He wasn't afraid of much, but this much he was sure of, he was scared of Beth. Terrified actually. He had been avoiding her. He had expected her to be miffed about it but instead it was as if she barely noticed. After the incident by the fences she had gone to bed and he had laid awake and decided that without a doubt he needed to put an end to the whole thing. He wasn't going to be caught up in some romance in the middle of an apocalypse. He just wasn't. That would be the stupidest thing he could do and lately stupid got you killed.

His avoidance of her didn't seem to surprise her in the least. He had to admit that he was upset about that. He had expected something. What, he didn't know. But he had expected more than what was happening. It was as if nothing had happened at all. She didn't seem distant, upset, or angry. She just carried on the same as ever while he felt forever altered.

There was something that had changed other than him though. Those girls were always staring at him and whispering as they followed Beth around like ducklings. While Beth's eyes didn't even seek his out the little girls were always watching. It made him uncomfortable. He had taken to avoiding the room completely. He wasn't one to shirk his duties though. Every night he was up against the door. He slept outside the room every night. He had a feeling all of the girls that occupied the room knew but had chosen to leave him to it. He rose before the sun did and wasn't there until well after it set.

Another thing that had changed was his thoughts. They always seemed to be drifting to her. It was maddening. She was always there in the corner of his mind and not in a platonic way either. He wanted her in more ways than one and his attempts to erase her from his mind and memory only seemed to secure her further.

It had been two weeks since they had spoken properly. It had been two weeks since he had a moment that he hadn't thought about her. He had a moment of weakness six days ago in the showers. Daryl wasn't one to focus on sexual things since the world had fallen apart. It would only bring him trouble, but he hadn't been able to stop himself from thinking about her.

That morning Michonne had arrived with all sorts of candies for the children and he had watched as Lizzie insisted she take a sucker when the girl had received her small allotment of candy. He had watched shamefully as her lips and tongue caressed the circumference of the sweet and it was that image of her, of her rose petal lips wrapped around a sucker, that had set him off. He hadn't touched that part of him in that way for so long that it hadn't taken very long to send him over the edge. Afterwards he felt incredibly flustered over it. It seemed wrong to do that over Beth. It seemed almost disrespectful. She was so much more than a body to get off on.

So that was what he was thinking about when she approached him in C block with everyone around them talking and laughing. She had sidled up to him. He immediately felt her presences, it burned his skin and caused a flush to rise to his cheeks. She smelled clean, sweet even, which was unusual for anyone these days.

"Hey," her voice was almost a whisper, soft and sweet, he had missed the way it sounded. "Can we maybe talk?"

He shrugged because the words seemed stuck in his throat. She tilted her head in question and he watched as her ponytail moved to cover her shoulder. He grunted in the positive and stood. Talking would probably lead to a fight, but he didn't have it in him to say no to her.

When they reached a quieter part of the prison grounds he stopped and waited for her to speak. Daryl wasn't about to start this conversation. He had no idea what she was thinking and he didn't want to mess everything up by saying something.

"I wanted to apologize to you," She told him. He watched as strong and confident Beth Greene took a step away from him and heaved in a deep breath like she was about to face something quite dangerous and she had to prepare. He could understand the feeling. "I forced you into doing something you weren't comfortable with. I know that I came on strong and I don't want you to think I don't respect what you want."

What he wanted? She had no idea. It wasn't about what he wanted, or even about what he needed. It was all about what made him feel comfortable. When he didn't say anything she bit her lip and looked away from him. He watched as her hand curled around her scarred wrist reflexively. He saw her then. He understood.

"I know you don't think of me the way I think about you." He heard the way her voice cracked. He felt horrible deep in the pit of his stomach. It felt as if he were ill.

"I just figured I had to try because-" She looked at the ground. She was trying to compose herself. He was trying to keep himself together too. "Because we don't have a lot of time left. No one is guaranteed anything anymore, if they ever were."

