In Love and War:
Chapter Eight

Notes: For whatever reason, my alerts are being rather odd, lately. And by that, I mean I haven't been getting any. I tried to keep up with the reviews and any questions, but forgive me, seeing as I've been getting no emails about them, so I've been unaware of them coming.

We're nearing the end, I fear. Only three or four more chapters, plus an epilogue. Okay, so that's not too close to the end, especially because I still have a bit of writing to do on the last couple. After this is done, however, you're always welcome to read my other fics. There's a new novel-length one I'll be working on, to cover the end of Sixth Year to the end of Seventh (and if I feel prolific, possibly a sequel until their deaths), something I hope will be more plot-based than pure romance, with JKR-length chapters (which are roughly twice as long as my current ones, actually, often more). I'm open to suggestions for plots because heaven knows I can only think of so much, none of which are really extraordinary, though my sister's helping me a bit. If you have an idea, feel free to leave a comment or send me a PM and I might try to work it in (with credit, too, woo!).

And now, on with the story...


The Christmas holidays seemed to pass in a flash. Lily had spent the long afternoons with her new family, playing cards and having snowball fights. She loved the feeling, coming inside after hours in the snow, quite numb and freezing, the lot of them lounging in front of the fire and telling humorous stories.

Usually, at that point, James would drape his arm around Lily, pulling her close to him as his friends would desperately try to embarrass him, regaling her with tales of his immaturity and stupidity. He'd roll his eyes but she'd laugh, which always led to a kiss, on the nose or cheek or forehead, before she'd tell her own story to try to mortify him. It never ended well for her, as the moment he realised exactly what she was telling his friends, he'd try desperately to keep her quiet by hiding her under a blanket or pillow, or else tickling her until she was breathless from laughter.

She loved it, every bit of it. She never wanted those days to end.

Unfortunately, classes eventually had to start again. As they did, they suddenly became harder then ever as teachers desperately tried to fill the students' heads before their NEWTs. Lily found that she had countless hours of homework each night, and rarely a free moment between that and Head duties. She wondered how James managed anything, with Quidditch practice on top of it all, but he somehow did, smoothly finding time to sneak her off to a broom closet occasionally, as well. None of it ever seemed to cease to amuse and amaze her.

The nastiest surprise seemed to come with the return of Potions. It had been the very class Lily was dreading, completely aware that she was left without a partner with her friend's passing.

"I can be your partner," Alice had told her as they made their way to class. "I'm sure Frank won't mind. I mean, after everything that's happened..."

Lily smiled slightly, rolling her eyes, hugging her books close to her chest. "You've been his partner since we were twelve."

"That's not true," Alice said defensively, throwing her brown hair over her shoulders. "We weren't partners until our third year."

Lily found herself laughing at her friend, smiling as they entered the classroom. She glanced around, feeling strange as the other students sat with their partners at their tables, chatting eagerly about their holidays and what Slughorn was expecting them to do, now that they had returned. Lily sighed, making her way to the front of the classroom to inform him of the situation.

"Er, Professor Slughorn?"

He glanced up, his eyes softening at the sight other. "Miss Evans! I was very upset you were unable to attend my Christmas party." His eyes travelled to the bandage, still on her wrist to deter her from using it. "But, of course, given the circumstances..."

She brushed her hair out of her face, chewing on her lip. "Er, I was wondering... without Mary, I mean... I have no partner..." she stammered.

He nodded cautiously, still examining her closely. "Yes, yes, of course." He pulled himself around his desk, gazing thoughtfully around the room. Suddenly, it seemed as though he was struck by a genius idea. He placed a large hand on Lily's back.

"Snape!" he called, and Lily felt her stomach drop as Severus jerked his head up. "Come here, please."

"Oh, Professor," Lily immediately protested, "I don't think that—"

"You're two of my most brilliant students. You worked together wonderfully up until last year, and it's about time you started again."

