lisanna with Evergreen after awhile, to go check on her. Mirajane.
Things had gone south, as he found out, pretty quickly between she and Laxus.
She kept asking questions, about everything, and was crying, and he could tell they were alone, finally, as the noise in the bar was still, and eventually, she didn't want to be held anymore. She didn't want to cry anymore.
Her questions were fed now by anger.
"Why did I let you go?" And Mirajane trained less then him, in those days, but her energy was oozing out of her then as, turning away from him, she clenched a fist. "I should have gone. I should have-"
"There was nothing you could of done, Mira. There was nothing I could do. There wasn't-"
"Shut up, Laxus."
"I told you, by the time I got there it was...it was too-"
"I would have. Saved her. I would-"
"If I couldn't do it," he asked and he was kind of angry too, yeah, because he hadn't had a drink and his daughter was dead and she was questioning him too much and his daughter was dead and she was dead and she was dead and she was… "Why do you think you could have done anything?"
But Mirajane just shook her head, seething then as her tears dried. "I told you to bring her back, Laxus."
"You don't think I tried? Huh? You think I'm happy about this? That I'm not hurting? Fuck, Mira, I just buried her! Stop questioning me! Just...get out. I need-"
"A drink?"
She didn't have to turn around to see him going over to his desk, to get just that. He snorted though, at the accusation, as he picked up the bottle of whiskey on his desk.
"I always listened to you," she accused softly then, "about Haven. I always let you decided what we'd...but..." Choking then at the thought, her hand came up to cover her mouth and she felt it again. The pain coming back. To wash back out the anger. She felt like she was going to faint. "My daughter's dead."
"Yeah." He didn't worry about a glass. Laxus took a swig straight from the bottle. "So is mine."
Mirajane left him, eventually, and went home. She had to find Marin, she decided, and though the girl would have headed there. Laxus didn't go with her and offered no explanation for why, but it was for the best; Mira didn't want to have to tell him she didn't want him there.
Her chest ached, as she came into the empty house. Not because her youngest wasn't there, but because she could remember it, clear as day, just a few weeks before, when Haven came back home. Standing there. In the living room. And she'd been the one to say it, Haven had, that they could go out together. To lunch. Another time. Later. That last day Mira saw her. She knew, somehow, that the girl was lying in that moment, but still kind of hoped...thought...that maybe…
The house was dark and she didn't even call out for her. Marin. She could tell she wasn't around. It was almost like a specter that Mira moved through the house and to the kitchen, mindless and aimless. Not even flicking on the light, she just stood in the doorway for a moment and it felt like, if she just closed her eyes tightly enough, she could hear them all there. Marin, Laxus, and Haven, all three of them, with her, in the kitchen.
She'd make breakfast for them each morning, growing up and was almost always the one to cook dinner, after she stopped taking such long hours at the bar. They spent so much time there, all four of them, and if she just closed her eyes…
But when she opened them, she saw the box of stuff, she couldn't even recall what it was now, that she'd ordered and had to move, the day Haven returned home, out of her chair. So the girl could have a seat. Her seat. Mirajane had put it back there once more, when Haven left, because...because…
She knocked it then, hard, from the seat and the box and it's contents went spilling across the kitchen as the tears were hot now, no longer out of shock, but rather sharp realization and understand of all that had gone on. As she fell to the floor, beside the chair, Mira wept like she hadn't since she was a teen. When Lisanna was taken from her. Perhaps even harder.
You couldn't measure one pain against the other. You really couldn't. Time made pain feel lesser, when looking back on it, so she was sure it had stung just as much, when she thought her brother had killed her sister. Really, she was sure of it.
But it didn't feel that way.
Because Haven was a part of her. A huge part. Literally and figuratively. Sometimes, Mira could admit, as she wept into her palms, the girl was a bit of nuisance, growing up, and even then, but never had she once considered it. Her not being there. Even in the worst moments, like when Laxus was gone for a year or when Haven was absolutely tormenting her sister or when she was reigning terror on the hall, Mirajane never once thought she'd ever not have her there.
When she left, what was years ago now, Mira knew, but felt just like yesterday, she thought that was the most pain she would get from either of her daughters. Haven was going off to find herself and Mirajane was worried over what she'd return as. She knew, of course, all the risks that came with Haven's lifestyle and knew that there was a chance...that maybe one day…
But she'd been so well. And happy. When she'd come home. In time for her birthday and the festival and Mira thought that maybe, if she prayed hard enough, if she cried long enough…
"She's too young," she cried, lifting her head up. "Anyone else. Please. Just...just for a while longer. Please… Please? I'll do anything."
But there was nothing she could do.
Her brother didn't knock before he entered. After finding his brother-in-law drinking and throwing bottles around, in his office, Elfman knew where to find his sister. She was still just sitting there, on the kitchen floor, crying.
But it didn't spark tears from the man. Not this time. Instead, as Mirajane rose, wiping at her eyes, he only pulled his sister to him and insisted, softly, "We'll get through this, Mira. I promise."
