Chapter 08: Reminders of Love That Will Never Grow

"It's been so long I'm growing. we've lost the only one who can fix me, now it's me who's breaking down. I know you see me broken but there's so much unspoken; please give us hope.

Because I'll never let you go.

It's not that I'm forgiving myself. It's just I'm going through hell, to try and think of words to save me.

It's not so much I am missing you. It's more like I'm so lost without you. I give anything for you to just take me.

As you tell me good bye, I see that look in your eyes. I never wanted you to break down, we found real love in this cold world. Isn't that what life is about? We can get away from this town!

I know exactly how I hurt you. There's nothing left but the truth, we can change this life one step at a time. I know there's so much more, isn't that worth fighting for?

Honestly tell when you look at me and don't remember everything! You're scared and that's okay. I'll show you there's a way for us to truly be something happy.

As you tell me good bye, I see that look in your eyes.I never wanted you to break down, we found real love in this cold world. Isn't that what life is about? We can get away from this town!

I know exactly how I hurt you. There's nothing left but the truth, we can change this life one step at a time. I know there's so much more, isn't that worth fighting for?" Worth Fighting For by Katy McAllister

The plane ride back to Montana felt like it would never end - Not that I wanted it too, I'd have been perfectly fine if the hunk of metal never left Russian soil. And yet, I couldn't wait to land in Montana either, though that was due to the elderly gentleman I was unlucky enough to get stuck by for eleven hours.

I'd been sitting next to him for less than three hours and had pretty much learned his entire life story. For example, he was an eighty-two year old Montana native who had fought in two wars, was married to one woman for twenty years, owned a successful security firm, and had earned over sixty awards; most of which stemmed form his military career. That's just what I'd learned from the first hour and a half.

It was closer to the second hour that he thought he should be polite and introduce himself. Alexander Kodan's wife, Allie, filed for a divorce on their twentieth wedding anniversary. He spent the next forty minutes droning on an on about how unexpected his divorce had been. I suppose I should have admired Alexander for his career or maybe pitied him for the loss of his marriage. But those emotions are really hard to feel when an ancient pervert is taking every chance he could to cop-a-feel at me.

I'd only given up my window seat because an old man had "wanted to admire a beautiful ocean". Turns out, he just wanted an excuse to brush his hand across my chest every time the Flight Attendant offered him something. It was after his fourth or fifth feel that he told me the most likely reasoning behind Allie dumping him like last weeks trash.

Alexander was not only an ancient pervert, he was also a sexist, egotistical jerk who thought (even at the ancient, ripe at of eighty-two) that he was God's gift to women. Alexander believed that it didn't matter that he came home every night selling like his secretary. He worked for his home and it didn't matter that he was married, in his mind, he should be allowed to sleep with who-ever he wanted when he wanted.

In my opinion, Allie would have been an idiot to stay with him any longer. Personally, I'd have shot him and his little girlfriend both. But hey, that's just me.

It was roughly half way through the flight when I got so disgusted that I escaped under the lie that I had to use the bathroom. I was trudging to the bathroom as slowly as I possibly could when I spotted my savior- a miserable looking boy seated next to Paul Belikov. The boy couldn't have been older than ten and looked like he wanted nothing more than to stab himself in the eye with a fork.

I glanced back at the old man who was smiling at a petite brunette flight attendant before making a beeline for the coach section of the plane.

"Hey." I said as I crouched down next to him. "Are you enjoying the flight?"

He looked at me wide-eyed before stuttering something in terrified Russian.

Ah. Communication issues. Gotta love 'em. NOT.

"Hey Paul? Mind playing translator for me? Thanks. Can you repeat what I just asked?"

He translated quickly, seemingly grateful to have something to do. Can't really blame the kid though, long plane rides suck. The little boy muttered something back and I turned to Paul expectantly.

"He says the seats are cramped there are too many people being put too close together." Bingo.

