Thank you to all the people who reviewed! This is one of my favourite stories. I also have a new story called Obliviate out, another HP fanfic, but it's Hr/D just so you know if you want to check that out! Anyway onward with the story. BTW: Sorry about all the songs, I needed to fit them in!
Disclaimer: Read the first chapter for full disclaimer. Also just because this contain student/teacher relations does not mean I approve of them. Also before anything happens, Hermione will be 18. Just so you know!
Crash and Burn
Chapter 9 Find a Bridge and Jump off It
Hermione woke up with a pounding headache. She opened her eyes and tried to sit up. The memory of yesterday came back to her and she dropped back down making her head ache worse. The thought of marrying Snape made her throw up a little in her mouth. She slowly sat up and looked in the mirror. She was dressed in yesterday's wrinkly clothes and her face was tear stained red. She tried to smile at her reflection, but all she could manage was a grimace.
How was she the same girl who not even a month ago had been hanging out and having fun with her friends? She couldn't be. That girl was normal, she had fun, and she had guy friends, who weren't in danger for their lives. That girl wasn't being asked to marry her evil and demented Professor, that girl had everything Hermione wanted at that very moment, except magic. Hermione couldn't deny that she loved her magic. She just hated everything that came with it, especially this.
She walked in to her bathroom and pulled out pain killers to get rid of her head ache. She grabbed her house coat and a towel and headed for the shower. She could always clear her head in the shower. It was like sweet bliss, being alone, her self and her full body, with no judging eyes. Of course there was the fact that it was just a shower/ bath tub and she had to close her eyes to envision being anywhere else. She didn't mind though. She turned the knob to her usual hot, but not scalding, temperature and stepped in.
She let the water stream all over her body and felt the warmth curl up inside her. She wet her hair and grabbed her favourite shampoo and massaged it gently into her hair. It smelt fruity and flowery, giving a sweet smell throughout the shower. She washed it out of her hair and washed her body. She stood in silence letting the water fall over her, before her emotions over came her and she broke down into tears again. Then a song came into her head and she slowly began to sing.
Gotta
find your inner strength
If you can't then just throw life
away
Gotta learn to rely on you
She hugged
herself tightly; she was scared to think of any man that she didn't
want seeing her like this. Beauty, strength, and wisdom,
too
You're beautiful inside and out
Lead a great life without a
doubt
Don't
need a man to make things fair
'Cuz more than likely he won't be
there
Listen girl, gotta know it's true
In the end all you've
got is you
She slid down and sat down and let the shower hit her back as she curled into a ball and let sobs take over her.
Hermione didn't come down to breakfast that morning. She didn't show up for her morning classes. She sat curled up on the sofa in her common room when Jennie's face appeared in the portrait.
"Hermione dear, have you been in here all day?"
Hermione just looked at her a sighed.
"Have you eaten anything?"
"Well, I didn't really have any supper last night so I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday." said Hermione meekly.
"Oh my! Well this will just not do, not at all! You get yourself down to the great hall and get some food in you!" she demanded.
"I'll throw it up anyway, I did already once today." Hermione said snuggling more into the blanket she wrapped around herself. Fresh tears were now springing to her eyes.
"Do not make me get the Headmaster in here!" she threatened.
"I don't care." Hermione said blandly.
"You friends have been at my portrait all day trying to guess the password and demanding that I let them in. I will do it you know!" she threatened again.
"I can just ward my bedroom, simple." Hermione said.
"Hermione Granger! You get down to that hall right now!"
"No! I'm not just some pawn! I'm a person! A person! I have feelings! I deserve to know what is going to happen in my life if not before anyone else! I do NOT need to be protected and so help me I will rip your portrait to shreds as well as anyone who dares tell me otherwise!" Hermione screamed with rage as she stormed up to her room.
Hermione never left her rooms the next day, only to use the loo and shower. She stayed in her room, sleeping from exhaustion. She sang to herself and listened to another song on the CD.
Do you
ever feel like breaking down? No you don't know what it's like To
be hurt Do you
wanna be somebody else? No you don't know what it's like To be hurt No one ever lied straight to your face To be hurt To be hurt
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like
somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you
ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With
the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you
screaming
When nothing
feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be
on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No
you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are
you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are
you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone
around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep
inside you're bleeding
When
nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be
like me
To feel lost
To be left out in the
dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been
pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's
there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to
my life
And no one
ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not
gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You
never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's
like, what it's like
To feel lost
To be left
out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like
you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And
no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what
it's like)
To feel lost
To be left out in the
dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been
pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's
there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to
my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
She buried her face into her pillow and drifted into nothingness once more.