And she knew they would. They always would.
But...this time...she wasn't so sure she wanted to.
Erza sat up the whole night, at her desk, beside the lacrima. Waiting. Kai and Marin had long fallen asleep, out in the living room, beside one another on the couch, but Erza couldn't find it. No. She felt for Haven, she truly did, but Ravan was her main concern.
She must have fallen asleep, with her head in her hand, because it was confusing momentarily, the sound of the lacrima. Blinking away the the sleep, she was quick to turn it on and then, the light blinding her eyes somewhat, she was staring at him there, in the orb.
"Erza..." She'd never heard him sound so pitiful. Not even in the hospital following his lacrima incident. "I need you."
Nodding, the woman said simply, "Tell me where you are."
It wouldn't be until the next morning that she could do anything. Leave. But Erza told him before he disappeared from the crystal that he had to stay where he was and not do anything. She would come to him as soon as possible.
In the light of dawn, she prepared to head out to where he'd run off. In her scheme, she planned to just leave them behind. Marin and Kai. She thought they would go to the Dreyar's, more than likely. Or perhaps she'd leave it to them in a note.
But she was unable to make a clean escape. Mainly because there was a loud knocking at the front door that awoke both teens.
Marin was confused, for a moment, about where she was. As she rubbed at her eyes and saw the light outside, she panicked, at first, as Kai only yawned, because she was late for work and oh no, what if no one else was there to open the guild and she was going to get in trouble and she had to hurry.
Jumping up in her stupor, she rushed to open the front door only to find her aunt standing there. Evergreen. She had her arms crossed over her chest and was wearing huge sunglasses that hid the entirety of her face's top half.
Still, from behind them, she blinked some before frowning for a different reason.
"Marin," she whispered, having expected Erza to open the door. "What are you doing here?"
"What are you?"
That came from Erza though, the woman coming into the room with a glare. She knew. Oh, she knew. The night had been calm as the man processed things, but now, Laxus was going to begin gunning for her son and, already, sent his henchmen to do the dirty work.
Shaking her head some, Evergreen leveled her gaze behind her sunglasses and said simply, "Freed and Bickslow are both out."
Which meant it was up to her, after leaving Lisanna's, to go to Laxus. To check on Laxus. The Strauss siblings had one another and together, they all had each other, but things were different. At the moment. Evergreen knew where she was needed.
"I want," the overly inebriated Laxus told her that night as she tiredly swept up at glass from all the bottles he'd broken, knowing if she didn't, Marin would eventually have to, "him brought to me. Ravan. Erza's not going to shield him. He's mine."
With the guys gone, it was Ever's job to be certain this happened.
Erza nodded a bit, at the woman's statement, before saying simply, "He's not here."
"Don't lie to me."
"Who?" Kai, actually, liked both women. A lot. Erza more, of course, but Evergreen was special to him too and he had a sick feeling his stomach that he knew who she was after. Still, he tried, "Who are you guys looking for? The person who killed… Because-"
"Go to your room. Kai. Marin." Erza crossed her arms over her chest as she returned Evergreen's gaze. "This doesn't concern-"
"Ravan didn't do anything!" Kai wasn't going to let them say otherwise, either. "Right, Marin? We know he didn't. Ever. And you believe us, don't you?"
Marin was still just standing there, in front of her aunt, but her eyes were down at the ground. "W-Well...Aunt Ever-"
"You need to be with your mother," was all she told her niece, eyes still trained on the other woman. "Go. Now."
"Marin's not going anywhere." Kai was still staring at her. She could feel it. "Are you? Marin?"
"I..."
"I am going to get him," Erza spoke once more, then. She really didn't want to see the children dragged into the middle of things. "I will speak with Ravan."
"You will bring him," Evergreen retorted, "to his master. Immediately. That's an order. Directly from Laxus. And you wouldn't defy an order, would you, Erza?"
"If it was unjust-"
"What's unjust about hearing all sides of a story? Your son ran off, during the middle of a battle, and left one of his guild members-"
"Haven," Erza said and the name felt much heavier, that morning, "did not die a member of Fairy Tail."
Her hand came up then, Evergreen's did, to adjust her glasses, but she didn't lower then. Just took a sharp intake of breath before saying, "You will bring him to the guildhall. To face his judgment. From his master. So do it. You don't want Laxus to send the Thunder Legion after him."
"Why are you being like this?" Kai felt his tears spring to his eyes again and he was running after her then, Evergreen, as she turned to walk away. She was always cold, always, but not to him. Not in a serious way. She and Elfman were like his aunt and uncle too. He considered them that. But here she was, just casting his brother, his only blood, to the wolves… "Evergreen, Ravan didn't do anything! He wouldn't!"
But it was to Marin though, that she called over her shoulder, "Go home. To your mother. Immediately."
Letting her go, Kai turned back, into the house, to glance at Marin before at Erza. Eyes wide, he only asked the swordswoman, "When do we leave?"