Lily glanced nervously around, hoping that someone would save her from the situation as Snape came up to Slughorn.

"It seems that Miss Evans is without a partner—"

"I'll be her partner," James immediately interjected, ignoring the "Oi!" of protest from Sirius.

Slughorn shook his head. "Nonsense, Potter." He turned back to Snape. "I'm sure Mister Snape would be happy to work with you, Lily."

She stared at the floor, finding herself incapable of looking Snape in the eye.

"Of course, Professor." His voice was so smooth and sincere, it made her cheeks flush with furious colour.

She reluctantly took her seat with Snape, burying her face inside her notebook during class, refusing to acknowledge her new partner's existence. Occasionally when she'd glance up, she'd notice that he wasn't really paying attention but merely scribbling away in his textbook, a long-time habit of his. She casually glanced, shifting slightly to inconspicuously see what it was that he was writing.

Her heart plummeted as she saw "Sectumsempra—for enemies" scrawled in the corner of the page opposite he was writing on.

The second the bell rang, Lily rushed out the door. She hardly wanted to provide the chance for Snape to talk to her again. She felt an arm drape around her casually as she walked, and she leaned welcomingly into James's body.

"Nice way to start Potions again, yeah?" he said, and she could hear the sarcasm in his voice, trying to make light of the situation.

She simply grunted in return.

Students were filing to the Great Hall for dinner, but Lily felt as though she'd lost her appetite. Her mind was racing and was aching painfully.

"Can we talk?" Lily found herself asking him quietly. "In private?"

"Of course," James told her, obviously concerned and wrapping his arms a little more tightly around her. "Come on."

They took the stairs while the other students headed to the Hall, ready for a large, warm dinner before they started on their homework. After several staircases, they reached the open top of a tower. The cold air was biting and Lily shivered slightly, hugging herself, clutching her elbows so tightly that her knuckles were white.

"What's on your mind?" James asked, standing across from her, looking equally as cold. "Other than the obvious fact that Snape is a git and it's rotten luck you're being forced to work with him?"

She chewed on her lip, looking away from James. "I think Sev is a Death Eater."

"What?" James blinked. Certainly he and his friends had always made the snide comments and dark jokes about Snape going over to Voldemort, but it seemed slightly different to actually say that, yes, he was indeed a Death Eater.

"That spell he used on you—Sectumsempra—"

"It was Dark Magic, but that doesn't make him a Death Eater," James told her quickly and soothingly. "Some of the best witches and wizards have used Dark Magic—in self-defence of course, but—"

"That spell," Lily said forcefully, "was the one that killed Mary."

James stared blankly at her. "Lily, Snape didn't—he couldn't—"

She shook her head quickly. "He wasn't in Hogsmeade that day. I know it wasn't him, but... it was his spell. I saw it scribbled in his Potions book, just like he used to when we were younger and his spells weren't so.. dark. He's working with the Death Eaters, he just has to be." Her voice sounded so small and her throat was so tight.

He moved toward her, holding her tightly.

"He was my best friend, James," she whispered. "Why is he doing this?" Her heart was beating fast, waiting hopelessly for the advice she always received.

Seconds ticked by and there was silence.

"I... I don't know, Lily," he said softly.

No words of guidance, hope, or condolence. His words were hollow and meaningless and she wished he had more to say, something to make everything so much better. He always did, yet he somehow couldn't now.

"God help me," she murmured, pulling away from James, "I still want to be his friend."

"He doesn't deserve you," James told her, tucking a strand of her hair away. "Neither do I."

She looked questioningly at him. "And why don't you?"

He took a deep breath. "There's something I have to tell you." He placed his hands on her shoulder, leading her to take a seat.

"What is it?" she asked him, slightly nervous. The tone of his voice was suddenly so serious and she wasn't sure she liked it.

