There's a particularly smutty scene in this chapter, but its rated M so it's not like I didn't warn you. Thanks to those who reviewed! This one's for you!
Disclaimer: I do not own The Matrix.
Lux leaned over and kissed Cody as he kissed her back and whispered in her ear, "and what idea is that?"
Lux laughed softly and said, "you'll see. First though… could I take a quick shower?"
Cody looked at her curiously, then said, "yeah, sure. Follow me."
After he showed her to the bathroom and handed her a clean towel to use, Lux thanked him and closed the door behind him. She took a deep breathe, leaning her forehead against the door quietly. It wasn't so much that Lux felt she needed a shower, even though she had done an enormous amount of walking today thanks to Ana, but she needed some time to think by herself.
Lux quickly undressed and got into the shower. She gasped as she turned on the faucet and ice cold water shot her in the face. She forgot to let the water run and let it warm up before she got it.
She suppressed a cry, as she impatiently waited for the water to heat up. Once it had done so, she relaxed and turned her back to the faucet, water streaming down through her hair and over her face. It was almost scalding hot, just the way she liked it. She loved how raw her skin felt afterwards. Cold water just didn't have the same effect.
She hadn't really allowed herself much time to think about Cody leaving since Ana had told her that morning, and she needed to just let some of her restrained emotion out. She cried freely, trying to be silent, and let her tears mingle with the hot water. She felt alone and vulnerable, despite the fact that three other people were going through this with her.
She didn't regret choosing to spend the night with Cody, but realized exactly what it meant. She hadn't talked about it with him. Would he expect her to have sex with him? She didn't think he would, so soon, but suddenly she heard doubt ring out in her mind. Maybe he would. She definitely wasn't ready for that. They both weren't ready for that.
She began to feel very foolish and immature. The last time she was with Cody in his room, they had gone father than she had ever gone with a guy before. Her insecurities were replaced with fear once again. What if she had the chance to be with him tonight and she turned it down, then something happened to him? The thought caused her stomach to tense.
She felt nervous and anxious, and an odd sensation rippled through her body. She started to feel very overwhelmed, and her breathing became heavy and fast. She panicked, quickly turning off the shower and stepping out into the bathroom that had already managed to steam up. It was small and rather dark, even with the artificial light, and she felt claustrophobic, which wasn't helping her calm down. She grabbed the towel Cody had given her to use and wrapped it around her. She dropped her weight to the floor, and knelt with her head down, trying to steady her breaths.
Visions of Cody flashed in her mind, much like the ones that had run through her mind earlier. More than this, she thought of Mode, and even Link, trapped under machinery, crying out for help. She thought of Ana too, devastated as she heard the news of Mode's death.
Lux knew she was overreacting. They hadn't even left yet. Link was a trained and successful captain, and Mode was very experienced. Even Cody was a genius with technology, and she was sure he could handle himself in any situation. Still, she knew that while they were gone she'd wait for the news to arrive that their ship had gone down.
Lux turned her attention to her shaking hands, and noticed how heavy her head felt. She was exhausted and anxious all at once. She got up to her feet shakily and felt her head spin, blurring the already cloudy room. She reached for the door knob and turned it roughly, opening the door and stumbling out, desperate for air that wasn't full of heat and steam. She walked a few feet and felt her legs giving out.
"C-cody!" she tried to call out desperately, but her voice was just a small squeak in her throat. She couldn't hold open her eyes any longer and gave into the darkness, this time hitting the floor hard when she fell.
When Lux opened her eyes, she looked up to see a dark metal ceiling. It took her a few seconds to remember that she was still in Cody's apartment. She heard a noise beside her just a few feet away and looked in the direction. Cody sitting in his desk chair, and he leaned forward with his eyes wide when she looked over.
"I don't know what happened. I heard you fall and found you on the floor. You've only been out a few minutes," he said in a small scared voice.
He continued, "I should have gone to get someone, but I didn't think you'd want anyone to know you were here and… I'm just so glad you woke up."
He covered his mouth with his hand and quickly swallowed. He looked like he might break down in tears, which scared Lux more than her panic attack had.
