A/N: You know, it occurs to me that, it's easy to be on schedule when there is no schedule.

And I've never done anything easy in my life, so from now on I'm gonna strive to get at least one chapter out a week…

And when that blows up in my face, I'm gonna get at least on chapter out a month.

And this time, I mean it…really…I do…just you watch…

Reviewer response time!

Ok let's see here…where to start…not much to choose from, frankly I'm a little disappointed, but I'm willing to over look that for now…Ah here we go.

DaveNew – I am also glad to hear that I am still alive. I was beginning to worry after the third month of endless soul crushing monotony, but you'd be surprised what you could live through.

I appreciate you're appreciation for the intensity of my fight scenes.

In regards to the orb honestly…I don't know either. Really it was one of those spur of the moment decision that may or may not have a larger impact on the story later on, we'll find out together most likely.

And I'm not your Man Pal! And I look forward to your next review…if it's not to presumptuous of me.

Kyugan – I have no doubt that I'll meet my future wife (A/N: Ha ha as if) under similar circumstances. Yes Dante assumed Ichigo and Rukia were in fact demons, mostly because he has no idea what the hell a soul reaper is or what it's spiritual pressure felt like, or what spiritual pressure was for that matter…

But I'm getting ahead of myself, Dante's difficulties with the supernatural will be explained in detail in this chapter right here.

Enjoy.

Heronkai – Damn it…and here I was all ready to take your appendix for my own use. Yes the Death Scythe was from DMC 1, a mini boss of sorts you could call it, was a big pain in my ass before I got the knack of killing it. The finishing move was inspired by DMC2, I wouldn't exactly call it a direct rip off, but then again if it was then that would be plagiarism, and I'm decidedly adverse to getting sued over a little things like blatant copy right infringement.

And I'll personally injury myself as much as I want thank you very much. Your concern touches a small part of me that would be considered my emotions if I were a women and therefore had any, and I thank you for that if nothing else.

YJ – I keep you hanging because I DON'T LIKE YOU!

Everyone can read the next chapter EXPECT YOU!

…so don't you scroll down…I mean it..I'll know if you do too…I'm psychic like that…

At any rate, I am aware of Dante's double pistol usage, I just haven't had the opportunity to exploit that to it's potential just yet. Don't worry though there will be gun play aplenty before all is said and done.

Not that you'll ever get to read those parts my MORTAL ENEMY!

PyscoticBladeKitty – I'd advise you to seek medical attention, as that reaction just isn't normal.

Seriously, you could die!

Life threatening matters aside I have to say I like you name, obvious misspelling of Psychotic aside. I suppose it's my deep rooted affinity for cats…no matter how much the little demons plot my destruction…and poop on my bed…

Vongola Primo – Yep I was going for something biblical there in the beginning, you know, to set the tone. Surprisingly you were one of the few people to pick up on that. Nice catch.

P.S.

It's come to my attention that there is a review reply button next to each review. With this knowledge I've decided that this shall be my future means of replying to you all. Hopefully enticing some more reviews out of you blood sucking leeches. Although I'll probably end up doing that, and the above format, just to spread the hilarity (self proclaimed or otherwise) around. Also because it adds false length to my story…there I said it…

And speaking of Story…


Bleach

The Devils Cry

Chapter 8: And then the two Dead People Followed me Home

Or…

Story of My Life, as told by a Suicidal Immortal


It definitely wasn't the weirdest walk home Dante had ever endured.

Though it was safe to say it broke the top three, what with the twice eviscerated strawberry blond kid on his shoulder, and his 'lightening shooting from her friggen finger tips' girlfriend(?) glaring pure icy malice at him every step of the way.

And then Ichigo's twin brother(?) met the half way, rambled for about 5 minutes in Rukia's general direction about how difficult it was to pry himself from a plunger(!), before he leapt into Ichigo's body, seemingly merged with him, and left a little blue pill behind that Rukia was quick to pocket…

Not his strangest day ever maybe, but Dante felt if his 'what the f**k' eyebrow arched any higher it would pop off.

Needless to say, many words were going to be had once they got to the relative sanctuary of his flat. Which should have been coming up right…about…

"Ah, here we are, be it ever so humble," exclaimed Dante, as the squat two story building came into view, pressed in on all sides by taller more impressive looking structures.

By comparison Dante's…'house', looked like it should have been condemned a long time ago.

With no small amount of trepidation Rukia followed Dante up his stoop, and too his door, eyes traveling suspiciously all over the exterior of the house, falling inevitably upon the door. The solid steel door, that looked like it could shrug off a tank round. In fact on closer inspection, Dante's hovel was actually quite sturdy looking all round.

A man's home was his castle after all…

"Right, now where did I leave my key," thought Dante aloud, as he rifled through the many pockets in his red jacket, shifting the now much less bloody, but noticeably heavier, comatose body of Ichigo unceremoniously between his two shoulders as he searched.

