"3:15. That's worse than yesterday."
"Yesterday, I wasn't hurting so bad," she retorted.
"The enemy doesn't care if you're tired. They'll kill you if you don't give your best." Boone seemed, if it was possible, even grumpier today, and her lackluster performance on the run and repetitions wasn't helping. He'd announced at the beginning that they were going to be working on falls and take-downs, and she was already cringing at the prospect of adding bruises to her bruises. At least she'd had the foresight to postpone eating until afterward this time. She hadn't bothered to undress or bathe after waking up, and had now been wearing her armor for over twelve hours. Her own sweat-stink was bothering even her, and she felt embarrassed to be so smelly. As they begun the practice, it soon became clear there was another problem.
"Stop flinching." She flushed. Boone was demonstrating a series of holds, locks, and throws on her, but couldn't keep herself from twitching away every time he moved to grab her. She mastered the impulse a half-second later, but repeated it on each new move.
"I'm sorry. It's just…I'm a little scared of you." He grimaced at this, and she took an involuntary step backward. "Sorry," she said again. "It's not you, exactly – although you are genuinely scary sometimes – but men in general. Frighten me a little. That's all."
He crossed his arms, looking equal parts pained and irritable. "Do you want to do this or not?"
"I do. Don't mind me. I've just got Vulpes Inculta stuck in my head. Do you know who that is?"
"I've heard of him." The coldness in his voice set the hairs on her arms on end. "If you think I'm anything like that Legion scum, then I don't know if we can continue working together."
"I know you're different, but you're still a man I don't know that well who could hurt me if you wanted to. It's hard for me to feel comfortable with you this close." She was frustrated and near tears, wishing they could start this conversation over.
"Do you tense up like that when you're fighting for real? Because that's a huge, fucking problem."
"No. It's not as bad when I get to kill the person who scares me, like when it's a Powder Ganger or a Legion soldier. Fear and anger are actually pretty good motivators. Voluntarily making myself helpless, though, letting you grab me, is hard."
He stared down at her, sunglasses flashing: "Okay. We're done for now. We'll pick this up again tomorrow, if you can get your head on straight. Try to let this sink in: I won't hurt you, except to teach you." With that, he walked away stiffly and disappeared into his room.
Standing frozen in the courtyard for a minute, Megan grabbed an empty bucket and filled it with water from the pump before going inside. Arcade was sorting through his medical supplies when she came back in and looked up in surprise. "You weren't out there very long."
Sitting down on the bed, she shucked off her armor and pulled off her disgusting socks. "No."
"Everything okay?"
She lay back on the bed, covering her eyes. "Yes. No. Boone is mad because I'm afraid of him. I don't know how to stop flinching when he touches me. I tried to explain, but he thought I was comparing him to Vulpes or something."
"Boone might actually be a good man…deep down…and it probably bothers him that you're unconsciously treating him like a sexual predator." She opened her mouth to protest, and he held up his hand to stop her. "I'm not saying it's your fault. It's not. Our brains use stereotypes to keep us safe: a caveman who survives being bitten by one snake knows to be afraid of all snake-like things from that point onward. Our brains can also make us racist, sexist assholes by the same mechanism. We associate like-stimuli and try to apply specific knowledge and fears to general categories. It's a knee-jerk response that can change with learned experience and intentional effort, and will probably improve as you get used to him. You're not afraid of me, are you?"
"No, of course not. But I met you before I was afraid of anything." She sat up. "Anyway, there's a place I wanted to check out today. It's a big building a few miles north of here."
"Could it be a solar plant? We're very close to Helios One. A scientist that I know was planning to check it out sometime soon, now that the NCR has driven the Brotherhood of Steel out. I'd like to go too."
"Yes, I saw solar panels. Have you given up on Strauss, then?"
"According to her guards, she went on a wild drunk last night. I'll wait until tomorrow to try anything constructive with her."
"Okay, let me bathe and change real fast. Is it okay if I ask Boone to come with us? I'd like to get to know him better, and we might have a better chance of getting through the door in the company of an obvious NCR ally."
"If he'll come, that's a good idea."
Boone was slow to answer to her knock, and did not look happy to see her again. "What do you want? I told you, we're done training today."
She took a deep breath. "Sorry to bother you. Arcade and I are leaving for Helios One in about twenty minutes. I was wondering if you'd like to come."
"Why?" His voice was colorless and empty, devoid of actual curiosity.