Lux sat up slowly, her head aching slightly, and she realized she must have hit it pretty hard.
"I was in the shower and I panicked. I tried to call you, but I didn't make it," said Lux, pausing a little between sentences, remembering what happened.
Cody nodded slowly, and said, his voice still strained, "why did you panic?"
Lux said nothing, just looked at herself, realizing she was still just in a towel. He noticed her do this and said, "I just picked you up and brought you in here. I can go get your clothes for you."
He stood and walked out of the room, leaving Lux to go over what had happened once again in her head. She had never had a panic attack before. She had been so scared, and felt relieved that it was over. She probably shouldn't have tried to be alone when she felt like she did.
Cody walked back into the room and handed her the clothes.
"I'll leave you alone so you can get changed, just call me if you need me."
He walked back out, and closed the door. Lux could tell he was still standing just outside, probably listening to make sure she didn't pass out again. Lux felt guilt and deep affection flood into her heart. He realized just how much he must care for her.
Lux moved so she was sitting at the edge of his bed and took off the towel. She put her clothes back on and used the towel to finish drying off her hair, and combed it through with her fingers quickly.
She felt fine now, and got up to open the door herself. Cody had been sitting on the floor, leaning against the door, and fell into the room when Lux opened it quickly. She laughed as he fell into the room clumsily. He looked up at her from the floor and smiled when she laughed.
"Hey," he said, still looking up at her from his back, "do you feel a little better?"
"Much," she replied, helping him up.
Before she knew what happened, Cody had enveloped her in a huge hug, his face buried into her neck. She relaxed against him and just let him hold her like that for a few minutes.
"I'm fine now," she whispered, "don't worry."
He pulled back and looked at her, the same look as before, his eyes heavy with emotion. He said nothing for a few seconds, and then repeated his earlier unanswered question.
"Why did you panic?"
Lux sighed and looked around the room, walking towards the bed, and sitting down. She looked up and saw him still standing in the doorway, as if afraid that if he moved she may not answer him.
"About you leaving tomorrow," she said in a rather shy voice, "I know you'll probably be fine, but…"
She didn't have to finish because he had run across the run and kissed her before she even realized he had moved. He kissed her urgently, forcing her mouth open with his tongue and pushing her back onto the bed, more roughly than the last time they did this. He wasn't nervous anymore, just wanting.
When Cody ran a hand up her thigh, Lux pulled back and looked him in the eye. "Cody…," she said, her breath unsteady.
Cody sighed and kept his hand where it was on the inside of her thigh.
"I love you Lux," he whispered with conviction.
Lux looked at him, her eyes imploring.
"W-what?" she asked him incredulously. She didn't understand why he was saying it… so soon.
"I know it hasn't been that long, but… when you were unconscious… I just got so afraid." He stopped and moved off Lux to sit beside her on the bed, his eyes still locked with hers.
"I understood," he continued, "I understood what it would be like to lose you. I never realized before."
Lux knew it was crazy, and that he was probably just more infatuated than in love. She knew that he was just overly concerned, and that it had been a particularly emotional day. He was just feeling vulnerable. Their sense of limited time had made them both irrational and impulsive. Something in her head though, took over and she pushed her rationale away, and pulled Cody in desperately for a kiss. She needed him so much. She'd never needed anything more in her entire life.
Lux let Cody push her down on his bed and climb back on top of her. He sat up suddenly to pull off his shirt and throw it on his floor, before continuing to kiss her hungrily.
She felt him hard against her leg, and a shock wave of heat ran through her body. She ran her hands up and down his chest and his body stiffened a little. He moved his mouth to suck on her neck and she closed her eyes, enjoying what he was doing to her body. He ran his hand down her chest and started to rub her breast. She moaned softly as his thumb brushed over her nipple lightly.
He moved back to kiss her lips, his tongue exploring the inside of her mouth urgently. Lux tugged at his pants and he began to undo them and take them off, still kissing her. He broke away only for a moment to throw them on the floor with his shirt.
He then reached down to pull off Lux's shirt. She leaned off the bed a little to let him, and then he threw it down by his clothes. He slowly kissed down from her mouth, over her chin and her neck, to plant kisses across her collarbone.