Maybe she felt uncomfortable under his gaze because he was watching her curl into herself slowly. He knew he had to say something, but he didn't know where to start.

"I just don't want you to feel weird around me." Beth looked at him from underneath her eyelashes. He wished he could be the man that would take her in his arms. That's what she made him want. At the same time he knew he couldn't.

"Nothin' to feel weird about." He voice was rough from disuse and emotion, he hoped she didn't notice. "Didn't mean nothing. Was just a kiss." He felt wrong having the words pass over his lips. She apparently felt wrong hearing them because the smile she wore was nothing but fake. There was pain in her eyes. He knew how to read that from a mile away. She had been hoping he'd say something different. He was so bad at this.

"Yeah," She said finally. He hadn't seen her this deflated in a long time, maybe since the farm. She turned to leave and he wanted to curse himself for being so bad at words. He wished he could show her how bad he felt about having to say no to her desire for him.

"Beth?" Daryl heard his own voice come out unsteady then. She turned. He wished that he could smother the hope in her eyes without hurting her. She was expecting some grand gesture. He didn't have one of those in him. "You're doing a good job with those kids. I was wrong about Lizzie. She really did need someone to care about her."

Her eyes darkened. It seemed he had said the wrong thing once again.

"Maybe she's not the only one." Her tone held no softness and he winced. She turned on her heel and didn't look back. He couldn't blame her. He couldn't blame anyone.

He hadn't had a fluffy childhood like Beth had. For all of Herschel's bad assery he was a loving father and a good role model to his daughters. Daryl hadn't had that in his life. His mother had drunk herself into a sleep so deep not even a fire could wake her. She had left them long before he could remember. He actually couldn't remember her very well at all. His father had always been mean. He couldn't help but wonder if that had been the reason his mother had drank so much liquor. The violence had seemed to touch both Merle and him, he couldn't see a reason his mother would have been spared.

When he had been young, thirteen maybe, he had gone to school most days, especially when Merle was away. At school he had started noticing a girl in his classes. For the life of him he couldn't remember her name. She had worn the prettiest little dresses to school though and he remembered that quite clearly. She had been soft and happy. She was everything Daryl had wished he could be. He had developed a crush on her. She had always been nice to him in passing interactions in class. he had thought about maybe asking her on a date. A lot of the other boys his age were doing that with girls. He wanted to be normal.

Then one day he had come into school covered in bruises and welts. She had taken one look at him and gasped. Any confidence he vanished as he saw the pity well up in her eyes. He told everyone that he had gotten into a fight and the rest of the kids had left him alone about it.

For weeks after that when his father whipped his back, where the bruises wouldn't show, he had only seen her face while he had cried out. The pity was unbearable.

That girl had been the closest he had ever been to having a normal childhood experience and his father had taken it away from him. Afterwards it was just him and Merle and occasionally just to shut his brother up he would have sex with a girl that Merle was pushing on him. It was better than being called names for the next week and being bullied over not having the "balls" to fuck a random girl.

He hadn't ever had the opportunity to settle and he had convinced himself he didn't want to. He knew now that he did. He probably always had. Seeing the softness in Beth, everything he hadn't had, he felt that want rise up. She was a piece of heaven in this hell and he wanted to reach out and touch that. He wanted to experience something good, but he wasn't good enough, didn't know how.

A few days later he was working out in the yard, mostly making sure the cars were in good condition and making a list of supplies they needed the next time they went out. When he turned a little blonde head came into view.

"Where's your shadow?" He asked Mika who stood there in the most no offensive position she could. She tilted her head, clearly not understanding his question. "Your sister. Where is she?"

"Oh," The girl smiled slightly. "She asked me to leave her alone. She wanted to spend time with Carl."

He wasn't surprised. He had noticed the way the two had started acting recently, too shy and awkward for their own good. It was good to see something so normal as a school aged crush around here.