"I'd like to get to know you better. Oh, did you mean, why go there? I don't know. Arcade said the Followers have an interest in it for some reason. I'm just going along for the ride. I've never seen a power plant before."
"Fine. Knock again when you're ready." He slammed the door in her face.
She cleaned up and nibbled some of the cactus fruit from yesterday as well as some weird, nutty trail mix that Arcade had bought for breakfast. They headed downstairs to get Boone, only to find him waiting, equipped with his rifle and some patchy leather armor.
This dynamic was a little awkward, she had to admit to herself after they'd been on the road for a while. She and Arcade walked together, talking as they usually did, but Boone trailed twenty feet behind them. He still hadn't said a word. "I feel like I'm being marched to my death at gunpoint," she whispered to the doctor, laughing nervously. Just then, the report of a rifle shot shattered the air behind them, and they both ducked instinctually and looked back.
"Cazador," Boone explained shortly, and continued walking with his head on a continuous swivel.
"I didn't even notice it," the courier remarked to her companion. "My Pip-Boy didn't either. He has good eyes. So, who is it that you know at this place, Arcade?"
"Ignacio Rivas. He's a researcher, like me, but mostly studies Old World tech, especially the more dangerous artifacts. Once he understands how something works, he tries to make sure it can no longer hurt anybody if it falls into the wrong hands, but still retains any innocuous function it had."
"I thought solar power was clean and safe? Compared to other things, I mean."
"It was. It is. But for some reason the Brotherhood of Steel was very, very interested in this place, and defended it at the cost of many lives. This made the Followers, and probably the NCR, suspect that there's more to it than just a solar plant. If successful, Ignacio will have insinuated himself among the staff of the plant under somewhat false pretenses, but will try to work toward a solution that the NCR will be happy with. It's a delicate balance to strike, but he usually does the job well."
He hesitated for a moment, and continued quietly, looking a little depressed, "Ignacio and I had a thing, off and on, for a while. Like everybody else I've ever dated, he eventually got tired of my secrecy and gave up on the relationship. We're still fully capable of being amiable colleagues, but there's a strain there you might pick up on."
"You really couldn't tell him about…you know?"
"No. I find lovers make poor confidants. That may be more of a personal problem than a general truth, but it's my experience."
When they arrived at Helios One, a strict-looking female officer stepped forward, "This is a restricted area. State your business."
Arcade began. "As a researcher, I have an academic interest in this place…"
She interrupted brusquely, "Oh, another Follower. Yeah, your colleague got here last week. You can't do worse than the guy we hired. Go on in." He shrugged and headed toward the door.
Megan and Boone began to follow him inside, but then she turned back, "Ma'am? I need to make an informal report on Legion ingression into this area. I don't know if you have this information yet."
"It's Lieutenant, civilian. Lieutenant Haggerty. And you are?"
"Megan Martin. I'm a courier."
"Very well, courier. What is it?"
"My friend and I found evidence of Legion activity an hour west of Nipton, and Nipton itself was crawling with them – at least eighteen legionaries and one frumentarius, Vulpes Inculta. The people there were dead. That was four days ago. Also, the day before yesterday, we came upon Ranger Station Charlie, which was also wiped out by the Legion. We killed a band of eight leaving the area, but there were almost certainly more on the initial raid. That was all."
The woman's eyes grew wide and her face turned pale at this recitation. "We knew about Nipton from our radio. I suppose you were the courier the Outpost sent to scout it out? Jackson told us. We didn't know about Charlie, though. As bad as that news is, thank you for reporting it and for killing some of the men who murdered our people. I'd like to pay you, but I don't have any caps to spare…could you use some ammo? We have that in excess."
Megan thought, then answered hopefully. "Not me. I actually bought a bunch yesterday. But my companions use energy cells and .308s respectively, so if you could spare any of those…?"
"None of our guys use energy weapons, but we do have a box of miscellaneous cells that the Brotherhood left behind. Take the whole thing if you want. And we can spare a box of rifle caliber, especially for a First Recon sniper." Here she smiled warmly at Boone, but he only nodded disinterestedly. At her summons, another soldier ran up with two boxes, one larger than the other, and handed them to the courier, who gave Boone the small one and forced the other into her pack.
Megan tried to talk to Boone as they followed Arcade down the maze-like corridors of the power plant, but he refused to expand upon his answers:
"So that hat's from your battalion, right? First Recon?"
