Chapter rating: T

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[Chapter 8]

After my long talk with Kurosaki, I find I am considerably less unnerved by the dreams of Orihime, which seem determined to plague me no matter what I do. It is still an uncomfortable thing, to dream of her in such a manner, and I have an inkling of a feeling that I should perhaps not let her know that I think such things. Kurosaki had made it very clear that such things were to be kept private. Still- I cannot help but wonder what it means; dreaming of her in such a fashion. I do not dream of others in this way. Clearly, the repeated sexual thoughts of her mean something. What, I am not sure, but I know I will not be going to Kurosaki about it. He is as competent with relations as he is with staying alive- ergo, he dies often.

So I simply think about these matters to myself.

Even now, as we sit at lunch with her two female friends- Kuchiki and Arisawa- I am thinking of what exactly Orihime must mean to me. She is important- more so than anyone else, but what exactly is it that I desire from her?

"So, how long have you and Cifer been dating anyway, Inoue?" the Kuchiki woman asks, taking a bite of rice. "A month?"

Orihime goes red. "N-no, Rukia-kun, you're mistaken! We're just good friends!"

Arisawa gives me a look that says she thinks otherwise. I do not know if I am pleased by the both of them thinking we are romantically involved or not. I am not romantic. I will not sing her serenades or find her horses to ride and beaches to go to. The fact they think myself capable of these things is almost alarming. Is it so clear that I care about the woman?

"Ulquiorra-kun and I-" Her phone begins to meow sporadically. "Oh. Hold on, sorry!"

Orihime excuses herself to answer her phone half way through lunch, as her aunt is calling about rent or something similar. The second she leaves the remaining two females pounce on me as though I am little more than live prey.

"You haven't confessed yet?!" Tatsuki roars.

"Poor Inoue," Rukia shakes her head, "You truly must be leading her on."

I sip at my tea. "I do not know what you're talking about."

"Oh come on! It's clear as fucking day you like her!" Tatsuki yells.

"And?"

"And so why haven't you told her?" Rukia finishes.

I cock an eyebrow up at this. Strange, I did not know liking someone was so important. I've almost come to like the two of them- is it human custom to make it known? "I am certain she knows I like her. She just told you we are good friends."

The two of them exchange a look. Slowly, they seem to understand, and they turn with explanations.

"Oh, Cifer, you really aren't human. We mean like-like."

"As in liking her as more than just a friend."

"Like, as a girlfriend."

"It's clear even to me that you're in love with her."

I stare at the purple-eyed female, confused. "In love with her?" Suddenly I feel like my old self again, scoffing at the ideas of such strong emotions taking me over. "I do not feel such idiotic feelings as love."

"Oh sure you don't." Tatsuki rolls her eyes. "I bet you don't even know what love is."

"I do. Love is the emotion Orihime feels for Kurosaki Ichigo."

They both wince, as though they've been hit with a cero point-blank.

I go on. "Love is the pathetic following of a person no matter the circumstance. Love is such blind devotion and hope towards someone that you become incapable of moving on your own."

"Okay, okay back up a sec." Tatsuki holds her hands out like a shield. "Let's start with something you know- the not emotional side of this stuff. Love is the slight widening of your eyes, a faster heart beat, blushing, warming temperatures…"

Impossible.

Rukia begins, then. "It's wanting to be near someone or touch them or-"

"I am not in love with Orihime Inoue." What was taking the woman so damn long on the phone, anyway?

"Oh yeah? Let's play a little game then. You answer all the questions we ask honestly and if the majority of the answers are yes, then you're in love, and you've got to admit it to yourself. Got it?"

"Fine." After all, I am not in love with her.

"Before that," Rukia says, holding up her phone, "the definition of love is nothing like yours. According to your human dictionaries, it's like this. An intense feelings of deep affection. Or, if you're in love with someone, a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone. And then the over all definition: like very much or find pleasure in." She put down her phone with a grin.

I frown.

"Okay," Tatsuki starts, "question number one. Does the idea of Orihime getting hurt make you upset?"

Damn it. "Yes."

Rukia speaks, then, and I realize they will be taking turns so that they have more time to think up questions. They truly are treacherous. "Do you want to see her happy?"

"Yes."

"Do you want her to live a long healthy life?"

"… Yes."

"Would it make you upset if someone betrayed her?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to…" Tatsuki grins, evil as one woman can be. "Kiss her?"

I swallow, and sharply turn my head away. "You did not say your interrogation would be inappropriate for casual conversation."

"Oh please, Cifer, it's not like I asked if you wanted to eat her out."

I sharply turn to her, brows furrowed. "I am not longer a hollow." I tell her. "I will never desire to consume her, and if the urge to feed on human souls remained at all I would never prey upon hers."

Tatsuki's face falls. "That's not exactly what I meant-"

"Are you finished with your questions?"

Rukia let out a long breath. "Almost. Just… do you want to be with her as often as you can? See her smile, hear her laugh? Do you want to wake up next to her every day? Do you want to hold her, make her happy?"

I am a dead man. Damned from the moment I set foot into this restaurant.

Tatsuki adds on, "Do you want to be with her? Physically?"

All I can do is swallow, my throat suddenly dry. The ugly truth rears its head, and I flash back to the dreams, the feeling in my chest when she smiles, the way she looked waking up next to me that one morning. It is not possible that someone like myself could love. What is more, no heart as pure as her own could ever come to be with one so tainted as mine. I cannot be in love- it will ruin me. But the facts are there, and as painful as they may be, there is nothing I can do to evade them.

The two women sit staring at me expectantly, and I know that if I do not give them a reply they won't let it go.

And I did say I would answer honestly.

Watching Orihime come in through the front again, smiling at the manager as she waves, I can only hope that they will not hear my answer as I bow my head before them.

Eyes on my fists, clenched in my lap, I say it- feeling like a prisoner before the execution stand.

"Yes."