The train ride was awkward, to say the least. Marin felt uncomfortable, as she always did these days, on trains, and Kai only sat there, silent for once, as he held her hand and worried over his brother. Erza tried a few times to find something to say to them, both of them, but she still wasn't back to her full self yet, was still healing, and the past day had taken a lot out of her.
She imagined the one awaiting them at the end of their ride wouldn't be much better.
Ravan was awaiting them, outside the inn, sitting and smoking as he sat on a half all that surrounded the property. He'd fled the surrounding area, where Haven had…but looked no better, neither removed from the area nor the situation. Still, his younger brother ran to him, calling out his name down the street and Mari seemed hesitant before she did the same, standing at both boys' side as Ravan dropped his smoke and actually returned Kai's hug.
"I was so scared," Kai whispered as he held onto his brother tightly. "Ravan."
But his eyes were only on Marin's, kind of surprised to see her and yet, at the same time, not at all. Eventually, Kai released him and, when she moved to take his place, Ravan slowly welcomed that as well.
"I'm sorry," he whispered softly to her. "I didn't mean… Marin, I..."
"It's okay." Marin sniffled, softly, before adding, "Haven loves you."
He doubted it, really, Ravan did, but if she did, then she really shouldn't.
His eyes fell to the swordswoman then, as she approached, and as they fell instead, he only let Marin go so he could address the woman.
"You have a room here? At the inn?" she questioned and, when he nodded, she spoke to his brother instead. "Kai, go get one for you and Marin. Here. I will give you the jewels. Your brother and I need to be alone."
The second this was done and she was there, with the man, in his hotel room, Erza ordered him to show him any wounds he'd acquired. He had many, but knew the most severe and, slowly, he pulled his shirt over his head, showing her the slashes Haven had attempted to stitch together.
"You must," Erza sighed, noting the coloration, "visit a doctor."
He nodded some before whispering, "Haven did them. For me. She's… Erza is she really..."
At the woman's own nod, he lost it. He'd never cried so unabashedly in front of the woman and, when he fell back onto the end of one of the beds, Erza didn't rebuke him. Merely came to sit beside him, silent as he clinched a fist and brought it down, again and again, into his thigh.
"I just wanted," he told her through sucked in teeth, "us to be together. That's it. That's all I ever wanted. For us both to get strong and we'd...we'd… It should have been me. It should have been me. It-"
"Ravan, stop."
"No!" Jumping back up, he couldn't stop it. His breathing. It was becoming erratic and, as his vision blurred, he said, "I should have died, Erza. It was coming for me. It was going to hit me. I...I phased through it. The blast. And let it hit her. I let it hit Haven. And then I ran. Liked a coward. I'm such a fucking coward. I got scared and I wasn't there with her and… I wish I was dead. I wish I was fucking dead. Instead of her. I should be. I should be. I-"
"Ravan, listen to me."
"No! I-"
"Listen." She went to grab his face in her hands and he was taller than her now, but still, he felt like a little boy again, being dressed down by a parent. As Erza stared into his eyes, it was with intent. "I am so glad it was her. If it had to be one of you, then let it be Haven. I am sorry for her family and I will grieve with them, but I never want to hear you say that again. Do you hear me?"
"Haven was so good, Erza, and I'm-"
"You're good."
"No, I-"
"You," she insisted, "are good. And you are alive for a reason. I cannot tell you it, but I know it. Haven was...a lot of things, but if I had to choose, between the two of you, I would take you. Every single time. I...If I lost you, one of the two of you… I do not know how the Master and Mirajane will handle it, but I know that I could not. But my sorrow and sadness for the Dreyars does not overtake the joy I have, the relief, to find you here. Well. Your friend is dead, but you live. So live. And never wish your own death again or else you waste your friend's memory. Do you understand?"
But he couldn't say anything and as his head fell, he rested it against her shoulder, the coolness of her armor a comfort, familiar, and Erza only held him there as she breathed deeply, multiple times, to calm herself.
Yes.
These next few days would take much out of her.
Eventually, she sent the boys out to seek a medic, instruction Kai to keep a close eye on his brother and to try and not bother him too much.
"Marin and I will be here when you both return," she told them with a sharp nod. To Marin, after they were gone, she merely explained, "They're brothers. They'll help one another… Oh, Marin, I-"
"It's alright," she assured the woman, but couldn't fake a smile as Erza merely came to pat her on the head. "They will help one another heal."
But as they sat together, some time later, in a waiting room, Kai found it was kind of awkward between the two of them. They just sat there, silently, and he really, really didn't want to be annoying, but at the same time…
"Can I tell you something?" he asked Ravan softly, fearfully. "And you won't get mad? It's about Haven."
Ravan shrugged, not looking at him, and he had his bandanna around his mouth again, as he glanced around the room at others waiting.