"Yeah."
"You ever take it off?"
"No."
"Why'd they make them red? Seems like a good target for an enemy sniper."
"Don't know."
Feeling like she was beating her head against a brick wall, she tried a different tack, "Look, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings earlier. I asked you for help because I don't want to be helpless the next time I'm disarmed or stuck in close quarters with a stronger opponent. I can deal with you scaring me if you can handle that my being scared of you is not personal."
He looked resigned. "Okay. We'll try again. Can we take a break from talking now?"
She took the hint and caught up with Arcade, who, despite being the de facto leader on this venture, seemed to be lost, taking them up and down stairs and into dead ends. Finally, after asking directions of a bored guard, they rounded a corner and walked into a well-lit space where two men in white lab coats were arguing.
The shorter one, a Hispanic man wearing a Followers cross on his sleeve, was yelling at a gangly redhead in reflective sunglasses: "For the last time. You. Can't. Put. Trash. In. There. It's meant to read discs to input information into the computer. You are going to start a fire if you keep doing that."
"Chill, man! I gotta do what I gotta do, dig? Try the same thing again and again and see if something different happens, that's what scientists like me do. Besides, I'm your boss. You can't tell me what to do."
"This a bad time, Ignacio?" Arcade leaned over to examine the contested device, which was indeed spitting sparks as some internal mechanism protested the rough treatment.
"Arcade, thank God you're here, you have no idea. We need to talk." The colleagues stepped into an adjoining room and were soon deep in conversation, leaving Megan and Boone with the stranger. Since Boone seemed unlikely to break the ice, she felt obliged to try:
"Hi there, I'm Megan and that's Boone over there. Who are you?"
"Baby, I am Fantastic. And might I say, you're so hot that you would make a nuclear reactor melt down." He laughed at his own joke. "Like it? I spent all yesterday writing that, just in case some better chick than that ice queen Haggerty showed up."
She blinked and made an effort to ignore the blatant sexism. "Uh…what do you do here, Fantastic?"
"Fuck, baby. Everything. I push buttons. I turn dials. I read numbers. Sometimes I make up little stories in my head about what the numbers mean. And if you play your cards right, I'll do you."
"No thanks, I'm not interested."
He sidled up close and leered at her, showing crooked yellow teeth. "Are you sure? Because I'd like to put my quantum harmonizer in your photonic resonation chamber."
"What? No. Stay away from me." She walked away and examined the buttons and displays, studying the a representation of the electric grid with particular interest. Three wiggly patterns in different colors overlaid a map of the city, each tracing out different sections. This screen was blinking red and an error message scrolled across the top, but she couldn't tell what it said. She was about to ask Boone to come read it, when a skinny arm snaked around her waist, interrupting her thoughts. Furious, she spun around and cracked the creep in the jaw with a solid punch.
Fantastic groaned, staggering back and holding his face. "You bitch! You broke my jaw. I'll see you arrested for assault…I've got some clout with the NCR brass. You'll be sorry."
Megan shook her hand out, trying to relieve the stinging in her fingers. "Yeah, I don't think so. Anybody, any woman, who's talked to you for more than a minute will believe me over you. Now back off or you'll get worse."
Fantastic acted as if he wanted to say or do something, but then appeared to notice Boone (who had begun casually cleaning his nails with a knife) for the first time. "Forget it. I was going on break anyway." Holding his jaw, he stalked angrily out of the room.
"That had some power, but make sure you're only making contact with those first two knuckles. The two smaller fingers break easily." Boone sheathed his knife and leaned back against the wall, relaxing as much as he ever did.
"Yeah. Thanks." Feeling a little worried, she asked, "You don't think I'll actually get in trouble, do you?"
"With Lt. Haggerty? Hell, no. And a guy like that won't dare drag this out in the open. If we were hanging around here for long, though, I'd watch my back if I were you..."
Boone fell silent as the two Followers rejoined them. "Where'd that idiot go?" the shorter man asked with irritation.
"He went on break," said Megan, still massaging her sore hand.
"Good, then this will be easier. Okay, so the NCR wants this plant running as an auxiliary power source, in case they lose the Dam. By some accident, they hired a chem-addicted moron, so we need to…get it working more or less efficiently before they hire someone competent." He looked nervously at Megan and Boone. "Ignacio Rivas, by the way. I'm a physicist with the Followers of the Apocalypse."
