Hey everybody! Sorry for not updating in awhile--I was in Dallas for a couple of days! I didn't get home until last night.
As you know, I'm writing A DAY IN THE LIFE 10 right now. It should be posted here soon. I'm really excited, since I love the plot of this story. I don't know if this will be the last one in the series, we'll have to see.
As for THIS STORY, this is my favorite chapter. I like the last one too though. But, this one is really cool. AND it features one of my FAVORITE songs, "All that I've Got" by The Used. I love that song. If you like it, you need to REVIEW it.
Love you guys SO much. --Julia
--Chapter 9 "All that I've Got"
I thought about what he said, you know, about telling the police and letting them help me through this. I couldn't do it.
I know that it would make things worse for me. I just know it in my heart that it will. I'm just scared to tell anyone but myself. I keep denying that everything happened in my mind. I just keep saying that this is all a bad dream and I'm about to wake up in Zack's arms.
I'm in the hall right now, outside my suite door, sitting here, and thinking about all of this to myself. I know that if I went in my room, that I would just start to cry nonstop when I hit the bed.
I had my iPod in my ears, listening to a song that reflected how I was feeling at the moment. I'm just fine with pretending that I'm not. It was "All that I've Got" by The Used.
I'll be just fine
Pretending that I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got…
The chorus played on and on, while I listened and finally got the point of the song in my head finally after hearing it about a million times before this one.
It's saying that he's afraid, but it's all that he has, is to be afraid of something. That's how I feel now; that all I have is to be afraid of Wendy forever, the rest of my life.
Zack came out of his suite down the hall, and then came to sit down on the carpet next to me. He saw the song I was listening to, and then thought what I had just thought in my head, about fear being all that I've got right now.
I looked into his eyes, and he looked right back, knowing what I was thinking. And then, he said, "Fear isn't the only thing you have Morgan. You have me." He took the other ear bud out of my right ear.
"I know." I said, tears welling up in my eyes from earlier in the lobby with Cody, where I had cried on his shoulder for about an hour.
He leaned over to me, and kissed me. He put his hands on my waist, pulling me forward to him, with my hands on the sides of his face, almost on his temples. A tear came down my cheek, slowly, and then hit his lip gently.
I could taste it on my own lip, the saltiness of it, and the hurt within deep inside of it, behind the drop and all of the water.
We both pulled away, looking at each other, silently, for a second. He could see the hurt in my eyes, and I could see the concern in his for me.
I waited and then slowly said, "And I couldn't have made it this far without you." Another tear came down my cheek, but didn't reach my lips this time. His hand wiped it from my eyes.
Then, he said, "And I'm glad that you made it this far, because if you didn't, then I wouldn't have." He wiped another tear away from my cheek, his touch giving me chills down my spine.
I thought, and then said, "Don't leave me Zack. Ever." I said this, not wanting him to ever leave my side.
"I won't." He told me sincerely, pulling me closer and hugging me at my waist. He held me close to him, and I could hear his heart beating inside of him.
I waited a minute in his arms, and then replied, "Even when we get up to heaven?" I asked him.
"Of course, even in heaven, I will be with you forever." He told me, kissing me on the forehead, making me feel the safest I have in a long time.
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Today, I realized that I can't be afraid of Wendy anymore. Fear can't be the only thing that I have in the world for the rest of my life.
I decided to go and tell the police tomorrow. I thought about it for a long time, but I finally decided to go. I mean, maybe it will actually help, just like Cody said it would help.
I'm telling them everything. All about the first beating in the hall at school, and all about when she tried to kill me in that dark alleyway the other night with Zack and Cody.
Right now, all that I've got is fear inside of me, just like the song is saying that they do too. I hate having only fear, and no sanity.
Hopefully by tomorrow, I will just be pretending I don't have fear in me, even though I probably still will have a part of me that's afraid of her. I'll not only have fear, but I'll have Zack, and I'll have no more Wendy.
Tomorrow, maybe all of the bad dreams will stop happening. Maybe I won't have to watch my back for someone with a knife. Maybe all of the crying will stop, the tears will go away for good, and I could go a day without crying my eyes out of the sockets.
I don't want to live this way forever, for the rest of my life. I want to stop crying all the time, and to stop having fear be the only thing that I have.
Maybe I won't have to live this way forever, the rest of my life. I have to tell the police about everything. All the pain, and hopefully after I do, it will all be over, and I can not be afraid.