"I'm really sorry about it all. Ravan. Really. About…Haven." He swallowed, saying her name, but his brother only nodded at his words. At this, Kai went on. "But, I kinda...when I found out that the two of you went away together… I thought that maybe you'd run off, you know? To get married? It made me happy to think about, anyways, because I know that you had a thing for her and then Marin and I would really be siblings and now… I'm sorry. I shouldn've said nothin', I know, but I was just-"
"We slept together."
"What?"
Ravan nodded again, thinking of it. He expected it to upset him, to bother him, to make him realize that not only would he never have it again, but it was because of that, at least partially, that things had all gone to shit. Instead though, it gave him thoughts of how happy he was, that night, and how he thought that his life could never get better.
Now it really couldn't.
And Kai smiled, for the first time, and maybe they were both delirious, probably, from the trauma and lack of sleep, but…
"I'm glad you're okay, Ravan."
He nodded again, at his brother's words, before saying, "Me too."
Things were still crashing down though, back in Magnolia. Bickslow and Ajax came back to town hoping to snag a job, together, but it wasn't in the cards. When they got to the guildhall with the twin Dragneel boys, it was to find it closed and, after siding the twins on their way, back to their own home, Bickslow and Ajax rushed to their own, to find Lisanna and ask about what had gone on.
Neither particularly liked what they learned.
Ajax didn't believe it. He didn't want to. It didn't make any sense. Haven was the strongest person he knew. The smartest. The best. She couldn't lose. Not in battle. Couldn't fail. Couldn't fall. Haven had reached mythos status in his head as her stories always felt so much more real, growing up, because they were being told by someone who was close to his age. Still distant, but close. When his father or uncles or the other people down at the hall recalled cool journeys and adventures, it was difficult to imagine, because they were so old and boring now. But not Haven. Not his cousin. She was out there in the thick of it, right then, in that moment, and he couldn't picture her, not standing there, with electricity jumping from her body and her blonde hair blowing in the wind and Haven meant more to him than anyone.
Anyone.
He'd just…
He'd never known someone before that was like that. Dead.
For a kid who grew up in a household with literal spirits that kept him company, floating about at all times, death was actually rather abstract and strange. Something he'd never experienced. He hadn't so much as had a pet die. And now his cousin, his hero, was just...gone.
"She's, uh, in a better place," his father offered him as he too tried to process the information.
But that couldn't be true.
What place was better than there? With them? Her family?
Navi knew a place. Better than home. Better than her family. She was finding, in that year and some from Crocus, that Haven had the right idea. There was nothing like freedom. Real freedom. Being on your own, in strange places, experiencing things freedom.
And, well, yeah, maybe Navi was kind of a cheater in that regards. She could always just go back home. She did go back home, frequently. If she needed anything. Ran low on jewels. Wanted them. To see them. Be around them. Or just had nothing going on for a few weeks. She felt kind of spoiled, maybe, in that regards. Her jewels that she was making off her publication weren't much, but they were something. She'd probably still have to be taking jobs, at the guild, if she was supporting herself fully, to survive. But that was the thing; rent was no concern because her parents were there, back home, with all her stuff and a place to crash if the magazine check that month wasn't too great.
She told herself that when her actual book got published, which was coming up, soon, very soon, that she'd go ahead and begin to either help them with the rent on their place or move out. Really. She planned to. They weren't pushing it or anything, but she knew that it was time for her to be like Locke and Haven. An adult.
A real one.
But being a spoiled teenager was so much fun…
Her mother had been trying to get a hold of her all day. Navi was out though, instead of in her hotel room, and had no idea her lacrima was continually trying to be connected with. It was the middle of the afternoon when she returned, kind of tipsy from having drinks with some friends she'd made, recently, at lunch, and when she heard the lacrima going off, she almost just ignored it.
Almost.
"Hey, mom!" She tried not to sound too excited, because she didn't want her to worry about her, drinking in the middle of the day and all, but at the same time, she didn't want to sound too much like she was trying to sound that way and it was just a mess, really, but still, Navi waved at the lacrima as she sat before it at the hotel room desk. "Is everything okay? I know I was supposed to get in contact with you, a few days ago, but really, I've been so busy, writing and-"
"Navi." Lucy's tone of voice was enough bring an end to Navi's useless excuses. "Are you alone?"
"Uh, yeah? Should I not be?" Frowning, Navi peered closer at the lacrima. "Have you been crying?"
"You need to come home, okay? Soon? Please? Something happened and-"
"Was it the boys?"
"What? No. It-"
"Dad? Happy? What?"
"Nothing like that. You just need-"
"But what-"
"Your friends… Haven, Locke, and Ravan went on a job together and… I don't know everything, Navi, but Haven got… You should just come home."
She frowned then, the girl did, before asking, "Is she beat up real bad? Or something? Because I really don't think Haven will care if I'm there or not. I mean, I'll write her a letter. Or, oh, is she like Erza? You know, um, gonna be put up for awhile? I'll send her a copy of my-"
"Navi." Her mother's voice was heavy again and she wouldn't meet her eyes. "Just come home."