"Ask him if he would like to trade me seats. Tell him that he can even go check it out first. It's the second row on the right side on the first class section; a row seat. He can go check it out then come back and tell us his answer."

Big brown eyes shot me an accusing look when was Paul finished. I moved out of his path and motioned to my seat with my hand. I gave the child a level stare and after a moment he snapped something to Paul.

"He wants to know why you would want to give your fancy seat to a kid." Sometimes it was easy for me to forget that kids don't often trust adults. And many of those kids don't trust adults for a good reason.

"I just want to sit with you guys."

Paul tittered with the boy, no doubt explaining how he knew me. When they were done the boy sent me one last withering look before taking off down the aisle. Not two minutes later, the boy came back looking like a kid in a candy store on Christmas morning, exclaiming something I couldn't understand.

"He's talking about what an amazing seat you have." I relaxed myself into his seat before asking;

"Trade?" We didn't even need Paul for the boy to understand what I wanted. With an overly enthusiastic nod the boy was off to his new luxury seat.

Most of the Belikov family looked confused as to why I would trade my luxury seat for a seat in coach. Yeva just smirked at me. The kooky old bat most likely knew about the old lech who was more than likely scowling out his window right about now.


When the plane landed, cold dread flooded my body. After switching seats with the boy - who had the time of his life harassing Alexander- the flight went by too quickly; Dimitri and I passed the time by telling his family about St. Vladimir's and the Royal Moroi Court.

I was surprised to discover that with the exception of Dimitri, none of the Belikov's had ever left Russia. Though it was easy to believe, Yeva had some firm beliefs that women should graduate then settle down and continue the blood-line, while men should continue on to become Guardians.

Getting though security at the airport was a total nightmare. It was common practice for Court to send out an Alchemist to get us and our weapons through the gates without drawing unwanted attention. But in our case, the court couldn't be bothered to help the "Guardian-screw-up" and the family or the "ex-strigoi". So long story short, we got to sit in individual lock-down rooms until Alberta and an Alchemist showed up to spring us.

To say that Alberta was irritated would have been a huge understatement, though she was hiding it well behind her Guardian Mask.

I have no idea how they pulled it off, but within an hour, we were collecting our carry-on baggage and headed to the parking lot.

What awaited us was not what I expected to see, and yet at the same time I couldn't exactly say that I was surprised either. Had there been a Moroi with us, there would have been some sort of SUV waiting for us. Instead our trusty steed was a Cloud White Chevy Astro Van in all it's glory with Stan at the wheel. At least they hadn't expected us to walk all the way to the academy.

Seating everyone in the van turned out to be rather easy, if not a little cramped. Yeva, Olena, Karolina, and Zoya were seated in the far back being that they were the smallest. Zoya, who was roughly three, was nestled on her mothers lap in a way that made it impossible to see her from the outside.

Sonya had her two-year-old daughter covered in her lap in a way similar to Zoya. Paul and squished themselves together just enough that Viktoria could squeeze in next to them on the middle bench. Stan stayed at the wheel and Alberta got the front passengers seat. All that was left was to decide where I would sit. Finally it was decided that I would sit in the very back on top of the carry-on luggage. Our seating arrangements were highly illegal, but necessary.

Thankfully, once we were out of Missoula we mostly used the side and country roads, which meant less stops or chances of getting pulled over by a cop. On the down side, that meant we hit a lot more bumps. Which hurt. A lot. Not that anyone noticed. They were all currently wrapped up in a game of random questions. I was mostly ignoring them until one was aimed at me.

"Rose?"

"Hm? Yeah Alberta?"

"You didn't hear a single thing we were saying did you? Never mind. Guardian Belikov was asking about the MTA. It would be best for you to explain everything." I was about to answer her when Viktoria interrupted.

"Why would Roza know so much about the Moroi Training Act?"

"Because she runs it. Rosemarie has been in-charge of training the Moroi to fight for two years now. Belikov, you are meant to be her partner." Damn Stan. He knows I hate my full name.