Yet another day passed and she woke up with a painful growling stomach. She looked at her dresser and on it were some pancakes and a note from the headmaster.
Hermione,
You professors have informed me that you have not been to class in the last three days; also your absence has been noted at meal times. I have taken the liberty of having the house elves make you a rather delicious stack of pancakes. I expect you to be down at the Great Hall for lunch, and in your classes by tomorrow, please think over the decision. You only have two days left. By no means do I wish to rush you. By the way I turned of the music you were listening to; it was rather sad and depressing. I had you down as a joyful music person, maybe it's just temporary.
Dumbledore
Hermione crumpled the letter and grabbed her wand and set it a flame. She eyed the pancakes wearily and took a bite. Her stomach tossed and turned as her thoughts shifted to the decision that need to be made in the near future. She took the pancakes and tossed them out.
She turned on the radio station and set it to the one her and her friends always listened to.
Hellooooo Listeners, next up is a person favourite of mine it's the new single by Kelly Clarkson called Hear Me, so let's get it playing!
Hear
me You gotta be out there Hear
me Hear me I used to be
scared of Hear
me I'm
restless and wild Hear
me
Hear me
You gotta be
somewhere
Wherever you are
I'm waiting
'Cause there are
these nights when
I sing myself to sleep
And I'm hopin' my
dreams
Bring you close to me
Are you listening?
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside
down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I
need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear
me
Can you hear me?
Hear me
Letting someone in
But it gets so lonely
Being on
my own
No one to talk to
And no one to hold me
I'm not
always strong
Oh, I need you here
Are you listening?
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside
down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I
need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
I fall, but I try
I need someone to
understand
Can you hear me?
I'm lost in my thoughts
And baby
I've fought
For all that I've got
Can you hear me?
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside
down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I
need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear
me
Hear me
Hear me
Can you hear me?
Hear me
Can you
hear me?
Oh, oh, oh, oh...
Hear me
Hear me
Hermione turned off the stereo. She needed to get out of here. She showered quickly and let her hair stay how it was after she dried it. She changed into her favourite jeans, the ones her friends had stitched their names in, for fun, and her favourite t-shirt that said 'I love hockey players' on it and left.
"'Bout time you got out of here." Jennie commented.
Hermione clanked at her watch, everyone should be in their first class, she knew Harry and Ron were in charms and Ginny was in Herbology. So she quickly headed off towards the grounds and found solace by the lake.
She stared out towards the water. No one was around outside, it was peaceful and quiet. Hermione started humming a tune her friends and her always sang and then started to sing a little louder with every note. She stood up and began to sing out loud as she walked by the lake.
I know there's someone
Somewhere
Someone
Who's sure to find me
Soon
after the rain goes
there are rainbows
I'll find my rainbow soon
Soon it'll be all be just pretend
Soon a happy ending
Love
Can you hear me
If you're near me
sing your song
sure and strong and
Soon
Suddenly she got the feeling she was being watched. She turned and no one was there. She shivered slightly. She walked towards to lake and ran her fingers through the water then took off her shoe and sock and dipped her foot in the cool water, and moved it around slowly letting the water rush around her. It wasn't very warm out and she knew it was crazy, but she needed to feel something, something other then the emptiness that was eating her alive inside.
"Miss Granger, you'll be sure to catch a death of cold if you continue." sneered a voice from the shadows.
She whipped around and drew her foot quickly from the water. She saw Snape come out of the shadows.
"What are you doing here?" she sneered with a scowl worthy of Snape himself.
"I believe these grounds are not your private property and therefore I'm allowed to go anywhere I please." he glared down at her.
"You were spying on me! Didn't you do enough of that this summer? Or do you get your kicks watching underage girls?" she snarled.
"Miss Granger that is the second time you have accused me of wanting underage women, which you being 17 are not. I am still your teacher and twenty points from Gryffindor!" he snapped back.
"In the muggle world I'm still a child. You know what? Whatever, I'm going to my rooms." she made to leave.
"Albus wouldn't want you to miss lunch for the third day in a row, and I'm sure Mr. Potter and Weasley are anxious for your return." he drawled.
"It's none of your business when I eat or where I eat, also as for Ron and Harry they can keep worrying." she snapped and made to leave again.
"I do believe that as your soon to be fiancé that whether you are eating or not concerns me." he said in a slightly lighter tone. She missed it and continued to rage.
"Fiancé? You? What makes you think I'm going to marry you! I would rather return to the muggle world. Heaven knows you've seen I can cope just fine there and I have friends as well. So good bye." she tried to storm off again but this time he grabbed her by the wrist hard and pulled her toward him and faced her glaring daggers.