"But I don't-"
"Haven died. On the job. I don't know anything about it right now, but… You should get home. Before they have the… You should just come home. Please. We'd all like you to come back home."
Navi nodded a bit, at the words, and they didn't really mean much to her. Not as she said goodbye to her mother, not as she packed her things, not as she left her new friends, and not even, really, as she boarded a train back for home. As she sat there though, considering them, she didn't rightly believe them yet.
How could she?
Between the three of them, there was no way that they…
Haven of all people…
Locke could heal anything now. She'd seen it. Her brothers were being dumb, with Ajax, one day up at the hall and Lucky sliced his arm up really badly. Locke healed it perfectly. Not even a scar left behind. If Haven had Locke with her, on top of the power that Ravan was supposed to possess now, how could she have died?
No.
This had to be some kind of a trick. Not on being pulled by her mother, the woman would never do something like that, but by Haven herself. Some kind of game. She was sadistic like that. Get everyone all worried and then shove it in their faces later. Or use it as a chance to escape again, if she got tangled back up with the guild, which clearly she had, if she was hanging around Ravan and Locke. Maybe just to get the two of them off her back, she faked her own death?
The idea was dark and morbid, but it sounded better, anyways, than what her mother had fed her. And Haven was kind of dark now. Morbid maybe. She was roughing it out on the streets, Navi was pretty sure, and last she'd heard, she didn't even have those cute guys she'd had in Crocus. So maybe she came back home to play with her normal two, instead, and something got too real? She needed an escape route?
It both sounded like and didn't sound like Haven and Navi had a pit in her stomach because that was the dumbest thing she'd ever dreamed up and she knew, the second she touched in at home, she'd probably have the full story read to her and how was she going to look at them? Locke? Marin? Haven's family?
You were supposed to apologize for losses such as this, but Navi had never had someone to apologize for. Not really. She had so many dead relatives, but never been to a funeral before. What would she wear? Something black. Dark. A dress? She didn't have one of those. She'd have to go shopping. Or would her mother have something she could borrow?
Would she have to look at her body? Haven's body? Like an open casket thing? Or would it be closed? Was it worse if it was closed? She wasn't so sure she wanted to see her there, dead, lying like that, dead, and not moving, just dead, but, but, but if it was closed that would mean that she was scarred up real bad, right? That an undertaker couldn't even make her presentable? It would have had to be have been something like that, right? If Locke hadn't been able to heal her? And oh, man, Locke, Haven's family was bad enough, but they wouldn't expect much out of her. Wouldn't want much. Maybe Marin, but not the others. No. But Locke, Locke would want to talk about this and that and would be a wreck and what would they do with Ravan? Now? What would any of them do with him?
He never rightly had a place without Haven and now Haven was dead that meant…
"Dead." Navi stared in her reflection of the window and the word felt wrong. Incorrect. Like she'd said the wrong thing. As she formed it again on her lips, she just shook her head some because...because…
"What happened?" was the first thing she asked to her mother when she got home. The woman mets her in the living room, wrapping her arms around her and Navi saw her father sitting there, on the couch, a bit beat up and probably just returned from a job of his own. He just sat there too, staring at her with a grim expression as Happy sat at his side, waving at her slightly, but seeming rather down as well.
"I don't know," Lucy admitted softly and she didn't want to let her daughter go. Into her soft, pink hair, Lucy went on, "I wasn't there, when it… And the hall's closed right now, I guess, until the Master and Mira… Levy told me about it. Haven and Ravan went out on a quest or something, together, and Locke and some of the others went to get her, but… It was too late."
There were questions Navi had, but none her parents could answer and eventually she just went off to her room, to be alone for a bit. Get settled again. Her mother let her go and her father nodded while Happy just waved again, but it was the twins that spoke to her as she passed their bedroom door. Peeking it open, they poked their heads out to stare at her as she walked by. They'd been told to go play, and be quiet about it, but now their sister was home.
"We're sorry, Navi," Iggy called softly and he was cradling his spirit, Hak, in his arms, the little red creature calling out something similar.
"About your friend," Lucky clarified and they knew what happened, kind of, now, but weren't too sure what to think of it. Haven hadn't been a staple in their lives in a long time and, well, death sounded horrible, but at the same time, just too distant and unimaginable to really grasp. Abstract.
"Thanks," she offered back and she smiled for them, sadly, but as she walked into her room, Navi didn't feel that.
Not really. Sad. She felt something, sure, but as she set her stuff down and fell into her bed, sad just wasn't the word for it. She didn't cry. She didn't sob. Which was weird. She cried over everything. Good, bad, everything. But this… It just didn't draw any tears out of her. As she pulled her pillow to her, she just thought, really hard, about Haven and tried to force something out of herself, but it wasn't there.
Not anymore.
"You should go talk to her," Lucy whispered, out in the living room, as she went to take a seat on the couch.
"On it!" And Happy jumped up, to go do that, but Lucy only moved to tug him into her lap with a frown.