"It's Rose Stan. NOT Rosemarie." I could almost hear the smugness in his tone, amused that I had risen to his bait.

"Adrian Ivashkov is in your class isn't he? How is that working out for you?"

At that moment I was glad that no one in the van could see me as I flinched. He knew about the whole Dimitri-Adrian scandal that went down when we brought Jill Mastrano-Dragomir back to court to give Lissa her Quorum. And now he was rubbing the fact that I lost them both in my face. Asshat.

"Lord Ivashkov along with several other non-royal Moroi make up the elder class. There are a total of fifteen Moroi in Roses group. You'll find that there is not much more that you will be able to teach them Guardian Belikov. Rose has done an exemplary job with them, had they been born as Dhamphirs, they would have been top-notch Guardians."

Leave it to Alberta to praise me for training the man who beat me.

"Has Kirova finished the placements?" Maybe I could change the topic.

"Because of your escapade to Russia your senior year, she has actually left the final placement results to you Rose." My silence must have given way to my confusion because Alberta continued, "She thought that because you spent time with them outside of business, you'd have a better idea of where they would fit in with the rest of the campus." I nodded though no one could see me.

"Makes sense." Of course it does Dimitri. "But why Rose? I know my family better than anyone else." I peaked over the seat to see Alberta and Stan glance warily at each other.

"The council is worried that you may have an overly biased or protective view. Among other things." Of course. They didn't want a man who was once a Strigoi to have any say in the workings of court. Though why they would let me was beyond confusing. The court had always hated me, maybe Hans had something to with it. Judging by all the Belikov's faced besides Paul's and Zoya's, they all seemed to understand the implications of 'among other things' as well.

"Paul, Viktoria, and Zoya will be the easiest to place. Paul is roughly thirteen and will be put in a class with the others his age. Zoya will stay with Sonya most of the time when the preschool is out. It will do her a lot of good to start socializing with the other children. Viktoria is on the verge of graduating. Trails are coming up soon so Viktoria will need a mentor and I recommend Dimitri. You may think that he will go easy on her because she's his little sister, you're wrong. He'll be tougher on her because he wants her to succeed. He'll push her past her limits and she'll flourish. Also, there is no need to disrupt my class with a different curriculum when the school year is almost over. Dimitri will be able to help his family settle in while seeing how we handle the MTA. Honestly it's a win-win situation for him and the future MTA classes. Allowing Dimitri to see how Alberta and I handle our classes will help him plan out a new curriculum that will help the Moroi learn better." Olena looked back over seat the look at me.

"What about the rest of us?" I could almost feel her anxiety, her fear of her family being separated. I gave her a soft, reassuring smile and patted her on her shoulder.

"You and Yeva will for sure be sharing a cabin on the border of the forest of the campus. As for Sonya, Kaorlina, Zoya, and the baby, they will be put in rooms according to what they choose to do in the academy. They will either be put in a cabin close to yours or given staff rooms. Don't worry. You'll never be that far from each-other, that much I can promise."

The old van slowed to a stop as Alberta let us know we had arrived at the academy. I've never been to St. Basils Academy in Russia, but judging by the awe on the Belikov's faces, it was nothing like St. Vladimir's. To me, a person who had lived here virtually my whole life, the buildings resembled something of a really old mansion or castle. But to the Belikov's who lived in a small commune, it must have seemed like a work of true architecture.

The tour of the campus seemed to take forever. Though the fact that Novice Guardians and Moroi alike wanted to rush up to meet Dimitri, who they proclaimed was a 'Russian Legend so amazing, not even being a Strigoi could keep him from his awesomeness as a Guardian'. Their words. Not mine. Poor Dimitri flinched every time one of them brought up his time as a Strigoi. It was when they finally calmed down and took notice of me that the kids finally scurried away.

"Sorry about that. They tend to get excited when someone they consider a celebrity comes here." Viktoria looked like she wanted to throttle someone as Alberta apologized.