"Do not be so stupid Miss Granger! You can not just give up being a witch, do you have any idea how powerful you are?" he asked.
"I don't think you are listening! I . do. not. care! It's my life and I don't want this, I think I'm entitled to make my own decisions, as you said, I'm considered an adult in this world at least!" she yelled trying to break free.
"You are acting stupid, Miss Granger! And like a child, I expected you to be more civilised! To try and be tactful, what about your so called Gryffindor courage? I've seen you this past summer where the Gryffindor courage seemed to be forgotten on you. This seems to be no exception." he sneered.
"Why you…you know what? You have no right to judge me or my actions and your opinion is neither desired or required, so kindly get out of my face!" she glared and successfully got out of his grip and took off.
Hermione trudged up to the castle in a huff. She would have been crying right now if it were not for the fact that she seemed to have run out of tears, which made her even more sad, that all she could manage were dry sobs the hurt her empty stomach.
She walked the corridors towards her rooms when she heard someone walking behind her. She moved to turn around as the person grabbed her shoulders and faced her towards them.
"Malfoy!" she yelled.
"Hello Granger. Haven't seen much of you lately." he smirked.
"Let me go Malfoy. I'm in no mood for you!" she said trying to move. Why the hell does this have to happen to me? What did I do? God must hate me, either that or the devil has him hostage.
"Oh but dear Granger, I'm so in the mood for you." she purred kissing her neck.
"Get off me!" she screamed trying to push him away. She smacked him as hard as she could muster across the cheek.
"Ow!" he yelled.
"Now fuck off!" she screamed!
"I'd rather fuck on, you get better results." he smirked, moving into seductive mode again.
"I've heard better comebacks from people in comas, you arrogant little piece of shit!" she barked at him.
"I'll bet. Anyway I just wanted to give you a taster of life with a Malfoy. Rule #1: You must always obey me, better start now!" he grinned evilly.
"I will NEVER marry you! Never!" she yelled at she brandished her wand and within second Malfoy was knocked out on his back and sprouting little lumps all over his body.
She stood there over his motionless body, oh he was still alive, she just knocked him out for an hour of two, or until someone undid the spell. She took off down another corridor. More people were coming through the halls, apparently lunch was finished and the students were taking advantage of their free time before classes. She rushed towards her portraits corridor. She walked down and at her portrait waiting was Harry, Ron and Ginny.
She stopped in her tracks as they turned to look at her.
"Hermione…" Harry began.
"Don't want to hear it Harry." she tried brushing past him.
"Hermione listen to us, you have to understand we had to protect you!" Ginny pleaded.
"Lot of good that's done!" I yelled.
"Just hear us out and let us be there for you, we will help you make the right choice!" Ron said.
"I've already made my choice thanks." she stated coldly.
"What do you mean?" Ginny asked.
"I've chosen what I'm going to do." I repeated more clearly.
"So you already see what we were talking about before! I knew you would be rational! See I told you Ron, she is smart and will do it. We'll be here the whole way Hermione." Harry said shocked yet happy.
"Actually Harry, I've chosen something else, on my own." she said bracing herself for the yelling.
"What are you talking about?" Ron and Ginny asked.
"I'm going…back to the muggle world. I'm breaking my wand and I'm leaving, for good." Hermione said blandly.
They went instantly into an uproar. Harry tried to reason with her as Ron yelled at her for being stupid while Ginny started crying and begging for her to reconsider.
"Quiet! Now please leave me alone. Consider this cutting ties, I'm leaving the day of my birthday, I'm going home, and I'll live my life like this never happened. We will all go on with our lives. Now kindly get out of mine." she said trying to pass them. Ron and Harry gripped her shoulders and held her still and tried to reason with her.
"I wouldn't piss me of today if I were you guys! I'm on a roll and I'm running out of places to hide the bodies!" she sneered at them.
"Listen Hermione, you are going through shock still! Your not thinking clearly. Just reconsider! You know this isn't easy for us either!" Ginny yelled.
"Oh, cry me a river, I'll find you a bridge, then do me a favour, jump off of it, because I don't give a shit!" she said pushing them away. They had betrayed her, lied to her, hid secrets from her, and made her feel like she was five years old. Made her feel useless and helpless.
She felt dizzy and tried to walk but her legs buckled under her as she fell to the ground.
"Hermione!" they all yelled.
Ginny looked at her quizzically then looked at Hermione serious.
"Hermione? When was the last time you ate?" Ginny asked.
"Whenever lunch was the day a found out." Hermione whispered light headily.
"Oh my god. Hermione! Harry, Ron get Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Madame Pomfrey. Quickly!" Ginny yelled holding Hermione on the floor.
