To Feel - Part 9

"Stay still," I mutter, dabbing at his lip with a water soaked cotton ball.

"It stings," he hisses, clenching his eyes shut as I dab some more. He's holding a bag of peas to his swollen eye.

"I know, but it needs to be cleaned," I say, focusing on my task.

When we got to my house I noticed that my mother's car wasn't parked out front. If she had been home I would have had to explain a lot, but she wasn't, so I was relieved for that. She had left a note on the refrigerator door saying that she was taking the night shift at the station and that she would be back in the morning by eight.

I got to work immediately, having Klaus sit at the kitchen table while I got everything I needed to fix him up.

I throw away the bloody cotton ball and grab a small piece of gauze, drying his skin and the last remaining drops of blood.

I apply some antiseptic cream and place a butterfly closure where the cut extends to the skin below his lip.

"All done," I say, and start throwing away bandage wrappers and closing the first aid kit. "Lift up," I say, tapping the the hand that's holding the bag of peas.

His eye opens and he lifts his hand away for me to see.

His skin is red, surely from the cold bag of peas. There's still some swelling, but it doesn't look as bad as it did before.

"Okay, keep that there for a few more minutes and then we'll switch bags," I say, thinking of the other two bags of peas we have in the freezer.

He nods, putting the bag back on his eye, sighing a little as he does.

"Okay, now let me see," I say, motioning to his shoulder.

"It's fine, really," he argues, but I'm not having it.

"The way you winced in the car when I touched your shoulder leads me to believe otherwise. Now, stop being difficult and lift up your arm as much as you can."

He narrows his one eye at me, but does as I ask. His arm doesn't go all the way up though, and he winces and stops half way.

I grab on to the edge of his shirt and start pulling it up, helping his arm out of the sleeve.

"If you wanted me shirtless, you could have just asked," he says. I glance over at him, and he's smirking.

I'm suddenly really angry.

"You're joking around right now? Seriously?" I bite back.

The smirk drops off his face, his eyes lose their mischievous glint.

I stay staring at him for a few seconds, waiting for my bewilderment to ebb.

With a few breaths I'm feeling in control again, but I can still feel the anger burning in me.

I look back at his shoulder and my breath catches. There's a nasty purplish-black bruise already forming around his shoulder. I swallow, my throat suddenly dry.

Without another word I get up and head to the fridge, opening the freezer door and grab the other two bags of peas. So much for switching out the one on his eye for a new one.

I sit down next to him at the kitchen table and drop the bags of peas on the table, opening up the first aid kit once more and finding the roll of gauze.

"Drop that bag on the table," I say, pointing to the one he's holding to his face. He does as I say almost immediately. "Take off your shirt."

As he's doing that, I pick up a bag of peas and place it on his shoulder so that it's resting on his collar bone. "Hold this," I say, and he reaches up to keep it in place.

I stand up next to him and get to work on securing the bag with gauze. Once I feel it's not going to fall, I tie it off. "Is that too tight?"

"No, it's fine," he says. He's been looking at me the whole time I've been working, and it's starting to get on my nerves. I nod in acknowledgement and grab the other pea bag, placing it right on top of his shoulder. He doesn't have to hold it this time, so I get right to work on securing it.

"You're upset with me," he states just as I'm finishing up my bandaging.

"How did you come to that conclusion?" I ask, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"You're never like this," he starts. "You just seem like the kind of person who's always happy and positive, not curt and sarcastic."

I glance over at him as I tie off the bandage. He looks like he's deep in thought.

"Why are you helping me?" He suddenly asks.

Now he looks confused and curious.

"I shouldn't be helping you," I say, throwing the gauze roll into the first aid kit. "I shouldn't have offered you a ride. Hell, I shouldn't have even stopped when I saw you on the side of the road."

He winces a little, like I've hurt him. But he hides it quickly.

"Why are you helping me, Caroline?" He pushes, his teeth clenched.

I honestly have no idea. After all the terrible things he had said to me, why did I even bother?