"Megan Martin. That's Boone. So…you're anxious to help the NCR quickly because…?"
"Oh, I want to send more power to the grid, especially to outer Vegas..." He seemed highly anxious, and kept shooting glances at Boone in particular. "I'm sorry, I have to ask, do you two belong to any particular group?"
"Used to be NCR. Now I'm nothing."
Megan considered, "Really just myself, I guess."
"For all our sakes, I hope you serve good masters, then. Would you say you're for war or for peace?"
She tried to be honest, "Given the two options, I'd say I'm more equipped for war…but wouldn't mind peace." Boone just grunted noncommittally.
Arcade grew weary of this maneuvering and took a gamble, "What Ignacio is getting at is that there are broader humanitarian reasons to fix this plant before the NCR does than just powering the city. Given time, they might wise up and get somebody who knows what they're doing…someone who will realize that this is more than just a power plant. It was built to arm a powerful super-weapon, and we can't risk anybody – not the NCR, not the Brotherhood, and especially not the Legion – gaining control of it. So we have two goals: to get the computer in the tower back on-line to optimize power production and to permanently disarm the weapon."
Boone asked the question Megan was thinking: "Why not just let the NCR use the weapon on the Legion?"
The doctor explained carefully, "In the first place, that's not our way. We will not hand any faction the means to inflict mass casualties on other people, and would do a great deal to prevent that end. Secondly, this is a prototype: its range is limited, and it works better on large, stationary targets. I doubt it would work as far away as the Dam or Cottonwood Cove, let alone Caesar's Fort. In the wrong hands, however, it absolutely could destroy anything in the surrounding area. We can't take that chance, especially with the Legion making in-roads into this territory."
Boone shrugged dismissively. "Whatever. I'm only here because the girl asked me, not to make big moral decisions. If she helps you, then I help her. For now."
"And I, for my part, will happily do what I can for y'all. What do you need us to do, Ignacio?"
"First, there are two terminals in the yard outside that needed to be rebooted so they can control the mirrors once the mainframe is online. Both have traps protecting them and require a password. I have the password to one, but Fantastic found the other lying around, and refused to say what it was. He hates me, but one of you could perhaps get on his good side…"
"Uh, that probably won't work," Megan said guiltily. "I hit him." She added defensively, "He was being too hands-on."
"…or, if you help me past the traps, I can probably hack it. Sorry about him – he's truly a terrible excuse for a human being. Anyway, once we've done that, we'll need to enter the main tower out there and fight our way down through turrets, robots, and whatever the Brotherhood left behind to get to the mainframe itself...when I say 'we,' I mean you people with guns. Once the coast is clear, I'll repair the mainframe, we'll disable the weapon and decide how to route the power, and then someone will need to climb to the top of the tower to manually initiate the sequence."
The protections around the outdoor terminals were crude, but potentially deadly – bear-traps half-buried in the sand, wire-triggered shotguns, and thirst-crazed dogs they were forced to kill. It only took a few minutes for Ignacio to hack the western terminal, and soon they were ready to step into the dim coolness of the tower, Boone and Megan leading with weapons at the ready.
"Lucky thing no one's maintained these turrets for 200 years," Megan observed as they passed the first level of security. A ceiling cannon had begun to shoot at them when they entered, but almost immediately ran out of ammo, dry-firing for a few rounds until it shut itself down.
"Don't depend on all of them to be like that," Ignacio warned. "This security system killed two NCR soldiers before they gave up on getting in here." He pointed to an office on their right. "Let's see if there's any way to shut the rest down remotely before we go any further."
"I'll go first. Stand back everyone." Megan opened the door very slowly, and jumped back when she heard a crackling sound. Mounted directly above the threshold, an electrical trap was arcing sparks from the ceiling to the floor, burning little scorch-marks in the floor. She waited until it petered out, and stepped carefully in. Calling back to the others, "I can see four mines. I'm going to try to disarm them."
Holding her breath, she stepped gingerly around the room, tapping each mine in its center without tripping the countdown sequence. "Okay. That's all I see. The terminal's live. Come on in."
Tapping on the keyboard for a while, the scientist was able to deactivate the remaining turrets, but noted that there could be other dangers. He continued reading silently for several more minutes. Megan took advantage of the breather to gather up the mines and stack them in her bag. She also found three unusual hand-grenades in a box on a shelf and showed them to Boone. "Do you know what these are?"
