LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD, PART III: ODE TO THOSE WHO LOVE THE GOLD SAUCER!

Juugo White and Little Red Gaara, the unlikely duo of this segment of fanfic, had finally reached Granny Chiyo's house.

At least, they were ten meters away from it, for there were various wards and traps spread evenly in a thirty meter diameter circle. Large spooky scarcrows scattered the area, glaring evilly at the timid Gaara, who became meek when spotting them.

"Umm, maybe we should turn back," he squeaked.

Juugo rolled his eyes. "Ahem! YOU were the one who was supposed to come here! All I did was tag along! You got that, you little punk??"

Gaara gulped, then sighed. "Hear you loud and clear."

Juugo eyed the picnic basket in Gaara's arms. "Umm, what type of delivery were you supposed to make, anyway?"

Gaara smiled shyly, and opened up the clasp on the basket. "Well, Captain Kakashi had a few Christmas deliveries for me! Let's see, a Limited Edition 1999 version of Bumblebee for Granny Chiyo, a copy of Crisis Core for Sasori-"

"Dude, Christmas was six months ago! It's June now."

Gaara was flabberghasted at such an idea. "You mean, I missed Christmas, New Year's-"

Juugo started counting off the lack of holidays in Gaara's schedule. "Uh huh! Chinese's New Year's, Valentine's Day, Easter, Mother's Day-"

"My mom's gonna hate me." Gaara sniffed.

"But, I thought she ALREADY hated you now!" Juugo reminded his friend.

Gaara blew his nose into his red cloak. "Yeah, she does. Now, she'll hate me EVEN MORE!"

"Geez, sorry dude!"

Gaara sniffed. "Ah, it's okay."

Juugo blanched at the cottage, nestled just beyond the death-war zone. "Now, how are we gonna get past THAT?"

Gaara shrugged. Just then, a silvery glint shimmered in the sunlight. "Ha ha ha!" said the silvery glint in a booming voice.

Gaara squeaked, and hopped into Juugo's arms. Juugo awkwardly patted him on the head. "There, there, you pathetic moron..."

The silvery glint then turned into a guy about their age, with white hair and a purple outfit on. In one hand, was a megaphone, and in the other, was the Keyblade.

"So, you guys need to get to that house?" Suigetsu the Keyblade Master asked, beaming with his new title. (No longer called Handsome, I tell you!)

Little Red Gaara and Juugo White nervously nodded.

"Well, I can't really help you with that!" replied Suigetsu, leaving Gaara and Juugo utterly flabberghasted.

"But you came all heroic-like!"

"Just help us, ya moron!"

Suigetsu grinned.

"Eh, sure! Why not?"

"WHAT?!"

Suigetsu frowned. "Don't you guys WANT help?"

"YES!"

"Okay then!"

Suigestu, in a new, dramatic lighting, pointed the silver tip of the Keyblade at Granny Chiyo's Cottage. Suddenly, a beam of light shot out of it like a bullet exiting a gun, and zoomed through the air at the speed of light! It sped past all of the traps...and unlocked the gate surrounding the house. Which, by the way, was INSIDE the wide perimeter of traps and wards.

Suigetsu grinned stupidly. "Okay! I opened the door for yas! Now, I'll be on my way-"

A huge hand clamped down on Suigestu's shoulder. Suigestu gulped, slowly turned his head. Juugo, with his face darkened by the dramatic lighting sequence, lowered his voice to such a low capacity, it made him sound like Darth Vader.

"That's not good enough. You have to also destroy the traps. Got it??"

The Keyblade Master sighed. "G-Got it."

Juugo loosened his hold, and Suigestu gingerly rubbed his aching shoulder. Then, with both hands on the Keyblade, he lunged foreward. "Somebody To Love" by Queen played as the background theme as Suigestu swung, leapt and did three hundred sixty degree spinning kicks in the air. One by one, all of the traps, switches, ropes, mislaid garden rakes and scarecrows were vanquished by this sub-plot hero. Finally, Suigestu had reached the Gate. Gaara and Juugo applauded.

"T-That was amazing!" squeaked Gaara, who by the way, was six-years-old. (Yeah, in case anyone was confused by his age. Just wanted to let you know. Heh.)

Suigetsu did a little swing with his Keyblade in the air, and grabbed it heroically. "Heh heh! Well, I guess that wraps things up! Roll the credits, 'cause that's gonna be-"

"The end, you inferior dullard."