Rukia's eyes narrowed somewhat as Dante uncaringly swung Ichigo about like a sack of potatoes as he searched for his keys.

"Ah Ha," Dante mutely exclaimed as he pulled the mythical key from one of his interior pockets, aligning it with the lock, and giving it a satisfying twist as the tumblers clicked audibly.

Turning his knob, he stopped for a moment turning to gaze at Rukia.

"Look, fair warning, I wasn't expecting company or anything so the place is a little…messy," said Dante, as he pushed the heavy steel frame of his door open…the sound of cardboard boxes and empty cans being displaced on the floor accenting his point.

At this Rukia could only sigh hopelessly, males, no matter the species it seemed, were such tragically predictable creatures.

In the door Dante swiftly slung his coat, guns, and sword upon his coat rack, the presence of Ichigo on his shoulder only slowing him down slightly as he dropped his dead weight upon his couch. That done, he slumped into the arm chair next to his couch, with no small amount of gratification, took a deep breath, and exhaled reveling in the sanctity of the trash heap that was his living room.

Rukia, for her part, tiptoed around the piles of trash to stand in the relatively clear space in front of the couch.

They stood there for a long time, Dante slumped perfectly relaxed into his chair, Rukia shifting from glaring impassively at him to looking concernedly at Ichigo.

"So," said Dante, breaking the silence abruptly, gradually sitting up, his piercing blue eyes focusing on Rukia with a sternness that surprised the Shinigami, "Whatever you did to him seems to have stabilized him for the moment, I can fix him up good as new in a bit, but first I need you to be absolutely clear with me. Just what the hell are you people…"

For a moment Rukia said nothing, inhaling a deep cleansing breath as she sat on her calves facing Dante with a dead pan almost annoyed expression on her face. Suddenly in her hands appeared two things.

A dry erase marker and a white board…

An exasperatingly long explanation later, complete with gratuitous low quality pictures, and Dante knew everything he ever needed to know about 'what the hell those people are…'

He could actually feel the migraine forming in the back of his head.

"Okay, let me see if I got this, frankly, just plain contrived story straight…" said Dante exasperatedly, massaging his temples vigorously as he spoke, "You're a member of a spiritual task force charged with guiding wayward souls to the next life, while at the same time protecting them from malicious entities called Hollow's…right so far?"

Rukia nodded as Dante continued…

"You were out on patrol one night, when you ran into the guy currently crashing on my couch, Ichigo, a normal human who can see spirits and the like," said Dante motioning to the human lump that was Kurosaki Ichigo, "You followed him home because you sensed a powerful presence, or something, and had a nice little chat along the same lines as the one you're having with me now. Hollow showed up, rolfstomped Ichigo, took a chunk out of you, and pretty much had a jolly good time playing with his food."

Dante looked to Rukia again, who looked a bit confused at his language, but nodded that he was still on the right track.

"So, as essentially a last resort, you stabbed Ichigo with your sword, and transferred your power to him so he could defend himself, but instead of the half you meant to give him, our little carrot top here got the whole package at once and cut himself a hollow clean in half. Which was good news for him, but left you out to dry."

Another look, another nod.

"So you got yourself a gagia-"

"Gigai."

"Whatever-from this, I don't know…'undead paraphernalia salesman' and proceeded to stalk the bejesus out of this blond little SOB. Wacky hijinx ensuing and yada yada yada…"

"Crudely put, but accurate yes."

"Heh…yea, I remember my first crush too."

"What was that!"

"Nothing, nothing," said Dante, a bit of a smile playing about his lips, "I suppose that leaves only one question…

"And that is?"

"Where the heck did that marker and white board come from?"

At this Rukia leveled the same dead pan, annoyed expression at him, if slightly more irritated looking.

"I believe I've answered enough of your Questions Dante," replied Rukia firmly, a cold expression covering her features, "I think it's time you answered a few of mine."

"Shoot," said Dante nonchalantly.

"What are you?" spoke Rukia clearly, echoing his earlier words.

"I," said Dante, before he lasped in a seemingly introspective silence a look of deep thought on his face.

"I," he began again, a smirk spread across his face as he chuckled a bit, "am complicated as Hell." ((A/N: aYuck yuck yuck, I am funny…))

Rukia did not look amused.

"That's not good enough."

She didn't sound particularly amused either.

Her 'unamusement' must have been contagious because the smirk fell from Dante's lips at that, a discontent sigh escaping him as he raised his right hand into the air between him and Rukia, fingers spread palm facing him.

He concentrated just a bit…and suddenly red lightening began arcing between his fingers, crimson flames danced about his digits, and a darkness mixed thoroughly with both.

And then suddenly it was gone, a shake of his hand and it was back to normal, the only sign were the lingering tracing of Hellish red in his eyes…

He rose fast at that, not even looking at Rukia as he turned to his desk, opening the top drawer and pulling a Green Orb from it. He pressed it too Ichigo's chest, watched his body tense up, and then go abruptly limp as the magic in the crystal did it's work, a moment before he returned to his seat.