Karolina and Sonya were sold when they saw the Kindergarten section of the academy. It was arranged almost immediately that they be given rooms in the staff quarters. After dropping them off at their rooms and escorting Paul and Viktoria to their new dorms, Yeva and Olena followed me to my room while Alberta took Dimitri to his. Dimitri took one look at my room number and raised an eyebrow in my direction, clearly remembering it had previously been his.

"For the record," I told him. "I wasn't given a choice."

Once Alberta led him away, I opened the door of my room.

The two eldest Belivoka's looked around my room and looked at each other before looking at me. It was easy to understand why they were confused, I had no personal belongings in my room. Anyone who came in here could easily confuse it with a well kept open room. The only sign that someone lived in here was the bathroom where I kept my necessities.

"Don't worry," I said as I silently urged them to sit on my bed. "We are allowed to decorate, I just didn't see the point." Yeva gave me a pointed look and sat on my bed as Olena gave me a small sad smile. It didn't take long after that for Olena to begin questioning me.

"Where are you going to place me and Yeva, Roza? We have very few skills to offer to an academy!" Poor Olena was going to give herself an anxiety attack if she kept psyching herself out.

"Actually, You have quite a few skills that other female Damphirs lack. For one, you know your way around kids. I know they would welcome you in the kindergarten or elementary sections of the academy offers a course in Russian to the Moroi. You could become a teachers for any of the levels for that course because you were born and raised in Russia. When I first showed up on your doorstep I was injured and you were able to help me. That opens up a position in the medical wing. You can cook, that gives you a position in the kitchens. Things you do on a daily basis at home are actually quite valuable skills here. I don't need an answer right now. You can think on it for a few days and then give me an answer."

The older Russian damphir embraced me in a motherly hug.

"Thank you Roza." I gave her a small smile.

"I've learned from experience that when you're in a strange country, it helps to have someone you know there to help out."

I cast a doubtful eye at the old witch sitting in on my bed.

"As for Yeva, we could just leave her be. Or have her on Hall Duty." The image of Yeva with a cane yelling at some poor novice in Russian popped into my head. "No. Definitely not. We'll just let her do as she wishes."


In the end Olena decided to try the position at the medical wing first. Something I can say I wasn't very happy with. I hated lying to a woman who was almost like a mother to me, but I'd be doing a lot of that in the future if she decided to stay there. While most of the staff was willing to believe that I got the injuries from the one-on-one sessions, Olena was abused by a Moroi as well. She would be able to discern the signs better than anyone.

An hour later I was was with my class, walking them through the regiment for the rest of the year.

"And we also have a guest."

I gave a small gesture behind me.

"This is Guardian Belikov. He will be with us for the majority of the remaining time of this year. His job is to observe to gain knowledge on MTA and help make the system more efficient for the future classes. Starting next year he will be my co-teacher, by then you will all be graduated and most of you may think that his being here does not effect you. Wrong! During his observation periods, he will keep track of those of you who seem to think it is okay to slack off. His being here will also double as a perception test as most of the time he is here, you will not see him. Your test will be to perceive when he is here using your senses while concentrating on class. You will come to me and sign a form for each day that you think he is here. On the last day, we will put up your marks of who actually were able to tell he was here and who was guessing. Good luck! Starts warm-ups." Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Adrian go rigid at the mention of Dimitri's name.

Class went fairly easily that day. Most Moroi knew Dimitri's reputation, both before and after being turned then turned back and probably didn't want to attract any attention to themselves. Although I suspect that about half the class respected him and pushed themselves to try and gain his approval. Adrian, though, was twice as enthusiastic as the rest of the class when it came time to staking Dummies. He alternated through all of them but seems to favor the two that most resembled Dimitri and I. Every time he staked one, I tried not to wince; but the satisfied gleam in his eyes made me want to go hide under my bed.

Dimitri's phone went off just as class was ending. I couldn't exactly hear what was being said from my position on the opposite side of the gym, but when he turned to me, it was pretty clear. Kirova needed him for some reason and he had to leave.