"Go find Beth then. I've got things to do kid." He waved her away and was surprised when she didn't move, she was usually too timid to disobey an order.

"But that's just it. I have to talk to someone. Beth always told me and Lizzie that we could talk to her or you about anything. But the thing I've gotta talk about is about Beth so I can't ask her." She looked up at him hopefully. He wanted to tell her to get lost, but he didn't guess that would be good for the little one so he conceded.

"Okay. Shoot." He told her and he watched as her body opened from a demure posture to one that was more relaxed. This girl reminded him so much of himself when he was small sometimes.

"Is Beth my mom?" Her little face was wide eyed. She began to back pedal. "Like I know she isn't my real mom. My mom is dead. But is she going to be my mom from now on or just until Lizzie isn't screwed up? Should I call her mom? Is that weird?"

He couldn't help but smile at how small and confused she looked. He often forgot how little they really were because they always had to act much more mature with the world the way it is now.

"Do you want her to be your mom?" He prodded her because really he was curious about how the girl felt. He couldn't imagine accepting a mother into his life after his own had died.

"Well..." she paused. Her feet scuffed the dirt. "I miss my mom a lot, but when I'm with Beth I miss her a lot less. She does things for me. She takes care of me. I think she loves me."

He nodded. Beth probably did love the girl. Beth had such an open heart that way. It was one of her most endearing traits.

"I suppose she does." He told her. "Beth takes care of you and Judith and Lizzie like you're her own. I don't think she'd be upset if you thought of her as a mom." Mika looked like she was thinking it over. Then she looked him square in the eye.

"Have you ever thought about being a dad?" Her voice was sweet and he struggled to think up an appropriate answer. He looked out onto the prison yard and studied the women and children and make shift families bustling through. He caught sight of gleaming blonde hair. Beth was laughing with Glenn in the courtyard. Judith was on her hip. She looked perfectly tempting.

"No," He replied tightly, his eye flickering down to the girl in front of him. She looked puzzled. Her eyes crinkled at the edges and her lips pursed in a way that reminded him of Beth. She was everywhere.

"But... I think you'd make a good one. You're strong and you help everyone. You even help me and Lizzie." She didn't realize that she was testing his temper by pushing him into a topic he was uncomfortable with. "Lizzie and I think Beth loves you."

There it was. There was the reason for all the whispering and all the looks. He tried not to be overly mean but he needed to get away from this little girl and her questions.

"You need to go."

"But-" She started. He could hear the quiver in her voice. She was scared of him. She should be. He wasn't good.

"Go." He ordered and this time she listened. He couldn't help but see how her lip was shook. She wasn't used to being scolded. He tried to ignore the guilt he felt over it. He needed to avoid everything to do with Beth.

His eyes found her again, bouncing the baby on her hip and smiling widely as Judith giggled. Yes, Beth Greene was a dangerous kind of temptation. The kind that a man could fall into quite easily and would never recover from it as long as they lived or as long as she would have them. Fantasies about children, fatherhood, and love were dead. They were a distraction and he couldn't afford that. He had to protect everyone. He had to so Beth could remain the way she was, so that the children could stay alive, so that Judith would live into adulthood.

Daryl Dixon had no room for things as pure and rare as Beth Greene. And if he did he didn't deserve it.

He knew that for absolute certain because late that night when he went down to the showers he thought about her again.

He stroked himself thinking of her soft curves, her silky hair, her light pink lips. He imagined her on her knees in front of him with wide blue eyes. He wanted her there. He wanted to feel the warmth of her breath on his cock. He wanted to watch as her pupils dilated her breathing got heavy.

He could imagine her asking him in that husky voice of hers what he wanted. He could imagine her little tongue coming out to tease the very tip and could imagine her painfully slowly taking his length into her hot mouth.

He imagined all of these things and knew that he didn't deserve her, not for one minute. She needed someone more whole. Someone that was just as soft and happy and kind as she was. He wasn't even close. He wanted to be, but he wasn't.