The boys took off.
"Hermione? I'm sorry, I am. If I knew…Hermione?" Ginny asked as she tried to get Hermione's attention but she had already passed out from lack of nutrition.
The meeting that took place in Dumbledore's office consisted of McGonagall, Snape, Mrs. Weasley, Tonks, Kingsley, Flitwick, and Lupin.
"Look what's happened to her already Albus! She could have killed herself from lack of food!" Mrs. Weasley yelled.
"I sincerely doubt three days without food would kill her, she could make a week, but with little strength. However, Albus what indeed were you thinking?" Snape sneered.
"Harry came to me today when he was forced out of the hospital wing. Apparently the worst has happened. Hermione wants to go back to the muggle world." Lupin said seriously.
"Indeed, Severus were you not just explaining that very meeting you had with Ms. Granger to Minerva and I before the boys found us?" Albus suggested.
"Yes, and apparently she had a run in with Mr. Malfoy as well, she knocked him out for awhile, which I will have to dock points off for." he stated.
"You're marrying the girl! Can't you take it easy on her, she's had a rough couple of days! Don't you remember how happy she looked back in August? Not at Head quarters! Before then. Don't you remember? I'm sure you do! I do, the pool part at that girl…I think her name was Lisa. Yeah the party at Lisa's still is embedded in my mind! Her dancing with her friends, singing, swimming, and having fun! She was happy! Here let me refresh your memory! It was the only day assignment you took with me!" she said raising her voice. She took out the pensive and took the memory out of her head. She motioned for the others to follow her into the memory.
Snape followed in after the others. They all stood in awe at the girl before them. She entered the house with one of her friends and immediately started conversing with the few people there. They then went into the pool which they all thought was freezing. He chuckled as she decided to just get it over with and jump in.
Some of the members were in shock at the scream of joy and happiness as Hermione landed into the cool water. The music was blasting not to loudly in the background. Judging by the conversation they were listening to Greenday.
The girls all played around and played water volleyball, the Order members all looked at Hermione with awe. She was laughing and giggling in a way most of them, except Tonks, Kingsley, and himself, perhaps Dumbledore, had never seen. Her friends decided to make a current in the pool and they kept walking around the pool until the current was strong enough to carry them. Hermione tried to go against the current and almost succeed before she fell backwards and washed into her other friend who in turn began to laugh and go against the current with Hermione.
The girls exited the pool and went to eat afterwards some of the girls decided to go into the pool again while Hermione and two others decided to soak in the sun.
"Hey Lisae put on the Black Eyed Peas! " her friend yelled. Hermione giggled slightly.
"You and the Black Eyed Peas, but seriously the girl singer doesn't sound at all like on the CD!" Hermione scolded.
"I don't care turn it up!"
A song came on called 'My Humps'. Hermione and a girl named Laura began to sing it and dance a bit to it.
"How the hell to you wiggle your hips like that Hermione?" Lisa asked, frustrated.
"Easy, just rotate them and do it faster and faster and move your body in a wavy motion and combine whatever feels natural!" Hermione laughed while demonstrating.
"Ok Hermione we get it, you have a fantastic body! Stop shaking it!" called a girl laughing from the pool.
"But I like to shake it," Hermione began sang along with song, "Don't pull on my hand boy, you ain't my man boy, I'm just trying to dance boy and move my hump!"
The adults who were watching eyes grew wide as Hermione danced around in the bathing suit and towel and her friends laughed. Then all of a sudden a girl came from behind and yelled 'Gotcha!' and pointed a devise at Hermione that squirted water. She chased Hermione around the yard with Hermione shrieking. Another girl was after the other girl sunbathing. They were chanting for them to get into the pool. Hermione walked up the steps to the pool and jumped in. The other girl followed.
The girls proceeded to have a water fight in the pool.
"Do you all get it now?" Tonks asked. As she pulled everyone from the memory.
The others looked confused, saddened and frustrated.
Snape couldn't help but wish that Hermione would smile like that again. Even if it would never be for him. He scowled at the thought of her becoming a muggle again. It might make her happy, but it defiantly wouldn't work.
They sat around and discussed what they were going to do. So far, things were slowly spiralling downwards.
A/N: Sorry about the crappy pensieve scene, I needed to get it over with and I tried to include a little bit but nothing over exceedingly. The main point was just that she was really happy. Nothing to significant happened so I tried to break it down to the basics. Forgive me for the songs, but I like them and I won' put that many in the next chapter. The next chappy should be short. Anyway plz review. And to all who have, thanks! (I'm not sure if this is one of my better chapters. Please give reviews! I love to hear all the nice comments!)