A lead weight dropped into my stomach at the same time as spikes or terror snaked up my back. Without Dimitri, I had no protection from Adrian. As much as I wanted to keep Dimitri with me, I knew I couldn't. I gave him a small nod of acknowledgement and turned back to my class. I had them re-stretch their muscles or walk to cool themselves out before dismissing them for the night.


I was putting the practice dummies back into place when I heard him.

"So that's where the little Blood Whore has been? Did you think that bringing Belikov here would help you?" Adrian grabbed my hair and pulled me towards him. It felt as though he had ripped all my hair out in his mission to grasp me by my neck. "Did you? Look around! Do you see him coming to your rescue? Do you? Cause I sure as hell don't!"

What I did next racked up in my top three stupidest stunts I've ever pulled in the face of danger; I spit at Adrian. Emerald green eyes glared at me while he wiped the saliva off his cheek.

"Did being with Belikov give you some back-bone? Well that won't do. Look at me Rose."

I knew what he wanted so I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head in terror. Adrian tsked before smacking me and roughly grabbing my chin in an iron grip. In the shock of the hit I opened my eyes and was snared by his compulsion.

"I don't know why we have to do this every time Rose. You won't fight me. You won't defend yourself. You won't scream. You won't tell anyone. Will you Rose? This little secret will stay between us, won't it?" I nodded my head, unable to resist his magic. I was able to keep the tears at bay. I refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry again.

He had me trapped and he knew it.

The beating that followed was by far the worst I'd received by far. I'd thought it was going to last forever, I was certain that Adrian was going to kill me, when by the grace of Angels I'd never believed in I heard someone approaching. And so did Adrian.

He hauled me to my feet before glaring at me and taking off towards the locker-room.

The solid click and squeak of the door opening seemed to bounce off the high walls of the gym.

"Alberta and the guardians have been looking for you Rosemarie. You're more than twenty -" Relief slid through me, weakening my knees with every step he took. My legs gave way, dropping me into the semi-darkness of the room. I never fully hit the ground, and as I looked up into my saviors face I knew only one thing for absolute sure.

I had never in my life been so thankful to see my annoying ex-teacher Stan.


Authors Note

: I just wanted to clear up a few things so there wouldn't be anymore confusion. Adrian has never rapped Rose. He may be a total douche right now, but he's smarter than that. For one, the gym (where he usually beats her. People at the academy won't pay much attention to bangs and shout coming from there) would smell like sex. Anyone who walked into the gym and saw Rose in that condition and smelled sex would have a rape kit performed on her. It would be confirmed that she had been rapped and a DNA match test would be performed on all the Moroi and Dhamphir men to find the Culprit. Right now he wants her to suffer, so he wouldn't compel her to enjoy sex with him. There is also the off chance that she could get pregnant. How would he explain that?

Also, Adrian did not compel Rose to have nosebleeds. The nosebleeds are an after-effect of her trying to fight his compulsion. So are the headaches. I'm sorry for any confusion that may have been caused. :)

And last but not least, Adrian is the way he is for a very specific reason. I want to see how many of you can correctly guess why that is. Think back to the VA books. What were some of the effects of Spirit on the Shadow-kissed bond? Then think about Adrian in the book. What are some of the major differences of what he was able to do then that he is unable to do now? Then read the earlier chapters of LOVE is a Four Letter LIE. I've dropped a lot of hints. If you think you know the answer then send me a p.m. at my profile on ff, to ChildOfTheNight on wattpad, or ashley_mead .

And really quick guys, I know it takes me a while to update. But there is a lot going on in my life so I just don't have the time to write several hours a day. I'm not giving up my stories. I will continue to update. But PLEASE top sending me angry messages about how its too short, then more angry messages about how I'm taking so long. I'm doing my best. :/ This chapter is 2x the length of the previous one and 4x the length of most of them and I hope you enjoyed it.

Ashley of Ashterbowden