Chapter 9.
Brain Wash
Igor, Scamper, Brain, Jane, Gorem and Honedge took Eva and went to a Brainwashing Salon. When they got there, they saw man with a fly's head sitting at a desk.
"Next!"
"Hi," said Igor, "I'd like to . . ."
"Hey!" said a Man on a fly's body, "Who you talking to? I'm the head guy here!"
"Oh, excuse me. Sorry," said Igor.
"What the heck is that?" asked Buzz Offmann.
"Its my Aunt Eva," said Igor, "She's getting a little sweet in her old age, so I'd like to evil her up a bit."
He walked up to a notice board that said all kinds of Brain Washes.
"How about the axe murder brain wash?" suggested Igor.
"Oh," said Buzz Offmann, "She must be very special to you."
The Flyman opened a door to a Room, Igor lead Eva into the Room, she sat down on a chair, a large hooker landed on her head and two tiny hookers kept her eye lids opened and she was about to press a Red button when Buzz Offmann stopped her.
"Hey!" shouted Buzz Offmann, "Don't touch that! It's a very complicated system. One wrong button and you'll be watching regular cable. You wanna waste your nephew's money like that? Huh?"
And he pressed the Red button and the T.V began showing a monster movie. The doors of Room 12 closed, the Flyman waved a handkerchief and Room 12 moved off.
"Gosh," said Igor, "I feel like I'm sending my kid off to school for the first time. You know, to learn how to murder."
While Igor, Scamper, Jane, Gorem and Honedge went into the waiting Room, Brain went up to the desk.
"Hi" he said to Buzz Offmann, "How are you? Great wings. Could you squeeze me in for a brain wash too? A nice thorough scrubbing?"
"What are you?" asked Buzz Offmann, "An imbecile?"
"Oh, parley italian," said Brain, "Taco grande to meet you."
"Yeah," said Buzz Offmann, "Take Brain to Room number 4."
In The Waiting Room:
Igor climbed into a large chair while Scamper, Jane, Gorem and Honedge were looking throught a Card stand. Jane took one Card and it read on the front:
Wish You Weren't There.
This Card teleports your enemy to you
So you can destroy him in person.
"Wow," said Jane, "Some of these Cards are darn well weird."
"But what happened to Cards that just blew your head off?" asked Scamper.
"Just think Jane," said Igor, "In a few short moments, I'm gonna have the most evil invention of all time. It's my whole life savings, but I think I'll treat myself. Oh, my hunch!"
Scamper took another card and it read on the front:
Happy Mother's Day
Scamper open it and something banged in his face, but his face popped back up.
"See?" he said, "That's what I'm talking about. Simple, elegant, classic."
"Hold on just a minute," said Gorem, "Where did Brain go?"
In Room 4:
"You've seen a lot or brains, I'm sure," said Brain, "Mine's bigger than average, right? No? Hello? Can you even talk? Canadians! I'll just watch TV."
Brain grabbed the remote control but he accidently dropped it in the water.
"Whoops!" said Brain, "Butterfingers."
Brain picked up the remote and pressed on it a few times but the TV did not come on.
"Oh, . . . great!" said Brain. He got out of Room 4 and went over to Room 12 where Eva was.
"Hey, monster," he said, "Can I borrow your remote? Thank you."
Brain went back to Room 4 and clicked on the remote but the TV still would not turn on.
"Aw, come on!" said Brain angrily. The TV in Room 12 changed over to a TV show about Acting.
To plumb the depths
Of Blanche Dubois in "Streetcar"
Is the ulimate challenge
For any modern actress.
Back with Igor, Scamper, Jane, Gorem and Honedge:
Igor, Scamper, Jane, Gorem and Honedge were still waiting.
"Well," said Igor, "Our evil burn should be out of the oven soon."
Rooms 4 and I2 turned up and came to a halt. The Flyman opened the doors of Room 4 and Brain came out.
"Estephan," said Brain, "You're a magician!"
"Where have you been?" asked Gorem.
"For a Brain Wash," said Brain.
The Flyman opened the doors of Room 12.
"I don't hear anything," said Igor as he crept up the Ramp. Suddenly Eva roared.
"It worked," said Jane.
"They did too much," said Gorem.
"Oh, was it?" asked Eva, "Was I too much? I was pushing, wasn't I? It was only a vocal exercise, but it's a beginner's mistake. I have to own that. That's just where I am. If only I knew whether I had the "it" factor. But you can't learn that, you just have to be born with it. Oh, listen to me going on and on about me, me, me. Let's talk about you, Jane. Do you think I have "it"?"
Igor walked into the Room and insecpted the TV progamme.
Let's thank our guest,
Who has taught us in one hour
A lifetime worth of lessons in acting.
"Acting?" said Igor, "Who changed the channel? Wait, where's the remote?"
"Move it!" said Buzz Offmann, "I need this room."
"No!" said Igor, "We need to un – brain wash her!"
"No can do, pal," said Buzz Offmann, "Every wash comes with a sealant guaranteed to last a lifetime. In other words, . . . buzz off!"
Igor, Eva, Scamper, Brain, Jane, Gorem and Honedge left the Brainwashing Salon and were heading back to Dr Glickenstein's Castle.
"Okay, things to do," said Eva, "Sign up for yoga classes, get new headshots, adopt children from all over the world. Oh, time for my elocution exercises. I need a box of biscuits. I need a box of biscuits."
"It's just faliure after faliure," said Igor, who sat in the front seat with Scamper, Jane, Gorem and Honedge.
"After faliure after faliure," said Scamper and Igor glared at him.
"Sorry," said Scamper, "I thought we were counting off all your faliures."
"We will just have to find another way to make Eva evil," said Jane.
"I need a box of biscuits," said Eva, "A box of mixed biscuits . . . Stop the carriage."
Igor quickly stop the vechiel.
"What's the matter?" asked Gorem.
"I don't mean to be a prima donna," said Eva, "But I need a bigger trailer."
"After failure after failure," said Igor banging his head on the steering wheel.
"After failure after failure after . . ." said Scamper.
Igor pulled a lever, the engine roared and Igor, Eva, Scamper, Brain, Jane, Gorem and Honedge countined on to Dr Glickenstein's Castle but unknown to them Dr Schadenfreude and his two minions were following them.
"That monster is about to be mine," said Dr Schadenfreude.
"Oh, really?" asked Jacyln, "How?"
"Well, with a little something I just stole for the occasion, ok," said Dr Schadenfreude. He put some goggles over his eyes, then he pressed a button and a large Gun appeared.