"Not," she said as he deflated some, "you."
"But-"
"You, Natsu," she insisted then, instead as the man still just sat there, silently, that same grim look on his face. "You went through the same thing, you know? With...with Lisanna. You lost her at this age too. Go talk to Navi and-"
"There's nothin' I can say, Luce."
"Yes, there is. You-"
"It's not the same."
"Natsu-"
"Death isn't the same. You know that. For people." He shrugged some as his wife's head fell into his shoulder. Looking down at her then, holding Happy, he only moved to wrap his arm around her shoulders. "There's nothing we can do."
Erza felt much the same as night fell and she had dinner with the three children. Children. They were hardly that now. She'd brought them back takeout to Ravan's room and they all sat about, together, the three of them. Her two boys and Marin. Erza knew, as she watched them, that it would be one of the last times that she saw them all together, like this. Morse, sure, but well. Young. Not happy, but content, for the moment.
"You and Marin go back to the other room," she sighed eventually, to Kai, and neither wanted to. Ravan didn't want them to either. Because they all knew. What was coming next. Kai started tearing up again, but an order was an order.
Once they were alone, Erza went around, gathering up all the trash from their meal and Ravan just sat there, on one of the bed, and there was only a lamp on, just one, in the room, and it was getting late, so it was shadowy in the room. How he wanted it.
"Take off your bandanna. I want to see your face."
His last safety blanket.
Slowly, he pulled it off and he remembered, when Haven had it, wrapped around her neck, in the rain, and if he could go back to that moment, he would have cherished it a lot more. Not just because of what the night brought them either. Just because she looked so strong and powerful, in a different way than she had with the God Slayer magic.
Erza sat beside him, on the bed, and as she studied his face, scars and all, she said, "Tell me everything."
So did he did. From the beginning. All of it. Every ounce of it. He felt like he was pouring his heart out, in an attempt at an appeal, but there couldn't be one. She couldn't hand him one. Not even if she felt he deserved it. No. They both knew this was merely for show and the dye had already been cast and it didn't matter. What he said. What she felt.
"Haven was so good," he whispered, again, to the swordswoman. "She was gonna go and try and fix Bosco. Like I said. I've never really even thought about shit like that. But Haven wanted to. With her power. Liberation and all that. Fuck. Erza, I just… I just wanted her to be strong. Like me. That's all. But I fucked it up."
"You've always," she told him with a shake of her head, "misunderstood that. Strength. Do you think that it is my magic? Hmm? That makes me strong? Do you think it's the depth of it? How much I have? Or how I wield it? You've thought since you've gotten this lacrima, Ravan, that your life was going to change somehow. But has it? Only for the worst. You never needed more power, Ravan. You needed more control. More empathy. If you could go back, I'm sure you would save your friend, but if I could, I would slice that lacrima out of you, the second Kai brought me to you, dying, there on my bathroom floor."
"I'm sorry."
"Do not apologize. Not to me." Reaching out, she patted at his cheek. "I had a friend. Once. He meant...everything to me. We had not seen one another in many years, but still, he… I was to die. I would have died. But he stepped in front of a blast. Simon. He… He was special. But he died in my place. Do you not think that it did not keep me up? Each and every night? Wondering if the wrong choice was made? But what can be done? Nothing. Simon is gone. Haven is gone. One day, Ravan, you and I will both be gone. But not yet. Not now. For you and I. And do you think either Haven or Simon would wish for us to mourn? For the rest of our lives? No. They would want us to go on. And I have. I had to. And you must now too. You are about to go through a lot of trials, but… You must proceed. Without thinking back. Without feeling sorry. Nothing you did led to her death. Only her own actions."
"But it was me," he told her. "I was the one who took her there and-"
"And it was you who tried to get her out of there. Who told her not to go on. It was you, fine, who planted the idea in her head, but Haven was the one who allowed it to prosper. Your hubris was not her own. A dangerous combination, the two together, but you are no more at fault for their mixture than she."
Still, he only whispered, "I left. Like a coward. She died without me. She-"
"She died in the arms of her boyfriend with her father and family all about."
For some reason, that hurt even more.
Erza's hand fell from his cheek then as she said, "Take off your shirt once more. Allow me to see your stitches. Did the doctor look at them?"
Ravan breathed it in, for the last time, in the dim lighting, the sight of it there. The emblem on his pec. Immediately he knew, as the swordswoman's eyes fell to it more than his stitches what was coming next.
"Erza, please," he tried, but she wouldn't listen to him.
"You may not return home. Ever. The Master...and Locke… You no longer belong, Ravan. In Fairy Tail."
He never had. He knew it. But it was home and he made the best of it and he never knew what he would do without and it and felt them, the tears for himself now, as they ran hotly down his face.
"Please..."
