Ohayo Tokyo! Konban wa New York! Konnichiwa London! CJzilla here throwing out another chapter to "Overdrive"! Woo! Sorry for the long wait, I had things to do... (CJzilla licks spoon and puts it on her nose) TA DA! Okay, enough of that, here's the fic!
As I take out the ground forces of this city, alls CJzilla has to roar is this: Hate on me, love on me... I don't care.
DK shook his head. Did Bowser love himself? You bet your sweet bipy he did.
Looking over the course, at least from what he could see from leaning on the DK Jumbo's side, DK traced the track with his eyes. He could definitely feel the heat from the lava from the Bowser-shaped entryway. Sitting in forth position, the ape could see inside the castle. There were four Whomps on either side of an island in the middle of the entry. They were sitting patiently for the race to start. The Whomps seemed to know that they'd have plenty of racers to smash, so they were more than happy to wait the twenty minuets before the race started. Then the course took a turn and was out of sight. Looking to another level, DK saw an exposed hair-pin turn before the track went into one of the castle's spires. To his farthest left, the gorilla saw a huge nose-bleed jump before the track came back to the starting line. DK was pretty sure he heard Bowser's laugh every few seconds.
DK shook his head again. This was a little much, even for Bowser. But from loitering around their kart, DK and Dry Bones could hear what the other racers were saying.
"You are-a so conceited-a," Luigi grumbled over his shoulder at Bowser, his arms crossed as he leaned against the Koopa King kart.
Bowser, who was sitting in the driver's seat, jumped up onto his seat.
"I am not!" King Koopa returned with the maturity of a twelve-year-old.
"Says-a the Bowser souvenir-a stand-a," Luigi pointed at a stand.
For some weird reason, Yoshi was buying a T-shirt that said: "I Bowser" from the souvenir stand. The other racers gave the green dinosaur a crazy look. Purring and hugging his new clothing item, Yoshi ran back to his kart.
"Hey, I let y'all race in my castle!" Bowser pointed at Luigi before defiantly crossing his arms. "I am entitled to exploit everyone's love of me."
Luigi slapped his forehead.
"You-a sure you-a don't love-a yourself-a too much-a, Bowser?" the green-clad plumber asked a rhetorical question.
"All right, so maybe the Bowser-fan beer-bottle cozies were a little much," the king of all Koopa-kind voiced, scratching his chin thoughtfully. "But I deserve every bit of it!"
"You-a are-a such a Cheese Munch-a, Bowser! You know-a that?!" Mario hollered up from being in 7th place.
"Am not, MARIO!" Bowser shook a fist at his archenemy, standing on his tip-toes from standing on his kart's seat. "I'm a goll-dern sexual tyrannosaurus! Am I right ladies?!"
Toadette and Birdo screamed in horror/nausea as the other male racers stifled a laugh.
"They're into me," Bowser looked at Luigi as he tossed a finger over in the girls' direction.
DK doubled over laughing.
"You're-a sure as-a heck not-a as sexy as-a me!" Waluigi blasted from 2nd place.
"Can it Waloogie!" the Koopa king shouted back. "A cow-pie is better looking than you!"
"Says the-a over-grown-a turtle with-a cadaver breath-a!" Waluigi shot back. "You-a are so desperate-a, you gotta capture-a chicks just-a to get-a date!"
"Oh yeah?!" Bowser snarled. "At least I get some action!"
Waluigi gasped, shocked. Luigi laughed.
"And you!" Bowser pushed down Luigi's hat. "You are so pathetic, you want a date with that Sarsaland princess but you are too lily-livered to do anything about it!"
Luigi pulled up his hat.
"At-a least I don't-a have to-a capture-a princesses to-a get them interested-a in-a me," the younger Mario brother smirked at his DD partner.
Bowser blew a raspberry.
"Yeah, well, you probably have a chocolate bar or something around your neck all the time," the Koopa king crossed his arms in a pout.
"Tried it-a!" Waluigi interjected. "Doesn't-a work."
Everyone gave Waluigi a weird look.
"Why-a don't-a you all-a agree that I am-a sexier than-a all of-a you?" Wario shouted from 1st place. "I'm-a too sexy for-a this race, all of-a you and my shirt-a!"
Even Bowser threw up a little at that one.
"For the love of humanity Wario!" Bowser winced. "Keep your shirt on!"
"I'm-a too sexy-a for humanity-a too," Wario stuck his nose in the air as he started to take off his shirt.
As the other racers immediately looked away DK and Dry Bones' eyes were all ready closed from laughing so hard. DK couldn't stand straight and Dry Bones collapsed into a pile of laughing bones.
Meanwhile, in their government funded safe-house, Princess Daisy and Peach sat in front of their television watching the pasty mug of some announcer dude as he killed some time with stats about the racers before the race started.
"Man, these announcer men are getting uglier and uglier," Peach voiced sitting back on the couch. "I wish they'd get some better looking men to announce stuff that I don't care about."
Daisy snorted on her cheese doodle before she swallowed.
"You totally mean Mario, Peach," the Sarsaland princess teased.
"Of course!" Peach giggled and blushed. "Mario's so cute!"
Daisy laughed, rocking back in her chair.
"You'd watch the sports channel a lot more too if they had Luigi co-anchor Mario," Peach returned the tease.
"Well duh!" Daisy returned like she was stupid. "Then it'd totally be worth watching this boring channel!"
The girls shared a big laugh.
Back at the races…
It was Dry Bones' turn to give the DK Jumbo a push. So he and the rest of the racers in the Thrower position made starting blocks with their feet as Latiku flew above them on his little cloud.
"If you die, you die with honor!" the Japanese flagger beamed, holding the unlit starting lights. "But I get to keep your stuff!"
DK chuckled, shaking his head. Of course the flagger wasn't serious… about keeping their stuff.