She moved underneath him and he grunted as she moved her leg against his erection. He continued to kiss her chest over her half exposed breasts and Lux felt her body shudder with excitement. They'd barely started and it already felt so good. He stopped and moved his hands under Lux to undo her bra. He got it off quickly, without struggle, and threw it down to the floor.
Lux gasped as he kissed her now exposed nipples, running his tongue lightly over them. She arched her back into him and ran her hands through his hair. Cody stopped and moved down to the foot of the bed, undoing Lux's pants and pulling them off one leg at a time. He was staring at her intently, keeping eye contact, his breath ragged.
She was grateful he seemed as disheveled as she did, since she felt vulnerable being naked in front of him. They each now only had their underwear on, and he lay down beside her, their heads on his pillow.
Lux turned to face him and sighed deeply, afraid to say what she had to say.
"Cody… I… I've never… before."
He put a hand to her cheek and ran it down through her hair, and over her breast before saying, "neither have I."
Lux felt immediately better. She had thought that maybe he was quite experienced, and that thought had bothered her.
"We don't have to," he said next, "I'm perfectly happy just to sleep with you beside me tonight."
Lux had not expecting to do anything tonight with Cody, other than sleep. But since he'd said he loved her, she was willing to throw caution to the wind. She knew it was reckless and she might even regret it later, but she wanted him right now. Looking in his eyes, she felt her fears and insecurities melt away.
"Cody," she said, leaning closer to him, their lips just inches apart, "I want you."
That was all he needed to hear, as he closed the distance between them, kissing her with intensity. Lux thought her body might actually overheat as he moved back on top of her, their bodies now separated by only a thin layer of clothing. He reached down to take off her underwear along with his own. Lux took a sharp intake of breath when his hand ran over her exposed self. She was incredibly turned on, but even more nervous now.
Cody noticed her uneasiness and began to kiss her lips slowly and lovingly, as if willing her to remember why they were doing this. She felt his emotion and relaxed against his touch. He moved so that he was right between her legs and locked his eyes with hers. She nodded and he kissed her once more before slowly moving inside her.
The pain was like nothing she'd ever felt before. She knew it was supposed to be painful the first time, but she had no idea it was this bad. Cody had kept his eyes on hers and when he saw her face contort with pain and let out a choked sob, he stopped, still partly inside her. He was about to pull out when she reassured him by grabbing his shoulders and saying, "no, keeping going. I'm okay."
He kissed her for a few minutes before continuing. The pain was still incredible, but Lux forced herself to persevere, tears rolling down her face. She was completely silent and only moved every once in a while to try to alleviate her pain.
Slowly, the pain began to dull but didn't disappear completely. Cody was moving excruciatingly slow, and she willed him to go faster. She pulled him down to kiss her and ground her hips into his, hoping he'd get the point, since she felt too awkward to voice her desire.
He seemed unsure until she smiled, and he then pushed into her a little faster and deeper. Lux moaned just a little, partly because it was sudden but also because it felt right. He got the hint and sped up a bit more, his breathing becoming more strained. He had a glimmer of sweat on his chest as he thrust into her, making her senses go wild.
He moved his hand up to rub her breast, and she felt a rush of pleasure jolt through her system. When he moved his head down and kissed her breast, his tongue running over her nipple, she felt herself go over the edge and he moaned against her breast. She breathed his name and climaxed. He spilled into her a few seconds later, moaning loudly, his eyes closed and leaning into her chest.
Cody collapsed down on top of her, and she could feel her heart beating quickly and loudly in her chest. She clung to him as if she'd never be able to again, and he looked up to meet her eyes. She smiled back down at him, letting him know she was happy.
"I was afraid I might regret doing that," she said still smiling, "but I know now that I could never. It was perfect."
He smiled back and kissed her fiercely.
"yeah," he replied his breathing still uneven, "it was."
He moved and laid down beside her, pulling her into him.
"I love you," Lux whispered against his chest.
She thought maybe he hadn't heard her until he pulled her against him a little harder. She felt completely full, and for the first time all day she didn't worry about what would happen tomorrow. She felt sure that he would come back to her.
