[Thursday, January 7]

"You're going to his house?" Sarah asked.

Tami glanced two cafeteria tables over to where Eric was laughing at something Joey said. "For tutoring. The library is closed on Sunday evening."

"What does he smell like?" Sarah asked.

"What?"

"Eric Taylor? What does he smell like? Every girl wants to know. You're up close at the tutoring table. So tell me."

Tami wasn't sure if Sarah was serious or teasing her because she thought Tami had a crush on Eric, which she didn't. Sure, she thought he was attractive, but only because he was. And he could be funny. And he was a good tutor. But it Was not as if she actually had a crush on him. "I don't try to smell Eric. He has a girlfriend. And be quiet. He's headed this way."

Eric came and stood directly next to Tami. He put a hand on the table, leaned down, and said, "Mind if I borrow this spoon? It doesn't look like you got anything you need it for. I got the chili."

"Sure," Tami said, and tried not to notice how tightly his shirt fit around his biceps.

"Thanks, he said, grabbing the spoon, "y'all have a nice lunch."

When he was gone, Tami said, "He smells like the school soap. I guess he washes his hands really well."

Sarah frowned. "That's boring."

"What does Joey smell like?" Tami thought Sarah needed a big push in that direction.

"Old Spice. And I actually don't hate Old Spice."

Tami's father used to wear Old Spice. When she was little, she used to crawl in his lap, kiss his cheek, and breathe in deep. "You smell like Christmas cider on the stove," she'd tell him, and he'd say, "Peanut, do you know that you're the apple of your daddy's eye?" and she'd say, "Of course I do!"

Tami wondered how different her life might have been if her father had lived. They weren't well off by any means when he was alive, but they were always secure. As long as he was alive, Tami and Shelley were never concerned about whether the electricity would be shut off or where their next meal was coming from or if they were safe from the evils of the world or if they were valuable, truly valuable.

Eric's deep laugh burst out and floated to their table. Tami glanced at him. Why didn't they have a senior superlative for sexiest laugh?

[*]

After school and before her shift at Chili's, Tami went to see the guidance counselor. She thanked Mrs. Mason for matching her with a good peer tutor. "At first I thought, oh no, a jock," she told Mrs. Mason from where she sat in the cloth chair across from her desk, "but he's actually a really good tutor. I think he might actually help me pass. How did you know he would be able to help me?"

"He helped a boy last quarter who was really struggling with Geometry. The kid was smart but completely unfocused. He said Eric made him do push ups between every problem." Mrs. Mason laughed. "I don't know, but it worked."

"Did you hope he'd make me do push-ups?" Tami asked. She couldn't imagine that making her want to do anything but quit.

"No, but he helped another kid too, the quarter before, with Algebra I, a really shy kid, who was afraid of her own shadow. I was afraid she wouldn't even talk to a tutor, but he was very soft spoken with her. So, between those two - I figured whatever you needed, he'd figure it out."

"Wait, this is his third quarter peer tutoring?" Tami asked. "Shouldn't he be done with all of his volunteer hours by now?"

"At first he volunteered to knock out his community service hours, but then he decided he liked it."

Well I'll be damned, Tami thought. The liar. He was doing it out of the goodness of his own heart.

"How are you doing in your other subjects?" Mrs. Mason asked. "Working on pulling your grades up there?"

"Yeah, but I can study for those on my own. It's only the Algebra I need help with."

"I'm glad you've decided to focus, Tami. You're a smart girl, even if you 've played the dumb, pretty girl for years. You could go places in life. You should consider applying to college. A lot of them have April 15 deadlines."

"With my G.P.A.?" she laughed.

Mrs. Mason had been working on Tami for a year, trying to persuade her to take school, and herself, more seriously. Tami saw her sessions with Mrs. Mason as a chance to escape study hall where she was more often daydreaming than studying. During their time together, though, they'd talked some about her memories of her dad and her interests (besides boys and dances - she talked about the books she read for pleasure and how she liked photography but couldn't afford a quality camera), and Mrs. Mason had hinted, more than once, that Mo might not be the best match for her. "Are you getting everything you want out of that relationship?" Mrs. Mason had asked.

Tami hadn't known how to answer that. Tami thought Mo was a decent kisser. She was popular as his girlfriend. He took her places and bought her things and they had fun. What more was there? "What am I supposed to want out of a relationship?" she'd asked.

"Your best self," Mrs. Mason had told her.

"Tami," the counselor said now, "your SAT scores weren't terrible."

"Yes they were. I got 400 on the math."

"But you got 600 on the verbal. I'm not suggesting a top tier or even a second tier school, but - "

"Mrs. Mason, I appreciate your concern, I do, but even if I could get in, there's no way I can afford college. I need to think about finding a job straight out of high school."

"Tami, there are work study programs, or you could live at home, work, and go part time to Tyler community for two years and then transfer, or - "

"- Or I could be realistic and be glad if I manage to earn my high school diploma."

"Well that's a great first step, Tami, and I'll be proud of you when you do that ," - it wasn't lost on Tami that she had said when instead of if - "but I want you to know you can do more than that if you put your mind to it. And I'm here to help if you decide to. I'm proud of your new found work ethic. I see you already got your community service hours done last quarter and turned those in. Well done."

Tami has been ashamed of her manipulation of Tom after he'd signed off on the sheet, but she'd buried the feeling. Eric's comment on Monday had stirred the guilt to the surface again, and now Mrs. Mason was throwing miracle grow on it. "Yeah...uh...thanks," Tami said, and stood. "I really have to get to work."