"EMP grenades. Good against robots. Can I have one?" She handed it over, offered Arcade one, and put the last in an easy-to-reach pocket.
Just as they reached the stairwell leading down, her Pip-Boy's proximity detector flashed red, but before she could sound the alarm, a squat robot with flailing arms came bustling around the corner. Rapid green plasma bursts splashed over its dome, which concealed what looked like a brain floating in liquid, but had no slowing effect. Hers and Boone's bullets only pinged off its smooth surface, ricocheting dangerously in the enclosed space, and it responded by shooting its lasers at them. She ducked, but it grazed her hat, mingling the smells of burnt cowhide and hair. Becoming angry, she bowled her grenade at the robot, scoring a direct hit, and watched it twitch and die, consumed with blue sparks. Grinning in triumph, she turned to Boone and noticed with concern that his shoulder was smoking. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Lasers just make the leather really hot. It didn't get deep enough to burn the skin."
"What was that thing? Why did it have a brain?"
Ignacio answered, sounding disgusted, "Human brains have immense processing power. Some pre-war scientists used them in place of a computer for AI. It's unethical as well as problematic at a practical level – robobrains are some of the most unpredictable robots you'll ever meet, possibly because they retain fragments of their old human personalities. It's abominable."
They were all on edge as they descended down into the bowels of the complex, expecting enemies to jump out at them on every landing. It seemed quiet, however, and Ignacio ordered them to split up to search for the mainframe. "Arcade, you and I will take the left fork. You two, take the right. Look for signs, and be careful about opening doors – there are almost certainly more robots."
Boone and Megan set off in the direction he'd pointed, tense and jumpy. She had a sudden thought, "You can read, right Boone? I assume you can, or Ghost wouldn't have written to you…"
"Yeah," he growled, "Just because I'm a soldier doesn't mean I'm completely stupid." Great. He was mad. Again.
"I didn't mean it that way. It's just that I can't, so you'll have to be the one looking for signs."
"Really?" He sounded surprised. "I'd assumed the thing you had with Gannon was a smart-people thing. You both talk sort of prissy…uh, proper, I mean. That's something that hasn't changed about you."
"Two words: brain damage. I think I could read before. And, anyway, Arcade and I aren't dating. He's gay."
"Huh. So how did you two start travelling together, anyway?"
"I saved him from some Legion soldiers when I was living in Goodsprings, and he's hung around ever since. I wouldn't have gotten this far without him." Encouraged by Boone's newfound talkativeness, she asked him a question in turn, "So, where did you grow up?"
"A farm outside of the Hub. My dad left when I was a baby, so it was just me and my mom. When she died, I joined up and came east." He stopped, listening intently to something. "Quiet. There's something coming."
A clanking sound was coming from one of the side corridors, but the echo in the hallway made it difficult to pinpoint the direction. Her Pip-Boy seemed confused too, whether because of the shielding metal in the walls or the fact that it was most likely a robot. Or three, she thought, as a crowd of shuffling metal figures stepped out twenty feet ahead of them – two of the weaker protectron models, and another robobrain. Protectrons did not have the defensive armor of robobrains, and they were soon pitted and smoking from their bullets, slumping forward before they could attack. Megan was in the middle of yelling at Boone to throw his grenade, fast, when something hot brushed the side of her neck, the world slowed way, way down, and everything became brilliantly white for a while.
Those sparks are so beautiful and bright. And those fluorescent lights. Why have I never noticed that before? Oh, Boone's saying something. It's so nice that he's talking now. Trying and failing to say something encouraging in reply, her tongue a useless lump, she laughed at the tickling sensation of pins and needles throughout her body, from her head to her toes. It would normally have scared her that she couldn't feel much of anything, but for now an intense feeling of peace and well-being was keeping the fear pushed down.
Her vision slowly resolved into something more normal, and she noticed with surprise that she was now sitting instead of standing. Her neck started to hurt a little as feeling crept back into her body, but her hand didn't seem to be able to move to touch it. Boone was crouched down between her and a pile of smoldering robots, looking agitated, and from the other direction came the sound of footsteps.
"What's wrong with her?" Boone asked impatiently.
"Nnph rogi me, boo." She tried again. "Nnphn rogif me!" He ignored her, possibly not understanding.