"Ever sense I was a kid I've had these powers," he said solemnly, again surprising Rukia with his mannerisms, "Of course I didn't really consider them powers back then…they were just me. I mean I lived alone out in middle of nowhere with just my mom, and twin brother for company, and he was just like me for the most part."

A smile broke at that as Dante momentarily lost himself to the memories.

"Heh, we were just a pair of normal kids, faster than speeding bullets, more powerful then locomotives, able to leap our two story house in a single bound." He didn't bother to gauge Rukia's reaction, whom the joke was lost on anyways, but instead he moved on, "My mother was probably the only thing that kept us from killing each other half the time, but honestly as strong as we were I don't think it was physically possible for either one of us to actually die."

He sighed again at that, somewhat dejectedly…almost as if he were disappointed. Rukia remained silent and patiently listened to Dante, trusting that he had a point in all this.

"I didn't actually find out what I really was until my 12 birthday, before then I had never thought to ask my mother, and she never told me. Though she was kind enough to give me a few hints, bed time stories about my father, how badass he was, and the like…" Dante paused here for a bit a far off look in his eyes, as his thousand yard stare focused on everything and nothing at once, his mind continuing his story in the dead toneless drone of autopilot, "Course it wasn't until after my mother and brother were killed that I manage to put the pieces fully together."

A deafening silence filled the room as Dante's voice dropped to an almost inaudible whisper, " I can still smell the fires that burned everything I had ever known to ash…hear the screams that gradually just died away…and see the bastards that did it all before they vanished into so much shadow and flame leaving nothing but ash and blood in their wake."

Dante rose unceremoniously at that, walking over to the mini fridge set behind his desk, and rifling through it for a bit, "Sorry…thirsty…" he said, before he pulled a cool can of tomato juice out and took a deep and hearty swig of it…

"Anyways," he said still looking for all the world like he was lost in his own home, and his own thoughts, "It was about three weeks of marathon attempted suicide that it all just sorta clicked."

"I am, the end result of an unholy tryst between a Demon Knight of hell, and a mortal woman…"

He stood at that, stretching his arms out to the ceiling…

"So in short," he yawned out loudly, before he turned to the cloak, noting the 'late even for him' hour, "I'm complicated…"

At that he looked back at Rukia, his focusless eyes at once looking at and through her at the same time.

"And now…I'm going to bed," he said, abruptly turning from the room, pausing just long enough to flip a lever on the side of his chair that folded out a foot rest and leaned the back far enough to resemble a relatively flat surface, "You can sleep here. Don't think he's goin anywhere anytime soon. Got some pillows and stuff in the closet, and tomato juice in the fridge, help yourself."

With that he turned, offering the scantest little wave over his shoulder on his way to the stairs, a gruff little 'night' mumbled out before he trudged up the stairs, and too his room.

Alone for the most part, Rukia slunk over to the vacated chair, and turned to her only company.

"How long have you been awake?"

"…long enough I suppose," said Ichigo after a minute, rolling over to face Rukia somewhat gingerly, a deep lingering ache still all over his body, "What do you think?"

"I think if he wanted us dead at this point we'd be dead," she said simply, laying back into the surprisingly comfortable chair to gaze at the ceiling, the only clean place in this house, "So I guess there's that…what do you think?"

"I think…" said Ichigo, pausing to collect his thoughts, rolling onto his back to join Rukia in gazing at the ceiling, "I think…I have more in common with him than I thought."

"I suppose you do," said Rukia solemnly, leaving it at that.

"So what's our next move?"

"I don't know, for now let's just play it by ear…"

"Fair enough," yawned Ichigo, already half drifting off, "Goodnight Rukia."

"Goodnight Ichigo."

And thus by roughly 5 a.m. the party was over, and everyone said amen, and silently thanked God for creating Saturday.


A/N: So I started writing this about a year ago…fancy that huh?

Though you could probably deduce that by reading the reader reviews, and noticing I hadn't responded to most of the newer ones.

Hey what do you want I got a new chapter down, be happy, in all likely hood I'll probably get to responding to the rest of you on an individual basis soon enough.

At this juncture I'd like to formally apologize to you all for the long long EXCEDINGLY long wait you all have endured, and note that I would blame NONE of you for dropping my story.

Not that I don't have plenty excuses for my dilly dallying about…

What with the job I lost, the job I got, the Girlfriend I got, the Girlfriend I lost, blah blah blah drama drama drama, enjoy the story R&R.

Incidentally if you find my work here funny, have a decent sense of humor, and enjoy a good rant, go read my profile under the section 'things I hate,' there's not much there now admittedly, but more will be added as inspiration strikes me, and by inspiration I mean barely suppressed rage. I found it lulzy if I do say so myself.

Just something to tie you over between long long INCREDIBLY long updates.

Night/Morning all.