Azula was out of her mind.
That did not surprise anyone.
What did shock the inhabitants of the Fire Nation Royal Palace was that the spark of her madness was her little niece, Izumi. Azula watched her too often for anyone not to notice. Azula was fixated on her and made an effort to hold awkward conversations, which she certainly did not do for anyone else in this world.
No one suspected, unless they knew.
Princess Azula never learned how to care for or even talk to children. She had not known many in her lifetime. That probably contributed to why she left a nameless newborn baby girl with her ex-girlfriend and enemy.
Izumi was, thankfully, fascinated by Azula as much as Azula was fascinated by her. Sparrowkeet followed her auntie everywhere, tripping on her heels despite the soft warnings from the adults that Azula was dangerous. Dangerous seemed fun to Izumi.
Ursa kept her distance. Iroh did as well.
Probably something to do with Azula screaming that she would burn them alive in the middle of dinner last night. They were right to be afraid, Azula told herself.
Princess Azula deeply hoped that the silence of Ursa and Iroh would be maintained. As far as she knew, Zuko, Ty Lee, Iroh and Ursa were the only people who knew that Azula was Izumi's mother. That they knew in the first place was disconcerting; five could keep a secret if four were dead. And, well, Azula considered that option on her more paranoid days.
Ty Lee asked one morning, "Are you going home at some point? Back to where you'd been hiding?"
Azula feigned exaggerated surprise, sardonic gasp and all. Ty Lee pursed her lips at being mocked.
"Well, hello! Nice to meet you! I thought perhaps you had forgotten that I exist," Azula said in an affected, breathy voice that made Ty Lee want to punch her in the nose.
"I don't have to acknowledge you if I don't want to. I'm not your love-struck shadow anymore," Ty Lee said. Azula did not believe her for a second; there was no way Ty Lee had moved on so strongly. "I was also pretty sure you were avoiding me too."
Ty Lee crossed her arms. Azula scoffed. Then the princess softened for another approach.
"I think about you so often," Azula purred with a seductive but sweet gaze. "I always have and always will. I see you in mountains, in seashells, in pretty girls who just can't replace—"
Ty Lee crushed her breakfast fruit by accident. The juice stung her eyes and the act made Azula shut up.
"Don't even try that with me," Ty Lee squeaked, shaking the orange juice from one hand and rubbing her eye with the other. Her hands looked so very smooth and Azula wanted to touch them, but if she did, she likely would be chi-blocked by them.
"Will you go out with me?" Azula decided to ask. It could not hurt. Her charm was glistening – at a solid ten – there was no way Ty Lee would say no.
"No," Ty Lee said and it took Azula a moment to fathom it.
People did not say no to Princess Azula of the Fire Nation. That was not a situation that Azula's life prepared her to face. Even her captors at the asylum bowed and scraped most of the time. Hard to get, Azula decided. Playing hard to get.
"I will see you tonight," Azula confidently said, sliding back into an undeniably effective power position. No one could refuse that.
"No," Ty Lee repeated, not wavering or a second. Azula was completely and utterly bemused. "I always loved you and I always will, but you have to earn my trust and my affection. You have to earn the right to take me on a date. Bit by bit. For real. No cheating or manipulation. I know you too well to fall for it."
Azula tried another approach. "Will you sleep with me at least? That isn't— stop walking away from me, Ty Lee!" Azula snapped with the force of a dragon. Ty Lee put one hand up in the air and did not look back.
It did not work.
Azula was stunned.
Azula was sulking in the gardens after that fiasco with Ty Lee. Her day somehow managed to get worse during that brooding session; her mother intruded on her privacy.
"I've not talked to you since you were Izumi's age," said Ursa, as if it mattered to Azula.
"I would like to keep it that way, mother," Azula brightly said without looking up. "I have no need for you in my life."
"I know you know that I know about Izumi," Ursa said. "Why did you give her up?"
"Why did you give me up? Oh, wait, I don't care," Azula stated. She did not even care what people here thought of her anymore. She was not winning no matter what she did. At least for now.
Ursa was not deterred by that comment. She wanted to help Azula. She felt she owed it to her. She was wrong.