"Do you know," she whispered softly as she took it in herself, the red marking on his chest, "the story of Phaethon? No? He was the son of Helios, the god of the sun, and one day, he decided, I suppose, to take his father's place. Dragging the chariot of the sun across the land." Raising her hand, she held it over his guild marking as Ravan hardly heard her words, focusing instead on a spot on the wall, anything, anywhere, other than on what was happening. "He wished to prove himself strong. He was warned, many times, that this was dangerous and that he would not be able to. Zeus himself could not. But he persisted, you know, and...and… And as he tried to drag the chariot across the sky, the horses that drew it proved to be too strong and overpowered him. He lost control and was dragging it all about. The sun. Scourging the land. Zeus had to do something, so he struck him down. With a bolt of lightning. Killing him." Her hand swiped quickly over the red emblem and, he blinked, Ravan did. Then it was gone. "What a worthless mission, you would think, yes? Dying by his own foolish pride and hubris. But we remember it not because he died. Because he failed. We remember Phaethon because he dared. Because he tried. Even if it meant his own downfall."
Ravan fell forwards, some, into the woman as he felt weak without it. So weak. Like he'd just lost half his power.
"I wish I could go back," he told her as he cried again, into the woman's shoulder, for the second time that day.
Erza only held him to her as she felt hot tears prick her own eyes. "I wish so too."
It was early, the next morning, when Erza and the two other teens had to leave. She wanted to get them back home, to Marin's family, as she was certain funeral preparations would soon occur. There were many tears that day as well and Marin was the first to hug Ravan goodbye.
"I'm sorry," she apologized to him that time and nuzzled her head into his chest, staining it with her tears. "Ravan. It's not your fault. I don't hate you. And neither does Haven. You shouldn't have to go."
"He shouldn't!"
Kai was a wreck also. When it was his turn to hug his brother, he didn't want to let go. As Marin stepped back, to stand beside Erza once more, Kai wailed loudly into the crisp morning air.
"You didn't do anything wrong," he told his brother. And he hadn't. No way. "You shouldn't have to leave. It's not your fault. Ravan… I'll go with you. I will! Wherever you go! I'll leave Fairy Tail too. I don't even want it without you. You're my brother and I-"
"You," Ravan told him as he patted his brother softly on the back, "have to go back, Kai. To take care of things."
"No. There's nothing. I-"
"Aren't you Marin's brother too?"
"Ravan-"
"She's all alone now. She needs you."
"But so are you! You need me! Please, Ravan, I-"
"Go home, Kai." And he had his bandanna down, so that his brother could see his smile. It felt unnatural in the best of times, honestly, on the man, and gave the teen no comfort. "You belong there. You have your garden and the flowerbeds, right? Up at the hall? And you're dating someone. Did you forget? Not to mention, someone has to make sure Marin and Erza are okay."
"I love you though."
But what did that matter?
Erza and Ravan had more than hugged enough for a lifetime, honestly, those past few hours, but when she wrapped her arms around him that time, she shut her eyes tightly and spoke softly, only to him, as she said, "I will return home. With your brother and sister, but if you would like… I will return. Here. With you. I will leave Fairy Tail and-"
"You can't." He didn't want to let her go though, as she wrapped an arm tightly around his neck and held him close. "You are Fairy Tail."
"The guild is not what it used to be. I see that now, more than ever. Laxus has...perverted it. No. I-"
'You have to stay. I'll… I'll be okay, Erza." And as she pulled back some, to look him in the eyes, she was forced to reconcile with a fact she'd long known, but avoided; he wasn't a boy anymore. "On my own. I'll figure out my own way."
"About that..." Her eyes fell then, beyond him, and Ravan frowned at the expressions he saw on the faces of Marin and Kai as the letter dried his tears. Turning from the woman, he saw then that they were being joined on the still dark and sleepy street by another. The man had his hat pulled low and cloth up around his face, but he was unmistakable.
"Do you secretly follow me about?" Erza called out to the man as he approached, alone. "Is that how your timing is always so impeccable?"
"You so rarely call in favors," Jellal replied as, closer now, he tugged the cloth down to grin at them all. "Of course I come calling the second you do."
When Erza was laid up, before, the man had taken to carrying about a lacrima with him. Just for her. To get in contact with him.
"If," he'd insisted as she rolled her eyes, to weak to shove at him, "you need anything. At all. I will come running."
She'd never intended on using it. Even in her most dire times.
But this wasn't about her.
"Erza," Ravan started slowly then, frowning at the woman, but she only moved to cup both his cheeks in her hands that time as she stared down into his eyes.
"You do not have to go with him. I just wish for the two of you to speak."
"But-"
"I've come a long way," Jellal told Ravan as he passed them, instead going over to pat Kai on the head and give his condolences to Marin. "You can at least hear me out."
Still, Erza's gaze remained on Ravan as she said, "You can go and be whatever it is you like now. Do not worry about us, alright? At home? Your brother and I will be fine. I will soon be taking jobs once more and, well, without you around to feed, I suppose things will become a bit lighter. Not to mention your brother… About your bike-"
"Let Kai have it. Or...give it back to Master." Ravan shook his head, still in her hands. "I don't think I can… I'd just think about Haven, I think, if… And it costs so much to..."