Arcade knelt down and smeared something cool on the stinging place on her neck, and Ignacio explained, "Military-grade robobrains have a non-lethal weapon built into them called a mesmetron. It scrambles the brain pretty thoroughly for a short time, but should wear off entirely in an hour or so. She'll be walking soon, but we shouldn't expect much more than that for a while. Don't give her that gun back until she's talking in complete sentences." To her, he extended a helping hand and said kindly, "We found the computer over this way, Megan. Come with us."
Feeling like a puppet, she accepted his help and followed him, a little unsteadily, back down the hallway, watching her feet to make sure they were still attached. Arcade kept pace beside her, ready to catch her if she fell.
"'Cade, I fee funnee."
"I'll bet you do." He looked simultaneously anxious and amused. "What's your name?"
"Mega Marrin."
"How old are you?"
"Adunno. Twenny?"
"Where are we?"
"Porra pland."
"Ah, you're fine. Last question: who's the president of the United States?" His tone was joking, but she didn't notice.
"Jah Henny Eethen."
Busy counting her fingers and still trying to shake off the numbing effects of the mesmetron, Megan didn't notice him stiffen with shock. "Izokay, 'Cade. Mm good. Jus slow." Patting his arm, she dropped back to check on Boone, who was bringing up the rear as usual. "Didja yuz grade?"
"Yes, I used the grenade. Sorry you got hit."
"Sokay. Wadja grow om fahm?"
"What?"
"Wad ya grow on fahm? Bah Hub?"
He stared at her for a second, then almost smiled. At least his lips twitched. "Maize, squash, and beans. A few Brahmin. It wasn't very big, but at least we had enough to eat most of the time. Let's take another conversation break now."
When they reached the computer room, the researchers went to work fixing the generator powering the computer, Megan lay down on the floor and closed her eyes, and Boone stood watch by the door. It took almost an hour before they announced that they were done, and by then the girl was fast asleep. Ignacio asked Boone to come with him up to the observation tower, and he reluctantly agreed, leaving Arcade alone with her. He was still turning over her answer to his joking question in his head. John Henry Eden. I haven't heard that name since I was a child. If she's heard of him, then he must have been successful. That could be bad.
The sound of the elevator charging up in the distance woke his friend, who went immediately into chatter-mode, interrupting his thoughts: "Hey, I can talk now. That was bizarre, but actually not unpleasant. I would totally do that again if I didn't suspect it was super unhealthy." She smiled up at him, looking absurdly happy. "Where did y'all send the electricity?"
"Freeside and Westside. Thanks to the NCR prioritizing McCarran and the Strip, they don't get much of the Dam's power, and it would really help the locals' quality of life. Of course, the next NCR guy to come down here could switch it over, but by then the people might be sufficiently accustomed to it to complain." Trying to keep his voice casual, he asked again, "So, who did you say the president was?"
She giggled, still sounding a little out of it, "Oh, no one, I guess. Kimball's the president of the NCR, but there's no US president anymore. I don't know why I said what I said earlier. Blame it on crossed wires in my addled head. You asked the question, and I said what came to my tongue, but that name doesn't actually mean anything to me."
They lapsed into silence, the courier humming and Arcade thinking. When the elevator began its descent from above again, the doctor gave up the idea of pressing the point for now. We already knew she was from the east. Now we know that the Enclave still exists out there, or at least it did at some point. The thought chilled him, but he knew there was nothing to be done about it. The continent was a huge, largely-unpopulated buffer zone, and this fact comforted him.
The group returned to the surface and passed back through the main building, bidding farewell to Ignacio, who gave Arcade a copy of his notes on the project to deliver to the Old Mormon Fort for preservation. They lingered awkwardly for a moment while the two younger people went outside. He wanted to talk to him about something other than the problems of the power plant, hash out their break-up again and talk about the future. However, he had to admit that there was no answer to the problem they'd had from the start: if Ignacio knew, he probably wouldn't betray him, but he was too much of a ideological purist to accept Arcade's lingering allegiances and divided sense of identity. Not knowing, he could only assume – correctly, as it were – that Arcade was holding something back out of a lack of trust. In the end, they only exchanged empty niceties and went their separate ways, the doctor kicking himself for a coward.
Angry with himself, he muttered under his breath, "qui in amore præcipitavit pejus perit, quam si saxo saliat."*
"Hm? Did you say something, Arcade?"
"Nothing. Just repenting of my sins. Don't mind me."
*He who falls in love meets a worse fate than he who leaps from a rock. – Plautus