It was all in slow motion. Suigestu turned his head, just milliseconds before the long, glaring blade portruded out of his stomach. The blade was at least six feet long, and on the other side of Suigestu was, that's right! It was-

"Sephiroth!" exclaimed Gaara and Juugo in awe. Sephiroth gave them one of his infamous evil grins, then turned his head to face Suigestu, who looked like a shish kabob, levitating two feet off of the ground. The background music changed again, and was now- you guessed it- Those Chosen By The Planet, the infamous Nibelheim theme. Mwahaha.

Suigetsu coughed. "Sephiroth! This is-"

"Unforgivable? Misleading? Against the eternal rift of fanfiction?" Sephiroth taunted.

Suigestu managed a weak grin. "No! This is- AWESOME!"

Sephiroth frowned. "How is this- awesome? You're hanging on my Masamune like minced meat!"

Suigestu waved his Keyblade in the air in triumph. "I'm like, your biggest fan, Sephy!"

"Sephy? So, you're one of those 'Final Fantasy Fanboys. A triple F threat," Sephiroth muttered. "Mother, what should I do with this inferior dullard? Roast him over the coals of Mount Nibel? Leave him to bleach in the sun at Costa del Sol? Torture him with the melodious tune of the Gold Saucer?"

Suigetsu smiled. "I love the Gold Saucer!"

"Mother, what is WRONG with this inverdebrate?" Sephiroth asked the air. Little Red Gaara gave him a strange look.

"The J-E-N-O-V-A theme rocks!"

Sephiroth closed his eyes. "No. One Thunder2 spell shall do it. Curse Square for not calling it Thundera!"

ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!

#

Inside of Granny Chiyo's cottage, the mad old lady and her luckless materal grandson heard a large ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!! coming from just outside of the Gate.

"What's going on out there?!" Granny Chiyo demanded of Sasori, who of course, couldn't provide the answer. "Is that little girl coming with our delivery from Captain Kakashi yet?"

Sasori, half-interested, peered out the window. "OHMYGOD! Sephiroth's attacking that guy wearing purple!"

Granny Chiyo pushed Sasori through the window. The glass smashed to pieces, and got into the young puppeteer's hair. "Ouch-" he began, but was then squashed to the ledge when his grandmother bounded over him.

"No time for complain'! I want that roasted n00b for dinner!"

Sasori groaned.

#

Suigestu hung limp at the end of Sephiroth mighty sword. "That's the last time you recite all of the GFs from FFVIII!" Sephiroth murmured.

Meanwhile, Little Red Gaara and Juugo gaped, watching their two-minute-old friendship with the Keyblade Master being ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!'d away.

Sephiroth, meanwhile, swiped the Masamune one hundred eighty degrees, watching Suigetsu's body fly into the poison ivy bush. Gaara gasped, tears in his eyes. Juugo cracked his knuckles in anger. Sephiroth laughed.

"Well then, if only it were this easy every time." he announced, then turned away from the Gate, and back into the Wood. Several trees had caught on fire, and half of the forest was ablaze now. Those Chosen By The Planet played up again, and reminded everyone of the pwnsome remade scene from Advent Children.

Gaara shook his head, and ran over to the poison ivy bush. "SUIGETSU!" he shouted, having no idea where he'd learned his name from previously. This, my friends, would demostrate a plothole, a common known icon found the the nija Narutoverse.

Gaara held up Suigestu's limp head. "SUIGESTU!"

Surprisingly, Suigestu managed to raise his arm. "Wait! Before I die, I want the background music to change to...The Price of Freedom. It's my...favorite song...from Crisis Core."

Juugo glared at the trees, the ones that hadn't caught on fire. "You heard the man. Quick! Before he croaks."

The trees gulped in a treeish way, and listened to the final command of a dying hero.

Suigestu looked into Gaara's tear-stained eyes. "Don't cry, kid."

"Suigestu..."

"Hm. So...do you think I became...a true fanboy?"

Gaara screamed in agony. "NO! SUIGETSSSSSUUUUU!"

A firm hand landed on the young six-year-old's shoulder. "He's gone, Gaara." Juugo whispered sadly.

Just then, Granny Chiyo and a slightly squished Sasori came bumbling down from the house. "Did I miss anything?!" Granny Chiyo asked.

NEXT TIME!!

With the death of Suigestu, the whole story of Grimly Tales has shooken up! Will Shikamaru find Princess Temari, the Emo Whisperer on time? Will Naruto ever get any screentime? And what is Itachi planning to do when he returns home? TUNE IN NEXT TIME!