"Start-a the race-a all ready-a!" Wario shook his fist at Latiku.
Sticking out his tongue at the Mario-opposite, Latiku started up the lights.
Red…
Yellow…
Green…
With a squeal of tires and a huge cloud of exhaust and dust, the racers were gone, leaving the flagger blackened with dirt. Latiku let out a cough.
Blazing over the gates, DK and Dry Bones saw trouble. Instead of just being normal road-blocks, the Whomps were moving vertically, rising in the air momentarily before crashing down on the floor. So the drivers had to time things between hitting an item block and zipping under the Whomps without getting squished. DK struck an item block, but he didn't look down to see what item they got. Instead, the ape kept his eyes on the course as he zipped under the first Whomp. The block of living stone came free-falling down, inches from the tail end of the DK Jumbo.
Even Dry Bones got scared on that one. Flying to the side, since the second Whomp had all ready hit the floor, DK steered the kart away from the road-block.
"What item do we got Bones?" DK called back to his partner.
Dry Bones chattered the answer. DK shook his head. Just one solo mushroom. In normal circumstances, the ape would be happy to see it, but since he and Dry Bones were to throw this race, DK punched the item with hesitation. They rocketed around the corner, diving head-first into an unknown zone.
DK saw the Whomp too late. Shutting his eyes, there was no way the DK Jumbo could avoid that big Whomp in this tiny hallway. In a squeal of tires and grinding of metal on rock, the DK Jumbo came to a dead stop on the Whomp. They were stopped cold in the hallway. DK and Dry Bones barely had another second to shake the rocks from their heads when more racers joined the pile up. Bowser and Luigi hit the DK Jumbo and hopelessly pinned both karts to the Whomp. Petey Piranha and Waluigi slammed into the Koopa King kart.
"What the hey?!" Bowser shook his fist at Petey and Waluigi.
"Get-a outta da way-a!" Waluigi snarled.
DK sat up from slumped over the DK Jumbo's steering wheel.
"None of us can move!" the ape shouted, head in his hand. "Just-!"
But he was cut off. As other racers zipped around the corner, they didn't have a chance to join the kart pile-up because the Mario Brother babies had a star. DK's eyes went wide as he watched the two toddlers come flying toward them, their star item screaming. The Mario Brother babies plowed through the other racers, shooting them sky high. Petey Piranha and Waluigi didn't even see them coming and they were creamed like a bug on a windshield. Then the babies blasted through Bowser and Luigi before exploding into DK and Dry Bones and blowing the Whomp into a million pieces. The racers were tumbling through the air like dizzy confetti.
When DK and Dry Bones landed, there was a lot of confusion to which way was up and which direction the finish line was in. And DK certainly didn't know. Dry Bones shouted for a switch and the ape did as he was told. Gripping the Thrower position, DK let his world come back to reality. Dry Bones maneuvered the DK Jumbo back on the right track. DK opened his eyes just in time to see King Boo and Toadette take first position.
DK scowled at watching Boo speed of around the next corner and out of sight. Well, if they were going to throw this race, this part of it sure looked convincing.
Meanwhile, in their secret, secret government safe house…
Daisy starred at the TV screen as the Bowser's Castle course went on. The Sarsaland princess noticed something different with DK's driving. Peach was nervously watching with her fellow princess, her hands clasped tightly together.
"He hesitated," Daisy suddenly blurted out.
"What?" Peach asked, confused.
"DK hesitated to use that mushroom," Daisy repeated walking up to the television and sitting on her knees. "Right before they hit that Whomp… DK hesitated to fire off the turbo mushroom…"
The Sarsaland princess studied the television screen.
"Maybe it was just an accident," Peach voiced. "I don't think he meant it. Why would he? Both DB and DK need to place high just to get a trophy."
Daisy hummed in reply, her big blue eyes fixed on the screen.
"Maybe you're right,"
Turning around the next corner, Dry Bones and DK's eyes came to a large, square, metal grate that hung above a pit of bubbling lava. The magma heated the grate that DK was sure he heard the DK Jumbo's tires sizzle when they met it. Out of the corner of his eye, DK saw fireballs leaping out of the magma and through the holes in the grate.
"Left, DB! LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!" DK shouted as he watched a fireball blast up from the lava to their right.
Dry Bones pulled the DK Jumbo to the left even when the ape fist was pounding on his head. A fireball nearly took out half of the DK Jumbo. DK gave a scared laugh
"Hey Bones!" the ape called to his partner as they hit the jump at the end of the grate. "You bring barbecue sauce? We could cook Toad up over this lava!"
Dry Bones laughed as the items from the item block they struck settled.
DK and Dry Bones drifted around the spiral-shape that the course took. They came to another room in the castle, one that had a wall of rotating fireballs. In between the fireballs was enough space for a kart to squeeze through but you'd have to be 110˚ accurate. With a smile, DK tapped Dry Bones on the head.
"Switch!" the ape called.
Dry Bones did as he was told and flipped to the Thrower position. DK took the wheel. As the moving, suspended fireballs rotated, he slammed his foot down on the accelerator. The DK Jumbo zipped through the inferno at the last second. As Dry Bones tried to douse the flaming sides of their kart, the other racers behind them hit the moving wall of flames. DK thought he smelt bacon.
Flying around another left hair pin turn, the carpeted track gave way to a short cobble-stone hallway and another hair pin left turn. As the duo of DK and Dry Bones came to the last lefty hair pin turn of that short hallway, a red turtle shell was shot up from one of the racers behind them. It couldn't have happened at a worse time. Just as the turned, the weapon struck the kart, sending the DK Jumbo spinning. The kart, DK and Dry Bones fell over the side of the castle and out of bounds.
R&R! LONG LIVE ROCK!