"I've been lying to you. Or keeping something from you, at least. There's no other girl or anything like that because Merlin knows I love you and only you, but it concerns my welfare, so... I should have told you sooner." He paused, thinking of where to begin. His face looked anxious at the very prospect of telling her. "When my mates and I found out that Remus was a werewolf, we... we wanted to help him..."

"Of course," Lily said, unsure of what was coming.

"The way we decided to help was to transform with him," James told her, "as Animagi."

Lily stared at him. "What?"

"From the time we were twelve, we were learning how to transform as Animagi," he repeated. "We finally got it by the time we were fifteen."

She couldn't believe it, her pulse quickening. "So much could have gone wrong! I don't even suppose you're registered, are you? That's so dangerous—"

"Not as dangerous as us spending every full moon with him."

"So not only did you illegally become Animagi," Lily said slowly, voice rather irritated, "but you've been sneaking around with a transformed werewolf for two years?"

"It's Remus, Lily," James said nervously. "We wanted to help him."

"So that was the best option you thought of?"

"Please—"

Lily stood up angrily. "I guess that's why you and your friends occasionally look so battered and beaten up? Getting into fights with a werewolf might do that, I suppose—"

He stood to follow her. "Lily—"

"James," she said forcefully, turning to him, "I don't want you doing this. I don't want you risking your life. You could end up hurt, or a werewolf like Remus, or—or—"

"I won't end up dead, Lily—"

"You don't know that."

"I know that I can't abandon my best mate."

"I love him, too, James," she said softly, "but you can't do this. You can't put yourself in danger. I can't believe that he'd approve of this."

"He didn't at first," he admitted, "but he saw how much we wanted to help him. We've helped him a lot by doing this, and it's actually a bit of fun—"

Lily looked slightly hysterical, and James knew he'd said the wrong thing. "Once a month, you're off having fun, running around with a—"

"No matter how many times you repeat that he's a werewolf," James said shortly, "I won't change my mind."

"Then what will make you see the danger in this?"

"I know the danger, but I'm willing to take all the risks for him," he said defiantly, "just as I'm sure they would for me."

"It's not fair to me," Lily said softly. "He's taking the possibility of you away from me."

"He's doing no such thing. It's my choice—"

"I can't." Lily buried her head in her hands, shaking it violently. "Not right now, I can't."

"Wait—"

"Not right now," she repeated, giving him a quick, hurt look before hurrying down the stairs of the tower. She leaned against the wall of the corridor, breathing deeply, eyes shut. She wished he had told her in the first place, she wished she'd known that for the months they'd been dating, he was constantly risking his life. After all the death she'd seen in the past several months, she wondered how he could stand to do it.

"Lily?" the voice was kind and soft, and she opened her eyes to see him—Remus Lupin.

Anger bubbled inside her again, making her heart race. "How could you keep it from me?" she asked coldly.

"Er, sorry?" he asked, obviously confused. She became suddenly aware of how strange the question must have sounded on his end.

"Why didn't you tell me that James is an illegal Animagus who runs around with you once a month?" she clarified, and Remus's face darkened remarkably.

"It wasn't my place to tell you," he said solemnly.

"I suppose not," she agreed. "I have trouble believing that you let him do it in the first place, though. How could you possibly think that it's okay?"

"Lily—"

"You're endangering them," she said softly. She wasn't aiming to hurt him, just make him aware of the fact. He seemed to understand that.

"I know," he breathed.

"I love him, Remus," she said, half-laughing, half-sad. "If something happened to him—"

"I know," Remus replied quickly. "If you'd just let me explain—"

"I can't," Lily said emphatically. "No reasons for this will change how scary this is for me to think of."

Remus looked down at his hands and Lily felt ashamed for saying what she had. It was just too much for her, all of it was. If she had found out some other way, some other time, maybe it would be more comprehensible, but not then, on top of her worries about Severus. She walked hurriedly from the hall, not stopping until she was in her bed in Gryffindor tower. She just needed to clear her head.