"Because you need my help," I say. It's the best answer I can give him. It's the best answer I can give myself.

The realization doesn't surprise me, but it seems to surprise Klaus.

"Did you really mean everything you said?" I ask, unable to hold back.

That question had been bothering me for over a week.

Since the moment I had walked away from him, I had been analyzing every moment we had spent together – everything I had said and done, everything he had said and done.

And it just didn't seem to match up in the end. He had said that he was just putting in some effort so I wouldn't be an "unwilling body" when we did it, but it just didn't make sense.

The way he acted with me when he was "teaching" me things didn't match the personality of a person that was just in it to get with a virgin. He had plenty of opportunities where he could have taken advantage and just had his way with me, but he never did. He always took a step back, always made sure I was comfortable.

"No," he shakes his head. "I didn't mean any of it."

"Then why did you say it?"

He sighs, running his free hand through his hair. "Because I'm not a good person, Caroline. It was just a matter of time before you figured it out, and I didn't want to be waiting indefinitely for the other shoe to drop."

"What?" I'm so confused. "Why do you think you're a bad person? Is it because you've…been with a lot of girls from school already?"

He scoffs and lets out a rueful laugh. "I haven't slept with anyone in this town," he says, shaking his head. "Not for lack of propositions. And I've heard the rumors – it all started with that Tatia girl, and apparently her sister seemed to think it appropriate to also say she had been in bed with me."

"And Hayley?"

"I don't even know who that is."

"So it was all really just rumors?"

"All of it," he nods.

I can't help it – I laugh, resting my head in my hands. "That's so terrible."

When I look up at him, he's chuckling. "I never tried clarifying because – really, who would believe me? I also never thought it would be an issue."

"But wait – if that's not why you think you're a bad person, then why are you?"

"You don't give up, do you?"

"One of my many enduring qualities," I say, and he chuckles a little, but then gets serious.

"I carry a lot of baggage, Caroline. An insane amount that I wish upon no one else."

"That doesn't make you a bad person."

"You're right," he nods. "It doesn't," he says, but then seems a little hesitant, searching for something in my eyes before speaking again. "But wanting you does."

My breath hitches, his words unexpected.

"I don't understand."

"You remember when I asked you what I would get in return for doing you the favor of taking your virginity?"

"Yeah," I nod slowly. "You said that we'd see."

"I just said that so that I wouldn't sound like a total jerk. I knew exactly what I wanted."

Gulp. "What did you want?"

"You," he answers without hesitation. "And not just in the physical sense."

"You mean you – I don't think I –"

"I didn't just want to have sex with you once, Caroline. That was the furthest thing from my mind when we first started – I swear I was going to take it slower, talk to you more. But then I asked you to kiss me, and that mucked up my whole going slow plan because… well, you're a really good kisser."

"I still don't get how this makes you a bad person?"

"Because I wanted a relationship with you, Caroline! And that would have been so bloody unfair to you because you either would have had to deal with my baggage, or I would have had to lie to you about it!"

Whoa, what.

"You wanted a relationship with me?"

"Yes, Caroline. That's what I've been trying to say."

"Do you still?" I ask, practically holding my breath.

He looks visibly taken aback, like he doesn't believe why I'm asking.

"Very much so, yes," he finally says. "But as I said, I wouldn't be any good for you."

He looks down at the table, breaking eye contact with me.

I stand up and take a step closer to him, grabbing his chin and forcing him to look up at me.

"You don't get to make that kind of decision for me."

I really want to kiss him, but it doesn't feel right in the moment. Instead I lean down and kiss his cheek, communicating my choice through my actions.

"You don't know what you're getting into," he says, sounding like he wants to mean it, but doesn't mean it completely. I pull away, but rest my forehead on his.

"I guess I'll find out eventually, won't I?"

His eyes clench shut and he purses his lips.

I know he's teetering on the edge of pushing me away and giving in.

Should I kiss him?

I want to, but again, I feel like it would be forced.

I can feel the seconds ticking by, dragging on. Every second is another wasted, another where he could be convincing himself that I'm not worth it.