"I thought I killed you for years. Do you know how messed up that is?" Ursa said. Azula pretended not to hear her. "I think you will be a… a good mother to Izumi if you give it time."
Time, time, time. Earning things like Ty Lee said. Azula did not have the patience nor the need to wait. She deserved to get what she wanted immediately.
Azula clenched her jaw as Ursa opened her mouth to speak again.
Ursa touched her shoulder.
Azula stormed back inside.
Azula was still disgruntled about her mother when she heard an infuriating noise inside of the palace walls. Azula bit her lip and spun around to violently stop it. But when she tracked it down to its source, she found it was Izumi wailing.
Naturally, Azula had the urge to slap her and tell her to toughen up, but that was not an option.
Azula sighed and walked in. Maybe she would give this earning thing one try.
"What happened?" Azula inquired, trying to keep her frustration out of her tone.
"I got cut!" Izumi shrieked before breaking down into even louder sobs.
Azula now thought "Sparrowkeet" was a stupid nickname. "Howler Monkey-Hawk" was more apt. Although, it did not roll off of the tongue quite as well.
Princess Azula searched her memories and wits for anything she could do that would not traumatize her daughter. She had to impress Izumi if she wanted to reclaim her. A memory of her father sprang to mind. A not-traumatic memory.
Azula was suddenly punched in the gut by her emotions about Ozai.
"Don't cry," Azula said vehemently. She did not expect to be so visceral about a little girl sobbing. It scared Izumi, clearly, so Azula knelt in front of her so that their golden eyes met. "My father told me never to let anyone see me cry. It shows weakness.
"I can't just not cry!" Izumi shrieked, sniffling loudly. She rubbed at her tears until her face was ruddy.
And they said Azula was an unfit parent. She could do better at this than Ty Lee or Zuko ever could.
"Yes, you can," Azula said softly. Her talking-to-a-child voice was not very fine-tuned, but she was trying. "You have power over yourself and how you react to things that try to make you cry. You have the power to stiffen your lip and fix whatever is upsetting you.
Izumi frowned and furrowed her brow. "I can't fix this!"
The crown princess thrust her bloodied hand into Azula's line of sight.
Fine, Azula thought, if she can't fix it; I can.
Azula grabbed Izumi's wrist and wordlessly dragged her through the palace to wash out the wound. The water stung and Izumi snarled but Azula did not say a word or show any emotion until she had bandaged up the little girl's paw.
"There. Fixed," Azula said with a smug demeanor.
"It wouldn't've got fixed if I hadn't cried!" Izumi said and Azula briefly hated her own child.
"Don't be so ungrateful," Azula snapped before reaching out her hands to steady Izumi atop of the counter.
From behind Azula approached the worst of people: her brother.
"You did a really good job," he said after clapping sarcastically. He examined Izumi's bandage as if Azula was unfit to do something that simple. "I'm impressed."
"I hate you," Azula growled, glaring at him.
Zuko laughed. "I complimented you, and you tell me you hate me?"
"I do not need your praise," Azula stated.
"I know you don't," Zuko said. "But I gave you one anyway, and I can't take it back."
Azula glared even more viciously.
Azula caved in to Izumi's demands for a "tuck-in" or whatever it was. It took too much effort. Zuko and Ty Lee were terrible parents. Azula would not have raised a daughter who needed so much comforting just to go the fuck to sleep.
The elder princess did, however, understand one necessary comfort.
"It's acceptable to be afraid of the dark. Many powerful people have been," Azula said quite awkwardly. She did not want to give away that she was afraid of the dark for a long time.
Izumi's expression was doubtful. She punched her pillow.
"It. Is. A. Dumb. Fear," Izumi whined. Her lip trembled yet again, threatening tears that Azula did not want to see or cope with.
"You're not afraid of the dark. You're afraid of what is in it, and that is a fair fear," Azula said. She wanted to confide her own past in Izumi, but she could not find the words.
Izumi sighed into her pillow.
Azula continued snuffing out the excess of candles, one by one.
"It's a bad fear!" Izumi complained.
"It is. All fear is bad. But you can't let it win, can you? The world should fear you; you should not fear the world."
Azula studied Izumi for a moment before darkening the last candle.
