The Shadow.
It cannot be grasped. Chase your shadow and it will always be one step ahead, turn your back and it will taunt you with how close it follows you. It is a person's darkness, a physically visible mystery. After a lover has given us love, the shadow of their withdrawal makes us yearn for their return, much as the clouds make us yearn for the sun.
*
The next day, I break one of our unspoken rules. As the sun goes down and Team 7 all start to go our separate ways home, I slip Sasuke a folded note. He palms it without the slightest showing of surprise, puts both hands in his pockets, and walks away without a word.
Meet me in the basement club at 8 tomorrow night, I have a surprise for you.
I feel indescribable joy. Instead of him having to do all the work, I can surprise him and delight him with Eve. He has never fucked her—"He hasn't even allowed me to kiss him yet!" she explains to me over the phone one night—and I think that having both of us at once will excite and please him. I've heard so much talk about how a threesome is one of the pinnacle achievements a man can have.
If he refuses to show, then that will be terrible…but also okay. I can live with it. It's not my position to lead or tell him what to do, and I hope that I'm not overstepping my bounds by doing this. I just want him to be happy.
Ah, but that is also such a lie. I want him to be happy, but most of all I want to be fucked.
After bathing and scrubbing my skin raw, I decide to wear a sky blue dress that contrasts sharply with my hair. I'd like for him to fuck me tonight, to let me possess what he's scorned from me so far. I'd like for him to know just how unconditionally devoted to him I am, that I belong to him. He already has my heart and my soul.
Now I want him to have my body.
I arrive at the red door in the alleyway on time. He's already there, but he doesn't look angry or disappointed. He looks excited, almost. I now know that all the fear and worry was worth it.
Eve isn't there when we get to the bottom. In fact, we almost have the whole place to ourselves—there is another girl behind the bar (Eve has taken the night off, ironically, so she can have sex in the workplace) but aside from that the place seems empty.
We sit in a booth and he orders a mystery bottle of sake, and he begins to ask questions. His tone is light, playful, letting me know that he realizes I'm having fun with this game and he's enjoying it as well. I hope Eve shows up soon. I feel dizzy with relief, but I'm very impatient and unbelievably horny. I'm certain that my nipples are perfectly visible through my dress, straining against the fabric.
I keep my answers to him a little vague, enjoying what little bit of control I have for one evening, until he puts his lips close to my ear. He gives the soft lobe a quick flick with his tongue, one lovely flick, and whispers, "If she isn't worthy of me, I'll violate you in ways that will scar you for life."
His words make me tremble. I close my eyes for a moment, and I'm drowning in a sea of fear and lust. I'd like for him to scar me here, right now, to plunge into me with a single thrust. I want him to hurt me with his cock. I want to feel his teeth on my breasts again, have him bite my nipples and ass, spank me with the flat edge of a kunai blade while his forehead protector blinds me like on that first night.
I feel I'm his. Totally. Without reserve.
Just as I'm starting to lose patience, I see the stunning Eve descending the stairs into the bar room. I don't move, but she sees us sitting together and stops, offering a shy little wave with her fingers while her other hand moves south to her innocence. I wonder if she is wearing anything underneath her dress. Her feet are bare.
The excitement in his eyes tells me I was right. Eve, without her cat makeup yet still just as leonine and beautiful, is to his taste. She sits across from the two of us and shyly starts to talk. I feel her naked foot slide up and down my calf, and I sit up a little straighter, opening my legs a little, offering her my bare thighs and everything in between.
I know that he knows all this is for him, only to please him.
The conversation is lighthearted, amusing, and suggestive. She tells him how we met, and what we did within those first few minutes. The cool rose sake makes me tipsy, and laughter bubbles out from between my lips.
He puts his hand on my lower back and leans towards me and whispers into my ear, "She's lovely. What a nice little gift you've given me. Thank you."
It is the most beautiful compliment I have ever received in my life. The essential thing is that every moment I can give him should be an erotic feast for him. My own unsatisfied desire doesn't matter. All that matters is his pleasure. I'd give him everything, even the kunoichi I seduced all by myself, just for him.
The idea that I'm here to do his bidding excites me to no end, and I can't stop smiling and giggling like a little girl. Neither can she. Sasuke looks like he's enjoying himself with our childish behavior. He slips a finger between my thong and my skin. I'm very damp. He fondles me a little, then takes out his index finger and offers it to Eve. She sucks his finger between her lips.