My words are clearly not getting through to him. Maybe my actions will.

I tilt my head forward slowly until our noses are touching, rubbing the side of my nose over the side of his. It's a feather light touch, but it feels so intimate.

I close my eyes, feeling him sigh and finally speak again.

"I guess you will."

We stay like that for a some time, just breathing and holding each other and occasionally moving so that our noses rub together or our cheeks touch.

After a while, though, I remember his eye and pull away reluctantly to grab the pack of peas he left on the table and press it to his swollen eye gently.

"How did all this happen, anyways?" I ask. "Was it Tyler?" I doubted it even when I asked.

He snorts, rolling his one good eye. "Tyler didn't even touch me."

"Then who did this?" I ask, genuinely concerned. I knew it hadn't been Tyler – his eye had yet to fully bruise and the cut on his lip looked relatively fresh. Not to mention that no tenth grader, not even a football player, could do that to a shoulder.

"It's part of the baggage I mentioned before," he says, looking away from me.

I want to push him, I do. But I can feel that the issue is bigger than me at the moment, and he probably won't tell me because of the whole I'm bad for you theory he's formulated. So I decide to leave it alone.

For now.

"Why were you fighting with Tyler anyway?"

"He was just talking out of his arse," he shakes his head, still not looking at me.

"What was he saying?" I ask, tilting my head to see if I could make eye contact with him.

"Nothing remotely pleasant." He glances up at me but quickly glances away. I snatch up his chin again and force him to make eye contact.

"What was he saying, Klaus?"

He sighs, removing the pack of peas from his eye and setting it back down on the table. He reaches out to me, his hand resting on my hip.

"Love, I would prefer to not repeat what he said to you."

"Then paraphrase."

I appreciated the chivalry and everything, but I had a feeling this had to do with me.

"Fine," he starts. "The Lockwood boy was yammering on about how he got laid last weekend to Matthew. Matthew, to his credit, mentioned how you two recently broke up – something I did not know, mind you – and how he shouldn't be treating women as simply playthings. Tyler then said that you weren't so innocent either – that you had refused to sleep with him, and that it had only been a few weeks since your break up and he had already seen you with me a handful of times. He said that you had obviously done something to land me."

"At this point, Lockwood turns around and sees me there, clearly having heard his entire conversation. He said something about me being a rebound, and then asked if you were any good in bed. At least I think that's what he said, I was already tuning him out and lunging for him when he started speaking to me."

"Seriously?" Is all I can say, throwing my hands up. "What is his damage? We literally only dated for a month!"

"Is he the reason why you wanted to lose your virginity?"

I sigh, feeling slightly embarrassed. I can feel my face heating up, and he can probably see it because the fluorescent lights in the kitchen have no mercy. "Yes."

"Caroline," he starts, and I can practically hear the lecture coming on. It's like Elena part two. "I am no one to tell you what to do and what not to do with your body. But, why didn't you just wait for someone else to come along? The right guy? Why go out and ask someone? Why me?"

"As you probably noticed, I'm not the most patient person in the world," I say and let out a short laugh, trying to dissolve the tension.

He smiles, but stays quiet, his thumb rubbing circles into my sweater. I know it's meant to be a reassuring motion.

"I guess I was just hurt and… insecure about it. So I just made a quick decision. As for why you?" I shrug. "I saw you, and decided it would be you."

"Even knowing my supposed reputation?"

I shake my head. "I found out about that later."

"So if I hadn't happened to have been there when you made this decision, who would you have gone with?"

I draw a blank. "I don't know. I hadn't really had anyone in mind beforehand. Maybe I would have just let it drop and not done anything about it."

"Or maybe you would have found someone else," he still has a small smile on his face, but it looks still and his voice sounds empty.

"Maybe," I say, but it comes out as a whisper. "But I'm glad you were there. I'm glad I picked you."

His lips turn up a little, and he looks genuinely pleased with my answer.

"I'm glad you picked me, too."


As promised, a double update. I hope you liked it :)

Next chapter - a much requested Klaus POV.