A/N…Having a bad day so chapters are sad.
Thank YOU to ALL Reviewers!
Disclaimer: I don't own.
Robin's POV
I was fighting with Carly and I slapped her; the next thing I knew he
was pulling us apart, but it was too late he knew. I was sure he
knew. The worst thing was the brief moment our eyes locked and I
saw the look of horror in his eyes. But it wasn't the kind of horror
most people regard HIV with, it was different. Because Patrick was
horrified that he had left me, he was horrified by the pain he
caused, he blamed himself, but I don't blame him. My getting HIV
is not his fault, I won't say that it's not his fault our friendship
ended because there is no way to spin that; he left, said he didn't
want to speak to me anymore, and just left. But I got HIV because I
slept with a man with HIV, but I don't regret it, I loved Stone so
much, and in a way HIV has helped me become who I am today. It
has helped me shape my life, I wanted to quit when I found out I
had HIV, I was in denial, but I didn't in the end and now I have a
great job and I have friends and I have a family but something is
missing. I won't lie and pretend I don't know what's missing,
because I do. Patrick is missing. I love him, more then I've loved
anyone else or could love anyone else. Before he left I didn't know
where I ended and he began, he was a part of me and he still is. I
think that part of why I'm not as outgoing as I once was is because
I don't have Patrick. I love him so much it hurts and without him it
just doesn't seem worth it to try and have fun; to live a complete
and full life, because I know that no matter what I can't be
complete without him. But I am so scared he'll reject me now that
he knows I have HIV but I'm not sure that even if he didn't I could
let him in again. I need him and I love him, but I am so scared of
being hurt again.
Patrick's POV
I watched the scene unfold in front of me as though in slow
motion. Robin and Carly were arguing that was nothing new. But
then she said it. She said Robin, my Robin, my best friend, has HIV.
That couldn't be possible could it? Robin couldn't have HIV. That
could never happen to Robin. I watched in a state of shock as
Robin slapped Carly. This jolted me from my thoughts and I ran
forward pulling them apart. Later when I got home I sat on the
couch and stared into space, just stared, how had it happened. How
could sweet, kind, wonderful, responsible, beautiful Robin get
HIV? She was my best friend and I love her. I think the biggest
regret I will ever have in my life is that I left her and I ruined things
for us. And now I wonder if I had stayed would this have happened.
And somehow I think that if I hadn't left her, if I hadn't run away, if
I hadn't taken the easy way out Robin wouldn't have this disease.
She wouldn't Human Immunodeficiency Virus, she would be okay.
But she's not okay. She lives a cloistered life and that's my fault.
And I don't think that this is an irrational thought because I know
it's true. Robin would be okay, and Robin would be happy, if I
hadn't left her. If Robin were happy now if she were happy with the
way things were then maybe I could go on pretending I did the right
thing but all I have to do is look at the way she stands and I can see
her pain. I just have to listen to her voice to hear her anger. And
looking into her eyes I can see the hurt that has settled into the
depths of the beautiful brown eyes I love so much. And I know I've
caused that pain. But I think worst of all is when I look at her full
on and take in everything about her, and it is in doing this that I see
what I've never seen from Robin never in all the time I've known
her…resignation. She's resigned herself to this life…this life of
pain and hurt and anger…I've caused this, I've killed who she was,
because I was selfish, and I'll never forgive myself for that.
A/N Review! Thanks!