"Alright." She nodded her own head that time before, blinking back the tears, she told him, "I do not care, you know, Ravan. What any of them say. Because they will say things about you, in your absence, but I… There is not a single thing I have done that I am more pleased to have done than take you and your brother in to my home."
"Erza-"
"I am so proud of you. And all that you've become. You still have much to learn and understand, but… You will grow even better from all of this. I promise. And I want you to visit. When you can. If you fear returning to Magnolia, then you need only to call for me and I will come. Wherever you are. I promise. Ravan."
Nodding as she dropped his cheeks, he told the woman, "Thank you. Erza. For everything."
"I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too."
And when she did it that time, that last time, for a long time, slammed his head into her chest, Ravan couldn't help, but to wish it had been a bit harder, even. So it would have bruised. Concussed him. Given him something to remember her by.
As if he needed more mementos.
"How," she complained as, after one last look, she turned her back to him and faced the teens instead, "are you still crying, Kai?"
"I'm sorry." He kept wiping at them. "I'm trying to stop. I just can't."
She merely sighed. "What will I do with you?"
Ezra and Jellal shared a look then, as he walked passed her, but did not touch. Instead, the man only went over to Ravan and, patting him on the shoulder, grinned down at the younger man.
"Come," he insisted. "It's best to leave when they are distracted. You will learn."
But Marin wasn't distracted. As Erza rebuked Kai's tears and the boy tried to stop them, Marin only stared after Jellal and Ravan as they walked away. When he looked back, Ravan caught her stare and, when she raised her hand, as if in farewell, he raised his back.
Then they were gone, into the shadows, and Erza was insisting they had to hurry, if they were to catch their train.
The ride back felt just as heavy as the one out had and, as Marin tried to think of anything other than her sister, Ravan, or the fact her insides desperately wanted out, she found that her mind went a lot to her family. Her parents. Her aunts and uncles.
But none of her thoughts were particularly good.
When they arrived in Magnolia, Erza took them with her, first thing, to the guildhall. There was a sign on the door, announcing it's closure for the next few days, but Erza entered regardless. They could feel them. All of them. On the other side.
Laxus was seated at his usual table with his wife, friends, and in-laws around him. The only one missing from their family was Marin, who stood behind Erza, and Ajax, who'd been sent to the Dragneels.
He didn't need to be there while they worked on preparations.
Freed had returned, it seemed, and he the only one of the Thunder Legion that didn't glare at Erza, as both teens stood behind her, while the woman's eyes just found her master. Mirajane and her siblings though were far more concerned with something else.
"Marin." Mirajane rose from her spot beside Laxus and started forwards, towards her, but stopped without prompting. Just stood there, staring. "What are you doing? Where have you been? Come here. Please."
But her daughter only shook her head and Kai held her hand tighter.
"It," Erza told Laxus, "is done."
The Thunder Legion looked to the man then, Laxus, who only stared right back at Erza, heavily. They were waiting for it. For him to tell them to go. To do as he'd ask. Bring him Ravan. That whatever it was Erza had done hadn't been enough and now it was time to get true retribution from the man.
But Laxus only nodded, slightly, to her, saying nothing. He never would again. About it.
Turning, Erza started out of the hall, but noted it then. Marin coming with them.
"Stay, Marin." Moving to grab Kai, she separated them before nodding back to the girl's family. "It's time for you to be with your loved ones now."
"But-"
"No, Erza, she-"
"Enough," she ordered both teens and Marin teared up, at the thought, and it was her aunt then, Lisanna, who rushed forwards to grab her and hug her and she didn't want her to. For any of them to. No.
As Erza drug Kai away, she felt betrayed truly then, by the swordswoman. And maybe, she could admit, as she cried then, into her mother's chest, it had been less that she was angry with them, with all of them, though she definitely was, over their treatment of Ravan, but more than…
If she stayed away, if she didn't go back home, if she avoided her family and just stayed with Erza and Kai then maybe...maybe she could pretend like it wasn't true. Wasn't real. That yes, Haven was dead, but not really, maybe, kind of, because she didn't have to see her mother's sunken eyes or her father's blanket gaze. Didn't have to hear her aunts and uncles cry and she could just pretend like Haven was gone still, out on a job, and she wasn't going to have to go to her funeral and accept it, really accept it and…
"Let it all out, kid," Bickslow told her softly as Lisanna drug her over to the table and only her father couldn't look at her, didn't speak to her. "It's the only way. If ya let it all out."
"She'd hate you," Marin whispered, softly, and maybe there was some guilt in their eyes, all of them, even Ever's though she hid it so well, behind those big sunglasses she was sporting now. "For what you did to him. Ravan. He loves Fairy Tail. He didn't do anything wrong. It's not fair."
Maybe not.
But losing Haven hadn't been fair for them either.