I shake with heat and joy and laughter and abandon. Eve chases down the taste of my pussy with a few more shots of sake, and we join her. Boldly, she stands up fom the table and asks his permission to go and take a piss.
I take off ahead of her and run down the corridor to the ladies' room. By the time she's joined me, I've pulled my thong completely off and am sighing with relief as I pee, the door open. Immediately I give her my place. She's as drunk as I am, but she insists that I close the door—she can't do anything if someone is watching. We both scream with laughter. After a lot of teases and kisses, I finally close the door.
At the same time, I hear his footsteps behind me. He pushes me flat against the wall and immediately plunges his fingers into my cunt. It is just that sudden. I turn and kiss him. Kiss him and kiss him, hold him with all my strength. His tongue is hot and gentle, I feel so good, I want him so much I could die.
I search greedily for his cock, freeing it without difficulty. It's very hard. Like marble wrapped in hot silk, given a pulse. I take it in my mouth and suck, my lips move back and forth, I lick him with my tongue, savoring each fraction of an inch he's allowed me to savor.
For a moment I forget about Eve, and I jump when I hear the toilet stall door opening. I lift up my head to see him grab her by the shoulders and sink his tongue into her mouth. He puts hands on her breasts and reaches inside her dress to pull them out and sucks and bites her nipples. I know that pain. I envy her.
I take him into my mouth again and close my eyes to concentrate on his pleasure. He's grabbed my hair in a firm grip, keeping my head in place, and I apply myself to sucking and licking this python that is his cock, taking it deep into my throat while I use my hands to fondle and stroke all his sensitive parts. I give up trying to see all the nice things that he's doing for my friend Eve. Although the moans I hear make it clear how aroused she is by them.
I'd like to make him come in my mouth right now, but despite all the zeal I'm devoting to his taunt cock, he remains totally in control.
Now he pulls on my hair and lifts me up and, with his hand still doing its magic on her cunt, he turns his lips from her to take mine. I respond to his kiss with a violence and excitement to match my emotion. I want him all to myself. But he immediately takes his lips away from mine and, still holding my hair tight, moves my face toward Eve's and presses my mouth to hers.
Her lips open and she bites me a little, but finally she succumbs to the combined power of my kisses and his burrowing fingers and she unleashes a string of gasps and squeals. Without waiting for his orders, I take the initiative and tease her pink nipples—my goodness, they're so hard—between my fingers and knead her firm breasts
I press my rear side towards him, my legs apart, my back arched in exaggerated fashion. I want him inside me so much, no matter which way he enters, I could scream. I free one of my hands and take hold of his cock, in the hope of drawing it inside me and letting male instinct do the rest, but he pushes me away and shifts his body until he's standing behind Eve.
I feel my blood run cold.
Her cry as Sasuke penetrates her, and the way her upper body tips toward me, makes it clear that he's sodomizing her. His cock is inside of her ass. The gut-wrenching pain I feel seems so much worse than all the torture and loneliness he's inflicted on my so far.
To hide the sadness that's taken over me, I close my eyes and kneel in front of her to suck her clitoris. She's making a lot of noise, the thrusts of his cock are tearing her apart in the way I dream about, with each thrust she screams, and each cry is like the lash of a whip branding my flesh.
My tears fall as she comes, violently, leaning on me, her nails digging into my shoulders, and when I take my lips away from her fulfilled clitoris and look up, I see Sasuke throw his head back and laugh as he comes, with obvious delight, in my new friend's ass.
Why her?
I feel sick.
For the rest of the night I am haunted. The image of his cock penetrating that girl…I go to sleep at dawn with her screams in my head, and wake up in tears, seeing his smile as he comes inside of her.
Why not me?
Why won't he fuck me?
For months now I've been thinking, maybe he couldn't? Maybe he has some kind of problem? But last night I was proven so wrong. The violent way I saw him and felt him fuck Eve tells me that I am a fool, a self-deceiving fool. Of course he can orgasm in a girl. He's Sasuke.
The pain just won't go away.
I don't understand it. I don't understand him. On the one hand, I felt as if we had something, built up something resembling a relationship, a partnership of some kind, even if it is only Master and Slave. He seemed so much gentler at first last night, closer, more at ease and not as controlling.
On the other hand, looking at the facts, I have to admit that what I'm doing is insane. He doesn't give me anything, anything at all, he won't even lower himself to fuck me. How can I feel so dependent on him when he won't even grant me my one wish?
The power of addiction terrifies me.
I feel as if I really am just a toy. A toy that has only one purpose.
To be abused.
